Train of Thoughts
by X-Ray
Summary: Continuation fic after 24th tv episode.
1. Chapters 1-3

Train of thoughts   
  
Standard Disclaimer: Neon Genesis Evangelion is owned and copyrighted by Gainax,   
all characters used from that series are theirs. All names are (TM) and (C) by   
their respective owners.  
  
  
Well.. I liked NGE very much , even if I haven't seen all the tapes and the films..  
  
My knowledge on the subject is based on the anime-book series published in my country ,   
along with the Manga and the news from the Net .   
  
So , I could have some flaws on my personal story's reconstruction .. besides ,   
I think that there are too many dark spots to allow a full understanding of the   
NGE's meanings .. :)  
  
Anyway , I started writing this fanfiction without knowing why , like it   
was a necessary thing .  
  
Now I've even made an home page! Well..  
  
The story starts after 24ø episode .  
  
I hope you'll enjoy reading it .  
  
***  
  
Train of Thoughts   
  
Chapter 1  
  
Standard Disclaimer: Neon Genesis Evangelion is owned and copyrighted by Gainax,   
all characters used from that series are theirs. All names are (TM) and (C) by   
their respective owners.  
  
I've never written long texts in English , and this is my first try to write a fan   
fiction . What else to say ? I think I started quite well , without any dialogue ,   
later things get worse.. Maybe I must study harder..  
  
Feel free to send any comment , suggestion , flame , job opportunity etc. etc.  
  
This is a revised version , EBJ helped me a lot . He is my only pre-reader , and   
he'll get an headache sooner or later . I owe him a lot . If you like it , thanks   
him as well , so I can continue disturbing him ...  
  
Anyway , starting from the pile of trash that is my draft , some errors could   
escape , so you are advised ... even EBJ can't correct them all.. :(  
  
r.giammanco@datastudio.it  
e.barone@flasnet.it  
  
Well , Take a seat , and enjoy yourselves .  
  
________________The night brings advice/Don't run away from me_____________________  
  
Shi: 'Black .Not to think . Not to be .  
Nothing to do , nothing to say , nothing to live . Nothing .  
This is my desire , not to think . But I can do nothing to reach my goal .  
Even when I dream , I remember all the pain , all the things I haven't done   
and I have to do . So when I awake , I'm more tired than before going to   
sleep . I have to do something , anything . All the night I make a lot of   
promises , but I've never accomplished even one. I'm only a weak boy , a   
crying worthless child , I'm nothing .'  
  
From outside , nothing can be seen , only a fourteen years old boy trying to   
sleep , searching the right place where to sleep in his bed . Misato every night   
stands for perhaps more than two hours outside his room's door , opening and   
closing his door silently , every time on the verge of entering and speaking with   
him .   
She is very worried , and absolutely unable to even think about something to say .  
Not only Shinji , but even Asuka , Rei , Ritsuko ... all is going nuts , every   
single thing in her life is screwed up . Only her work seems to be fine .   
Mpf! Her job!   
Now Misato is under the shower , trying to relax even a single nerve of her rigid   
body . Her job .... The worse thing of all is seeing almost every day that bastard   
of Ikari , the commander . 'Shit , if only were the two of them , in a room ,   
closed...'  
  
But to do what ? All has already happened , nothing can be changed .. 'Kaji ... if   
only you were here' . A sob can be heard outside the shower's curtains , and a   
muffled cry . Now Misato grabs the curtains , holding all herself to it , with the   
only result of falling on the ground , crying and cursing the responsible for his   
death .   
  
Standing up , still wet and covered of soap , she makes a promise... she will   
confront the supreme bastard , for the sake of the children , herself , and of all   
the people she cares about .   
  
But ... what if he was right , what if his choices were for the best ? They are   
still alive , the most of ...  
  
Sure , Ikari has done a lot , but in the wrong way . She will not ask simply   
why , but rather why in that way : Ritsuko gone , Kaji dead , the children in such   
condition...   
  
Sure , this is a promise , and she is sure that it will be fulfilled , at any   
cost .  
  
With this new resolution she comes to a rest , on the continuos fight in her   
heart ; maybe the demons that are strangling her heart and her soul will leave her   
alone this night . Now she looks her reflected image in the mirror , and manage a   
weak smile : 'it's just a start , but you can't win the lottery if you don't have   
any ticket , can you ?' . She turns on her heels to come back to her interrupted   
shower when she sees Pen-Pen .   
  
Pen-Pen , who is taking a bath , a hot bath .   
  
In the bathroom .   
  
With her .   
  
Misato is suspended for a while , she can't really remember if she has ever taken a   
bath with Pen-Pen ; if she has so , probably she was drunk , so this is the first   
time for all she knows . And she really doesn't like the kind of glare the penguin   
is reserving for her naked body .   
But , 'hell! , he his just a pet , isn't he' .   
  
So she finishes her shower paying little or less attention to the penguin who is   
relaxing and enjoying the view : she wasn't really like that babe he has seen on a   
documentary on the penguins in the Mexico-City Zoo , but there is nothing more to   
see in that damned house .   
Strange , that girl with long red hair hasn't been around for a long time , he'd   
like to know where she was ...   
  
With that last thought in mind Pen-Pen pops open a beer and drink all the can .   
Misato finishes to dry herself just in time to see his last act ; with the towel on   
her right hand and the left on her scary .   
  
Mis:'Maybe I can consider the option of a skin implant... But this is not the   
most important thing to do .'  
  
Exiting the bathroom , with her night-dress on , she looks at the clock , 2:00 am .   
It wasn't very late , except the fact she was not drunk , a good point for her ;   
smiling to herself , she walks to her room , ready for a good sleep , as she hasn't   
had for a long time , to be ready for tomorrow's fight , that will be very hard to   
win .   
In the process of her walking , she can hear something , like a sob , and a soft   
sound of fabric being thrown away .   
  
There wasn't any possibility of error , there was only another person in her   
house ... She has done so much for a single night , but could she manage to   
confront Shinji ? All the strength she has recalled , all her firmness seemed to   
escape , and she was already heading with fast step to her room when a single   
thought hit her head like a bolt , or a revelation :   
  
Mis: 'What if the one who is always running away was I ?'.  
  
Running from Shinji , running from Ikari , running from Asuka , running from ...   
Kaji , running from the truth ..  
  
Sure , it is hard to face the truth , knowing that one hasn't done all of one's best ,   
but this is only a quote , due the fact that she has never faced the truth , or   
something similar . She has never faced her father , and now he is dead and his   
demons are after her ; she has never faced in the right way Kaji , being hurt from   
her feeling .   
  
And Shinji... Has she ever faced Shinji? Does she care about him ? What if Ikari   
decides to bring him away , away from her ? Like giant hands , she can almost see   
the fear biting her heart , like a physical pain born in her chest .. with both   
hand crossed over her left breast , she walks back to Shinji's door , standing for   
a moment , opening the door , entering the room , and closing the door behind her .  
  
With the heart at full rate , she stands in the dark room , except for the   
moonlight beam passing through the window , and landing on the bed . 'But how he   
can even think to sleep , if tomorrow morning the sun will wake up him early in the   
morning ?' With this thought she comes closer to the window and closes the   
curtains , resting for a while there thinking about what to do next .   
  
Strange thoughts came to her mind ... when she was only a girl of 7 or maybe 8   
years , on the Sunday's mornings , she used to sneak in her parent's room to find   
the candy she was supposed not to eat . She can perfectly remember the feeling of   
the fear to be found with the hands in the jam , or on the candy , and almost laugh   
about her tactics : two step , wait , control dad's snorting , check mom's eyes ,   
another step , and so on . Now she is sure , her parents were probably well aware   
of her presence in the room , and smiling themselves about their child ...   
  
Mis:'Mom , if only you were here ...'.   
  
She hadn't known very well her mother , but she is sure that she would do the right   
thing in the few moments to come ... Releasing a loud sigh , she turns and heads   
towards the bed , but with a slow pace , as if not willing to do more noise that   
necessary .  
  
Shinji is obviously awake , and he is following all her movements if not with his   
eyes , for fear of being found awake , with all his other senses .   
  
Shi:'Misato ? What is she doing here ?'.   
  
Other times she had been standing outside his door , and sometimes opening it ,   
speaking to him from there .   
  
Now was different , like a new and strange behavior : 'I can feel there is   
something different , and I'm afraid . What does she want from me , why is she here ? I   
hope she thinks I'm sleeping hard' . But a person who is sleeping hard doesn't rest   
firm in his position like a mummy in his coffin , so Shinji tries , time to time ,   
to make some little movement , to make his rule of beauty sleeping more   
convincing .   
  
Shi:'Wait ! What is happening ?'.   
  
All his body tightening , he holds his breath : Misato is walking towards him , now   
is over him ... now she is sitting on the bed , his left side . She has her hands   
in her lap , and now she moves them , and caresses his cheek . Misato almost   
smiles:  
  
Mis: 'If he thinks he can fool me acting so , he is really dumb : even a dead   
could fell his nerves , they are so tense they'll break free in a few   
instants , but I wont let him to be the first , I'm the Major here , and I   
must take the offensive.'  
  
Mis:"Shinji , open your eyes. I know you are not sleeping."   
  
Nothing . Misato almost giggles.. then thinks about a joke... She is surprised :   
  
Mis:'Am I in the mood of thinking about a joke ? That is great , it is the right   
thing to do , think positive , Misato !'.  
  
"Well , if he is sleeping I can always give him a sweet dreams kiss on his   
lips."   
  
And , while talking , she approaches his face . It's hard to describe Shinji's   
thoughts : he is shocked , literally . He is frozen in fear , not knowing what to   
do . Now he is not thinking about angels, his father , Asuka ,Rei ..   
  
He is fighting with himself not knowing what to do : he doesn't want to speak with   
Misato , but he really can't remember why ; so he is faking sleep . Now she wants   
to kiss him on the lips !!  
  
Shi:'God , what to do !'   
  
He is shaking , while Misato , noticing all his inner trouble can only smile while   
slowing her movements ...   
He now can feel her regular breath on his skin... it is warm .. it is a strange   
feeling ... it's like a feeling from his childhood ..... All his mind is now   
after this feeling , and he forgets about Misato ..   
  
Something inside him screams : "remember , remember.." ...   
  
It's the same feeling he has felt inside the entry-plug....   
  
Shi:'Mother ? Is Misato like my mother ? Is she acting like a mother towards   
me ? But why then does she want to kiss me ?'   
  
But in response , he can feel the touch of a pair of lips on his forehead , and a   
warm flow coming from them in his head , in his body , in his heart .. His eyes   
snap open , and he looks in disbelief in the darkness , due to the darkness in   
itself , due to the fact that he's had his eyes closed for a long time now .   
  
After a bit , Misato gets up from his head and looks down on him , a smile in her   
face , and after a smirk :  
  
Mis:"I knew you were awake , Shinji . But you can't act so with all the girls ,   
or you'll never get married. Well, to tell the truth , there are more women   
than men , so maybe you will be the object of some man-hunting , after all.."   
  
'Gosh , I'm really in a good moon tonight' , smiles Misato to herself .  
  
Shinji is trying desperately to say something , when he thinks a bit more about   
what has just happened and begin to blush furiously , lowering his glare only to   
stare at Misato's breasts ..   
  
Shi:'God , she's not wearing a bra !'   
  
So he snaps back his eyes in hers , blushing more than a normal human being can   
do , like unit 2 , for example .  
  
Finally he manages a weak smile and asks her : "Yes , Misato , can I do   
anything for you ?"   
  
Mis:"Not really .. it's like neither you or I can sleep , why don't we have a   
milk party together ?"  
  
Shi:"I don't know if there is any milk left in the fridge.."  
  
Mis:"Can't tell until you see . Stand up and go to the kitchen , I'll wear   
something more appropriate , you little pig! I could almost be your mother !   
You Oedipus! "  
  
Shi:'Man , and I thought sometimes that I was more adult that her .. but I can't   
face her now , not after I've seen her ... and she knows! Argh...' .  
  
With all his speed Shinji darts outside the room , and runs to the kitchen .   
Misato , half thrown away form Shinji's burst , is laughing softly , when she comes   
to a rest .  
  
Mis:'I don't want to think about the bad things , now : when there is the sun ,   
there's no need for an umbrella , and I don't want to take one with me . For   
now , I want to relax , and tease my little Shinji.'  
  
After that , she is seen by a yawning Pen-Pen heading to her room .  
  
Shinji , meanwhile , is on the verge of a crisis : the kitchen is a mess! How many   
days hasn't he been washing the dishes , collecting the garbage and shopping ? He   
can't say . Now he must hurry ! He can be seen darting from a corner to another ,   
making three enormous bags of trash , when Misato enters the Kitchen .   
  
Shi:"Misato!"  
  
Is all Shinji can say , standing in front of him a sort of arabian woman :   
foulard , see-through fabric and so on .   
  
Mis:"eh, eh! I was sure you'd like it , my little kid !"  
  
Shinji , turning away , shots back :   
  
Shi:" Man , I can't believe ! What are you thinking about ? It's not Halloween ,   
do you know? And here there isn't any costume party! Please , leave and dress   
yourself in a more convenient manner !"   
  
Mis:"So you don't like me?" An angry Misato replies .  
  
Shi:"That's not the point!"  
  
Mis:"Then , what?"  
  
Shi:"You are embarrassing me! What have you eaten ? Oysters ? How much have you   
been drinking ?"  
  
From the back of his ears , Misato can see that Shinji's could probably win the   
annual contest for the biggest tomato of Osaka-2 , so she leaves teasing him   
another bit :   
  
Mis:"If you don't know how to treat a lady , than don't speak at all!"  
  
Shi:"A real lady doesn't seduce a kid!"  
  
Mis:"I've heard you ! You'll pay for this , pilot Ikari!!"   
  
'Damn, I've made it . Now he'll fall again into depression , curse my mouth !   
I'd kick myself if I could..'  
  
But to her relief , she can see Shinji trying desperately to wash an enormous   
amount of dishes and glasses in the kitchen , so she is reassured . 'Whef! He's   
okay! It is very easy to tease him , not like .... No , I don't want to think him..   
Kaji.. Why.. .'  
  
Coming back in the kitchen , Misato is in her usual home attire , to Shinji's   
relief , and starts helping him in cleaning the kitchen . Meanwhile , Shinji is   
pondering about vogue matters : 'Sure , now it's better , I'm used to her shirts   
and shorts , but that's not implies necessary that is right . Probably she doesn't   
even know the word "Decency" , or she thinks I'm still a baby . Even when there are   
Kensuke and Toj..'  
  
Like a statue , now Shinji is standing over the water looking his hands and   
muttering under is breath "Toji"...   
  
Misato is following Shinji too closely not to catch that single world and all that   
it implies .  
  
Mis:"It's not your fault."  
  
Shi:"Yes , it is."  
  
Mis:"No , it's not . It wasn't you who hurt him. It was the dummy plug . It was   
you father."  
  
Shi:'father...'  
  
Shi:"But why was he there ? He was there for his sister ! And who hurt her in the   
first place ? Tell me , Misato , who ?"  
  
Now Shinji's eyes are watering slightly , and he's trying to hide them from a very   
close Misato .  
  
Mis:"It wasn't your fault. There was an angel. Would you have liked it better   
that everyone died ? And besides .. What if the pilot wasn't Toji , or   
Kensuke , what if was a stranger ? You are worried about Toji much because   
he was a friend of yours , and you can't find the courage to speak to him .   
Do you want to know something , something they told me but I forget , while   
I was running around ? Toji asks the nurses to see you , but they are   
ordered to keep you away from him . Commander Ikari orders."  
  
Shi:"WhaaT? How can h"  
  
Mis:"And you , have you ever thought to visit him?"  
  
Shi:...  
  
Mis:"So , commander Ikari hasn't done anything : if you don't want to visit him ,   
his orders are as never spoken . Shinji , you mustn't run away from your   
friends , you have so few of th.."  
  
Mis:"Friends? Friends? Which friends? I had only three friends in my life ! One   
was an angel , I almost killed the second and destroyed the other's house !   
I'm nothing ! I'm an ass-hole , a creep .. It would be better if I had never   
born!"  
  
More than the skin , Shinji felt the air burning : Misato grabbed him from behind ,   
turned him to her face , and then slapped him .  
  
Mis:"Don't ever dare to say such things again." , glaring coldly him in his   
eyes .  
  
Raising an hand to touch his cheek , Shinji remembers his run after the 4th   
angel...  
  
Shi:"This is the second time you're angry at me."  
  
It is with tears in his eyes that he speaks . At that Misato expression soften ,   
and she caresses his scratched cheek .   
  
Mis:"You mustn't regret your life : it's a gift from God . Even if maybe it is   
God who is trying to kill all of us with his angels.."  
  
Shi:"But I thought all was over ! They told me that there were only 17 angels to   
fight! And I haven't been at HQ for almost two weeks!"  
  
Mis:"You know , your father doesn't think about it the same way : unit one is   
under repair , if they'll ever be able to fix it , while Maya is doing some   
strange experiment on Rei , perhaps to fix the troubles caused by Ritsuko   
with the Dummy Plug production facility ... I really don't know exactly what   
is in your father's mind , but I think he has some other use for Rei and Dummy   
Plug.. Now that Asuka can't pilot anymore and you are refusing , even if not   
explicitly , to pilot unit-01 , Rei is again holding all the weight given her   
by your father , and I haven't done nothing to stop him . But things must   
change and they'll change , I swear , perhaps from the very tomorrow ."  
  
Listening to that outburst , Shinji gets worried , and shows his apprehension :   
  
Shi:"Misato , what are you going to do? You aren't willing to face my   
father , are you ? He'll kill you , or he'll have you jailed like Ritsuko ,   
please , don't be a fool!"  
  
Mis:"Now the time to obey is over , it's time to ask Commander a few   
question ."  
  
Realizing the implication of this words , Shinji can only think about his father :   
'what he'll do? He only uses people , like he used me , Asuka and Ritsuko . Misato   
is still useable , if he thinks there are still enemies to fight , but a good   
soldier don't questions his orders . If Misato shows explicitly her intentions ,   
she will be probably discharged . I can't allow this .'  
  
Shi:"Father will kill you." .It's not a question .   
  
It's not a conditional . It's the truth . A truth that Misato has already accepted   
and archived , so comes her natural reply .  
  
Mis:"I know ."  
  
Shi:"You will betray me."  
  
Misato wrinkles a bit , unsure about the meaning of this statement .  
  
Mis:"What?"  
  
Shi:"You are pursuing your death . Not willing to help yourself or others , you   
are trying to find a way to die making an apparently courageous act , like   
confronting my father . This is not courage , this is stubbornness ."  
  
Misato arches an eyebrow 'Is this the Shinji I know? Have I been such a bad tutor   
to not follow his evolution , his improvements ? Maybe he is more adult than I   
thought : even in my house , he's been alone very often , and I haven't done   
anything to get closer to him.'  
  
Mis:"I've heard you sometimes say under your breath : 'I mustn't run away' ..  
now it's my turn , I must confront Commander Ikari , for your sake ."  
  
Shaking his head , Shinji reply is hard :  
  
Shi: "It's not the same thing : I was cornered into situation in which running   
away would've led to the harm or the death of someone or all human kind . Now   
you can make your choice : not confronting my father is not like running   
away , but is the best thing to do , now . You must take care about me ,   
about Asuka , about Rei . You must be ready to act when absolutely   
necessary , to prevent my father from acting . You could have stopped him   
from using the Dummy Plug with Toji."  
  
Mis:"I... I... didn't know what the commander was going to do , and beside , I   
wasn't even in the HQ , remember?"  
  
Shi:"Yes, you're right, but did you get the point ?"  
  
Mis:"I .. think so."  
  
Shi:"Do you promise me to not face my father? At least , not now?"  
  
Mis:"Yes , Shinji , I promise you." .  
  
'But I'm not sure I'll be able to keep this promise , my little kid . Too   
many objections I haven't pronounced , knowing or not knowing well what was   
going on . Perhaps I'll follow your advice and search further before making   
any step ; there are too many dark spots in Nerv to enlighten , and I'll need   
time . If only Ritsuko were on my side! She knows a lot more of me , and I   
can't reach her ! Now that she would be in the mood to tell me everything!   
Being betrayed from the one you love must be unforgivable , and I can almost   
comprehend her .. Kaji.. Why didn't you speak to me ? Why Had you to act   
alone , leaving me in the dark ? '  
  
Shi:'I'm not sure that she'll keep the promise , because of her temper . But then   
again , what can I do ? I wasn't able to do anything to prevent the harm to   
my friends .. Toji.. Kensuke .. Asuka.. Asuka?! I still don't know where she   
is !'  
  
"Misato!! Where is Asuka? Why hasn't she come back yet? It's been since   
the attack from Kaor.. from the last attack I haven't seen her , Is she   
okay , and where is she ?"  
  
Misato , lowering her head and thinking.  
  
Mis:'He is coming out from his previous state , but can I tell him the truth ,   
what if it is too hard to stand , and he closes again in himself ? I can't   
lie to him , but I must choose the words carefully , not worry him .'  
  
"It was time you asked me! Aren't you two in love?"   
  
Misato tries to tease Shinji , without any other result than inciting him even more .  
  
Shi:"I am really not in the mood to joke , Misato! I've made you a question .   
I know I don't have the right to ask , because I was the first who didn't   
care about anyone else for a bit . Now I don't want to think about the   
reasons of my behavior , because the last days seem to me like a long ,   
endless nightmare . Now I'm free from that weight , and I understand that I   
was in fact , again , running away . I'm only a weak boy , and I'll always   
be . But I can't face the adversities only inside the Eva . It's time for me   
to do something more , and this is will be for example visiting Toji   
tomorrow , and asking about Asuka . Where is she , tell me , Misato!"  
  
Mis:"She is in the hospital , Shinji ."  
  
Shi:"But why ? She didn't fight during the last assault , and she was fine   
before . Even Rei , after her last accident , was fine.." , 'she was   
strange , tough , a bit stranger than usual , now that I think of it..'  
  
Mis:"She has fallen in a depressive state , like the one you were falling in the   
last days. It's incredible : it's like you've overridden all you fear and   
trouble , and you are again worrying about others , I wish Ritsuko could see   
you!" , 'But I've improved too . It's like I'm not alone anymore . We are   
helping each other.. how the psychologists call it ? Group therapy ?'  
  
Shi:"It's horrible!"   
  
Then , after thinking a bit about :   
"tell me , are there orders from my father I can't see her?"   
  
Spoke Shinji with an angry tone .  
  
Mis:"I don't know. Probably not . When he ordered to keep away you from Toji ,   
there were still other angels to fight . When Asuka had fallen in this   
state , you weren't paying attention to her absence anymore , being in fact   
relieved from it . So I don't think there will be any problem if you want to   
check her ."  
  
Shi:"..."  
  
Mis:"Shinji?"  
  
Shi:"Were you observing my behavior? Were you spying me again?"  
  
Mis:"No , Shinji . It wasn't my job anymore . I've asked and obtained the   
reassignment a long time ago . I'm not here to write down papers for your   
father , at least not to tell all the truth . But there are other persons   
watching you , and they don't have any problem to collect what they think is   
the truth. I've read similar things on the reports coming from the   
surveillance."  
  
Shi:"... Sorry, Misato , I didn't want to offend you.. I just wanted to.."  
  
Mis:" It's all right , Shinji , you're getting older and suspicious , and I'm   
happy of your growth. Time will came when I'll cook for my grandsons!" Misato   
smiled , faking a tear from his left eye .   
  
Shi:"What.., No .. Don't you ever think to cook for my sons , or you'll ruin their   
stomachs !"  
  
Mis:"How do you dare ! Are you saying I can't heat a pot of milk for a baby?"  
  
Shi:"I'm not sure you're even able to make a decent tea . But that's remind me ,   
weren't we supposed to have a milk party?" .  
  
Mis:"Yeah , Yeah , Whatever you want , but I'll be the one to heat the milk! You   
have to finish cleaning the room!"  
  
Shi:"Sure, Shinji , take all the dirty works! You know , a lady wouldn't have her   
slips washed by a teenager." .  
  
Mis:"So , what's the matter ? Do you prefer washing Asuka's? Or Rei's? You little   
pig?"  
  
Turning a bright shade of red , Shinji lowers his head , getting back to cleaning   
the messed room , with that Misato , happy for getting her last word , starts   
triumphant to put the milk into a full force fire .  
  
Shi:'Not milk , maybe some derivative ...' Shinji thought hearing strange noises   
coming from the pot  
  
End chapter 1 . Stay tuned and fight for the future !   
____________________________________________________________________________________  
  
X-Ray:'What an odd thing to say..'  
  
EBJ:'That's right...'  
  
X-Ray sweatdrops and hides X-files' magazines , t-shirts , pants ...  
  
_____________________________________________________________________________________  
  
One last note : My home page is on http://members.xoom.com/fantasticare .  
  
***  
  
Train of Thoughts   
  
Chapter 2  
  
Standard Disclaimer: Neon Genesis Evangelion is owned and copyrighted by Gainax,   
all characters used from that series are theirs. All names are (TM) and (C) by   
their respective owners.  
  
I've never written long texts in English , and this is my first try to write a fan   
fiction . What else to say ? I think I started quite well , without any dialogue ,   
later things get worse.. Maybe I must study harder..  
  
Feel free to send any comment , suggestion , flame , job opportunity etc. etc.  
  
This is a revised version , EBJ helped me a lot . He is my only pre-reader , and   
he'll get an headache sooner or later . I owe him a lot . If you like it , thanks   
him as well , so I can continue disturbing him ...  
  
Anyway , starting from the pile of trash that is my draft , some errors could   
escape , so you are advised ... even EBJ can't correct them all.. :(  
  
r.giammanco@datastudio.it  
e.barone@flasnet.it  
  
Well , Take a seat , and enjoy yourselves .  
  
________________A man can't stay alone/Don't betray me_____________________________  
  
The next morning , Shinji overslept . Not because he wasn't able to fall asleep   
until late in the night ( say 4 or 5 o' clock ) , rather because after the little   
discussion with Misato he had a peaceful and refreshing sleep . He woke maybe   
around 11:00 , but he chose to continue sleeping , how he was tired from the last   
days . It was very odd for him to wake up around 14:00 .. His first thought was   
about the incoming evening : 'how the hell I'm supposed to go to bed around 22:00 ?   
I'll shift the night with the day... ho! Who cares!'  
  
So he started to get dressed , picking up some school clothes . Realizing he had   
been absent from school for the last weeks , and thinking that the school was   
probably closed due to the last angel attacks , he started searching something   
else .   
  
His wardrobe was a complete mess ; he had to search a lot before finally finding   
something decent to wear , not before heavily ironing them . With a bit of luck he   
was finally able to get out dressed in casual clothing . He was a bit surprised in   
seeing that Misato had already left ; at least she had something to do , like   
carrying out her job . He wandered a bit in a city that was like a ghost town :   
no one was walking on the streets , and only a couple of cars were running like   
bolts on the streets . A car almost knocked him down while he was crossing a street   
far from any traffic-lights . Shinji had almost to jump back to avoid the impact :   
  
Shi:"WOW! Not killed by any angel , but knocked down by a crazy car. I don't like   
what they would probably write on my grave." .   
  
After a thought crossed his mind :   
  
Shi:'I wonder where that crazy driver had learned how drive .'   
  
A picture of Misato giving driving lessons made him shiver and shake furiously .   
  
Shi:'I must ask her to let me see her driving license ; I wouldn't be surprised   
if I'd find out she hasn't any.' .   
  
A car... How weird , he thought a lot about him driving a car , like a sports car ,   
and going around the city and outside , in the country for a pic-nic . The car   
would be an old one , from the 70's .. a foreign car .. maybe an european car ;   
while he was still in his old house , his sensei had a lot of magazines about old   
cars , he was very attracted by them .   
To tell the truth , Misato had similar magazines too , but he didn't even open  
them once . How strange..  
  
Shinji had often occasions to read those magazines back in his old house . Now he   
was slowly remembering the photos , models he had seen .   
  
Shi:'Mhh.. which kind of car... I'd like a sports car , maybe a two seated   
only..'   
  
When he was about to thinking about the other occupants , his brain was hit by a   
series of images of Asuka , crying , and Rei , bleeding .  
  
Holding his head between his hands , and painting heavily , he finally was able to   
pass the point thinking :  
  
Shi:'It wouldn't be fair , a car for only two : what about all my other friends?   
Weird , last night I told Misato that I haven't friends.. now I can only   
think about Kensuke , with his hair at the wind , rambling about cars and   
supercars .. about Hikari , trying to feed an embarrassed Toji , about Asuka   
cursing in German about my driving , and Rei , silently watching the view .   
That would be six person ! Where I can put them ? I can't buy a van!'  
  
Chuckling , Shinji solved the problem :   
  
Shi:'Maybe Kensuke would buy a car, so he , Toji and Hikari can go by themselves,   
meanwhile I can go with Asuka and Rei .'  
  
He continued :  
  
Shi'Which car then ? Why not a Ferrari ?'   
  
Fortunately he was alone and the street , because otherwise they could think he was   
crazy : laughing alone in the middle of a city street..   
  
Shi:'Yeah , and were I can find the money? Maybe I can ask Misato to loan me some   
money... well , I'm only dreaming , so that's not a problem , but a car like   
that is beyond my dreams . Some other car , less expensive , but still   
Italian.. they had cars like Alfa-Romeo , Lancia ...'   
  
Yes , there were a lot of interesting cars and he had once been attracted by an old   
Lancia .. its name was Fulvia or something similar , he couldn't remember better .   
It was a sportive coupe , from which they derived a race version , all white   
outside with an all back cockpit , four speed gear , a good engine and very   
attractive performances .  
He couldn't describe it very well , but all he remembered was that it looked   
beautiful .   
  
Shi:'One moment , would our gasoline be fine for her?'   
  
He had already referred to the car with a familiar 'her' ..  
  
Shi: 'Well , I think that wouldn't be any problem to find the right propellant .   
I must talk about my idea with Misato . I think she has a good taste about   
cars , at least I hope so . I wonder what Auska's going to think about all   
this...'  
  
Whit that , his expression hardened , and his glare darkened , he contracted all   
his facial muscles , like he was going to fight for his dear life .. From then on ,   
he kept thinking about the second child , not leaving this subject until he reached   
the Nerv hospital , the first cranial nerve section , his and other pilot's   
frequent destination . He asked at the reception , and a nurse offered to bring him   
to her room :   
  
Nur:"She's always so lonely .. no one comes to visit her."   
  
She hadn't any intention of speaking directly toward Shinji , but he felt those   
words like a multitude of needles piercing his heart . With a weak voice he asked   
about her conditions.  
  
Nur:"I'm not supposed to talk in place of a doctor , but it's evident that she is   
in a depressive state , which led her to attempt a suicide .."  
  
A loud gasp , almost a cry , followed her words . The nurse , turning on her heels   
worried , talked to Shinji , who was trembling :  
  
Nur:"You.. You didn't know ? I.. I'm terribly sorry .. I didn't mean to .. Well..   
This is the truth. She has been very bad . And now we keep her under   
sedatives . It's not the proper therapy for her case , but I guess there are   
security reasons.."  
  
Shinji's eyes burned with rage , and he shouted back "damn him!"" .  
  
Shi: 'Father! Father! How could you.. Why not kill her ? Why not kill all of us   
now that you don't need us anymore?'   
  
After he recalled Misato's words : " I think he has some other use ".  
  
Shi:'So he's up to something else .. I must get Asuka out of here , and quickly!   
But how ! Security men won't allow me to bring her away , I must do something   
here.'  
  
Shi:"Excuse me , nurse , what's your name?"  
  
Nur:"Well , haven't you read it on my robe?"  
  
Shi:"No , I prefer ask the people rather than inspect them ."  
  
A wide smile crossed the nurse's face , and Shinji noticed that she was , in fact ,   
a really cute girl , maybe 22 or 21 years old , with long black hair collected on   
her head , gray eyes , a small nose and perfect teeth . She was really cute , and   
while she answered "Oh my , if you want to become a playboy , you are on the right   
path." , he blushed .  
  
Nur:"It was only a joke , but I'd like to hear words like yours more often ,   
Shinji Ikari."  
  
Shinji stopped on his tracks . "You know my name? How ?".   
  
The nurse was forced to stop and to turn back :   
  
Nur:"Who do you think assists you pilots ? I had seen you a few times , even if   
you can't remember : I wasn't often here to assist you , but now we are   
short of personnel .. you know.. so I'm in charge for the second pilot ,   
Langley ."  
  
Shi:"That reminds me.. every time they brought me here.. were you the one who ..   
who .."   
  
Looking the curious nurse's look Shinji lowered his head blushing..  
  
Shi:"You know.. I always woke up almost naked.."  
  
Now the nurse was laughing , more to Shinji's embarrassment .   
  
Nur:"Yeah! Yeah ! I've had care of you one time , you know? You must go to the   
gym and get some muscles , because you really need them ! The girls like   
them , you know?"  
  
Now Shinji was trying to calm down , and searched a way to avoid any other   
discussion about that nasty subject :   
  
Shi:"You haven't told me your name , nurse."  
  
Nur:"If you looked at me , instead of admiring your shoes you'd know . Anyway I'm   
Ai Koraki , pleased to meet you ."  
  
Shi:"Miss Koraki .. I need to ask you a favor .."  
  
Some moments later , Shinji finally entered Asuka's room , with a worried Ai bHeynd   
him .  
  
Kor:"I'm not supposed to disobey orders! And besides she needs these   
medicines .."  
  
Shi:"If I don't remember wrong .. You told me that this isn't the right way to   
cure her illness ..."  
  
Kor:"Yeah! Yeah! But how can you think of asking me to trash her daily dose ? I   
do.."  
  
Shi:"Why did you become a nurse?"  
  
Kor:"What?"  
  
Shi:"Why are you doing this job?"  
  
Kor:"What do you mean?"  
  
Shi:"Is this just a job , or is it something else? Damn , aren't you and the   
doctors supposed to help the patients ? She is a dear friend , and I want her   
back . You told me she was in a depressive state .. being sedated can't help   
her . Please , stop giving her sedatives : I'll stay here night and day , and   
I'll speak to her , I'll try to make her feel better . I swear I will always   
be here .. and is she gets violent and tries escape or hurt herself .. well ,   
I'll be the first to sedate her . Please help us . We are only pilots , but   
we've fought against the angels , and we have saved your life . Now it's your   
turn , will you help us?"  
  
Shinji wasn't a little child anymore . He had reasoned , he had seen a possibility   
on the nurse , and now he was trying to bring her to his side . He was still   
panicking inside :   
  
Shi:'what if she reports to her superiors ? What if father finds out it ? But I   
must try !'  
  
Kor:"I.. I.."  
  
Shi:"Please .. Look at her.."  
  
With that Shinji points to Asuka , taking for the first time a glance in her   
direction . What he saw chilled him to the bones : a feminine figure , laying on a   
bed , with a tiny white sheet covering her lower body .   
Her beautiful hair was a mess , above and under the pillow , dirty and tangled .   
Her mouth was open , and the eyes were looking blanking to the ceiling .   
  
Something like the smell of death came from her...  
  
Shinji wanted to run away, but again, he kept telling himself 'I mustn't run away ,   
I mustn't run away , I mustn't run away!' and continued speaking to the nurse ..  
  
Shi:"You are our only hope , help us , don't tell others about our discussion. I   
beg your help."  
  
Kor:"I.. I don't know ... If I can.."  
  
Shi:"Please! Do you want to be responsible for Asuka's death?"  
  
Kor:"Who is telling she is going to die , kid?"  
  
Shi:"You , because if she doesn't get better , and she isn't going to get better   
in this way , for 'security reasons' she could be killed!"  
  
Kor:"Killed ! You are using your imagination.."  
  
Shi:"Do you believe in your words? Miss Koraki , think about it for a while .. Do   
you think that what I had proposed you could harm Asuka ?"  
  
Kor:"I .. think not , in a way.. but.."  
  
Shi:"Give me a chance! For a couple of days! Couldn't be flawed medicines that   
didn't have effects?"  
  
Then a thought bolted in his mind :   
  
Shi:'Oh my god! Microphones! Cameras! What a fool I am ! I'm going to ruin this   
girl! How I couldn't think about it! How idiot!'   
  
While he was mumbling , came the reply , weak , soft , resolute :  
  
Kor:"I will"  
  
Shinji , started nervously looking around , and making moves to the nurse to keep   
quiet .. than in a low tone of voice asked her:  
  
Shi:"Do you think there are microphones here?"  
  
Getting the same realization , the nurse paled...  
  
Kor:"I.. I don't know.."  
  
Shi:"Tell them it was my fault , tell I was the responsible .. don't get harmed ,   
or I'll have to regret your fate too.."  
  
Kor:"My dear Shinji.. I'm afraid too... But you're right . It's not human to   
treat her like that . I'll do it. I don't know , but perhaps they can't spy   
us right now . I've heard about some noises in the machines due to unstable   
tension . If we are lucky , we won't get caught ."  
  
Truth be told , there were some microphones , and even a camera , but they were   
off duty right now.. the guy in charge of control was gone for a beer , and he   
hadn't bothered to start the tape : 'Who would came to see that bitch? She is only   
that! So much time lost going after her under the rain..'  
  
Koraki smiled and exited the room , and Shinji started to look around ... 'How I'm   
supposed to find microphones or cameras? If only Kensuke was here.. Hey!'  
  
Taking his cellular phone out of his pocket , he dialed Misato number.  
  
Shi:"Misato , take the phone , take the phone.."  
  
Mis:"Shinji , is that you ?"  
  
Shi:'Thanks to our warranted privacy...'  
  
Shi:"Yeah! Misato , I have to find Kensuke's address and phone number , it's very   
urgent."  
  
Mis:"Who you think I am? A phone list service?"  
  
Shi:"Misato ! Please , I need his help now! I must " , lowering his voice ,   
"secure Asuka's room from any ears and eyes!"  
  
Mis:"And you are using a unsecured line!"  
  
Shi:"Sorry if my name isn't James Blood! Can you help me , yes or no ?"  
  
Mis:"Do you think Kensuke could help you ?"  
  
Shi:"Maybe you could ask Kaji ... I haven't seen him for a while.."  
  
Mis:"I.. I'll search Kensuke's number. I'll call you back soon."  
  
Shi:"Wait , Mis.. Damn , why so fast? Anyway .. let's start. A camera can't be   
as small like a microphone.. let's see."  
  
If Asuka could see Shinji , she'd laugh for at least two or three hours. He   
wandered around like an ant , up and down the room , looking in every single spot ,   
knocking on every wall , lifting every single object , going under the bed , always   
avoiding to look at Asuka.. Maybe her eyes saw him , but she probably couldn't   
process the information .  
  
Shi:'A moment.. A camera must be in a particular place to take a good view of the   
room: it must be in a high position , and pointed toward the door and the   
bed. Where could it be fixed ? By the door and bed's position , it would have   
to be placed on the left corner of this wall... Uh? And what is that?'  
  
A suspicious grating was placed about two meters from the floor near the corner   
that Shinji was examining . It looked like a speaker , but it was a strange   
position for a speaker..  
  
Shi:'I need a screw-driver.. I'll look up for the nurse.. Koraki , to tell her   
I'm leaving for a while.'  
  
After a bit he was at a tool-store getting the screw-driver when :  
  
Shi:'If they are looking at me , they'll get suspicious.. I must fool them , like   
buying something else and bringing all at home in the first place .'   
  
He was making plans , when his phone went off ringing .  
  
Shi:"Yes, Who's speaking?"  
  
The number shown in the display was in fact new to him .  
  
Ken:"Shinji! It's me , Kensuke!"  
  
Shi:"Kensuke! Oh , man , I'm so glad to hear you! Listen , I need your help for a   
secret mission."  
  
Ken:"A mission ? Secret ? What going on?"  
  
Shi:'Kensuke looks excited, well , I'm sure he'll be of great help.'  
  
"Where are you?"  
  
Ken:"At my uncles' . Why do you ask?"  
  
Shi:"Would you come to my place to spend a couple of days?"  
  
Ken:"Well.. It's not Saturday , you know.."  
  
Shi:"Oh, Kensuke , I beg you ! I really help you help!" a sudden thought crossing   
his mind "it was Misato who suggested me to ask you.."  
  
Ken:"Really!!! Wow ! I'm coming! I'll be at your place .. let's say for dinner..   
it's a bit far from here , and I have to make prepare stuff ."  
  
Shi:"Bring with you all your electronic devices. They would be of great help."  
  
Ken:"It's the first time you seem interested in electronic .. What are you doing   
Shinji? And the angels , where are they? And Toji ? I couldn't reach him ,   
they told me th"  
  
Shi:"One thing at the time , Kensuke . I'll see you this evening , bye."  
  
Ken:"Wait a mom"  
  
Shi:'Sorry , but I'm not ready to talk about Toji..'  
  
Shinji spent the next hours buying food and cleaning stuff for the house . When he   
reached home with the hands full of bags , he almost dropped them when he saw who   
was standing beside his door...  
  
Shi:"Ayanami!"  
  
The silent Ayanami , pilot of unit-00 , was clearly expecting our hero , because   
she turned to face him and told him   
  
Rei:"Good evening , Ikari . I was told to came and see you ."  
  
Shi:"Who.. Who asked you to do so?" , replied Shinji , fear in his voice , almost   
trembling .  
  
Rei:"I met Major Katsuragi back in NERV , and she told me that you wanted to   
speak with me."  
  
No hint of emotion was audible in his voice , and her deep eyes didn't betray any   
feeling..   
  
Shinji recalled the view of the Terminal dogma .. all those bodies .. the truth   
about Rei..   
  
Shi:'A clone.. an artificial being.. Her room .. the place where she was given   
birth.. the dummy plug .. is she a monster? An .. No , it's my father. It's   
all his fault. She is alive , and he took away from her every feeling , every   
emotion , to use her like a doll . I'm not like Asuka , but now I can share   
her point of view.. perhaps her girl's intuit..'  
  
Shi:"Do you remember when I talked to you in the hospital ?"  
  
Rei:"Yes."  
  
Shi:"You told me you were the third."  
  
It was almost unpercievable , but Shinji could notice like a ghost of fear in her   
face.  
  
Rei:"Yes."  
  
Shi:"I didn't understand then.. but now I think I can. Do you remember me?"  
  
Rei:"Yes."  
  
Shi:"Do you remember my house?"  
  
Rei:"Yes."  
  
Shi:"I need your help then."  
  
Rei:"How come?"  
  
Opening the door and pointing the mess inside :   
  
Shi:"I need you to help me in cleaning this disaster."  
  
Without any other words Shinji entered the apartment , directed to the kitchen ,   
were he put all the things he had bought in the right place , and hiding in a sure   
place a certain bag coming from the tool-store . After that he noticed Rei by the   
door staring at him .   
  
Shi:"The kitchen is almost okay , I've cleaned it last night . We must collect   
all the dirty clothes and bring them to the laundry . I'll take care of my   
clothes , can you collect Misato's and Asuka's?"  
  
Rei felt uneasy , that was clear : "I must .. collect.. robes?"  
  
Shi:"Make yourself at home" shouted Shinji darting in his room .  
  
'Damn.. I can't stand in her presence , not after what I've learned about   
her..'  
  
He thought about Rei : Rei bleeding the first time he saw her , Rei in the   
hospital, Rei naked in her room , Rei after the fifth angel , Rei smiling ..  
  
'Father! Damn you'  
  
Shinji almost ran searching for Rei , and found her in the middle of the dining   
room , hands resting to her sides .  
  
Shi:"Ayanami?"  
  
Rei:"Ikari."  
  
Shi:"What are you doing?"  
  
Rei:"I was waiting."  
  
Shi:"For me."  
  
Rei:"Yes."  
  
Shi:"To help you?"  
  
Rei:"Yes."  
  
Shi:"Why?"  
  
Rei:" I have never collected anybody else's robe before."  
  
He couldn't stand it , that voice's tone , serious in the intention , but   
tragically comic in the meaning made Shinji roll on the floor laughing loudly .  
  
Rei looked shocked.  
  
Shi:"OOHHH AHA! I.. I'm sorry , Rei",' I've just called her by name? Why? She's   
not a monster , she's.. she's only a poor girl to me , poor because of my   
father. May hell take him!' , "It's just the way you said it.."  
  
Rei:"I used my normal voice."  
  
It looked like she was upset , Shinji got the idea and asked , dead serious :  
  
Shi:"Are you angry at me?"  
  
Rei:"What?"  
  
Shi:"Are you angry?"  
  
Rei:"No , I'm not."   
  
Shi:"Once you told me you didn't know how to react to some situations , do you   
remember?"  
  
Rei:"Yes . It was after the fifth angel."  
  
Shi:'How can she remember? If she is the third , how can she have her memories? I   
don't know , but this is not the time for further investigations.'  
  
"Well , this is the time to be angry , like the time you slapped me ."  
  
Rei:"You talked about Commander Ikari ."   
  
It was a statement , a reconstruction of the episode , without any emotion .  
  
Shi:"Yes , I don't want to be slapped again , so I won't say anything about my   
father. But did you feel something similar a few moments ago ?"  
  
Rei:"I.. I think so."  
  
Shi:"In that case , I'm very sorry , Rei . I apologize for my behavior and I'll   
help you in your work. Follow me in Misato's room."  
  
Shinji started to dig in the middle of a pile of clothes lying in a corner of the   
room , followed by Rei . They made two bags full of clothes , leaving a more vacant   
room .  
  
Shi:'I wonder what Rei thought seeing me holding Misato bra and underwear.. Asuka   
calls me pervert for nothing , but I'm the one who always washes her robes..   
I must tell her..'  
  
"Can you continue alone? In Asuka's room? It's over there."  
  
Rei:"I think so."  
  
Shi:"Good. When you're done , tell me so."  
  
In his room , Shinji was trying not to think about Rei , when she entered the room   
and started collecting his robes , catching a pair of Shinji's boxers . Shinji   
almost fainted , and launched himself to prevent the act , falling on the   
aforementioned boxer almost throwing Rei away.  
  
Shi:"What are you doing, Ayanami!" He almost shouted , blushing furiously .  
  
Rei:"I have finished in Asuka's room . I've put her bag next the others and I'm   
helping you now"  
  
Shi:"But this is my room!"  
  
Rei:"I know . I've followed the sounds and seen the sign outside the door."  
  
Shi:'I knew I shouldn't have allowed Misato to put that stupid sign on my door.'  
  
"Anyway , you can't stay here . Wait for me in the dining room ."  
  
Rei:"You told me you needed my help."  
  
Shi:"Yes, I told you . But I must take care of this personally."  
  
Rei:"Why can't I collect your clothes , while I can collect Misato's and   
Asuka's ?"  
  
Shi:"Because .. Because.. Because those are my clothes an I am a boy."  
  
Rei:"But you collected Misato's and Asuka's."  
  
Shi:'Damn! Why is it so hard! But she is right. I must invent some excuse .'  
  
"Well.. I am the one in charge of washing the clothes , so I am forced to   
take girl's clothes , even if I shouldn't."  
  
'Well.. this isn't an excuse.. this is the truth..'  
  
Rei:"Why not?"  
  
Shi:"Oh, god! Would be you pleased if I saw your underwear?"  
  
Rei:"You have already seen them."  
  
Shinji almost died . Well , he probably died for a couple of seconds , just the   
time to see himself been lowered into a hole in a cemetery . He then snapped   
alive .  
  
Searching for air he was able only to murmur :  
  
Shi:"I.. I'm sorry.. I didn't mean to .. sneak in your apartment.. It was.."  
  
Rei:"It's okay."  
  
Shi:"Uh?2  
  
Rei:"It's okay. It was you . It doesn't matter."  
  
Shinji's eyes went wide : "It was me?"  
  
Rei looked him a bit strangely : "Yes , it was you . You don't have to worry about   
it."  
  
Shi:"What if.. "  
  
Rei:"What if?"  
  
Shi:"What if it was someone else?"  
  
Rei looked hit be this question : "Someone.. else?"  
  
Shi:"Yes , do you think you'd forgive him?"  
  
Rei:"Forgive ?"  
  
Shi:"Yes, what if Kensuke saw you .. without clothes?"  
  
'I can't believe , she is embarrassed! Thank god!!' Rei , was , in fact   
blushing a bit .  
  
Rei:"I .. I don't now.. "  
  
Shi:"Would you slap him?"  
  
Rei:"I think so."  
  
Shi:"Ahha! I was sure!" With that Shinji hugged Rei , who was really shocked by   
such an act , and releasing her : "Listen , If you wait the time I collect my   
underwear , I'll let you help me with the other clothes, okay?"  
  
Still a bit red on her cheeks , Rei simply nodded and left the room.  
  
Shi:'And I haven't even asked her to leave the room ! Wait father! I'll give back   
to Rei what you've taken away .'   
  
With this , he started chasing his pants like a predator with his preys.  
  
Outside the door , a rather shocked Ayanami was leaning against the wall.  
  
Rei:'Why is my heart beating so fast? It is because I want to became one with   
Ikari , mind , soul and body ? But , when I saw him for the fist time back in   
the hospital , I didn't feel any emotion . I was barely able to recognize   
him . To tell he was Commander's son , pilot of unit-01 . I can remember I   
asked myself who I was , where I was . I didn't find any answers . I only   
knew I was the third . Who told me that , or how I knew it I can't tell . So   
I'm different . Different form the Commander , different from his son . Why I   
want to became one with Ikari ? After I saw him for the first time , every   
time I met him , some pieces of a past I never lived came alive . Why can I   
recognize others , persons I know I've never seen before and still know their   
names ? And .. there is a hole on my memory , I don't remember about the last   
angel I've fought . Still , I know what to do , what to say, what my life is   
for . But I've had some strange feelings.. I've cried , I've smiled , I've   
been angry , and embarrassed . Is it good ? I wasn't supposed to act so   
towards other persons than Commander . Who is he ? I know I owe him my life .   
Is he a father to me ? And how exactly a father acts towards a daughter ? Am   
I his daughter ? No . I know who I am . I am I . I am what makes me . I am my   
flesh , my blood , my mind , my soul . I am the bound between the angels and   
the humans . My life as a sole purpose , this is why I'm here . I was born   
with my fate written in my flesh . I shouldn't share friendship with others .   
But why Ikari hugged me ? Why did I .. like it ? Is this a sign of that   
friendship I should avoid ? He cares about me . I'm sure of this . I can   
remember he was the most friendly to me , together with Commander Ikari .   
Father and son , bound to me . I can say that Ikari doesn't like his father .   
I .. I don't understand well . Before , the Commander was all my world , the   
eva my bond . Now.. I'm feeling something else , something different.. Can ..   
Can I.. follow another.. path?'  
  
Rei:"Ayanami! You can come in now ."  
  
Rei entered the room and helped Shinji to compete his task , then they were ready   
to go to the laundry .   
  
Shi:"Have you ever been to a laundry , Ayanami?"  
  
Rei:"Yes. I wash my school uniform every Thursday."  
  
Shi:'Dumb. You're an idiot, Shinji.'  
  
"You're right , It was a stupid question. Anyway , here we are . I like this   
place because the price is low and there are only family's mothers . But it   
seems there is no one... all the better for us ."  
  
Rei:'mother? He's already talked about being a mother.. he told me..'  
  
"Once you told me I resembled a mother."  
  
Shi:'Damn, curse my mouth !'  
  
"Well , it was only an impression . I really don't know very well how exactly   
a mother is . I know this figure only trough others , through mirrors like   
TV , cinemas.. A distorted image you could say.."  
  
He lowered his head , sadness in his voice :  
  
"I was very little when.. when my mother died. So I can't remember her very   
well . Piece of memories.. like a smell , a warm embrace , a whisper .. I   
don't know why I told you so , but you looked so peaceful , so .. I thought   
that if a good mother could exist , you would be . I couldn't help myself ."  
  
Rei:"I see."  
  
After entering the laundry , and setting their clothes to wash , the two teenagers   
sat together against a wall on a couple of chairs. Rei was silently looking at the   
machine , while Shinji was thinking hard :   
  
Shi:'Should I ask her about her childhood , about her mother , her father... She   
told me she is the third .. Does she really understand the meaning of it ?   
What does she think about herself and others ? Does she think that she is   
different ? What can I do?'   
  
He remembered bodies in orange water staring at him .. a shiver crossed his spine   
and he was about to speak when :   
  
Str:"Hey , cute one , do you want to go for a ride?"  
  
From his position , he couldn't see a guy , probably from high school , staring   
down with a smirk at Rei . He couldn't see him immediately , because he was hidden   
to him by a nearby wall's corner , so the guy could only see Rei . He was leaning   
against the wall with his left hand , the other in a pocket , his legs crossed .   
  
Shi:'What the hell?'   
  
After standing up , making a step forward and looking around , he saw him and was   
about to say something when the guy spoke again.  
  
Str:"Doing laundry with a friend ? Riding my motorbike would be more exciting .   
What do you think?" He made the keys into his pocket tinkle ..  
  
Shi:'Incredible.. That's guy must be crazy.. one moment.. once I've heard someone   
back at school saying how Ayanami was cute.. Really , when she smiled me , I   
was astonished.. She is a beautiful girl , with her strange eyes , so   
piercing sometimes.. It's not that strange that some guy tries to make a move   
on her . But what will she do ? What should I do?'  
  
Divided between the will to protect Rei , and to see her reaction , Shinji moved   
back and forth over his legs , unsure about what to do.  
  
The boy was only a few feet from Rei , and when he left his macho position to grab   
Rei's arm , Shinji overrode his brain and used his heart .  
  
Stepping towards him , almost hitting the wall's corner with his forehead , Shinji   
grabbed his arm , tight , and told him hardly : "Don't touch her."  
  
The guy was surprised , he didn't expect such a reaction from who he thought was a   
wimp . Taking back his left arm , he moved both hands to his hips , looking down   
at Shinji , being taller about ten or more centimeters.  
  
Str:"What do you want? Isn't it time to go back to your mother, kid? You know ,   
it can be dangerous walking outside in these days.."  
  
It was time to think for Shinji . The guy had made his move .  
  
Shi:'Ok , now it's time for next move.' .   
  
The security guards would help him , if he was in danger , but he didn't want to be   
helped by them .   
  
'I can't leave without my clothes , and I don't want to look like a coward in   
front of Ayanami. I must help myself , and try to avoid a fight .. if only   
Toji was here.. Wait.. Once I hit him with a punch , and it seemed well   
aimed.. what if I..'  
  
Before he could finish his thought , the guy grabbed his collar and almost lifted   
him to his face : "Get out of here , kid ."  
  
Shinji was squeezing to be released when Ayanami , who was now standing in front of   
her chair , behind Shinji , spoke :  
  
Rei:"Let him go."  
  
The boy looked over Shinji head and sighed : "It's only a kid , why don't you come   
with me ? I'll offer you a cup of tea in some good place ."  
  
Rei:"I said , let him go."   
  
This time the tone was like steel , a commanding tone . She stepped aside to face   
the aggressor , with anger clearly depicted on her face .  
  
Shi:'I can't let Rei help me . I am the man , am I not ?'   
  
With that he lifted his hands and started to break free his neck , when the boy   
looked back at him and with "What do you think you are doing?" he hit Shinji with a   
punch .  
  
Shinji was on the floor , in pain , rubbing his jaw 'Blood.. what a bastard..' when   
he Saw Ayanami.. 'It's no good.. I don't want to think what is going to happen   
next..' Before anyone could make a move , a group of NERV guards entered the   
laundry , picked the guy , and threw him out , with no further ceremonies .  
  
Shi:'Whew.. I owe them one.. But it's not fair .. I was supposed to defend myself   
and Rei... I'm a coward..'   
  
Rei was still staring with an angry expression where the guy had been , and   
lowering his eyes , Shinji spoke:  
  
Shi:"I'm sorry."  
  
Rei:".."  
  
Shi:"I'm sorry , Ayanami . I was the one supposed to defend you , not NERV   
security . The next time I'll be the first at hitting others."  
  
Rei:".."  
  
Shi:"Was it the first time?"  
  
Rei:".."  
  
Shi:"Ayanami?"  
  
Rei:"Yes?"  
  
Shi:"Are you okay?"  
  
Rei:"I guess so."  
  
Shi:"Was it the first time someone asked you to go with him?"  
  
Rei:"No."  
  
Shinji gasped : "No? Wha.. What happened the other times?"  
  
Rei:"NERV security protected me , like this time. But.. You knew too . Why didn't   
you just wait for them to act?"  
  
Shi:"I've told you : I was the one supposed to defend you ."  
  
Rei:"Why?"  
  
Shi:"Because I'm the boy , and I had to protect you ."  
  
Rei:"What if I was Soryu ."  
  
Shi:"How come?"  
  
Rei:"What if I was Soryu ."  
  
Shinji laughed.  
  
Shi:"Asuka would have killed him!"  
  
Rei:"So you prefer her."  
  
Shinji was shocked .  
  
Shi:"What?"  
  
Rei:"If Soryu had been here , you wouldn't have been hurt."  
  
Shi:"Who cares about a fight!"  
  
Rei:"Still , you are hurt."  
  
Standing and approaching Rei , Shinji noticed her eyes.. they were like.. watering.   
  
Shi:'Could it be?'   
  
"I don't care. I've tried to protect you , and even if I didn't succeed , I'm   
glad that I tried."  
  
Rei:"You didn't regret protecting me?"  
  
Shi:"To Regret defending such a lady? Do you think I'm a fool?"  
  
With that , her expression lightened. She looked like.. relieved. And she .. yes ,   
she turned to face him for the first time and smiled to him , such a precious   
smile . Shinji couldn't help but stare , stare at her with his mouth open , causing   
her to notice the cut in his lips.. a worried expression crossed her face.  
  
Rei:"Ikari. You are bleeding."  
  
Shi:"where ? Whe.. oh.. It's nothing.. see?"  
  
She took out a handkerchief and put it on his lips , to stop the bleeding , still   
with that worried expression . Shinji froze . Even his heart stopped beating .   
After a bit , his physiological needs won and he started breathing softly , taking   
gently the handkerchief from Rei's hands , touching briefly her fingers.  
  
Shi:"Tha.. Thanks , Rei.."  
  
Rei:"You're welcome. We have to go and have a doctor check on you."  
  
Shi:"It's okay , I'm alright now."  
  
Shinji turned his attention to the machine , which had , in fact , already stopped   
washing and drying their contents , so he and Ayanami could retrieve their clothes   
and head back home. They were silent , more than the usual . Shinji still holding   
his hand pressed against his lips , Ayanami walking on his side. At a general   
store , Shinji realized that the fridge was certainly almost empty , and he would   
have a guest at home .  
  
Shi:"Ayanami , I need to buy something to eat for dinner.. wait, Why don't you   
stay for dinner at my place?"  
  
Rei:"I.. I don't kn"  
  
Shi:"Oh , come on! You owe me this! I got hurt to protect you!"  
  
Rei:"...Alright . I'll stay."  
  
Shi:"Okay! That's right! What would you like to eat? No meat , right?"  
  
Rei:"Yes , I prefer not to eat meat , if I can.."  
  
Shi:'Strange girl.. I wonder why she doesn't eat meat.. Why has she made such   
decision?'  
  
"Why don't you want to eat meat?"  
  
Rei:"It doesn't feel right to me to eat an animal who was once alive."  
  
Shi:"But the vegetables were alive as well."  
  
Rei:"They don't have a soul."  
  
Shi:"Do you think a cat has a soul?"  
  
Rei:".."  
  
Shi:"Ayanami?"  
  
Rei:"The cats.."  
  
Shi:"Yes?"  
  
Rei:"I scare them."  
  
Shi:"what?"  
  
Rei:"They escape when I approach."  
  
Shi:"AH! It's just natural, you see, they are wild animals.."  
  
Rei:"No. I have seen a cat receive food from a child , and escape from me. I'm   
sure of it."   
  
She looked sad.   
  
Shi:'Could it be.. animals feel her nature ? Not completely human?'  
  
"Pen-Pen wouldn't run away from you."  
  
Rei:"Uh?"  
  
Shi:"I'm sure of it , and I'll prove it . Now I'll buy some Italian spaghetti for   
you , and some tomato sauce ."   
  
Shinji entered the store , leaving a stunned Ayanami outside .. after a moment..  
  
"Ikari. Wait for me."  
  
Shinji almost grinned hearing that .  
  
Meanwhile , Misato was having trouble filing her reports.   
  
Mis:"Why I even bother.. I hope Shinji will buy something to eat.."  
  
Back at his apartment , there was someone waiting for Shinji , leaning against his   
door :   
  
Ken:"Shinji! .. Oh.. Hello , Ayanami."  
  
Shi:"Hi , Kensuke! You're early!"  
  
Ken:"Good evening , Aida."  
  
Ken:'Did she greet me? Why it doesn't feel right?'  
  
"Yes , I've find a good way to reach you in a short time. Now, what's the   
mission?"  
  
Shinji gasped: 'Not in front of Ayanami.. what if she tells everything to father?   
Wait.. I can't treat her like a spy .. I have to involve her in our little work..'  
  
Shi:"Ayanami.. there is something I'd like to discuss with you and Kensuke.."  
  
After putting the things in their respective places , Shinji finished explaining   
his plan , not before turning the water on without any apparent reason.  
  
Ken"Are you crazy? Trick Nerv security?"  
  
Shi:"Shhh!! Maybe there are microphones here too!"  
  
Rei:".."  
  
Ken:"But.."  
  
Shi:"We must act so , or Asuka will get worse."  
  
Ken"But .. They are professionals! How can you think to fool them?"  
  
Shi:"Weren't you supposed to be half a genius in electronic?"  
  
Ken:"We'll get arrested!"  
  
Shi:"Put that way: they'll find your ability and they'll pick you up."  
  
Ken:"That doesn't work in reality! I don't want to be closed in a jail for the   
rest of my life!"  
  
Shi:"I beg you , Kensuke!"  
  
Kensuke watched Shinji doubtful , but at last ..  
  
Ken:"I think I owe you my life.. more than once.. But remember , Shinji! My ghost   
will haunt you for all the eternity if something happens to me!" , he Added   
smiling .  
  
Shi:"Oh thank you , Thank you! Kensuke!"   
  
Shinji took his hands in his and shaked them . Meanwhile Ayanami was silent and a bit confused.  
  
"What about you , Ayanami?"   
  
Shinji asked , turning to face her .  
  
Rei:"Why do you want to hide your action from your father?"  
  
There was sort of an accusation in her voice . Shinji knew well that he had to   
choose carefully the words :  
  
Shi:"Listen , Ayanami . My father gave the orders , but he is not a doctor , he   
doesn't know what is better for Asuka."  
  
Rei:"He knows what he does."  
  
Shi:"Well , I'm not saying he's wrong , but I want to help Asuka by myself , and   
I'm asking your help."  
  
Rei:"You care about her."  
  
Shinji tensed.  
  
Shi:"Yes , she is a friend of mine , of Kensuke's . She doesn't like you very   
much , but no she needs your help too."  
  
Rei:".."  
  
Shi:"I know that she doesn't like you.. I know how she calls you.. but if you   
help her , maybe .. maybe she'll be grateful to you.."  
  
Ken:"I don't know , Shinji .. she's a very arrogant one.."  
  
Shi:"Kensuke! What are you trying to do?"  
  
Ken:"Sorry..."   
  
Rei:".."  
  
Shi:"Ayanami , listen , I've chosen to tell you about my plan , because I trust   
you , and I need your help."   
  
'which kind of help could give me Rei , Anyway ? I'm such a fool..'   
  
"Don't make me regret my decision."  
  
Rei:"...Alright. I'll help you , Ikari. But I won't lie to Commander Ikari if I'll   
be asked."  
  
Shi:"Okay , if we act in the right way , my father won't suspect anything . Now   
Kensuke, what about a way to discover microphones and cameras ? I think I've   
found a camera , but I can't just blind it while they are seeing through   
it.."  
  
Ken:"That could be a problem.. Let's check the net."  
  
Shi:"Do you mean you can find such things online?"  
  
Ken:"Man , I could build a N2 home made mine if I'd wish! Let me handle this!"  
  
Shi:'Mh.. perhaps it wasn't a good choice...'  
  
When Misato was back at home , she could say there was something different from the   
outside ..   
  
Mis:'What is this smell? It's like someone is cooking a steak in the soap!'  
  
Once she came in , she went pale : in the dining room there was Ayanami washing the   
floor .  
  
Rei:"Good evening , Major."  
  
Mis:"Rei! What are you doing here?"  
  
Rei:"You told me to came and see Ikari."  
  
Mis:"Yes , but .."  
  
"Misato!" Kensuke was coming out from Shinji's room , and walked toward her with a   
firm expression "I'll do my best to overr"  
  
Shinji's hand closed his mouth just in time : "Shh! She doesn't Know!"  
  
Kensuke's eyes went wide : "MFGD ADFSFD DFGFG" after , breaking free : "You told me   
she suggests my name!" .   
  
Shi:"A small lie."  
  
Ken:"Ohhhh!"  
  
Mis:"What's going on Shinji?"  
  
Misato Asked , not following the fast words exchanged between the two boys : 'Are   
they really thinking to trick Nerv security ? It couldn't be..'  
  
Shi:"It's nothing , Misato . I've almost finished cooking , rice with sushi for   
us and Spaghetti with tomato for Rei ."  
  
Mis:"WOW! Shinji , let's eat! Rei , come here !"  
  
Rei:"Yes , Major."  
  
Mis:"Kensuke , what were you doing in Shinji's room?"  
  
Ken:"Oh.. nothing , he needed me to fix his laptop."  
  
Mis:"Really? I've never see you using it before , Shinji."  
  
"There must be a first time for everything." Said Shinji putting the rice on the   
dishes , after Misato and Kensuke sat around the table in the kitchen . Rei was   
standing in the doorway , when Pen-Pen made his appearance .  
  
Pen:"Qwaak! Qwaak!"  
  
Shi:"Don't worry , Pen-Pen! Here , Rei , give him his food."  
  
Rei:"Why.. Why do you ask me?"  
  
Shi:"Look, Pen-Pen is already at your feet . You don't want him to stay without   
food , do you?"  
  
Slowly , always followed by Pen-Pen , Ayanami reached Shinji , took the food he was   
bringing and gave it to Pen-Pen , who started to eat voraciously . Rei stayed   
looking the penguin half kneeled down for a while , when Pen-Pen turned to face her   
and exclaimed : "Qwaaaak!!"  
  
"Wow, Rei , It looks like Pen-Pen likes you!" Said Misato not mentioning that   
the Penguin was starving , and he'd probably greeted the very Commander Ikari..  
  
Ayanami stood up quickly , turning to Shinji who was smiling warmly : "I told you ,   
Rei. It's just a matter of time."  
  
Misato arched an eye-brown : 'Rei? That's strange.. Something must've happened that   
I don't know.' after she took another bite of her sushi , loosing herself in the   
sensation.. 'delicious!'  
  
Shi:"Here , Rei , sit down . These are your spaghetti."  
  
A very confused Ayanami set in front of an enormous amount of Spaghetti , a fork to   
their side.  
  
Rei:"I.. I don't know how to use a fork."  
  
Shi:"If you want , you can use chopsticks , but to eat them properly , you must   
use the fork . It's not so difficult , just be careful not to stain yourself   
with the tomato sauce."   
  
So Shinji took the fork and Rei's right hand , trying to teach her how to use it.  
  
Shi:"You have to roll them completely up and then eat them in a single bite ,   
it's not like eating ramen , you know .."  
  
"What a cute couple!" said Kensuke , while Misato was giggling . It was like a   
bolt . Shinji turned red , but the very surprise was Rei : she was rather blushing   
before , but now she looked very embarrassed .  
  
"Kensuke! You'll never stop teasing me , will you?" Shouted an angry Shinji , while   
Misato was laughing and Rei was resuming her usual paleness , keeping on eating her   
food .  
  
ken:"Sorry , man! It was a strange scene.. I wish Toji could see you.."  
  
Shi:"Arghh!!"  
  
Ken:"Take it easy , and eat your rice . We've almost finished , while you haven't   
still touched anything."  
  
Rei:"Ikari , I can't eat all this.. Let me share it with you."   
  
Misato arched first an eye-brown , then the other , then touched her chin with his   
left hand . 'There is definitely something wrong here.. but that could only damage   
commander Ikari.. So be it!'  
________________________________________________________________  
  
End chapter 2 . Stay tuned and use the security belt !  
  
X-Ray:'FerrariTM...'  
  
EBJ:'Are you afraid of some legal action?'  
  
X-Ray runs to his lawyer ..  
__________________________________________________________________  
  
One last note : My home page is on http://members.xoom.com/fantasticare .  
  
  
  
Train of thoughts   
  
Chapter 3  
  
Standard Disclaimer: Neon Genesis Evangelion is owned and copyrighted by Gainax,   
all characters used from that series are theirs. All names are (TM) and (C) by   
their respective owners.  
  
I've never written long texts in English , and this is my first try to write a   
fan fiction . What else to say ? I think I started quite well , without any   
dialogue ,   
later things get worse.. Maybe I must study harder..  
  
Feel free to send any comment , suggestion , flame , job opportunity etc. etc.  
  
This is a revised version , EBJ helped me a lot . He is my only pre-reader , and   
he'll get an headache sooner or later . I owe him a lot . If you like it ,   
thanks him as well , so I can continue disturbing him ...  
  
Anyway , starting from the pile of trash that is my draft , some errors could   
escape , so you are advised ... even EBJ can't correct them all.. :(  
  
r.giammanco@datastudio.it  
e.barone@flasnet.it  
  
Well , Take a seat , and enjoy yourselves .  
  
____________Midnight ghosts/Don't hide your face from me_______________________  
  
  
Sometimes Misato can be worse than a demon . Because only a devil could screw up   
things like she did . After the dinner , Ayanami was leaving , while Kensuke was   
helping Shinji back in the kitchen . Misato had accompanied Ayanami to the   
door , not a typical Misato action , but Shinji had other things to do than   
observe her behavior, so he missed what was happening .   
  
Mis:"Did you enjoy the meal ?"  
  
Rei:"Yes . It was very good ."  
  
Mis:"You know , without Shinji we could only eat instant ramen ."  
  
Rei:".."  
  
Mis:"He is a strange boy . This afternoon he and you have washed our clothes ,   
brought something to eat , cleaned the rooms . These are things that a boy   
isn't used to do .. but he keeps doing them , helping me and Asuka...   
There have been difficult moments, like after the last angel.. but now he   
seems fine."  
  
Rei:"..What are you trying to tell me , Major?"  
  
Mis:"Would you like to stay here , tonight?"  
  
Rei:"How come?"  
  
Mis:"Would you like to stay here , tonight? You know , Kensuke is sleeping in   
Shinji's room , and I feel jealous.. Why don't you sleep in my room? It   
was a long time since I slept with someone else.." , 'well, at least with   
a girl..'  
  
Rei:".."  
  
Mis:"If you want , you can sleep in Asuka's , but I'm not sure she'd   
appreciate it.. you know her.."  
  
Rei:"I understand."  
  
Mis:"So you'll stay here?"  
  
Rei:"Yes , Major."  
  
Mis:"Okay ! Hey , guys ! Come here!"  
  
Ken:"Yes , Major!"  
  
Shi:"What do you want , Misato?" asked Shinji , drying his hands on his   
trousers 'they are dirty anyway...'  
  
Mis:"Great news! Rei is staying here tonight!"  
  
Ken:"Ayanami ? Well , it's a nice idea , Major. What if we ask someone else ,   
like Horaki ?"  
  
Shinji was too shocked to think about Kensuke had just said : 'Ayanami ? Here ?   
I can only think this is all Misato's fault . I .. How could .. Where does she   
.. When..'  
  
Mis:"Horaki ? Do you like her , Kensuke?" Asked Misato with a broad smile on   
her face.  
  
Ken:"Well , in a way... She lives not far from Tokyo-3 , maybe half an hour by   
car.."   
  
Mis:"Hmm.. It's not too late.. Phone her and ask , Shinji doesn't look right   
just now."  
  
Shinji was , in fact , frozen like a statue , thinking hard , with his hands   
still rubbing on his trousers ...  
  
Ken:"I'll do it right away. I'll tell her that we'll came to pick up her with   
your car , if you can ."  
  
Mis:"Nothing to object , it's time to scare a bit my little Shinji with my   
drive !"  
  
Misato was disappointed noticing Shinji still rambling .. 'Damn.. he doesn't   
even bother to listen to me when I tease him..'  
  
Kensuke disappeared into the kitchen , and was heard talking at the phone.   
Finally Shinji became able to say something again:  
  
Shi:"Misato.. "  
  
Mis:"Yes , Shinji ."  
  
Shi:"It was an idea of yours , wasn't it?"  
  
Mis:"Do you think that Rei proposed this?"  
  
Shinji paled a bit , and replied , without watching in Rei's direction : "No ,   
I'm sure she didn't . But , at least , have you asked her opinion ? Did you   
force her to accept?"  
  
Mis:"Rei , tell Shinji if you had been forced to stay here."  
  
Rei:"Ikari, I accepted Major's proposition by my own will."  
  
Shi:"You.. You did.."  
  
Rei:"Yes , it would be a new experience."   
  
Misato seemed surprised : 'I can't believe it ! Rei reassuring Shinji! Things   
are getting very interesting lately..'  
  
Shi:"Are you sure?"  
  
Rei:"Yes."  
  
Kensuke chose that moments to come back from the kitchen : "It's Okay! Horaki is   
waiting for us in forty minutes. We have even enough time to drop by Ayanami's   
apartment to get her night dress."  
  
Rei:"It doesn't matter."  
  
Ken:"Don't worry , we won't be late , thanks the Major's driving style."  
  
Rei:"I don't need any night dress."  
  
There was an embarrassed silence , while Shinji started blushing furiously , and   
Kensuke was hit by the thought with a copious nose-bleeding .. Misato was a bit   
surprised too.  
  
Shinji looked at Kensuke and grabbed his wrist : "What are you thinking ,   
Kensuke ?" with a angry voice.  
  
Ken:"I.. It wasn't my fault.. you are blushing too , Shinji.."  
  
Misato came back to her good mood : "I don't know if it is a good think for   
three frail girls to sleep in the same house with two bad boys thinking such   
nasty things..."  
  
Kensuke and Shinji could only stare at their shoes in complete silence , feeling   
like thieves found in the middle of a robbery . Ayanami was a bit confused :  
  
Rei:"Did I say something wrong?"  
  
Nobody answered , so finally Misato told her : "Tonight I'll teach you a couple   
of tricks.."  
  
...  
  
In the car , Shinji and Kensuke were in the back seats , thrown back and forth   
by Misato's continuos use of brake and accelerator .   
  
Ken:"Way to go, Major!"   
  
Exclaimed an excited Kensuke , after a rather long jump .  
  
Shi:"Ouch! Misato ! We have plenty of time ! Why are you driving so fast!"  
  
Mis:" We're going to a 24 hours open dress shop . I want to buy something for   
Rei."  
  
"I.." , stopped by a sudden deceleration , Ayanami then continued " don't need   
anything , Major."  
  
Mis:"Don't worry , It'll be okay!"   
  
The car killed a couple of ants running over a wall.  
  
...  
  
In a parking area , a couple of boys were groaning in a sportive car.  
  
Ken:"Ahh.. Better then a Carousel!"  
  
Shi:"How can you say that? We've risked our lives at least ten times!"  
  
Ken:"Well , there is no excitement without a bit of danger.."  
  
"A bit!" sighed Shinji. Than , since the girls were absent "What the hell were   
you thinking , Kensuke?"  
  
Ken:"Uh?"  
  
Shi:"About Horaki."  
  
Ken:"Well.. You are going to help Asuka , challenging Nerv security.. She is   
very close to her , and we could need her help .. not to mention that   
often she called me to ask news about Toji.. She was very happy when I   
told her she could see Asuka and Toji.."  
  
Shi:"..."  
  
Ken:"Shinji?"  
  
Shi:".."  
  
Ken:"Hello? Is anybody in?"  
  
"What do you want?" nearly shouted an upset Shinji.  
  
Ken:"You haven't visited him yet."  
  
Shi:".. No. I haven't."  
  
Ken:"It wasn't kind of you.."  
  
Shi:".."  
  
Ken:"Horaki saw him a couple of times , before going away the city. Do.. Do   
you know that.."  
  
Shi:"I know. Misato told me."  
  
Ken:"..."  
  
Shi:"..."  
  
Ken:"It wasn't your fault."  
  
Shi:".."  
  
Ken:"Did you hear me?"  
  
Shi:"I wish I could believe these words.."  
  
"Shinji.." Kensukes's words were interrupted by an half ton of bags thrown   
inside the car by rather powerful hands.. "umpf!"  
  
Shi:"Misato! What did you buy?"  
  
Mis:"I've only bought a couple of things for us."  
  
Shi:"A couple? This car is already small , and we have to pick another person   
with her belongings .. why don't you use the trunk?"  
  
Mis:"Ehr.. It's already full."  
  
Shinji raised an arch-brown "Really? I wonder what's inside it .. I wouldn't   
know .."  
  
Grabbing Rei , opening her door , throwing her down , closing the door , jumping   
over the car , entering the car , buckling the seatbelt , turning on the   
engine , and leaving about two inches of rubber on the macadam , were like a   
single move for Misato .  
  
Shinji found himself pierced into the seat , unable to breathe .  
  
"Were you saying anything , Shinji?" Misato looked with an evil grin into the   
mirror at Shinji , who could barely move to shake his head.. Misato slowed   
down , even if she was running at 120 Kph in a city street , that meaning the   
limit was supposed to be of about 50Kph.  
  
Mis:"Perfect. We have bought a collection of useful things for Rei , like a   
night dress and a sun dress ."  
  
Shinji looked confused : 'A sundress? Ayanami? I've never seen her in other   
clothes than her school uniform and plug-suit.. well to tell the truth I've   
seen her nak.. What am I thinking ! I'd like to kick my ass right now!'  
  
Shi:"Damn!"  
  
"Shinji! What happened?" Shinji looked forward to se three couple of eyes   
staring intensely at him .. "Misato! Watch out!" Misato turned to look at the   
street just in time to avoid a car that was normally running on the street , at   
a normal speed..  
  
Mis:"Phew!! That was a close one. What did happen to you , Shinji?"  
  
Shi:"Ehr.. Nothing.. I was only thinking aloud."  
  
Mis:"Hm..."  
  
Shi:"Misato.."  
  
Mis:"Yes?"  
  
Shi:"Can I ask you a question?"  
  
Mis:"Spit it out."  
  
Shi:"I'm not sure , but you are driving faster than usual . Why ?"  
  
Mis:"Mpf. You have to be so clever more often , Shinji."  
  
Shi:"?"  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
Quickly , Misato turned on the stereo , at an incredibly high volume .  
  
Shi:"Ouw!!! What th"  
  
Mis:"Silence. Before I had lost the NERV security car that was following us ,   
but it was again after us at the shopping mall. Why?"  
  
Shi:"Uh?"  
  
"I got it . In this car there must be a tracking device." Said Kensuke adjusting   
his glasses on his nose.  
  
"Right." , turning off the stereo , Misato added : "Nothing interesting in the   
air". Then she looked at Rei , who was silently looking at the street. 'Rei. She   
is still a mystery to me.. but I hope she'll be on our side.. I can see she   
really likes Shinji , not to mention that she killed herself to protect him..   
But that was another Rei.. Argh! Why things must be so complicated!'  
  
...  
  
It took only twenty minutes for them to reach Horaki's new residence . She was   
already ready , and after kissing her parents and sisters , she got in the car .  
  
Hik:"It was very kind of you to invite me, Major."  
  
"You must thank Kensuke , he got the idea." Replied Misato , driving carefully ,   
under the worried glance of Horaki's parents .. 'Hell , she is an high officer   
of Nerv.. I can't think she can't take care of my daughter ..' was a worried dad   
thinking..  
  
"Really? Thanks a lot Kensuke." Hikari was now in the back seat between Rei and   
Kensuke ; Shinji was sitting in the passenger's seat , side to Misato . Hikari's   
tone , so sincere and grateful , made Kensuke feel a warm sensation inside his   
heart, spreading to the rest of the body.. It only lasted a few seconds .   
He held her glance for a bit , after replied , confusion in his voice : "Well ..   
you know..   
I thought you could like to see Toji and.."  
  
"I know. I owe you one." With that the two-pig-tailed girl kissed softly Kensuke   
on the cheek , a very soft kiss , but one that caused a storm in the ocean of   
emotions inside the already confused Kensuke , who started to blush   
furiously..  
  
"Wow! Kensuke! I'll tell Toji about that! He'll kick you to the stars!" Nearly   
shouted Shinji , while Misato was in the dark , using , once a time , her eyes   
to look at the street : "What was that? What happened back there ? Kensuke ,   
What are you doing to those two defenseless girls?"  
  
Kensuke didn't have the time to reply , and even if he'd have had , he was in   
such a state , he couldn't say a coherent word. Hikari spoke for him.  
  
"He didn't do anything bad Major. He's really a good friend of Toji . I'm glad   
I know him." She tried to calm down , but her tension was clearly audible : a   
single tear was flowing down her left cheek , noticed by an always silent Rei :   
'That is a tear . She is crying . Why? What makes her feel sad ? It is the   
fourth pilot ? Does she share a bond with him ? Does she care about him ?   
Tears..'  
  
Everyone fell silent . Even Misato felt herself oppressed from sadness , that   
girl looked so frail , so unhappy .. It was obvious that she was fighting with   
herself to not burst into tears. She even slowed the car , while some rain drops   
made their appearance on the car's panes .  
  
Shinji cursed himself , and turned to look at the street , a sad expression   
painted on his face 'Her too. You made her unhappy too , father .'  
  
But the person who had more to think was indeed Kensuke , who was staring   
blankly outside through the pane to his right .   
  
'A kiss. On my cheek . It's not the first time , but why do I feel so   
strange ? Why did I feel that warm sensation ? Once , I was walking on my   
own along a street to the computers' store , when a very little kid   
carrying some bread in a hand , and some money in the other , stopped me .   
He asked me to cross the street , and I did so without thinking a bit . I only   
wondered why his parents send him to buy food alone . He could have been six or   
seven , too little to wander alone in those dangerous streets .. He was indeed   
already disappeared , into some side street . After a bit , I felt like a warm   
fire in my chest . It is the result of a good action ? Something similar has   
just happened . Hikari had me feel like then . I've done something very   
important for her , and she has thanked me . It wasn't like a kiss from a girl ,   
in the sense a girl is seen from a boy .. It looked like.. like was my mother   
kissing me.. It was .. a kiss from a sister.. a sister I've never had , and a   
mother I've lost too early..'   
  
Without even realizing that , Kensuke was crying . A flow of tears was coming   
down form his eyes , and he started to sobbing quietly .  
  
'I can't remember my mother.. I've always seen her in photos , but It's   
not the same thing . I've grown envying others child when I saw them with   
their mothers , while I was alone . I had thought I was strong now , I   
wasn't be a child anymore , but now I feel alone.. Why did you die ,   
mother ? Why ?'   
  
Now his view was blurred from the tears , and he wiped them without any attempt   
to hide his state . Every one in the car was aware of this , except Horaki , who   
was still trying to send back her tears . Ayanami was looking at his back ,   
while Shinji , not understanding the reasons , was anyway unable to say   
anything . He turned to face Misato , who quickly whispered "Leave him alone for   
now." .  
  
After a bit , Kensuke dried his eyes , adjusted his glasses and sighed, sitting   
straight in his seat . Misato asked him : "It's every alright , Kensuke?"  
  
Ken:"Yes , Major. Everything it's alright .. as always."  
  
Mis:"You know Kensuke , it's like you are growing up . All of you. It's a good   
thing to see. And I have no doubt that you'll become a group of wonderful   
persons."  
  
Horaki listened to this short conversation but she couldn't find a sense to it ,   
so she turned and asked to Kensuke : "What happened , Kensuke ?" and looking at   
his red and lucent eyes , she grew a worried expression .   
  
Ken:"Nothing.. It's just .. Well.. I've ... I've thought about my mother..   
Your kiss reminded me about a long time ago.. Ah! Well.. You know.."  
  
Hik:"I'm sorry about.."  
  
Ken:"Yes. I know. Hell! It had never happened to me before.."  
  
Mis:"I told you , Kensuke. You're getting stronger. A strong man is one that   
can remember his past and not forget it . Because our past is what makes   
us what we are , and trying to avoid it is only a pathetic running away."   
  
'Yes, like I've done up to now , running from my father , from Kaji.. from   
my responsibilities.. How can I give life's lessons , when I am the first   
to need them..'  
  
Ken:"Thanks , Major. Now I feel better. You know , class rep.. I'll tell Toji   
how is lucky to have such a good girl around him.."  
  
Horaki smiled blushing , turning her head to not face Kensuke , who was staring   
at her direction , adding "I'll follow his example and I'll look for a gentle   
girl like you."  
  
"I can't believe it , Kensuke! You are abandoning your former activities to   
become a Latin-lover?" Remarked Shinji , nearly choked by the security belt   
while he was turning on his seat to face Kensuke .  
  
Ken:"I never said that. I'll look for a girl with my same interests.."  
  
Shi:"It'll be hard for you to find a girl who wants to become an Eva pilot!"  
  
Ken:"Maybe I could ask Asuka out.."  
  
"Oh!" Shinji went dead serious , but he didn't have the time to think , because   
Kensuke quickly added "but don't worry , I prefer not be near a such arrogant   
girl.."  
  
"Who are you calling arrogant , Aida?" Said an angry Hikari.  
  
"Gosh! We aren't in class , class representative ! You don't have any power over   
me here!" Kensuke snorted , crossing his arms over his chest , enjoying his   
little revenge when he felt something caressing his ear .. 'caressing?' "Ouch!   
Ouch! It hurts! Let it go, class rep! Let.."  
  
Hik:"Haven't you anything to say?"  
  
Ken:"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I apologize and Asuka is a wonderful person!"  
  
Hik:"Well done , Aida . And don't forget to think before speaking from now   
on."  
  
Kensuke rubbed his hurt ear mumbling something about Adam and Eve , but his   
words couldn't be audible because they were covered by a loud laugh coming from   
forward.  
  
"Ah! Ah! Poor Toji! I don't envy him! He has chosen a tough one!" said a finally   
relaxed Misato.  
  
Hik:"Hey! I wasn't chosen! I chose him!"  
  
Other laughs , this time even Kensuke joined the party , while Ayanami turned   
her head to look trough the window..   
  
Rei:'Choosing.. Do I have the ability to make my own choices? Am not I   
supposed to have a purpose? Still.. Is that what I want?'  
  
Misato chose that moment to turn on the stereo , finding the station she liked   
the most : "Well boys , this is my favorite radio : no shows , no bulletins , no   
DJs rambling about the singers and the Majors.. Only , good , old , damned   
music!"  
  
"So this is why you don't even know who Shiroh Sagisu(1) is , Misato?" asked a   
smirking Shinji.  
  
Mis:"Uh? Who is he?"  
  
"The one singing the song , Major.." added Kensuke , growing a little   
sweat-drop .  
  
Mis:"Really? Well.. I bet he'll became a great singer!"  
  
Shi:"Misato.. He's already a star.."  
  
Mis:"The Hell! If you want , I can shut down this damn radio now and fast!"  
  
Shi:"It's okay! It's okay! I'd like to listen to music , and I'm missing my   
earphones.."  
  
Mis:"Umph!"   
  
Back in their seats , Kensuke and Hikari were chuckling softly , while Ayanami   
was listening to the song , being enraptured by that melody . That was strange ,   
that music was.. was breaking the ice of her heart , with the words speaking   
about the pain of loosing someone close.. It was a feeling she knew , in a way ,   
like if in a remote corner of her mind she had felt a similar experience ,   
before..  
  
A tear crossed her left cheek , falling on her hands , crossed over her   
lap .   
  
'Is this a tear? Why I'm crying? I feel an emptiness in me , like I'm   
missing something.. or someone..'   
  
She turned to observe Shinji , who was carefully and thoughtfully looking at the   
stereo . After a bit , perhaps feeling observed , he turned his head to look   
over his shoulder , and met Rei's gaze . He held his glance for a bit ,   
and then :   
  
Shi:"It's a wonderful song , isn't it , Ayanami?"  
  
She was a bit confused , and tried to dry her tear , making evident its presence   
to a Shinji who most likely was aware of the girl's state .  
  
Rei:"Yes , it is."  
  
Shi:"I've never asked you if you like music."  
  
Rei:"I don't have many occasions to listen to it."  
  
Shi:".. You know , I can barely remember when I was gifted with a walkman.. I   
was eight , or nine , but from that moment , I used it to evade from   
reality , to run away , thinking about the words of the songs ,   
mentally recalling them..  
Now I can see that I was wrong , because music isn't supposed to   
substitute life .  
In the opposite way , music , art , books can open our mind.."  
  
Rei:".."  
  
"What do you mean , Shinji?" Asked an interested Misato .  
  
Shi:"It's simple , Misato . I'd like to give my walkman to Ayanami . Maybe she   
could have a better use for it."  
  
"A .. gift?" Rei spoke quietly , like speaking to herself .  
  
Turning to her again Shinji nodded.  
  
Shi:"Yes.. Sort of.. When we're back at home I'll explain to you how to use   
it. It's not really difficult , it's only an old model ."  
  
"..Thanks , Ikari." Her voice was trembling , not even trying to hide her   
emotion . Hikari and Kensuke were observing what was happening with a live   
interest , making mental notes to ask to Shinji later .  
  
Shi:"You're welcome , Rei."   
  
'I've called her Rei again.. It's like I call her that way when I can talk   
about something.. strange.. different from usual.. when she is not so   
cold..'  
  
Every one then closed into heavy thinking , helped by a soft music coming   
out the stereo.   
  
Misato lowered the speed of another ten kilometers per hour , driving in a civil   
way under a little rain . A black car , following them half a kilometer back ,   
was the place of an interesting discussion :  
  
Man1:"I don't get her . She was missing two children , so she got four of   
them ?"  
  
Man2:"Maybe was the new boy's idea to ask for the other girl."  
  
Man1:"Yeah , maybe you're right.. But , why did he go to her house in the first   
place ?"  
  
Man2:"I don't know. I think it was the commander's son who invited him.   
Unfortunately , when he called his friend , he was in that tool-store ,   
full of steel and electronic devices . I wasn't able to pick all the   
discussion . Nothing serious , anyway . It Sure is strange . Suddenly , he   
visited the other pilot back in the hospital.. I'd like to know what he   
did there.."  
  
Man1:"You know how it is.. We work separately , and our reports are tilted   
together back at H.Q. So we can't really know what they are up ."  
  
Man2:"I know . I don't think it's a good idea . We may miss something   
important ."  
  
Man1:"Don't worry about it. We aren't paid enough to do others job."  
  
Man2:"Still.."  
  
...  
  
The rest of the trip went on normally , and soon they arrived home . They   
were too many to get in the elevator all together , because it was for four   
people only , but Misato was of another opinion..   
  
Mis:"Well, we are all underweight , and I'm very slender too. I don't think   
there will any problem."  
  
Shinji tried to argue a bit , but was blocked by a death glare from Misato. Just   
in time for the bell to ring and the doors to swing open.  
  
Misato was the first , obviously Kensuke was after her (having resumed his usual   
behavior ) , then Hikari , Ayanami , and finally , Shinji. He had a little   
trouble in sneaking into the already filled elevator. The worse thing was to   
avoid   
to smashing the parcels Misato had bought into that night mall . It was like   
entering in a room filled with eggs.   
  
Shi:"See? I told you."  
  
"Oh , shut up and press the button , Shinji!" replied an angry Major.  
  
Easier said then done : he had to turn on his heels , to face the panel ,   
finding it covered by Rei .  
  
Shi:"Ehm.. sorry , Rei .. could you get away from the wall?"   
  
She simply complied , leaning forward , practically over his left shoulder . He   
tensed a bit , but realizing he had to do something and fast , he lifted his   
head and used the other arm to push the right button , actually nearly circling   
with it Rei's shoulders.  
  
He had just pressed it and was going to retire his arm when Hikari , who was   
standing on the other wall , giggled a bit and said "Oh , my! Shinji , are you   
trying to make a move on Ayanami?"  
  
Rei looked at her , an interrogative look . But she felt well . Like when he   
had hugged her . 'It's so.. reassuring. It's like being near a warm fire. It's   
good..'   
  
But Shinji nearly jumped , the elevator nearly stopping suddenly .  
  
Mis:"Hey! Watch-out! I don't want to be stuck in here all the night!"  
  
Shinji had regained his stance , and was no really upset : "Oh , Yeah? Don't you   
remember who wanted to go up all together?"  
  
Mis:"Are you telling me it would be my fault?"  
  
Shi:"You said it."  
  
Mis:"Whaat!!!"  
  
Fortunately , the doors swung open , and they landed on the floor , as if they   
had been kicked out from somebody invisible...  
  
Ken: "Whew! Me made it!"   
  
MIS: "See? What I told you , Shinji?" Misato asked triumphantly .  
  
"Yeah! Yeah! Whatever you want." Said Shinji said unlocking the door and   
entering the house . "I'm gonna sleep. Kensuke , are you coming?"   
  
Ken: "Coming! Who does use the bathroom first?"  
  
Shi:"Be my guest. We guys need it for far less time. I guess it's okay with   
you."  
  
Mis: "What a perfect gentleman! You'll never be a dandy , Shinji!"  
  
Shi: "I had a good teacher. Good night."   
  
He was lucky she hadn't anything to throw at him . She thought about shooting a   
bullet near his right temple , but then reconsidered it : 'better leave this to   
a more proper occasion , like arguing about girls and boys...'  
  
After a bit , Kensuke returned from the bathroom , and lied on the floor ,   
fantasizing he was , like he hoped , squeezed against the abundant   
Major's breasts..  
  
Shinji simply lied on bed and started listening to his walkman , for the last   
time. 'How will I manage to sleep without it? Oh , I'll find a way.'  
  
There were strange sounds coming from Misato's room , but they were muffled by   
the closed door , so he disregarded them .   
  
..  
  
After a bit , perhaps an our , he felt the need to .. well.. to use the   
bathroom, you know! So he stood up and went for it . While he was opening the   
door, a light pierced his eyes , coming from the bathroom's door . There was   
someone standing in the doorway closing the door , putting an arm inside to turn   
off the light . Before he could do that , Shinji had a glimpse of his figure .   
It was white.. White? Draped with a see-through fabric . He was stunned ,   
because he couldn't even imagine who it could be .. the figure's hair were   
enclosed by a night hat , and all suggested he was , in fact one of the two   
girls .   
He hadn't any doubt : 'It must be Hikari. Her night dress is very different from   
Asuka's .. I must ask her to talk to Asuka about it..'  
  
His thoughts were interrupted when the figure turned on the corridor's lights.  
  
"WHAAA!!!!" It was a choked shout that died before escaping his throat.. Shinji   
felt his heart jump in his throat . Standing besides him was clearly a ghost ,   
with that white face and dressed in that way . It didn't help the fact her eyes   
were closed , and looked like missing in all that whiteness .   
Then they snapped open , revealing deep red eyes.. Shinji passed out .   
  
The next thing he felt was a smooth thing behind his head , like he was resting   
in his bed and he had the pillow under his head . But the other part's of his   
body weren't so comfortable : it was cold and hard , like a floor . While he was   
trying to figure out where he was , he started to open his eyes , searching for   
any clue . The first thing he saw was a ceiling , he knew that ceiling . 'At   
least I'm home. This seems to be the corridor , but what am I doing lied here ?   
And where I'm resting my head?' He rolled his eyes up and right , only to see   
the chest of a girl , and her face , covered by a white substance , thanks to   
the moonlight coming from the near balcony 'It must be full moon...' .   
  
This time he was able to clearly distingue between her neck's skin and all that   
white . 'A beauty cream?' After he took a glimpse of a lock of blue hair   
escaping from that night hat . Then he remembered what happened , and started   
wondering : 'So this is what Misato bought her.. Well , for once she has done   
something useful . But I can't understand why she has bought that cream too.   
I've never seen her using stuff like this . Maybe she bought this to have fun   
with Rei and Hikari.. I wouldn't be surprised if they are all masked like Rei..   
But , still, why am I in this situation? When I passed out , what did Rei do?   
I'm probably too heavy for her to carry or drag me , so she decided to stay with   
me on the floor? It must've been a long time , since she's fallen asleep.. Why   
Misato didn't notice her absence ? What a guardian she is.. '  
  
Now Shinji was slowly standing up , first to his knees.   
  
'What do I have to do? I can't bring her into Misato's room.. Not when there   
are two girls sleeping inside.. Maybe I can put her in Asuka's room..   
Sorry Asuka , but I can't act otherwise . You have to understand this ..   
and a lot of other things , I guess , once you'll get better.'   
  
So he put his left arm under Rei's neck , and his right under her knees. He was   
surprised by how light she weighted . It wasn't like carrying a person , more   
like a child , even if he hadn't had such an opportunity in the past .   
Fortunately , Asuka's door was left ajar , so he opened it with his back and   
proceeded backwards until he could turn easily avoiding to harm the girl who was   
resting in his arms . He located the bed in the soft light coming from the   
window , and carefully dropped Rei over the sheets . Then he managed to cover   
her pulling them from under her and lying them over her body . When all was   
finished , he looked at her figure in silence . Her head was resting on the   
pillow , slightly turned on her left side , and the sheets over her chest were   
moving due her regular breathing. He stood for perhaps five minutes looking at   
her , like she was a wonderful statue , then he moved closer to her face and   
whispered :'Good night , Rei , and sweet dreams.' Due to the cream , he wasn't   
able to kiss her forehead or her cheek , so he stroked a bit her hair through   
her hat . After closing the window curtains , like Misato did the last night ,   
he left silently , knowing perfectly how to move in the complete darkness . He   
closed the door behind him , and rested for a bit in the corridor , before   
finally entering his room and lying on his bed : 'my curtains are opened.. but   
I'm too tired to stand up again and close them.. Next time , Misato.' He thought   
before finally falling asleep.   
  
Misato wasn't having a very pleasurable dream : she was on the beach , and she   
couldn't find a good place where to put her towel . There were stones   
everywhere , and the sand was like cement . At last , she found what she judged   
to be a good place , but it had a damn sharp stone piercing her back . She tried   
to suit better , but her pain was even worse , when the stone began to tremble..   
'What? An earthquake?'  
  
Then her eyes opened , and she could heard a low sound coming from behind her ,   
just where she was sensing that pain.. Realizing she was lying over her alarm   
clock, she quickly turned aside and sat on her futon. She turned off the alarm   
and looked around . Since the curtains were closed , it was pitch dark.   
"Rei , Hikari , wake up , it's almost eight o clock." , she opened the   
curtains .   
  
A tired Hikari said "uhm.. good morning , Major."   
  
Mis: "There is no need to be so formal.. Just call me Misato."  
  
Hik: "Well..." , yawing , "good morning Misato."  
  
Smiling , Misato looked around for Rei , but she didn't find her. 'Uh?   
Where she's gone? Maybe she is in the bathroom..' She left her room and looked   
into the bathroom , but no one was there . She looked herself into the mirror ,   
and looked at her face covered by a white cream.. 'How pathetic I am.. an   
anti-aging cream..' Sighing , she started to search the house , and started   
thinking that maybe she had already left , when she saw in her room Rei's usual   
dress. 'No , she must be here.. but where? Maybe in Shinji's.. but it can't be!   
Anyway , I can always ask him if he know where she is..'  
  
Entering his room , she opened the curtains and began to shout loud : "Wake up ,   
guys! It's late ! We've got a lot to do!"  
  
Kensuke raised his sheets over his head mumbling something , while Shinji opened   
his eyes , focusing them on the ceiling. Misato kneeled closer to him and   
asked :  
  
Mis: "Shinji , I can't find Rei. Do you know where she is?"  
  
Shi: "In Asuka's."  
  
Misato arched an eye-brown , thinking of having misunderstood.  
  
Mis: "Come again?"  
  
Shi: "She's sleeping in Asuka's room."   
  
Mis: 'I hadn't heard wrong , after all..'  
  
"What is she doing there?"  
  
"I've told you." Shinji was stretching his arms over his neck.  
  
Misato decided to do some further investigations before asking more , so she   
silently left almost kicking Kensuke in the head , and entered Asuka's room . It   
was dark there , but she could immediately locate someone sleeping in the bed .   
She came closer to the bed and asked :  
  
Mis: "Rei?"  
  
Slowly , the figure in the bed started moving , and Misato opened the curtains   
and the windows , turning to face a fully awaken first children .  
  
Rei: "Good morning , Major."  
  
Mis: "Good morning. Do you mind if I ask you why are you here?"  
  
Rei looked around and then said : "I don't know."  
  
Mis: "What do you mean you don't know!"  
  
Rei: "The last thing I remember was sitting on the floor holding Ikari's head."  
  
Misato was astonished : "Shinji's head? What the hell happened last night? Has   
Shinji done something wrong?"  
  
Rei was very quiet : "I was leaving the bathroom , when I met him. I don't   
know why , but he passed out falling to the ground without saying a word . I   
tried to wake him , but I didn't succeed . I tried to bring him back to his   
bed , but I wasn't able . So I sat down and held his head over my legs , to make   
him feel comfortable . Later I fell asleep , and I don't remember anything else   
until now ."  
  
Misato couldn't believe what she'd just heard : 'Is she serious?'  
  
Mis: "Well.. It must be Shinji who brought you here , then.."  
  
Rei: "Ikari? When? Is .. Is this Asuka's room? "  
  
Misato , not even listening to her , continued "Now he is in his room.. maybe   
early in the morning he awakened and carried you here.." with that , she left   
the room heading to Shinji's , when she saw him entering the bathroom and   
stopped him.  
  
Mis: "What the hell happened last night? Is it true you passed out?"  
  
A hint of anger passed in Shinji's eyes : "Sure I passed out! And do you know   
who is responsible for this ? Look at your face! You are still wearing that   
disgusting white stuff ! I nearly died when I saw Ayanami in that white dress   
and with a nearly completely white face !"  
  
Misato blushed out of embarrassment , but it wasn't visible due that white   
substance Shinji was talking above.. so she tried to hide her state : "So you   
are so weak to faint for nothing ! I wonder how you survived all those angels!"   
She turned over her heels and walked away umphing . But Shinji's words make her   
stop : "Anyway, you bought her a wonderful nightdress."  
  
She smiled , and turning her head a bit over her shoulder to look at Shinji with   
the corner of her eye , she said good-moodedly : "You have yet to see her   
sundress!" She could see Shinji blush under the comment, and she left giggling   
.. 'Nothing serious..' Passing by Asuka's room , she poked her head inside and   
called up Rei , who was still looking around with interest at Asuka's room .   
When she had collected the dirty robes , she hadn't really paid much attention   
to the room . So a few moment before she hadn't been able to recognize it ..   
  
Mis: "Come on , Rei . You are scheduled to meet Maya at eleven , don't you   
remember ?"  
  
Rei: "I know. I'll be there in time , Major."  
  
Mis: "Well, I need to leave right now, so you'll have your breakfast here with   
the others."  
  
From the corridor Shinji , who was still looking at Misato , asked : "Are you   
sure you don't want anything to eat , Misato?"  
  
Shaking her head , without turning to face him Misato replied : "It won't be the   
first time I eat nothing in the morning . Don't worry , Shinji."  
  
Then she disappeared in her room , where Hikari was trying to remove that cream   
from her skin : "Maj.. I mean , Misato , are you sure was a good idea to wear   
this .. thing?"  
  
Misato giggled : "Believe me , it was a wonderful idea!" In no time she grabbed   
all she needed to dress and went to the bathroom , nearly strangling Kensuke to   
prevent him to get in it before her : "Sorry Kensuke , but I'm in a hurry."   
After she left the apartment tossing her belongings into her room's open door ,   
nearly over Hikari , and with a loud "I'll se you later" , she closed the door .  
  
The children , left alone , tried to carry out what they thought were their   
duties : Kensuke dressed himself and started searching the net about any ways to   
avoid electronic and human surveillance . Shinji started cooking , while   
Hikari , after getting dressed , helped Rei to wear her new dress . Rei wasn't   
very cooperative , though ..   
  
Hik: "Ayanami! Help me! Lower your hand.. and put this on!"  
  
Rei: "In this way?"  
  
Hik: "Geez no! The other way! This is ridiculous ! Even my sister can wear   
that!"  
  
Ayanami seemed hurt by these words , and Hikari realized that she was acting   
like Asuka : 'Damn, I don't like her behavior, and now I'm just acting like her   
with Ayanami.. I must apologize to her."  
  
Hik: "I'm sorry , Ayanami . I didn't mean to offend you . Look , you have to   
wear this earring in that way : it's a clip , so you won't feel any   
pain."  
  
Rei: "I see. .. Thank you , Horaki."  
  
Hik: "Don't even mention it. Often I helped Asuka to choose dresses .. We were   
used to go shopping together , when she was .. was.."  
  
Rei: "I'm sure he'll help her."  
  
Fighting to repress a tear , Hikari looked surprised at Rei.  
  
Hik: "He? Who are you talking about?"  
  
Rei was wearing her green skirt , and said looking down at her new cloth :   
"Ikari. He's going to help her."  
  
The hope that was growing in Hikari's heart disappeared like an image in a pool   
of water hit by a stone .   
  
Hik: "Oh."   
  
Then , with more animatedly : "But what can he do? He's just a kid! It's not   
like he's doctor , or a psychiatrist ! He.."  
  
Rei: "He saved all our lives from the angels , and in the future he'll fight   
again to protect us . Trust him . He deserves our trust and needs our   
help . Right now he and Kensuke are thinking how to help Asuka. He asked   
me too , even if he knows I'm close to Commander Ikari , who he think is   
the responsible for all his problems."   
  
It was like a whisper , not audible a meter away from her , but all her   
movements, her voice's tone , her face's expression were hardening while she   
was spoke . Hikari seemed worried , she would've never thought that Ayanami   
could've been capable of such an outburst .  
  
Hik: "I.. Why am I here , then?"  
  
Rei's expression softened: "You are here to help them. I'll help too, I promised   
Ikari I'd help him. You should ask him for further information , but preferably   
in another place , because it is possible somebody is listening our   
conversations." In fact , she was still speaking with a low tone of voice .   
  
Hikari lightened : "Really!! He'll help Asuka? And Toji too?"  
  
Rei: "Shut up! What did I tell you?"  
  
Hikari was shocked . Being yelled by Ayanami!   
  
Hik:'She's not the old Ayanami anymore . Something has changed about her .   
It's like she has changed not only her dress , but her personality .   
Could it be that some exterior changes could have such an impact on her   
mind and behavior? Well.. when I wear my favorite cardigan I'm more   
friendly , communicative .. Maybe she's like me.. She surely is very   
pretty with this new dress : a green skirt , blue shoes with mid-sized   
heels , a yellow shirt with short leaves , and a light pullover , green   
too. And , if these weren't enough , she is wearing a very cute couple of   
earrings , with the shape of a half moon... If Asuka was here.. I   
think she has a new rival .. even if she wouldn't admit she likes   
Shinji.."  
  
Rei , checking her wristwatch , said : "It's getting late . I must go now . But   
first I'll say goodbye to Ikari."  
  
Hik: "Wait! I think he's cooking something to eat , aren't you going to stay?   
He'll be disappointed.."   
  
Now she was smiling, like an bear with a salmon in his hands..  
  
Rei checked her watch again . "I must leave within thirty minutes ."  
  
Hik: "They'll be enough . Now into the kitchen! This smell means bacon and   
eggs! Well, it appears that our Shinji can cook quite well .."  
  
Shinji was , in fact , preparing something for four people . It wasn't a   
problem , since he was used to cook for three people , where one of them   
was always very hungry.. 'Asuka.. I hope you'll get better very soon..'   
  
He was distracted from that subject by some strange sounds from behind his back,   
like somebody being pushed in the room, and somebody else leaving it while   
giggling .   
He also heard Hikari calling Kensuke to see something . He turned with   
a fork in his hand , with the bacon and eggs in the other .   
  
What he saw was behind his imagination , and he dropped the fork , being at   
least able to keep the food from hitting the floor.  
  
He was breathless .. he was staring directly to her , who was clearly blushing .  
  
Shi: "Rei... You.. You look wonderful.."  
  
Kensuke , peeking from the door teased him : "Way to go , Shinji! You lucky   
dog!"  
  
Shinji didn't bother to reply , instead : "This is the dress that Misato bought   
you yesterday evening?"  
  
Rei: "Yes. Do.. Do you like it?"  
  
Shi: "Of course! You look beautiful .."  
  
A deep shade of red covered her cheeks..  
  
"..Thank you.. I feel strange with these clothes.. and these earrings.." , she   
slowly reached and touched the moon-earrings.   
  
Shi: "It's a nice change from your usual clothing , you know.. I think you'll   
get used to it pretty soon.."  
  
Rei: ".."  
  
Shi: "Really.. I must tell Misato she has done , for once , a clever thing.."  
  
Rei: ".. I've given a better look at Asuka's room."  
  
Shi: "You've found it pretty messed , don't you?"  
  
Rei: "I don't know.. It's so strange.. so filled with hundreds of things.."  
  
Shi: "Well.. I think it looks like a normal girl's room.."  
  
Seeing Rei's mortified reaction , Shinji cursed himself : 'Hell! How could I say   
her such a thing!'. He put the food on the table and approached Rei , under the   
glances of Kensuke and Hikari , who was wearing a blaming expression ..  
  
Shi: "I'm sorry , Rei . I didn't mean to.."  
  
Rei: "It's okay."  
  
Shi: ".. Well.. I.."  
  
Rei: "Maybe I must take more care of my apartment.."  
  
Shi: "It's not a good idea.."  
  
Rei looked surprised : "Why not?"  
  
Shi: "Your apartment is located in an old block of flats , in an bad zone.. I   
think you should ask the NERV accommodation office to be moved to some   
other destination. You know , that place isn't the best for a young good   
looking girl like you.. I'm sure that Misato , Asuka and Hikari could help   
you to fill your new apartment with the right stuff a girl would need..   
like a stereo .. that reminds me.."   
  
He left suddenly , almost smashing into Kensuke and Hikari , entering his room   
and searching a bit .  
  
Ken: "That's strange! I didn't think Ayanami could really act like a normal   
girl.."  
  
Hik: "Oh, Yeah? And who are you to say such a thing ? I don't think a boy   
like you could ever really understand us girls!"  
  
Kensuke was annoyed , and hit her hard : "Don't tell me you haven't ever thought   
Ayanami was weird!"  
  
Hikari seemed worried , looking suspiciously at Rei's back and after lowering   
her voice : "That doesn't mean anything. Ayanami was a little solitary , and   
that's it."  
  
Kensuke wasn't able to reply because Shinji had returned : "Here , Rei , this is   
my gift for you . My walkman . I've found the instructions, so the only thing   
you really need is to read them . The batteries are new , and there is my   
favorite tape inside . Here there is its case . I've get to you a purse that   
Misato doesn't use anymore , that looks perfect for your outfit . Here ,   
everything's inside it .." Shinji handed the purse to Rei , who didn't do   
anything to get the gift..  
  
Rei: "I.."  
  
Shinji smiled , and grabbed her right hand , circling with it the gift : "Now   
it's better if we eat something. I'm starving. Kensuke , class rep. , would you   
make us the honor of joining us ?"   
  
An embarrassed couple of teenagers entered the kitchen and sat at the table .   
Only Rei was still standing , while Shinji was serving the food he had   
prepared.  
  
Shi: "Rei? Aren't you hungry?"  
  
Rei: "I.. I must go now." So , she almost ran outside the kitchen and the   
house , leaving them a bit astonished .   
  
"What's the problem with that girl?" Asked Kensuke while he was biting two same   
at the same time : "Hey! Shinji! This tastes great!"  
  
Hik:"Maybe she wants to be alone.. It had happened a lot around her .. don't   
you think, Ikari?"   
  
But Shinji was thinking , and a smile appeared on his face , and quickly widened   
until he seemed a maniac of some sort , with a huge and almost devilish grin .  
  
Ken: "uhm.. Shinji? Why are you smiling?"   
  
'I hope he didn't put some poison in this plate, he looks like a maniac..'  
  
Almost laughing hysterically , he replied "I'd like to see my father's face when   
he'll see her.."  
  
Kensuke whispered to Hikari : "Man , he's going nuts!" .  
  
Hikari , almost terrified, nodded vigorously.  
  
...  
  
In the elevator , Rei was still breathing hard . She calmed down looking at her   
reflected image on the mirror , and kept watching it even after the doors swung   
open.. 'This purse is a gift . A gift from Ikari. He told me I looked   
wonderful..' she blushed a bit. 'He asked me to find another accommodation..   
it's still early for the test.. I can go and ask the office.. Should I ask   
Commander Ikari?'   
  
Now she was debating with herself about what was the right thing to do.. Because   
she was sure that asking that without informing the Commander would be betraying   
him , in a way . Her new outfit , she could sense it was something the Commander   
wasn't going to like . So she decided to come back home and change . She was   
walking to her home , when she saw a black van : 'NERV guards. They've already   
seen me . Changing my clothes would seem more suspicious . I'd better go   
straight to Nerv .' With that , she stopped , turned on her heels , almost   
falling down , not being used to her new shoes , and walked to the nearest   
entrance to the geo-front .  
  
In the van assigned to "watch" over Rei...   
  
Man1:"What the hell happened to her?"   
  
Man2:"I don't know , but that's something we must report immediately to   
Commander."  
  
Man1:"uh? Aren't we supposed to report at the end of the shift?"  
  
Man2:"I feel something's up with her.."  
  
Man1:"Listen , the less I talk with Commander , the better I feel. That man   
makes me uneasy . And the girl just bought a new dress. It's not   
really that strange."  
  
Man2:"But.."  
  
Man1:"Oh, come on! What do you think would happen?"  
  
Man2:"Okay, but you are going to buy the donuts."  
  
Man1:"Shit.. Okay , glass or Nutella covered?"  
  
______________________________________________________________________________  
  
End chapter 3 . Stay tuned and have a good lunch !   
  
X-Ray:"Nutella .. uwah .. uwah.. Marge , give me some Nutella donuts.."  
  
Ebj:"Aren't you going to drench with Nutella the whole keyboard that   
way?"  
  
X-Ray:"First the milk , then the Nutella cream .. uwah.. Milk-Nutella-  
Keyboard.. uwah.."  
  
______________________________________________________________________________  
  
(1) Well.. To decide this name me and EBJ had fought a lot .   
My first idea was Lorento , that reminded me of a LP's series of a good   
pop singer. EBJ didn't like it , because : "it's awful !" . Then I   
suggested Kimafuso Lamoto , a very old joke in my country , and EBJ told   
me : "yeah.. maybe Eroito Nakakata.."   
  
At the end , he suggested the Eva's music compositor..  
  
EBJ:"One of the best composers of all times!"  
_______________________________________________________________________________  
  
Stop the post!  
  
A couple of good news for the next chapters !  
  
First , James Edwards will help EBJ in the pre-reading.  
  
Second , I'm finally building an Home Page on my personal Server ( No Xoom   
or Geocities) .  
  
Finally , would you like to know something about the next chapter ? :)  
  
Well , I can give you an early version title :  
  
ToT ( I like it ! ) Chapter 4 : The need to lie/Don't stop fighting  
  
Have a nice day!   
  
This section hasn't been corrected.. Don't blame EBJ or James .. The latter   
hasn't yet   
started! :)  
________________________________________________________________________________  
  
One last note : My home page is on http://members.xoom.com/fantasticare .  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Chapters 4-7

Train Of Thoughts   
  
Chapter 4  
  
Standard Disclaimer: Neon Genesis Evangelion is owned and copyrighted by Gainax,   
all characters used from that series are theirs. All names are (TM) and (C) by   
their respective owners.  
  
I've never written long texts in English , and this is my first try to write a   
fan fiction .   
  
Feel free to send any comment , suggestion , flame , job opportunity etc. etc.  
This is a revised version , now I have two pre-readers !   
  
That's incredible but , I guess , it isn't enough : even if EBJ ( the Space   
Black God  
of Prereading ) , and the new entry James Edwards help me a lot , starting   
from the pile of trash that is my draft , some errors could escape , so you've   
been warned ...   
  
If you like ToT , thank them as well , so I can continue writing ...  
  
r.giammanco@datastudio.it  
e.barone@flashnet.it  
theanimeotaku@hotmail.com  
  
One last note : My home page is on http://members.xoom.com/fantasticare .  
  
I know I said I wouldn't use Xoom , Geocities or similar things , but , due  
to technical reasons , my provider can't accept home page for a while , so..  
  
In this page , heavy under costruction , you can find the revised version of my  
fics . Jump on it , and drop me a line if you like it.   
  
Well , Take a seat , and enjoy yourselves .  
  
_____________________The need to lie/Don't get Discouraged____________________  
  
  
  
  
Inside the Nerv facilities , all the personnel who met Rei were amazed seeing   
her dressed like that . Some girls even made her compliments , and she was able   
to thank them in a more natural way she thought she could ever had . She   
went to the Nerv accommodation office and asked for the head of it .  
  
emp: "Yes , tell me , pilot Ayanami."  
  
He was a bit surprised too , and he had some trouble to convince himself that   
that cute girl was , in fact , the impassible one he was used to see wandering   
the Nerv base.  
  
Rei: "I'd like to move to a new place."  
  
emp: "Is there something wrong with your old apartment?"  
  
Rei: "Yes , It's getting louder and louder there , and I can't sleep the   
night."   
  
That wasn't really a lie , but wasn't entirely the truth : she had never had any   
problems falling asleep..   
  
emp: "Well.. Tokyo-3 is nearly empty now , and I can find any place you could   
want , but I need Commander Ikari authorization. He's in charge of you ,   
you know."  
  
Rei: "Very well. Give me the forms and I'll bring them to him."  
  
emp: "Here you are. Oh! To make things faster , can you tell me where you'd   
like to stay ? I can prepare the documents while you're away."  
  
Rei stood silent for a few second , then spoke : "I'd like to live in the same   
building of Major Katsuragi."  
  
The employee arched an eye-brown : "Really? There are better places where I   
could place you.." , 'Well , anything is better than your old house..'  
  
Rei: "Major's building will be fine. I'll be back with the forms signed as   
soon   
as I can catch the Commander."  
  
emp: "Yes.. I know he's very busy lately.."   
  
'What is he doing anyway? Isn't the war finished? Bah!'  
...  
  
Outside the door , Rei let out a sigh.. Now it would come the worst part.. To   
face commander Ikari.. She checked the wristwatch : it was 10:00 am .   
The test would start at 11:00 , so she had to act quickly .. She put the forms  
inside the bag and moved to Commander Ikari office .   
But they told her he was in a holomeeting with Fuyutsuki.   
  
"I think he'll need another couple of hours.." the guard told her , who was   
looking   
at her with a live interest .. 'Man! She's really cute dressed like that ! It's   
a   
pity she's only fourteen , or I'd be tempted to ask her out!' .  
  
Rei couldn't do anything else there , so she slowly headed towards Ibuki's lab ,   
in the depths of Nerv base . 'I'd liked to ask him before seeing lt. Ibuki. She   
reports to him during my test , while I can't do anything ... maybe that could   
be an idea. I could give the forms to her , so she could speak to the   
Commander in my place . There's nothing strange : I can't reach him , so I asked   
lt. Ibuki . I don't think he'll grow suspicious . But it's better if I don't act   
strangely in front of her.' She hadn't realized yet that she was , in fact ,   
already very different from her old self..  
  
She entered the room , filled with machines and electronic devices , while Maya   
was sipping a cup of coffee looking at some results.  
  
Rei: "Lt. Ibuki."  
  
Maya raised an hand , still reading the printout and waved at her .   
  
May: "Good morning, Rei . You're early , and besides , I got a promotion . Now   
I'm a Captain . No big deal , anyway.."  
  
Then she turned to face her saying : "Well , we could start anyway , remove   
yo.."   
  
Her voice went dead and her eyes widened . She was speechless while Rei   
approached the divisor and started undressing. When Maya recovered , she asked   
Rei in a shocked tone : "Where .. Where did you find that dresses?"  
  
Rei: "Major Katsuragi bought it for me."  
  
May: "Oh.. How kind of her.."  
  
Rei: ".."  
  
Maya seemed absorbed into her thoughts , when Rei emerged totally naked from the   
divisor and headed to the other room , where there was a bed and an hundred of   
sensors and devices , needles and so on .   
  
She lied on the bed and waited patiently . After a few minutes , Maya snapped   
back to reality and started to work on her subject , recording on a small   
device ..  
  
May:"Thursday,29. 10:25 am . Starting analysis of subject three . The   
readings are within the normal values. Hemoglobin level is satisfactory .   
Beginning tissue sampling.."   
  
..  
  
After an hour , during which Rei was pierced by countless needles , Maya spoke   
to her through the inter-phone . "Very well , Rei. We're done . Wait as usual   
until the automatic scanning system finishes it's job . I've made some   
improvements and it will take only forty minutes . I'm going to see Commander   
Ikari."  
  
Rei: "Captain?"  
  
May: "Yes? Is there anything wrong?"  
  
Rei: "In my purse there are some forms I'd like the Commander to see and sign.   
I haven't been able to see him before coming here and later I must report   
to Major Katsuragi. Could you bring them to him?"  
  
Maya was a bit surprised by the request. But she didn't find anything wrong with   
it . Instead she looked with compassion at that naked body , treated like a   
guinea pig , and replied with a soft voice : "Of course , I will."   
Saying so , she opened the bag picking the forms .. 'How unusual ! A walkman!'   
I'd never thought Rei liked music..' Then she left.  
  
Rei sighed : "Now I can only hope that all goes well.."  
  
...  
  
Commander office . Commander Ikari was now reading the reports about the   
supplying delays , and he wasn't very pleased . However , when Ibuki was   
announced , he dropped everything to face her.   
  
She felt always uneasy in his presence , and that huge and dark office didn't   
help either. So she reported as quickly as she could : "Today's test hasn't   
shown any sign of decay . The patient's conditions are stationary . The chemical   
substances in the blood" "  
  
Ika: "Will she live until the scheduled event?"  
  
Ibu: ".. I don't know sir. Maybe we could start giving her some medicines.."  
  
'and besides , you didn't tell me what is this scheduled event..'  
  
Ika: "That's out of question. Her metabolism mustn't be affected by any   
external aid."  
  
Ibu: "Then there is nothing more I can do."  
  
Ika: "Very well. When is the next exam scheduled ?"  
  
May: "On Monday. Her next harmonic test is on Saturday."  
  
Ika: "Keep me informed. Dismissed."  
  
May: "One last thing , Commander."  
  
Ika: "Yes?"  
  
Maya handed him the forms : "Ayanami asked me to bring these to you."  
  
Ikari looked carefully at the forms , then looking at Maya with a cold gaze   
over his glasses , he asked : "Why didn't she come in person?"  
  
Maya struggled a bit.. "She told me she couldn't reach you before the start of   
the test , and she is still under automatic examination . It'll take another   
hour", 'why am I lying to him? I don't like him at all , that's for sure ..' ,   
"and later she is scheduled to meet Major Katsuragi."  
  
Ika: "I see. She could've waited to ask me in the afternoon."  
  
May: "I don't know. Maybe she's only trying to save time."  
  
Ika: "Have you read them?"  
  
May: "Well, sir .. It's easy to recognize residence relocation forms.."  
  
Ika: "Has she told you why she would want to leave her old apartment?"  
  
May: "No , sir."  
  
Ika: "I don't see why she should move."  
  
May: "With all due respect , sir , maybe it would be a good thing to her to   
move   
out of her old apartment . It's not healthy to live in that district .   
There are crumpled buildings , and there are rats, mosquitoes and other   
animals and insects . I'm sure that living in other place would be better   
for her."  
  
Ika: "I see. But why did she decide so all of a sudden?"  
  
May: "I don't know, sir."  
  
Ika: "Very well. Lead the way , I'm going to meet her right away."  
  
May: "Yes , sir. Follow me." , 'Oh man! That's not good! I think I'm in   
trouble , and Rei is too!'  
  
...  
  
Back in the laboratory , Rei was silently waiting for the machines to turn off   
with her eyes closed , when she heard a voice...  
  
Ika: "Rei. Can you hear me?"  
  
Rei opened slowly her eyes , and turned her face to look at the window , where   
she could see the Commander with a worried Ibuki behind him.. "Yes."  
  
Ika: "Captain Ibuki told me you want to move to a new apartment. Is it true?"  
  
Rei: "Yes."  
  
Ika: "Why?"  
  
Rei: "It's getting louder and louder , there . Last night I slept at Major   
Katsuragi's and had a good sleep . I'd like to move to a quieter   
place ."  
  
  
Commander Ikari was doubtful . He was used to read the surveillance reports in   
the late morning , so he was in the dark about the last day's news .  
  
Ika: "Why did you sleep there?"  
  
Rei: "The Major asked me to ."  
  
Ika: "I see."  
  
The Commander wasn't very sure about the right thing to do , but he was well   
aware of Rei's condition. Maybe this would help.'  
  
Ika: "Very well. I will sign them. Where are you going to stay?"  
  
Rei: "I'd like to stay in the same building where the Major lives ."  
  
This was unexpected. Commander Ikari raised an eyebrow : "Why there?"  
  
Rei: "I have been there other times. I've grown used to it."  
  
Ika: "I see. Very well, I'll give the forms to Captain Ibuki. Good work."  
  
Rei closed her eyes and straightened her head saying : "Thank you , Commander."  
  
He signed the forms and then left without saying a word.   
  
Maya was relieved , she could tell there was tension in the Commander's   
questions , and that he was worried about something , but it seemed that Rei's   
answers worked out. They were very.. Ayanami's style , she thought giggling.  
  
Then she got back at work.  
  
After another twenty minutes , Rei was finally free of her restrains and could   
get dressed . Noticing that , Maya told her : "You know , Rei?"  
  
Rei: "What?"  
  
May: "I think you were lucky the Commander didn't see your dress ."  
  
Rei: "Why?"  
  
May: "I think he's worried about your changes.. If he'd find out about all  
the news , I don't think he'd sign them.."  
  
Rei: "But the Commander reads the surveillance reports. He knows."  
  
Maya shook her head : "He's very busy in these days . Maybe he doesn't read   
them at all . But I'm sure he's reading them just now. So if I were you , I'd   
run to the Accommodation office and get my new apartment."  
  
Rei seemed unaffected by that reasoning. She finally got dressed , picked the   
forms and left saying : "Good morning , Captain ."  
  
...  
  
Meanwhile , Commander Ikari was reading carefully the last day's reports , but   
he didn't find anything interesting : Rei had slept at Katsuragi's , but it   
wasn't really strange . Even that out-city trip wasn't suspect : the   
conversation they had picked up with microphones suggested that it had been for   
a party , and he knew well how the Major loved them. It had been a while since   
she had had one. So he reassured himself adjusting his glasses. If only he had   
seen Rei's dress and her behavior towards others !  
  
...   
  
Rei walked pretty fast to the Accommodation office, where she found the head-  
employee pretty surprised that the Commander hadn't denied the request. He had   
told her that he would''ve find a place for her , but he hadn't done anything   
yet.  
So he was a bit embarrassed , and asked her : "Well , the building is   
almost totally empty. Where would you like to stay ? There is a good place right   
next to Major Katsuragi's apartment. It's never been used , so it's like new.   
What do you think about it?"  
  
'I'll be next to him!' Her heart started beating faster , but her face remained   
impassible : "I think it'll do just fine."  
  
emp: "Okay. Let me contact the right agency.."  
  
It took a while , but finally he handed her a key card and some folders :   
  
emp: "Don't loose them . They're very important. Oh , and one last thing . The   
apartment is completely unfurnished . Usually we take care of it , but if   
you want , I can give you a cash-card : you'll be able to buy the things   
you like . Usually it's not very much , but in your case I'll do   
an exception : the place is pretty big , and it would look pretty   
desolate if only half furnished . Besides.. people keep leaving   
the city in these times.."  
  
Rei thanked him ( he was very surprised but managed to reply ) and took what the   
man handed her. Once outside , she asked herself what to do next. She had told   
Ibuki she was meeting Katsuragi , so she thought it would've been best to go and   
meet her .   
  
After all , she was the one who bought her new dress..  
  
Misato was reading some reports about the possibility to restore unit-00 . There   
wasn't much left , but Maya suggested that the core be dumped into MAGI , and   
that it would be less expensive to restore it rather than build a new one .   
Misato wasn't very pleased reading that report , especially because the   
Commander had agreed and assigned top priority to this project. The remaining   
limbs of the unit-00 were already located into an isolated cage and being   
treated with some hormonal stuff..  
  
Mis: "Why does he want three units functional again , If we don't have more   
than one pilot? I'm sure that Shinji would never accept to pilot again his   
unit , and Rei could use unit-02. There is something wrong here.. And I   
don't like the fact he isn't asking Shinji to do tests .. Only Rei is   
undergoing the usual harmonic and sync tests..'"  
  
Her train of thoughts was interrupted by a slight knock on her door :   
  
Mis: "Yes ,come in."   
  
She lifted her eyes when the visitor closed the door behind himself , waiting   
for her . What she saw was unexpected : "Rei?!?" Her jaw nearly fell on her   
desk . She blushed a bit : "I'd like thank you for buying me this dress ,   
Major.   
Shinji told me it is wonderful."   
  
Misato recovered and replied : "Shinji told you that? He's an idiot."  
  
Rei: "Idiot? Why?"  
  
Mis: "A dress doesn't make a queen. It's you who looks wonderful."  
  
Rei blushed another bit and spoke lowly : "Well, he said so."  
  
Misato smiled : "That's better . He's not as stupid as he may seem . By the   
way, you are very pretty dressed like that . You should go shopping more   
often ."  
  
Rei: "I don't know if I can afford that."  
  
Mis: "I wouldn't worry . At least , Shinji's has enough money , he just   
doesn't use it often .. Asuka instead used to go shopping with her credit   
car very often.. anyway , do you need anything else? I don't want to sound   
rude , but I have some work to finish."  
  
Rei: "Well, I'd like to ask you to help me to buy some furniture."  
  
Mis: "Furniture? For your apartment?"  
  
Rei: "To be exact, for my new apartment. I was assigned to live next your   
door." "  
  
With that , she handed the folders and the card to an astonished Misato . She   
read them and raised her head to face Rei : "I can't believe it! You have done   
all by yourself! The Commander gave his permission! Was it an idea of yours?"  
  
Rei: "Actually , Ikari suggested me to change house. I've only followed his   
suggestion."  
  
Mis: "But you've accomplished it in a incredible way! Well .. It's time to go   
shopping.. and look at this limit ! We can buy a lot of things, even   
some other dresses!"  
  
Rei was a bit surprised : "But, Major.. You told me you had some work to do.."  
  
Mis: "Shopping always goes first. I can always come back here later in   
the   
afternoon. Now let's go!"   
  
And so she pushed Rei outside the door . Misato's mood was quite high in the   
next few hours , and so her car's speed.. to the utmost desperation of the Nerv   
surveillance teams..  
  
...  
  
After they finished eating , Kensuke , Shinji and Hikari left the house heading   
to the Nerv hospital ; Hikari asked Shinji about what Rei had told her , and he   
was surprised listening how she had acted towards Hikari .. But he really   
didn't have much time to think about it because he had to explain the situation   
to Hikari. Meanwhile , Kensuke was fighting with his camera , trying to turn   
on some particular feature..  
  
After Shinji finished explaining his plan to Hikari , he asked Kensuke : "So ,   
have you found anything useful on the net?"  
  
Ken: "Yes , some ways to replace the output of a microphone with an   
prerecorded   
one. But this would need some particular devices and the absence of   
spy-cameras. So the first thing to do is to blind them ."  
  
Shi: "How do we do that without having them suspect anything?"  
  
Ken: "Well.. If the camera is near a table , and you put a vase in front of it   
blinding it's view , that could be seen as a normal action. You would do   
it to put some flowers you brought into it.. You must act normally , doing   
things like that . So first of all we blind the cameras , and then we have   
to record at least four or six hours of environmental sounds , from   
different points , most likely near the real microphones.."  
  
Hik: "It doesn't look like an easy task.."  
  
Ken: "Hell, no! This is the worst thing I could imagine!"  
  
Shi: "But we have to."  
  
Ken: ".."  
  
Hik: ".."  
  
Ken: "Well.. we need two or three tape recorders.. Do you have any money?"  
  
Shi: "I've got my credit card.."  
  
Ken: "If you think they are spying us , we could do like this : I need some   
tapes for my camera , so we can enter an electronic shop. I'll buy what   
can be used like a detector , while the class rep can buy the recorders .   
So you'll buy the tapes , I'll buy the devices and the class rep the   
recorders. I have some cash with me , while you can give your credit card   
to Horaki."  
  
Shi: "But they will watch what we're doing !"  
  
Ken: "No , if we split and wander a bit in different places.. so it's better   
to   
find a big mall.."  
  
Hik: "It won't be easy.. they're almost all closed.."  
  
Shi: "What about the Central Hall?"  
  
Ken: "Yes , I guess that could be a nice idea.. besides , nearby it there is a   
small shop where a guy I know well works.. he could help me."  
  
Shi: "But won't they follow you?"  
  
Ken: "I don't think so : they are after you , not after me or Horaki.. It'll   
be   
alright."  
  
Shi: "If you are sure.." "  
  
Hik: "Then we have to take the train.."  
  
...  
  
A few minutes later , the two security Nerv's men had some problems..   
  
Man1: "Wait , they are splitting!"  
  
Man2: "What do you expect, in a shopping mall? Maybe they are buying different   
things.."  
  
Man1: "What do we do now?"  
  
Man2: "It's simple , I'll stay here , you'll follow commander's son ."  
  
Man1: "Why me?"  
  
Man2: "Who's the one who arrived late at his shift?"  
  
Man1: "Damn.. Okay , I'll go.."  
  
It wasn't difficult to follow him : he bought some tapes for the camera , and   
then wandered a bit , stopping to buy some red roses . Half a dozen . He   
continued wandering until 11:00 , when he met the others two kids at the back   
exit. He called his colleague with the radio to pick him up. Then they started   
following the trio again.  
  
...  
  
When Hikari saw what Shinji was carrying , she didn't know what to think..  
  
Hik:"I.. Ikari?"  
  
Shinji turned to face her : "Oh! Class rep ! Have you seen Kensuke ? It's almost   
time.."  
  
Hikari didn't bother to respond , still looking to the roses ..  
  
Shinji followed her gaze , and looking in his right hand , he raised the bunch   
to his chest , smiling : "Have you noticed ? I've seen these wonderful roses and   
I didn't resist : they are the very same color of Asuka's unit and plug-suit !   
I'm sure she'll go crazy for them!"  
  
Hik:'Is he serious?'  
  
"Why did you buy roses?"  
  
Shinji looked at her narrowing his eyes : "Why shouldn't I had to buy some   
flowers to her?"  
  
Hik:"But why roses?" , 'red roses!'  
  
Shi:"What's the matter?"  
  
Hik:"Why not .. cyclamens.. or .. why roses?"  
  
Shinji scratched is back : "Well.. it's the first time I ever bought some   
flowers for someone.. I've thought the roses were the best choice.."  
  
Hik:"So you bought the roses only because 'it's cool?'"  
  
Shi:"Well.. I wanted to buy some flowers , and I chose the roses .. again ..   
what's the matter?"  
  
Now Shinji was growing upset..  
  
Hik:"Nothing.. Nothing.."  
  
'Perhaps he doesn't know that red roses mean I love you..'  
  
She imagined the scene : Asuka grabs the roses , looks at them shocked , looks   
at   
Shinji who is smiling like an idiot.. and then she kills him.. literally..  
  
Shi:"Erh.. Class rep? What's so funny?"  
  
Hikari was infact laughing wildly..  
  
Hik:"No.. Nothing.. I remembered a joke.. look! Kensuke is coming this way.."  
  
Then they started walking together .  
  
Shinji whispered : "Hikari , have you bought them?"  
  
Hik: "Erh.. Yes.. But they were rather expensive.."  
  
Shi: "Eh?"  
  
Hik: "This is the bill.."  
  
Shi: "Oh my G"  
  
Ken: "Shut up! Remember , it's for Asuka!"  
  
Shinji nodded , looking sadly at the bill. 'Misato'll kill me when I'll ask her   
for a loan...'"  
  
Ken: "Anyway , I've got great news! The guy back in the store had some piece   
from   
the black-market.."  
  
Shinji was about to shout: "Blac" when Hikari slapped his head in the back   
while Kensuke elbowed him in the ribs .  
  
Shi: "Ouch! Okay! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"  
  
Ken: "You can be so dense sometimes , Shinji. Anyway, I've found   
something very interesting. We have built a device that can locate   
wireless microphones."  
  
Shi: "And what if there are normal ones?"  
  
Ken: "Oh , come on! They are ancient history! The wireless ones are more   
useful and   
practical. Only the cameras are sometimes not wireless , because they   
would be too expensive . Anyway, this time today we'll find the   
microphones and take note of their frequency, recording the sounds of the   
room. Then I'll build a device to playback the tapes with the same   
frequency , so we'll be able to fool them."  
  
Shi: "I was thinking.. what if the sound and the images aren't synchronized?   
If   
a nurse comes in and in the tape there isn't anything and vice versa?"  
  
Ken: "It's simple , we must blind the cameras for good, and try to record   
a typical day in her room.. nurses , doctors and so on.."  
  
Shi: "But a normal tape could only record up to 360 minutes.."  
  
Hik: "Well.. I've bought the new HDAT digital recorder , with that new   
hardware   
compression.."  
  
Shi: "What! That's why the bill was so high! But why d"  
  
Kensuke looked like he'd suddenly gone insane : he stopped walking , stepped   
behind   
Hikari , hugged her from behind and lifted her in the air.. She started   
screaming , while   
Kensuke was laughing evilly , and Shinji simply looked at them   
  
Ken: "MwAhaha! Class rep! You're a genius! Genius!"  
  
Hik: "Eeek! Kensuke! Let me go! Argh!!"  
  
He let her go and she hide herself behind Shinji .   
  
Ken: "Can't you understand? With that recorder we can record at a low   
quality , like the sound pickedup by the microphones , and record up to   
twenty-four hours!"  
  
Shinji's face lightened and he told Kensuke : "Give me five!" They were almost   
dancing   
together , when Hikari said : "Ehm.. That reminds me.. maybe I should have   
bought the   
tapes too.."  
  
Both the kids stopped dancing looking at her , big sweat drops on their heads..  
  
Hik : "Sorry.."  
  
So Kensuke left them to buy the disks , while they entered a snack shop to buy   
some chocolates .   
  
Hik: "Why are we buying some chocolates?"  
  
Shi: "I want to give them to a person.."  
  
Hik: "To a girl?"  
  
Shi: "Yes, I mean , no! It's not the way you are thinking!"  
  
Hik: "Speak clearly , Ikari!" "  
  
Said an angry Hikari posing her hands on her hips..  
  
Shi: "Well.. they are for the nurse who looks after Asuka.. I told you .. I've   
convinced her to help us.. She won't give her any sedative .. but we must   
get her out of her depressive state..."  
  
Hikari listened to him carefully ; "So you want to buy her help with some   
chocolates , uh?"  
  
Shi: "That wasn't ... I was thinking about a present for her .. she seems such   
a good nurse.."  
  
Hik: "So, flowers for Asuka , and chocolates for the nurse , uh? Be cautious ,   
Ikari , or Asuka'll kick you out of your skin! I don't even want to think   
when   
she'll find out that Ayanami slept in her room.."  
  
Shinji was clearly sweating.. "Erh.. I mean.. If you don't tell her .. She'll   
never know it.. right?"  
  
Hik: "You have to do something to buy my silence.. like buying me that   
wonderful ice-cream!"  
  
Shi: "uh? Do you want to became fat?"  
  
Hikari became red like a tomato : "Mind your own business , Ikari ! And buy me   
that damned ice-cream!"  
  
"Well .. it's your body , not mine.." , Shinji said ordering one .  
  
Hik: "Oh yes? Waiter , please another ice-cream!"  
  
Shi: "WHAT!"  
  
Hik: "Do you want to eat two of them , Ikari?"  
  
Shi: ".."  
  
Hik: "Very good."  
  
They were consuming their ice creams when Kensuke come back: "Eating ice-cram ,   
eh? I was running around to buy the tapes and they are eating like a couple   
of sweet-hearts !"   
  
Shinji choked , while Hikari went red. They started saying something when   
Kensuke left heading to the hospital mumbling about stupidity and hormones .   
  
They stood and followed him , still eating their ice-creams.   
  
Hik: "Do you think we'll have any problem to visit Asuka?"  
  
Shi: "I don't see why. Haven't you visited Toji?"  
  
Hik: "Yes, but he wasn't in the Nerv's section of the hospital.."  
  
Shinji stopped dead in his steps : "He.. He wasn't there? That.. That means..   
He's not a pilot anymore.."  
  
Ken: "We're you expecting something else?"  
  
"Well.. The Nerv section is .. better .. for any kind of treatment.. I.. I   
can't believe it.. I'll ask Misato to do something.." He quickly got his   
phone and called Misato , who was fighting with her reports just now.. She   
was really pissed off , so she turned off her phone without even bothering   
to look who was calling.  
  
Shi: "Damn! She doesn't answer.. Wait! She's switched off her phone! Misato ,   
Argh!"  
  
Ken: "Hey! Take it easy , man! You can always ask her this evening!" ,   
besides, I don't think they could do anything more for him..' , Now we   
have all the necessary , even a bunk of roses to blind that camera you   
talked about!"  
  
Shi: "Well.. I bought these roses for Asuka.. You know.."  
  
Kensuke grew a big sweatdrop.. while Hikari was murmuring "what an insensitive   
boy..".  
  
Hik:'Well.. To tell the truth , you too are an idiot , Shinji . Buying red   
roses.. Things are pretty screwed up , up to now : Ayanami is.. more   
communicative , and I can tell she likes you.. I'm happy for her , but I'm   
worried about Asuka.. Will she ever admit she likes you , loves you as   
well ? What exactly is an human hearth ? What are our emotions ? Could   
really   
exist the true love ? Why do couple that had sworn to love each other   
get divided after a couple of years ? What is it inside us ?'  
  
Her expression darkened , but the others didn't notice : they were deep in   
thoughts , altought of a different nature ..  
  
Hik:'I don't know.. I'm only fourteen.. but I like Toji.. Do I love him? What   
is love ? Ah.. I wish somebody could give me some answers.. I can   
distingue between physical attraction and other feelings.. I like Toji   
because he is a caring boy : he cares about his sister , he even became a   
pilot to protect her.. I think I like him because he is so.. He makes feel   
me protected , at ease.. Even when he acts like a dork.. I think it is in   
man's nature.. There is nothing I can do.. And , besides.. Can I think of   
changing him , to make him different from his true himself? That wouldn't   
be   
fair.. If I love him , I must love him for what he is , not for what I   
want him to be.. Still.. What is love? What does Asuka want from a man?   
What does Ayanami want from Shinji? Aren't we too young to think about   
love? Once , I read in the net someone from the old Europe writing : "I   
can't understand the Japanese.. I read a lot of manga , I see a lot of   
anime , and I see how a lot of marriage starts from the primary school. I   
don't understand this . Maybe for them , a deep knowledge of each  
other is of fundamental importance ? I can't understand. It's beyond my   
ability to understand .". Maybe this is due to our social system.. but can   
the environment modify that way the human soul? If we were in another   
country..   
what could it happen? What if we were in the old Europe , or in another   
time ? Would I like Toji? Oh.. I don't know.. I don't know what to think..   
I   
only want to see his eyes.. I only want to touch his hands.. I'm worried   
about   
him.. Will he change? His physical menomations , could affect his soul ?   
He's a strong boy.. but.. buthe won't ever run , again.. he won't be able   
to play with his sister.. Oh.. God! Why! Why could you allow innocent   
people to suffer ? Why ! They say : you must accept the pains.. you will   
be rewarded in the heaven .. But what if the heaven doesn't exist ? Why   
are we suffering? Why? But.. if the angel exists.. beings beyond our   
imagination.. then.. does God exist ? Oh.. What can I do ?'  
  
They finally got there , and Shinji asked at the reception if he could see Miss   
Koraki , and they told him she was on duty right now , but that probably she   
would check Asuka soon. So they headed to the room . Kensuke was filming every   
thing.   
  
Shi: "Do you really need to film into a hospital?"  
  
Ken: "Shut up , I've my reasons to act so."  
  
When they entered the room , they found the nurse , Ai Koraki , checking Asuka .   
Immediately Kensuke started filming wildly every thing , saying , "Wow!" ,   
Incredible" , Unbelievable!" . Hikari ran to Asuka's side and started crying ,   
while Shinji , having put the roses and his other parcels on the table , grabbed   
the nurse and drew her outside . She was very surprised , and while being   
pulled by Shinji she started saying : "Hey! Kids! What do you think you're"  
  
Shi: "Miss Koraki.."  
  
Nur: "Who are they?"  
  
Shi: "They are friends of mine and of Asuka. I thought they could help.."  
  
A loud THUD!' and an "AIDA! What are you doing!" were suddenly heard coming   
from the room.  
  
Shinji scratched the back of his head.. "Well.. He's an overactive guy.."  
  
Nur: "Well.. They can't be of any harm to her... but why you want to speak   
outside?"  
  
Shi: "Ehr.. I wanted to .. to ask you .. how to ask how use that automatic   
drinking vendor machine !"  
  
Nur: "Whaaa?"  
  
Shinji pulled her to the machine and started searching his pockets for some   
coins.. "The room is under control . I've found a camera , sort of .. , and   
I'm sure there are a lot of microphones. I don't know if they've heard our last   
conversation , but I don't want to give them other information.."  
The Nurse smiled a bit : "My dear Shinji , I don't think they've heard it ,   
because   
I'm still here , and yesterday evening" , she continued lowering he voice, "I   
didn't give her the sedative's ratio" ."   
  
Shinji said worried : "You what?! They've seen you! That's sure!"  
  
Nur: "Don't worry! It's not a thing that could be discovered so easily! The   
medicines are given to a patients like Asuka by IV means .   
You must put them into the physiological solution with a syringe . So ,   
you must use the syringe to drow the medicine from its phyal . It's not   
difficult to exchange a Vitamin C phyal with another , and that's   
impossible to see from an hidden camera."  
  
Shinji admired her courage and said : "Then ..all I've done was unneeded.."  
  
Nur: "Not really.. Soon the effect of the lack of sedatives would be clear ,   
and that would be noticed , first by the doctors and then by them . If   
Asuka , when she's back to her senses , cooperates , we can try to trick   
the doctors , but she must act like being dazed . To tell the truth , even   
if she tries to fake , a doctor can easily find our that she hasn't been   
sedated.. you can't modify your reflexes , your heart rate , your   
parameters at your own will.."  
  
Shinji was anguished .." What can we do then? We can try to disturb the doctor   
while he's visiting her.."  
  
Nur: "It's not a good idea. He'll have you thrown out of the hospital. But   
there is a possibility.."  
  
So she walked away followed by Shinji. She asked some paper to the   
information desk and checked the time-schedule . Then , smiling , she dropped   
everything and headed to the room. When she was sure nobody was listening , she   
said to Shinji : "We are lucky . Most likely , the doctor that will visit Asuka   
for the next week , is Doc. Goto ."  
  
Shi: "And so? We can ask him for help?"  
  
Koraki negated with her index finger : "No , No. He's very old , say 60-65   
years old , but he's still a pig." ." Shinji frowned : "So?" "  
  
Kor: "Well.. the last time I assisted him in a visit , he was doing an   
inspection with too much emphasis on the chest of a young girl.." "  
  
"That doesn't help.. But I hope he didn't do anything to Asuka! If he   
visited already her , I" ", his anger was clearly raising , but the Nurse   
reassured him : "He's been in holiday up to now . Today his is first shift , in   
the next few hours . It's too early to see some improvements , but I can try and   
see if I can distract him while he's visiting her.."  
  
Shinji arched an eye-brown.. "Distract?"  
  
Nur: "Well , make some moves on him , purr like a cat , stroking his back ,   
things like these..."  
  
Shinji was turning red , and lowered his head : "I can't ask you to do this for   
us.. Well.. I've asked things that could make you fired.. But I don't think I   
can allow you to do this for us. We'll find another way ."  
  
Koraki smiled : "Don't worry , my little Shinji. I want do something for that   
girl.. And I won't allow the doctor to do anything to me .. Say , something like   
look but don't touch..", she started laughing.. "When I'll tell to Ami!"  
  
Shinji raised suddenly his head : "No! You must not tell to" "  
  
Kor: "anybody. I know. I was just kidding. Anyway.. That's my plan. What do   
you   
think about it?"  
  
Shi: "I think.. I'll owe this to you for all my life.."  
  
Kor: "Don't make promise you don't know you can keep , my little kid. Just say   
thanks."  
  
Shi: "Well , Thanks Miss Koraki."  
  
The nurse smiled and headed for the room . Shinji followed slowly .. 'What do I   
have to do .. It was a good idea to buy her chocolates .. At last as a gift   
to thank her..'  
  
He closed the door behind him , looking at the little earthquake that had   
happened   
inside .. The table that was standing at the right of the door , at the corner   
with the right wall, was now standing on the opposite corner , on the other side   
of the room with a vase over it holding the roses he had bought. They were   
disposed so to block the view of the supposed camera.. He quickly turned to look   
at Kensuke , who was expecting that . He grinned evilly , and then he continued   
to film every single square centimeter of the room.. Hikari was sitting on a   
chair next to Asuka's left side holding her hand and speaking quietly to her ,   
even if she was apparently sleeping..  
  
The nurse seemed confused , but before she could do or say anything , Shinji   
grabbed a parcel , and extracted the box of chocolates , handing it to her..   
  
"Miss Koraki.. this is a present for you.. to thank you for what are you   
doing for us.. for Asuka.". Kensuke stopped taping and turned to look , so did   
Hikari.   
  
The Nurse was very confused.. She picked the box and crossed her arms pressing   
it against her chest. "Th.. Thank you. It was very kind of you..." Hikari made   
her voice audible : "He's taking a bad path . He think he's a playboy!"  
Kensuke started laughing hysterically , but stopped when the Nurse bent down in   
front of Shinji and kissed him on the forehead. Hikari was speechless ,   
while Kensuke was mumbling something.. "Maybe I've always done it wrong , I   
must   
act more nonchalantly ..".' Shinji , was , in fact quite surprised , but very   
amused : 'Wow! A lot of luck with women , in these days! Maybe I should try   
some hit at the pachinkos..' Then the nurse left ,saying she would came back in   
time to check the doctor..  
  
Shinji was touching his forehead , while Kensuke was rambling : "I can't   
believe it ! He's getting all the fun , and I'm doing all the dirty jobs!   
Argh!!"   
Hikari was restless moving Asuka's arms. That caught Shinji's attention: "Uhm..   
Hikari.. What are you doing?"  
  
Hik: "Can't you guess? I'm giving some exercises to Asuka."  
  
Shi: "Exercises?"  
  
Hik: "Are you blind and deaf? She's been in this bed for too much time . Her   
muscles are going to atrophy. We must help her these minor things too.."  
  
Shi: "I'm sorry , class rep.. I had no idea that.."  
  
Hik: "If you were listening to the lecture back in class , you'd know it."  
  
Shi: "Really?"  
  
Hikari rolled her eyes to the ceiling : "Why I even bother to speak to you!   
Sometimes I think Asuka's right when she calls you baka!"  
  
Shi: "Hey! I'm not a baka!"   
  
Hik: "Then don't act like a baka!"  
  
Shi: "Humph!"  
  
Kensuke was back at work , dropping the camera on the table and pulling from a   
bag a strange device , then checking the walls with it.  
  
Shinji came closer to Asuka and looked closer at her : Her eyes were   
closed , but deep traces of black circled them . Her eyelashes were pasted   
with solid humor , while a little stream of saliva was flowing from the right   
corner of her mouth.. From time to time , she slightly moved her eyelids , like   
she was going to awake.. All in her scared him : there was no trace of her   
strenght , of her will , of her usual being .. Her beautiful hair was in an even   
worse   
state than the first time he saw her .. it was all plastered with sweat , and   
all   
her body was smelling bad.. 'Even if they change the sheet every day , they   
don't wash her.. why didn't Ms. Koraki do anything to help her?'  
  
Shi: "Class rep."   
  
Said Shinji lowering his voice .  
  
Hik: "Yes?"  
  
Shi: "We must bring Asuka to take a bath."  
  
Hik: "A bath?"  
  
Shi: "Can't you see her? She doesn't deserve to be like this!"  
  
Hikari looked sadly down at her dear friend and nodded : "Yes , but how can we   
do?"  
  
Shi: "I'll get a wheel chair and look for a bathroom. I can't think there   
isn't   
any without a bath-tub or a shower.."  
  
Hik: "But she is unconscious !"  
  
Shi: "Well.. If we can find a bath tube , we can partially fill it and you can   
wash her body and her hair, don't you think?"  
  
Hik: "I.. don't know.. I won't be able to move her body without any help.."  
  
Kensuke , who was now lying under the bed shouted : "Hey! I can help you!" ,   
'What are you thinking ? The microphones are still actives!'.  
It wasn't a real proposition , in fact Shinji and Hikari didn't bother to reply   
at his joke : 'Man , they are deadly serious .. It's better if I continue with   
my work.. Here there is another .. the third..'  
  
Shi: "We could ask the nurse.. or we can call Rei.. First , it's better if I   
go   
out and make a recognition . See you later!"   
  
Shinji left the room closing the door behind him before Hikari could reply ..   
she sighed and started to bend Asuka's legs completely forgetting Kensuke's   
presence .   
  
Unfortunately , Kensuke chose that moment to raise from under the bed ,   
helping himself with it to get on feet . So , when he lifted his head over the   
bed's border , he got a full view of Asuka's legs and .. well.. what the   
hospital robe didn't hide .. He grew a nosebleed , but he was immediately hit   
by a pillow launched at about 327 Kph from a very angry Hikari.. "Aida! I can't   
believe you! You're a real dork! Out of here! NOW!"   
  
He didn't have the time to explain , because he was grabbed by his ear and   
kicked out of the room.. He had some trouble hiding his electronic device under   
his shirt, he was lucky it was very small.. He tried to enter the room , but it   
was locked from the inside and the class rep yelled him to get as far away as   
possible..  
  
Ken: 'What the hell! I didn't do anything , and look how she treats me! Man ,   
she and her devil friend are just alike! Well , luckily I'm done checking   
the room..   
there are five wireless microphone , and I've noted down their frequency..   
Now I can wander around to see if I can find were they are hiding.. Maybe   
I can go and visit Toji..'  
  
So , he slowly started to walk , carefully looking every where , than a nurse   
asked him if he got lost : "Not really.. It's the first time I am in a   
hospital.   
Thank you anyway." And ran away..  
...  
  
Shinji had some trouble to find the right bathroom for his needs , and it was a   
bit far from the room , but it was the only one on that floor.. The main problem   
would be passing in front of the information desk of the Nerv section without   
been   
noticed.. 'Hell, there are three of us, we could hide her from being seen.. So   
that's not the real problem , hoping to not encounter doctors and nurses.. We   
must wait for a good time .. say about lunch time..'  
  
He then looked better at the bathroom : the bath-tub was in a separated room ,   
that almost wasn't large enough for a person that had to wash an unconscious one   
,   
but that couldn't be helped.. 'Hikari must help herself.. But first it's better   
to find a wheel-chair ..'  
  
This was an easy task : near a lift there were plenty of them , so Shinji   
decided to wait to pick one. Two problem having been solved , he turned his   
attention on the remaining. 'Well, let's see where miss Koraki is.'.  
  
He headed for the information desk , where bad news were awaiting for him : the   
nurse was in fact doing her assignment in other parts of the hospital , and she   
would be back only to assist Doc. Goto to visit his patients , around 16:00 ."  
  
These weren't good news.. 'I'll have to find someone else .'.' He was now   
walking   
in circle in front of the bath's door , when another thought hit him : 'I   
haven't checked if there is any soap or similar things!' He darted towards the   
door, only to find it closed and hitting it with his nose.. "Ouch!"  
  
From behind : "It's occupied! Find another one!"  
  
Shinji , rubbing his nose said : "sorry.." , 'I think a single soap-tablet   
would   
work..' Then he remembered all the stuff Asuka was used to keep in the   
bathroom .. chamomile-shampoo , rose-shampoo , bath-soap , lotions .. 'Damn!   
What time is it? It's almost noon.. maybe I can came back home and pick some   
things , like some clothes and a towel for her.. Why didn't it occur to me   
earlier?   
And.. would it look suspicious? Maybe I should ask Kensuke..' , an image of   
Kensuke putting one of Asuka's panties onto his head popped into his mind.. 'No   
,   
he'd never do such a thing..', but still , he didn't find that idea bright..   
'Even if they see me , they can't see what I'm doing at home.. at lest I hope!   
So they'll think I've forgotten something.. Sure , if they find out we are   
bringing Asuka out of the room , that' would mean trouble ..'  
  
He was thinking about it when he saw Kensuke wandering into the corridor :   
"Kensuke! What the hell are you doing?"  
  
Kensuke walked to him and started telling him about his little discussion with   
the class rep .. So Shinji started laughing, while Kensuke looked pretty upset :   
"Ah! Ah! You.. You're right, Kensuke.. It wasn't your fault.. I'll speak to   
Hikari and explain her all. Now that I think of it.." , he explained his plan,   
which included geeting Rei to help, and finished saying: "So we need your help   
sooner   
than we expected.. What can you do?" "  
  
Ken: "Well.. we won't be away for a long time , so if we record only an   
hour or   
so , it will be good.. but the problem is I must build the transmitter ,   
and I don't have enough time .. the only solution is : bring out Asuka   
making   
no noise , while someone else must stay inside faking sleep , making   
some noises to not let them suspect anything . I can do it , so I can   
start   
building the transmitter and recording something."  
  
Shi: "You're great! We must get Hikari outside and explain it her all. Then ,   
I   
have to go home to pick up something Asuka could need , so it'll be up to   
you   
to watch over her . Understood?"  
  
Ken: "Yes, sir. Everything you order , sir!"  
  
Shi: "Oh , shut up!"  
  
Ken: "As you wish , sir!" "  
  
Shi: "Sigh.."  
  
A bit later , peace was made between Kensuke and Hikari , with Kensuke still   
upset   
even after Hikari's apologies , with both of them doing their tasks back in the   
room , while Shinji ran home , always followed by a couple of men in black..  
  
He arrived at home about 12:45 , he picked all he decided Asuka could need ,   
even bothering to pick her favorite yellow dress .. He put it all into a bag ,   
with   
a lot of underwear.. 'See, I thought bad about Kensuke , and now I'm getting   
bras and panties like it was nothing.. I must look like a real pig..' . Then he   
prepared four bento boxes : 'By the time I'll be back at the hospital it'll be   
lunch   
time..' and then left .  
  
Needless to say , a car followed him on the street , while a man of them   
followed him into the train and subway..  
  
In the meanwhile , a very angry Misato was arguing about the curtain's color   
into a big mall , under the worried look of a worried Ayanami ..  
  
When he came back to the hospital it was 13:30 , and Misato was trying out a   
water   
mattress : "Look how cool it is! I've always wanted to buy one !" .To tell the   
truth, Misato was buying furniture for her ideal home , but Rei wasn't able to   
put up  
any objection , perhaps scared by the sacred shopping fire who was clearly   
burning into Misato's body and eyes..  
  
When Shinji reached Asuka's room , for the second time in a day , he hit the   
door with his nose : Kensuke was doing something delicate , he didn't want   
anybody   
to see it , so he had closed the door. Then they started eating . It was a   
strange   
thing : three kids joking and laughing around a bed of a girl who looked like   
dead.. Maybe , in their heart , they were acting so to exorcise the situation ,   
a way to call back Asuka..  
  
Later , Asuka's bath" mission started .  
  
Shinji turned again his attention to Asuka : "Hikari , did she awake ?"  
  
Hikari sadly shook her head : "It's just like she's having a long dream..   
maybe a nightmare , because sometimes she turns wildly in the bed.. But I   
couldn't   
find the courage to wake her.."  
  
Shi: "Maybe", lowering is voice, "this is an improvement since the last time   
I   
saw her.. She was like a zombie staring at the ceiling.. It must be the   
lack of sedatives. And It's better for us : do you think she'd let us wash   
her body?"  
  
Hik: "You're right.. And what about our help? You told me you'd ask Rei.."  
  
Shi: "to tell the truth.." , 'shit , I forgot about it!' , "I wasn't able to   
contact her.. I think you are on your own.. I'm sure you'll manage to   
handle it.   
As you can see, I've brought a lot of things : dresses , soaps , perfumes   
and so on."  
  
Hik: "but.."  
  
Shi: "SSst.. I'm going to get the chair. Kensuke , are you alright?"  
  
Ken: "Yeah.. Yeah , let me handle this." "  
  
As always , all was said in a low tone of voice.  
  
Shinji left , and , to his satisfaction , the corridors were almost empty. With   
all the nonchalance he could fake , he walked to the lift and grabbed a chair ,   
pushing it to the room . This time he passed very near the desk , to hide   
the chair. When he reached the door , Hikari silently did as previously planned   
:   
she pulled the needle outside Asuka's right arm , and pulled the sensor one by   
one from her body , putting them in the same place into Kensuke's. Then she   
covered her body with a white towel and she gestured Shinji to enter : he   
pushed the chair near the bed and lifted Asuka , making her sit into the chair .   
Making silently a signal to Kensuke , they left , but first :  
  
"Well, We are leaving , Asuka.. We are wandering near here .We'll came back   
within an our."  
  
Outside , Hikari asked : "Do you think they'll buy it?"  
  
Shi: "Yes , at least , whoever is spying Asuka would thing that we three are   
outside , and she is in the room. The machines are running normally and   
the people in the control room won't notice anything.. I hope."  
  
They didn't have a problem passing by the desk : the nurse was   
speaking to her boyfriend offering them the back.. 'What a good thing to do   
during the shift' thought with sarcasm Shinji..  
  
They reached the bathroom and closed themselves inside . In the divided room ,   
Hikari adjusted the water temperature in the bath-tub , filling it with 30 or   
40 centimeters of water , and then asked Shinji to bring Asuka in . She was   
still in the usual , plastered hospital clothes , so they didn't care if they   
got wet .   
Shinji had brought a lot of stuff along with himself in the bathroom .   
  
So , Shinji left the section with the tub and waited in the other ,   
cheking if anybody was going to need the bathroom.   
  
Hikari undressed Asuka , and began washing her body : her head was resting   
against the wall of the tube , so there wasn't any danger she could inhale   
water.   
While bathing Asuka , Hikari noticed how her expression was softening .. 'It   
must be a pleasurable experience , even in the dream.. I wonder what is she   
thinking..' After she had taken care of her body , she turned her attention to   
her   
head , using a rose-shampoo Shinji said she loved . She was rubbing the soap   
over her hair , when Asuka , suddenly , spoke : "Mother? Is it you , Mother?"   
"   
  
Hikari froze , she didn't know what to do.. To her horror , Asuka seemed to be   
awake , and slowly was turning her head to face her : she had some trouble   
getting to seat in the tub , and then she turned her head , a stream of shampoo   
over her face . She looked at Hikari who just couldn't breathe , blinking   
several   
times before getting the picture of the situation .  
  
Asu: "Hi.. Hikari?"   
  
Her surprise quickly turned into anger . The first emotion she felt was rage .   
'What is she doing? What does she think she could do to me? I don't need   
anything , Anyone! I'm the best! I'm the pilo..' she stopped , her eyes widened   
,   
her mouth snapped closed .. She began to remember.. the mind-rape , the   
explosion of unit-00 , Shinji being sent to help wonder girl .. She grabbed her   
head  
and started squeezing it .. The bath-tub.. She remembered a bath-tub , filled   
with blood , her blood..  
  
Asu: "Argh!!!"  
  
Hik: "Shinji! Shinji! Come here! Com"  
  
Shinji quickly opened the door , and darted inside : he was now standing   
behind Hikari , and was seeing Asuka's back , covered with lather..  
  
Shi: "Asuka! Are you okay?"  
  
Asuka stopped breathing.. 'Shinji? Shinji is here? Why? Why am I here? What was   
I doing?' Then she looked at her body.. 'O my god! I'm naked! I'm totally   
naked!' She didn't bother to think anymore : she picked the first thing she saw   
,   
a soap tablet and threw it at him . She was very weak , but she threw it with   
all the will power she had left... Without any aim , she hit him on the bridge   
of  
the nose , causing him a real pain .   
  
Asu: "Get , Out , Of , Here , NOWWW!!"   
  
Even Hikari was terrified by this outburst from a person that a few minutes   
before was like dead , and she tried to run for safety too , but find a door   
closed by a Shinji who was blocking it for his dear life . She started knocking   
,   
when she saw Asuka slowly falling prone into the tube . Her worry about her   
friend won the fear and she hurried to pick her . She faced her picking her   
shoulders and shook her : "Asuka , Asuka ! Speak to me! Open your eyes!"   
she also started crying .. Then , Asuka slowly opened her eyes , and softly   
said..   
"I.. I always .. knew.. he .. was.. a .. dumm..kopf.." , then closed them again   
and drifted back to uncousciouness .  
  
Hikari was still crying , but this time , her tears were tears of joy.. She   
hugged Asuka tight , kissing her on the hair , drenching herself in the lather   
.. Then   
Shinji , worried by all those weird sounds , found the guts to peek inside.  
  
Hikari saw him between the sobs and simply said : "She.. She's back."  
  
Shinji nodded , and left the girls alone with each other.  
  
End chapter 4  
___________________________________________________________________  
  
  
  
Wow! Things are getting hotter by now ! What would be happen next ?  
Do you now , I can stand and I've written a very long draft! Being a writer   
isn't a bad job!   
  
X-Ray : "I always use carbon to wash my hair."  
  
Ebj:"Did you pop out of "Mary Poppins" or what?"  
  
James:"What the heck happened to the water?"  
  
X-Ray has some trouble responding in stereo so he decides to stay silent  
and eat a couple of waffels .. Mhhhhh!!!!  
_____________________________________________________________________  
  
Okay.. The problem is that I've changed my enviroment , now I'm working  
on a unix-style machine , so there could be some problems with the commas..  
  
Please forgive me..  
  
  
  
Train Of Thoughts   
  
Chapter 5  
  
Standard Disclaimer: Neon Genesis Evangelion is owned and copyrighted by Gainax,   
all characters used from that series are theirs. All names are (TM) and (C) by   
their respective owners.  
  
I've never written long texts in English, and this is my first try to write a   
fan fiction.   
  
Feel free to send any comment, suggestion, flame, job opportunity etc. etc.  
  
This is a revised version, now I have two pre-readers!   
  
That's incredible but, I guess, isn't enough: even if EBJ ( the evafiction's   
Space Black God ), and the new entry James Edwards help me a lot, starting   
from the pile of trash that is my draft, some errors could escape, so you are   
advised...   
  
If you like ToT, thank them as well, so I can continue writing...  
  
r.giammanco@datastudio.it  
e.barone@flasnet.it  
theanimeotaku@hotmail.com  
  
My home page is on http://members.xoom.com/fantasticare.  
  
I know I said I wouldn't use Xoom, Geocities or similar things, but, due  
to technical reasons, my provider can't accept home page for a while, so..  
  
In this page, heavily under construction, you can find the revised version of my  
fics. Jump on it, and drop me a line if you like it.   
  
One last note: This chapter had a difficult life. I've lost it in the deeps of   
my laptop a lot of time and I restarted correcting it ten or more times.  
I've lost the correction that James gave me, so in this chapter you'll find only   
the work of EBJ. Eventual correction suggested by James will be added to the  
Up to date version of the fan fiction present in my home-page.   
  
Well, Take a seat, and enjoy yourselves.  
  
____________Why don't you take your responsibilities?/Blame yourself____________  
  
  
Shi:'So Asuka has regained consciousness, even if just for a brief moment.   
It's a good   
thing, of course, but I don't know if she has already gotten over her   
state..   
Well, I've passed my dark moment in little time, so one could think that   
the same thing would happen to Asuka.. But I'm not sure. She can be so..   
so.. stubborn and arrogant when she wants! Anyway, let's hope she'll   
remain unconscious until the doctor's visit..'  
  
Hikari, meanwhile, was removing the soap, removing all the water from the tube.   
She then started to dry her.. at that point she noticed the lack of something..   
  
Hik:"Shinji! You idiot! You forgot the hair-drier!"  
  
Shi: "Sorry Asu.. Class rep?"  
  
Hik: "Who do you think I am? Santa Claus?"  
  
Shi: 'Well.. Asuka's influence is getting stronger..'   
  
"I'm sorry.. I didn't.."  
  
Hik: "Why I even expect something from you!"  
  
So she started drying them with a towel, doing a lot of efforts with apparently   
no results..   
  
Hik: "If she'll get a fever for this, I'll hold you responsible!   
Understood?"  
  
Shinji nodded gulping..: "Yes, class rep.."  
  
Hik: "Very well. Come in and put her on the chair, I must finish dressing her."  
  
Shinji entered, finding an angry Hikari and an Asuka sleeping into the tub,   
wrapped in a towel..  
  
Hik: "Don't touch anything, and don't peek, you hentai!"  
  
Shinji decided not to reply: he wasn't in the right position to do that..  
  
After he did what he was told, he was literally kicked outside again.  
  
Hikari finished drying Asuka and dressed her with her yellow sundress.. 'It was  
kind of him to bring her favorite dress.. maybe I should apologize..'  
  
When she finished, she left, pushing the chair. They collected all their   
belongings, and came back to the room without being noticed. They found   
Kensuke assembling something on the bed. He made them sign to stay silent, and   
finally activated the machine.  
  
Ken: "Ahh!! Now we can talk! Shinji, do you see these? They are the wireless   
microphones! I've removed the battery and switched on my transmitter: they   
are listening to what happened in the last half an hour. They can't see us   
either.. Asuka looks peaceful, you know?"  
  
Shinji told him what happened, and finally said:  
  
Shi: "Now, we can't put her back in bed, dressed like that! What can we do?"  
  
Ken: "Why don't you leave her on the chair?"  
  
Hik: "But they'll understand!"  
  
Ken: "From what I've understood, the doctor it's not the clever one. We'll   
simply say: 'Yes, we changed her dress and moved her to the chair' ,   
without mentioning her bath. Sure, this smell won't help, but I don't   
think that he'll grow suspicious. Instead, we must think something   
about these medical sensors: I don't know how to trick them, and that way,   
whenever Asuka leaves this room, there always has to be someone else to   
take   
her place."  
  
Shi: "When the doctor will come, we should reactivate the microphones, don't   
you   
think? They might get suspicious if they can't see a thing and don't hear   
him   
visiting her.. "  
  
Ken: "Well, I can always change the frequency of the microphones, and use my   
transmitter like a bridge.. That would need the next hour, and I have to   
break my camera to get some components.. I'm lucky that I've got with my   
all my accessories. Oh, Shinji, It's clear that you'll refund me all the   
money.."  
  
Shinji gulped nervously: "Of.. of course.."  
  
So Kensuke got back to work, while Horaki moved the sensors from Kensuke's   
body to Asuka's, putting the needle again into her arm.  
  
Shinji was observing Kensuke: "You know, Kensuke? I didn't think you were so   
good at these things.."  
  
Ken: "You know.. lately I started building radio-controlled aircrafts, with the   
help of my uncle, and I've learned a lot of things.. Moreover, back in the   
shop I've bought modular devices, so all I have to do is to make the right   
connections.. Reading the instruction it's not difficult to assemble a   
multi-way transmitter or a receiver.. read here, and help me. Give me   
that quartz."  
  
Shi: "This?"  
  
Ken: "Erh.. Maybe its better if you only watch.."  
  
Shi: "Oh."   
  
Hikari laughed a bit listening this conversation..   
  
Now Asuka was on the chair, sleeping with a serene expression: she seemed more   
relaxed, and her skin was now clean and fragrant. Hikari was doing a long   
pigtail with all her hair, but Shinji stopped her: "Why are you doing her a   
pigtail?", Hikari looked at him: "Well.. I think it's better.. so they'll   
remain in order and clean.."  
  
Shinji looked at Asuka's hair..: "She never wore a pigtail. I don't think   
she'll like it.".   
  
Hikari assumed her professional tone: "Ikari, what I have decided is for the   
better. So don't annoy me and move her limbs: back in the bathroom she even   
wasn't able to get to sit. When she'll feel better she'll be very annoyed about   
that."   
  
Shinji was very confused, and started moving her left arm, when Hikari stopped   
him: "No, I've already done this. Move her legs, bend them at the knee."   
  
Kensuke stood and nearly shouted: "I was nearly killed having only seen her   
legs, and now he can touch them! Even if it's not that evident, he's a boy, just   
like me!"  
  
Hikari shouted back: "Yes, but when Asuka'll know what happened, Shinji would   
be kicked in the ass, but you would be stamped by a red Evangelion unit. Now,   
what do you want to do?"  
  
Kensuke punched the wall: "Damn! They have only privileges! I want to became an   
Evangelion pilo"  
  
He couldn't finish his sentence, because he was nearly strangled by Shinji:   
"Don't EVEN dare to say that again, Kensuke! Have you seen what happened to   
Toji?"   
  
He looked insane, no, beyond insane his eyes were burning of rage, his hand   
circling Kensuke's throat.   
  
Kensuke didn't know of what to be terrified of: the lack of air, or Shinji's   
eyes..   
  
Hikari, after a moment during which she looked at them terrified, ran to Shinji   
and   
grabbed his free arm, pulling it with all her strenght: "Shinji!   
Shinji! He was kidding! Just kidding! Let him go! Let him go!"   
  
Kensuke started to become red, his eye rolling to the ceiling, when Shinji   
released his grip. Kensuke fell back on the bed choking and gasping for air,   
while Hikari, tears in her eyes, shouted to Shinji, hitting him on the chest   
with her   
weak fists: "What the hell were you doing? You were killing him! How could you?   
How could you!"  
  
He grabbed her hands and held them tight, while Hikari moaned in pain, and   
without facing her, said: "The Eva is a damnation: all those who are touched by   
it   
are doomed. Look at me, look at Asuka, look at Rei, look at Toji. All of   
this happened because it exists. Because of it, we are feeling this pain."  
  
Kensuke made his voice audible: "That's not true and you know it. Without the   
Evangelions, we had been killed by the angels. We owe them our life. We must   
even thank your father."  
  
Shinji lifted his fists to the sky, still holding Horaki's hands, and so she   
cried in pain: "My father? MY FATHER? HE FORCED ME TO RIDE THAT MONSTER, HE   
NEARLY KILLED TOJI, H"  
  
Kensuke stood over the bed, pointing his finger at Shinji: "Do you want to know   
the truth? The real truth? It was your fault! IT WAS ONLY YOUR FAULT! YOU ARE   
THE ONE RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT HAPPENED TO TOJI!"   
  
He was very angry now, rage was burning in his eyes. Shinji stopped breathing..   
he released both Horaki's hands and looked at Kensuke open mouthed.  
  
Ken: "IT WAS YOUR FAULT BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T FIGHT HIS EVA! YOU COULD HAVE   
HELPED   
HIM! YOU COULD HAD DEFEATED HIM WITOUT EVEN SCRATHING HIM!"  
  
Shinji recoiled from his stance and replied very angry..  
  
Shi: "How dare you! Don't you now the pilot and the Eva are linked? Every pain   
I inflict to the Eva, the pilot feels it! Ho"  
  
Kensuke was more calm now: "I've read in my father's report, and I have my   
sources. Even before Asuka's unit-02 was badly damaged, her limbs severed,   
her head detached, you knew she could survive. In fact, she is still   
alive. Furthermore, your unit had an arm severed, and you are still alive.   
Why didn't you think about it? Why didn't you use your brain? Why did you have   
to run away? WHY DID YOU REFUSE TO SAVE YOUR FRIEND?"  
  
Shinji was speechless: "Misato.. told me.. it wasn't my fault.. Even you..   
told me it wasn't my fault.."  
  
Kensuke stepped back on the floor and approached him: "I, Misato, any other   
person   
who told you that, told you to reassure you. To console you. To let you feel   
better. You convinced yourself it wasn't your fault, but it was. All the past   
is past. We are arguing about that single fact. It doesn't matter what   
happened before: you were in your Eva. Toji was trapped in his. You had to fight   
him and you didn't do it. It was your fault."  
  
Shinji was like a statue, looking at Kensuke in disbelief, not trusting what   
he was hearing.  
  
Hikari was standing beside them, caressing her wrists, looking terrified from   
Shinji to Kensuke, back and forth.  
  
Then Kensuke's expression softened, and he posed his right hand on Shinji's   
shoulder: "I don't want to scold you. I want you to understand: don't blame   
others for your errors. You can always make an error, and be forgiven. But if   
you don't recognize your error, for what it is in reality, then you are lying to   
yourself and to the others. That wouldn't be forgiven. You mustn't run away.   
You have to face the reality, the true reality. There are things so absurd,   
that don't even need to seem real, because they are true. That's one of them.   
It was your fault, you must apologize, instead of blaming others. This is your   
next step, Shinji. You must face it. I'm looking forward to see it."  
  
With that, Kensuke returned back to his work, while Shinji rested motionless.   
Hikari was still shaking from the fear. For what seemed an eternity, she only   
hoped that that nothing was happened.   
  
Hik:'It was a dream, It was a dream, It was a dream, Oh my god! What can I   
do? What can I say? What has Kensuke done? How could he? What'll do   
now Shinji? What will happen to Toji and Asuka?'   
  
She was on the verge of crying when suddenly Shinji moved. This grabbed her   
attention: he simply fell on the ground, crossed his legs, held his head   
between his hands, and started sobbing. It was clear he was desperate: he was   
crying huge tears, without a word, only moans of pain, only sobs. This lasted   
for about ten minutes. Hikari couldn't stand in seeing him like this. She was   
kneeling down to comfort him, when Kensuke, not even bothering to look at   
her, said: "Leave him alone."   
  
Hik: "But.."  
  
Ken: "Leave him alone. He's fighting the worst battle he's ever faced. He   
is fighting against himself."   
  
Hik: ".."  
  
Ken: "You have to trust me, Hikari. It couldn't seem so a few moments ago,   
but Shinji is one of my dearest friend. I've acted for his welfare, for   
his sake, for the sake of his soul. Only when he'll comprehend his   
errors, he will be a better man. Why hide the truth from him not to   
harm him? In the last, he would be hurt the most. If we really care   
about him, we cannot take his pain away from him."  
  
Hik: "So, according to your reasoning, Shinji's father acted well? Didn't he?   
He   
did every single thing for his son's sake, didn't he?"   
  
Now Hikari was putting venom in her voice. But Kensuke didn't seem affected.  
  
Meanwhile, Asuka was having a strange dream: fading from the dark, she was   
seeing an American sit-com, where there was a father scolding his child   
because he didn't face the truth: he hadn't studied, so his school-test went   
bad, and he was blaming his professors for this. The mother, obviously, was   
siding the child, while the father was accusing him. Then she focused her   
attention on the child: he was giving her his back, and seemed so unhappy, so   
desperately alone, that she moved her to compassion.   
  
Asu:'He looks like my Shinji..'   
  
It was a warm thought, and she was convinced of it. Yes, she was aware of   
it, but she didn't care. She looked sadly to the child, who slowly morphed   
into Shinji.   
  
Asu:'I have never seen him cry. I've seen Misato cry for him, like a mother   
could do. I wasn't able to do the same thing. Here, in my dream, I'm   
not afraid to face my real feelings. I like him. I know. But I'm not   
worth of him. He's better than me. I know. Now I can face the truth.   
Maybe this is heaven. I feel so good.. so relaxed.. Funny.. My heaven   
looks like a hell for Shinji.. I must be a bad girl.. there could be no   
other explanation..'   
  
Then she looked again at the mother, and something looked strange..   
  
Asu:'Well.. that actress is too young to be a mother.. she seem of my age..   
she   
really.. really looks like Hikari.. No! It's Hikari! Wait.. The father   
resembles, yes, he is Kensuke! What the hell is going on?!?'  
  
With that, she emerged from her drowsiness, snapping her eyes well opened:   
Shinji was still crying, while Kensuke was slowly speaking to Hikari:  
  
Ken: "I don't know Shinji's father. I don't know what are his problems. The   
only thing I know is that without him and Nerv, we wouldn't be still   
alive. I don't know what are his plans, what he will do next. Even if   
his next goal is to rule the world with the power that the Evangelions   
could give him, we must thank him for what he has done. I'm helping   
Shinji now because I don't approve what he did to Asuka. Hikari,   
the only thing I've really understood lately, it's that there isn't black   
and white. There aren't dichotomies about the persons. Even Asuka, I   
think she could be a gentle person, in the right occasions, even if she   
is a pain in the ass for the most of time. Even my perso"  
  
A growl, like of a wild animal was heard. Kensuke looked over Hikari's shoulder   
and went pale.   
  
Noticing his reaction, she figured out what was going to happen next, so   
hurried far from him, but then she decided otherwise. Asuka looked angry. So   
angry that her eyes could scare a serial killer to dead. She looked insane, and   
her rage was all against a single person in that room, who started going   
backwards, until he fell on the bed.   
  
She tried to lift herself from the wheel-chair, but never succeeded in doing   
that. She fell to her knees, pulling out the needle from her arm with a great   
pain. Hikari ran to help her. She tried desperately to stand up alone, but she   
couldn't.   
  
  
She faced Hikari, who was helping her back in the chair..  
  
Asu:"Hikari, why can't I move? What happened?"   
  
Her tone was flat, calm. Hikari wasn't able to answer, not finding the right   
thing to say.   
  
Kensuke chose that time to stand and to circle the bed, leaning against the   
wall, protected by the bed.   
  
Asuka, shifted her attention to Shinji, and asked Hikari looking his back:   
  
Asu:"Why is Shinji crying? Did something wrong happen?"  
  
Hikari found the courage at lest to speak about that subject: "He.. he had a   
discussion with Kensuke."  
  
Asu: "Kensuke? But they are two of the three stooges, how can they argue?"  
  
Kensuke sensed it was the time to say something: "A friend is also someone that   
helps one to understand his own mistakes."  
  
Asuka looked at him, but she wasn't angry. The realization that she was strange,   
without her force, her strength, modified her usual behavior,giving her a Rei   
attitude in discussing matters. It was like she wasn't showing any emotions:   
"What are the mistakes you showed to Shinji?"  
  
Kensuke was confused by her behavior: 'Why is she so calm? At first, she looked   
like the normal Asuka, a very angry one, now she is.. so.. calm..', "Well, I   
told him that it was his fault what happened to Toji."  
  
Asu: "Toji.. When his Eva became an angel?"  
  
Ken: "Yes. He didn't fight it, he ran away, and Toji got hurt. That's the   
truth."  
  
Asu: ".."  
  
Ken: ".."  
  
Asu: "Why is he crying?"  
  
Ken: "Because he calmed his conscience telling himself it was his father's   
fault. Blaming others is easier than admitting your own mistakes. Now he   
can feel his castle of lies trembling, and he's scared."  
  
Asu: "He's scared of the truth.."  
  
Hik: "Asuka.. Are you feeling well?"  
  
Asu: "No, Hikari. If I was well, I could stand and walk. Instead I have to   
stay here and listen to that idiot's words. But sometimes it's a good   
thing to stop and listen. Kensuke."  
  
Ken: "Yes?"  
  
Asu: "You are a dork, just like Shinji and Toji. But I forgive you.   
Remember, you mustn't harm Shinji, or I'll make you pay for that."  
  
Ken: "Don't worry, he's my friend. I'd never harm him intentionally."  
  
Asuka sighed: "Looking him, your words don't seem true.. But I am so tired..   
so tired.. I want to sleep.. Uh! My yellow sundress! How did I miss it! But   
those shoes! Hikari! How could you pair these two colors! You don't have any..   
taste.."  
  
With that, Asuka closed her eyes, and started sleeping softly.  
  
Kensuke succeeded in speaking after a bit: "What happened? She wasn't the usual   
Asuka! I think we should sedate her more often.."   
  
Hikari was in horror, not for a bad joke, but because Kensuke seemed to be   
speaking seriously, but could at least understand why he had said that.. She   
turned to face Asuka, caressing her face, now very relaxed, clean and perfumed:   
"My poor Asuka.. What have you done to undergo all this pain.."  
  
Kensuke looked at the two girl for a bit, then checked his watch: "Uhm.. it   
is 14:20. The recorder tape would play for the next ten minutes. I must   
complete my work, and then we must fake our return here. Hikari, it's time   
to shake Shinji."  
  
Shinji was, in fact, still sobbing, unaware of what just happened with   
Asuka, even if he was more quiet now:  
  
Shi:'Was it my fault? Was it really my fault? If I had decided to fight his   
Eva,   
could I have won it without harming Toji? Or was it my father's fault? Why   
did   
Kensuke speak so to me? Why? If it really was my fault, then, there   
wouldn't be forgiveness for my sin..'   
  
But then he remembered "You can always make an error, and be forgiven. But if   
you don't recognize your error, for what it is in reality, then you are lying   
to yourself and to the others. That wouldn't be forgiven."   
  
Shi:'.. Do I have to apologize? Is it enough to be forgiven? To be   
forgiven by Toji, by Hikari, By Kensuke? Could be a single word settle   
everything? And wasn't I the one who apologized for everything, driving   
Asuka crazy? I haven't apologized for what happened to Toji, and this is   
my damnation? Not to take my responsibilities? Am I a coward?'  
  
Shi: "Am I a coward?"   
  
Hikari was kneeled in front of him when he spoke, she was surprised and looked   
to Kensuke, who turned his attention to him: "Why do you think this?"  
  
Shi: "Because I didn't take my responsibilities towards Toji, and ran away. Am   
I a coward?"  
  
Ken: "No, Shinji. You are just a human being, so you make mistakes."  
  
Shi: "But I mustn't blame others for my errors."  
  
Ken: "Yes, that's a coward's behavior. You, without knowing, were acting   
like that."  
  
Shi: "But I tried to help Rei.. Asuka.."  
  
Ken: "Those were your first steps toward your redemption: you wanted to   
change, and I'm offering you my help."  
  
Shi: "So I must apologize for what I've done to Toji."  
  
Ken: "That's right. Only doing so, I'll return considering you a friend."  
  
Shi: "So you don't consider me your friend?"  
  
Ken: "..."  
  
"It's not that simple, Shinji. I've already said that there aren't black   
and  
white, there are only grays."  
  
".. Then.." he stood up, and walked to Kensuke, "I apologize for what   
happened. I promise I'll try to do better the next time, with the help of my   
friends and of the other people who care about me."  
  
Ken: "So be it. Welcome back, Shinji."   
  
Kensuke was smiling, while Shinji raised slowly his head: there were tracks of   
tears, and his eyes were red, but he was smiling too.   
  
Shi: "Maybe.. Maybe I'll be a better man from now on."  
  
Ken: "I'm sure of it. You only needed a little kick in the ass, like a broken   
camera.. That reminds me.. The bill is 100.000 yen, sir."  
  
Shinji eyes widened: "100.. You've got to be kidding me,  
Kensuke! How could a single camera be that expensive!"  
  
Ken: "Well.. a part is for the camera, a part is for my psychiatric help."  
  
Shi: "I wouldn't come to your study even if you were the only doctor on the   
face of earth!"  
  
Ken: "You see.. It's always like that: you cure them, and they don't even thank   
you.. Doctor's profession isn't fair, Hikari.."  
  
Shi: "Don't make me laugh! You a doctor!"  
  
Ken: "Well.. and what do you want to become?"  
  
Shi: "I.. I don't know.."  
  
Ken: "Well, you have to think about it, before it's too late.., and study   
hard to go to the high school and the university, otherwise you'll   
probably end working in Nerv."  
  
Shi: "Yes, maybe like supreme commander!"  
  
Ken: "Well.. To tell you the truth, I'd prefer your father to you in that   
position..",   
  
And saying so he started laughing, soon joined by Shinji. Hikari was still   
kneeled on the floor wondering: 'I didn't know Kensuke was like that .. maybe he   
should be checked in the head too.. They look like crazy-men to me..'  
  
After a bit, Kensuke give his hand to Shinji: "Friends?"  
  
Shinji took and shacked it with both his hands: "Sure, Friends."  
  
Hikari was relieved: 'The worst seemed passed..'  
  
Kensuke then looked at his watch: "Hurry up! There's no time left! Quickly,   
leave the room and wait a moment outside. Then open it again and get in like   
nothing had   
happened. I'll put Nerv mikes online. Go, now!"  
  
Shinji and Hikari hurried outside, and did what they'd been told to.  
  
Hik: "Asuka! We are back!"  
  
Ken: "Why do you speak to her? She can't hear you!"  
  
Hik: "Oh, Shut up!"  
  
Shi: "When you want, you can be really an idiot, Kensuke."  
  
Ken: "I was joking, you two! How I couldn't greet my sweetheart?"  
  
Hik&Shi: "Your what?"  
  
Ken: "You see? You can't undergo a joke! What bad did I do to have to be with   
you...  
  
...  
  
In a room on the floor above, a man was listening to the conversation: "I don't   
like what is happening. First I couldn't see, and now all these movements.. I   
could go and remove the roses, but they could notice it. But now I'll ask for   
a control. Let see.. it is 14:30.. the next visit is scheduled for 16:00.. There   
is another doctor available now, this Ichiro Kusanagi... I'll ask him to visit   
that room." So he picked the phone and made a call.  
  
In another section of the floor, a speaker told: "Doctor Kusanagi is requested   
at Nerv information desk. Repeat. Doctor Kusanagi is desired at Nerv information   
desk."  
  
Ich: "What the hell?"   
  
A patient who was being visited, told him: "Yog scarpe su, trattore."  
  
Ich:"UH?"  
  
The patient removed the disgusting piece of wood that the doctor had stuck in   
his mouth and repeated :"You should go, Doctor.."  
  
Ich: "I haven't finished here, and it doesn't seem very urgent. And besides,   
I don't like Nerv at all. Open your mouth. Say: aaaaaah"  
  
The poor patient sighed..  
  
...  
  
After twenty minutes, trying to walk as slow as possible, he went to the NERV's   
desk.  
  
Ich:"Hello, I'm doctor Kusanagi. You asked of me?"   
  
Nur:"Yes, doctor, more than ten minutes ago."  
  
Ich: "I'm sorry, but I had other important things to do."  
  
'Yes, like scratching my ass.'  
  
Nur:"I see. Anyway, You were requested to check the patient in room 204. Here   
is her documentation."  
  
Ich: "But I'm not in charge here! Don't you have anyone else?"  
  
Nur:"Right now there is nobody available."  
  
Ich: "Well.. I'll see what I can do."   
  
He grabbed the folder and walked toward the door. 'What a cute girl.. what!   
She's a pilot! Incredible! She pilots one of that monsters! I thought these were   
secured information, and now they're giving me access to these! They must be   
crazy!'.   
  
Then he started reading the patient condition, and her clinical history and   
psychiatric scene.' He slowly reached the door: there was someone else inside,   
but he sat on a chair near the door and continued reading.  
  
...  
  
In the control room, the Nerv officer was going nuts. "Argh!! It's more than   
half an hour! What are they doing?"   
  
He picked the phone and called Nerv information desk: "Where the hell is that   
doctor?"  
  
Nur:"He came here ten minutes ago."  
  
Nerv man:"Well, he still hasn't reached the room! Where is he?"  
  
Nur:"Let me see.."  
  
Nerv man:"Quick!"  
  
".."  
  
Nur:"Sir?"  
  
Nerv man:"Yes?"  
  
Nur:"He is reading her medical documentation just outside the door."  
  
Nerv man:"What? Why?"  
  
Nur:"He is a doctor. He can't visit a patient without knowing her clinical   
state."  
  
Nerv man:"Oh! Fuck him! How much do you think he'll need?"  
  
Nur:"He is famous for his meticulousity. You chose the wrong doctor, I   
guess."  
  
He closed the phone without replying, and started biting his feet's nails   
through   
his shoes.  
  
...  
  
Meanwhile Kusanagi was sweating: 'I can't believe it ! What kind of doctor can   
prescribe that cure! How could.. How? What is this?' He found a small yellow   
note with the Nerv Symbol. It reported: "The pilot is a danger for herself and   
for Nerv security. Keep her stuck in bed until further instructions.". 'So it   
is. They can toy with this girl's life. Well, I'm not a Nerv employee, and I'm   
not subjected to their orders. Besides.. This note was so well hidden..', he   
hid it inside an invisible pocket, 'that I didn't see it. I thought about an   
error in the prescription. I'll bring her to the oxygen therapy , just to start   
from some point.'  
  
With that, he stood, knocked the door, and entered without waiting for any   
answer.  
  
He stood by the door, looking a bit surprised inside: three kids were playing   
cards on the bed, while his patient was sleeping in a wheel chair next to the   
window.   
  
Shinji looked very worried to Kensuke, who looked at Asuka: 'If he says   
something about Asuka it's over!'  
  
Ich: "Why is the patient over that chair?"  
  
Ken&Shi&Hik: 'BINGO! We're dead.'  
  
Shinji nervously spoke: "Well.. We moved her on the chair.."  
  
..  
  
Nerv man: "Uh? When?"  
  
..  
Shi: "a bit ago.. It wasn't very difficult, and we made it without even saying   
a word."  
..  
Nerv man: "When the hell did they do that! I must remove those flowers!"   
..  
Ich: "Can I ask you why?"  
  
Hik: "Because.. She's always in bed.. We had her have some exercises for her   
muscles and then we did that."  
  
..  
Nerv man: "That's right, I remember this."  
..  
  
Ich: "Uhm.. And are those the clothes she usually wears here?"  
  
Hik: "Well.. no.. When I was alone with her, I changed her clothes.."  
  
..  
Nerv man: "I can't believe that without the camera I missed so many things!   
I always said that only one camera isn't enough. I must complain.   
I need at lest two or three of them. I'll make the request right   
away."  
..  
  
The doctor looked at those children, still with the cards in their hands,   
looking suspended to him: 'They are her friends. They are playing in her room,   
to confort her, to try to make her feel better. She needs this, if it is true   
she was into a depressive state, and tried to commit suicide. They are her   
therapy.   
Whatever I'd do would be changed by the doctor bought by Nerv.. What can I do?'  
  
He approached the bed and looked better: "You are playing poker!"  
  
Ken: "Well.. it was an idea of mine.."  
  
Ich: "Don't you tell me you are playing for money!"  
  
Shi: "Oh no! Do you see any yens here?"  
  
Ich:"Then why?"  
  
Shi: "Well.. Asuka, the girl over there, one time asked me to play poker.. I   
didn't know how to play and she went mad at me. So I asked Kensuke to   
explain it to me.."  
  
Hikari nodded: "I wanted to learn too.."  
  
Ich: "Are you Kensuke?"  
  
Kensuke nervously nodded.  
  
Ich:"You now, hospitals aren't casinos. If I'll find you playing for something   
else than glory, I'll make sure you'll be used as sample for the new   
doctors. Understood?"  
  
Kensuke's face drained of colors and managed only to say yes with the head:   
'What I've done now.. It's only a game, Damn it !'  
  
Ich: "Okay, now it's time to visit my patient."   
  
He started walking toward Asuka when Shinji grabbed his wrist: "You aren't   
Doctor Goto, are you?"  
  
Kusanagi turned to face him: "No, as you can read here I am Doctor Ichiro   
Kusanagi."  
  
Shinji looked worried at the sign in his white cloth: "But you aren't a Nerv   
doctor. You don't have the Nerv symbol in your badge."  
  
Ich: "That's right. There weren't any Nerv doctors available, so they asked me   
to check this patient. Now, if you can let me do my job.."  
  
Shinji looked back at Kensuke and Hikari, who didn't know what to do, so he   
turned to observe what he was doing.  
  
The doctor found really strange that a patient was dressed like for a walk in   
the gardens, and that she smelled like a flower.. 'It's like she's just had a   
bath..' He turned to look suspiciously at the kids back, seeing them paling   
under his inquisitive glare.. 'maybe they did it?' He started chuckling.. "You   
are good friends.."   
  
They didn't understand. After a bit Hikari saw the light, and replied, tears   
in her eyes: "She.. She's a dear friend to us. We would like to see her out of   
here as soon as possible."  
  
Ich: "I see."   
  
He started checking her pulse, her hearth, her breathing. He measured her   
temperature, looked her reflex, and examined her eyes. He was very quick,   
otherwise Asuka would surely wake up.. He looked at the machines, their   
values, and stood up, thinking, caressing his chin with is right hand, the left   
crossed over his chest. He checked his folder, crossed his arms again and looked   
down at the girl. After he looked back to the children over his shoulder,   
seeing them holding their breath: 'From what I've seen, this girl has reaction   
and values quite normal. It doesn't seem to me she is under the effect of any   
drugs or medicines. Maybe these kids have done something, and their behavior   
confirms my idea. So he turned and started: "Her conditions are still   
stationary,but her readings are strange. I'd like to run some other test on   
her."   
  
So he grabbed the phone and asked the desk for the permission to bring the   
patient to his section to perform some tests. The desk replied he had to wait a   
bit for the confirmation.  
  
..  
Nur:"He asked for further exams. What can we do?"  
  
Nerv man: "Let him act. After they're out of the room, remove those damn   
roses from the room. If they ask you, tell it was the cleaning   
woman."  
  
'So I'll be finally able to see.'  
..  
  
Ich: "Okay, I'll be back in no time."  
  
Shi: "Ehm.. Doctor.."  
  
Ich: "Yes, kid?"  
  
Shi: "Where are you bringing her? I mean.. Can we come with you?"  
  
Ich: "Sure! Be my guests."   
  
He started to push Asuka's chair, when Shinji asked : "Doc.. Can I push her?"   
  
Ich: "Uh? What's your name kid?"  
  
Shi: "Shinji Ikari, doc."  
  
Ich: 'Where I have already heard that surname, Ikari.. boh! If I don't remember   
it, it's not important.'   
  
"Well, are you in love with this girl?"  
  
Kensuke started to laugh, while Hikari looked incredulous to the Doctor.   
  
Shinji simply turned red: "N..No.NO! It's just.. She's my roommate, so.."  
  
Ichiro asked grinning: "Do you sleep in the same room?"  
  
Shinji turned a redder shape of color: "The hell! NO! We only live in the same   
house!"  
  
Ich: "And you aren't relatives, I suppose.."  
  
Shinji was fuming, while even Hikari started giggling: "No. It's not of your   
business. I live with her and with our guardian."  
  
Ichiro smirked: "You know.. maybe I should do a pregnancy test on her, after   
all.."  
  
The kids went dead. All color drained from Shinji's face, who went paler than   
Ayanami. Hikari shook herself and threw her against Shinji, grabbing him by   
the collar: "You dork! What have you done to my Asuka! How could you!" Shinji   
tried to break free: "What the hell are you thinking? Do you imagine Asuka   
having sex with me?", 'ops, wrong choice, Shinji, you idiot..'   
  
Hikari reddened, while Kensuke suppressed a nose-bleed.. The doctor was now   
laughing out loud, and divided the two kids.   
  
Ich: "It was a joke! Just a joke! Man, you're touchy about things like that,   
aren't  
you?  
  
  
Kensuke, adjusting his glasses on his nose: "It's what I've always said.."  
  
Ich: "I don't think this kid could have the guts to even try to kiss her.."  
  
Shinji was upset: "Oh, yes? Well, actually, I've kissed her."  
  
Kensuke and Hikari looked at him with widened eyes, while the doctor was smiling   
between himself: 'now there is an interesting thing..'  
  
Ken: "You.. kissed.."  
  
Hik: ".. Asuka?"  
  
Shinji, crossed his arms, and snorted: "Sure, I did it." His glory's moment   
didn't lasted much.  
  
Kensuke grabbed his head stroking it, while Hikari grabbed his collar nearly   
tearing it.  
  
Ken: "I knew there was tender between you two! Speak! When was it! Have you   
touched her breasts?"  
  
Hik: "How could it be! I can't believe she admitted she liked you! Ehi, Aida!   
Don't be the usual dork!"  
  
So she grabbed Kensuke's collar too, and started strangling them. Kensuke   
managed   
to say sorry, but Shinji was wondering about what Hikari had just told: 'She   
likes me? It's impossible.. Why then does she always tease me, hit me,trick me?   
Hikari must   
be wrong..' So he broke free and said sadly: "It was just a game for her, she   
was bored, and she tricked me to kiss. That's all. I think she was sad because   
she couldn't go out with Kaji.."  
  
Hik: "But you don't kiss a boy because you are bored! That's nonsense!"  
  
Shi: "Well, you must ask her, not me. I hadn't done a thing."  
  
Ken: "Sure, lazy one. You didn't do anything and got kissed. Man, how I envy   
you! Listen, the next time she seems bored, call me.. ops.."  
  
He was kicked dead by a couple of persons in perfect synchrony: Hikari led,   
while   
Shinji complied with surgical precision. Once again, the doctor saved one   
of the children from being killed.   
  
Ich: "That's enough. You'll have to wait for this girl's recover to find out   
the truth. Now it's time to go."   
  
So he left, followed by a couple of angry Hikari and Shinji. Kensuke followed   
them caressing his back: 'Why I even bother to act like a lighting-conductor..   
They can't understand this..'  
  
..  
  
It was about 15:30, and Ayanami was having a very bad time: trying every sort   
of clothes under the critical eyes of Misato: "I don't like this, maybe a couple   
of shorts could be better.."  
  
Rei: "S.. Shorts?"  
  
Misato grinned: "You'll see.."  
..  
  
It was about 16:05, Doc. Goto and Koraki entered the room, with Ai already   
attacking: "You know,doctor? These holidays were very good for you.. You seem  
much younger now.."  
  
Got: "Oh! Oh! Oh! But I'm still young, my little nurse.."  
  
Then they didn't find anyone (and there weren't roses anymore , either)..   
  
They hurried, especially the nurse, to the desk: "The girl back into the 204   
disappeared!"  
  
Nur:"We know. She is with Doctor Kusanagi right now. He's tacking some samples   
and doing some tests on her."  
  
Kor: "Doctor Kusanagi? Ichiro Kusanagi? But he isn't a Nerv's doctor!"  
  
Nur:"Well.. We were asked to check the patient, and he was the only one   
avaiable.."  
  
..  
  
The Nerv guard was hysterically laughing: "Now I can see you! HA! Ha! hA!   
Come on! Come back to your daddy! hI! hI!"  
  
Knock, Knock.  
  
Nerv man:"Who the hell is?"  
  
Ran:"It's me, Ranko. Your shift is over."  
  
Nerv man:".. oh.. shit.."  
  
..  
  
Got: "Oh, Yes? Well, since she was the only one to visit, I'm going back at   
home. See you soon."  
  
'Wow! So I can go and see again that interesting movie: "She wants it   
all",   
nice movie.. nice movie..'  
  
Koraki didn't know what to do..: "What can I do now?"  
  
Nur:"Well, you are in charge of her, so you can go and catch them. Keep an eye   
on those children, I don't like them."  
  
Kor: "Sure. I'll go."  
  
'I don't like you either.'  
  
She looked pretty happy.. she, in fact, was blushing a bit.. 'I'll finally have   
an occasion to stay with him!' She ran through all the hospital, searching left   
and right, up and down, asking everyone. She wasn't able to find them. So, she   
was thirsty, and went to the hospital's commissary: She ordered a glass of   
orange juice, and drank it eagerly. "Ahhh!! That's real good."   
  
When she was turning to restart her quest, she saw something strange.. in a   
table in the far corner of the center, there were.. yes.. there were Shinji with   
the others two kids.. She started moving towards him. 'What are they doing here?   
Weren't they supposed to be with Ichiro and Asuka?'  
  
While se was approaching, her view was cleared of a pillar standing in front   
of the table, and she could see a man wearing a white lab coat sitting with   
them..  
  
'It's like.. It's like they are playing cards with that man.. Who could he be?'  
  
When she was at less than six meters, she saw Asuka, in her chair, still   
asleep.  
  
She went dead in her tracks. She even wasn't able to think: 'Doctor..Kusanagi..   
is playing cards.. with those children?'  
  
She stood there astonished for a few minutes, not knowing what to do.   
  
Fortunately Hikari, who was in the best position to see her, looked ahead   
and saw her: "Shinji, look, there is our nurse over there.."  
  
Shi: "Really?"   
  
He turned over his seat and nearly shouted: "Miss Koraki! Miss Koraki! Come   
here! Come here!"  
  
She managed a weak smile but didn't move. So Shinji stood and said: "Wait a   
moment, and DON'T LOOK MY CARDS, KENSUKE!"   
  
Ken: "I? I don't need to cheat to win! You are the one who looks into my   
glasses   
to see my cards!"  
  
Shinji quickly ran away, and Kensuke smiled: "I got him!"  
  
Shinji hurried to the Nurse and started pulling her towards the table: "Come on   
miss Koraki! We are having real fun!"  
  
Kor: "But.. But.. You should be with the doctor examining Asuka..   
Is he really doctor Kusanagi?"  
  
In fact, he was still giving her his back, and arguing with Kensuke about the   
order in giving cards..  
  
Shi: "Yes, He is a very nice person, you know?"  
  
Koraki couldn't help herself; she walked like a Valkyrie towards him, and   
angrily shouted, with her hands on her hips:   
  
"Doctor Ichiro Kusanagi! What the hell are you doing here?!? Aren't you supposed   
to visit that girl? And what are you doing during your shift?"  
  
Almost every one in the bar looked to her. Ichiro was stunned, looking Hikari in   
her eyes, asked her: "Is there somebody behind me who wants me dead?"  
  
Hikari managed a nervous "I think so.."  
  
He slowly stood, adjusted his tie, and turned to face her with all the charm he   
had: "Oh.. Hi.. Miss.. Koraki.. I see.. you are from Nerv section.. I suppose   
you were sent after me.. Well.. You know.. I was expecting the patient to wake   
up.."   
  
Kor: "You know very well she is under sedatives, so she can't awake."   
  
She was so angry, she was forgetting she didn't give her her dose last night..  
  
Ich: "Well.. The children.. You.. know.. Argh.."  
  
Shinji was confused, and told to Ichiro's ear "Look! She is the nurse I've   
told you of!" and Ichiro replied: "Why is she eating me alive, then!"  
  
Koraki fumed, evidently, she didn't like being ignored: she picked Shinji's   
and Ichiro's ear and pulled them very hard: "I WAS STILL SPEAKING! DON'T YOU   
DARE TO IGNORE ME!"  
  
Shinji and Ichiro were in pain, while Kensuke was laughing, saying to Hikari:   
"You.. You see?! It's like.. like you.. Class rep.. They... they seem just like   
you and.. Toji..", Hikari started to blush, and lowered her eyes to her feet.  
  
Unknown to anyone, Asuka had awaken, but what she was seeing was shocking   
her, so she decided to stay silent and just look: 'What is happening? Who are   
those people? What are they doing? Why is Hikari blushing? And that idiot of   
Aida.. Why is he laughing madly? Who is that woman grabbing Shinji? She   
seems very angry.. She.. she is a nurse! And that man is a doctor.. What are   
they saying? Are they talking about me?'   
  
So she started to listen carefully to what was happening..  
  
Shi: "Ouch! Ouch! I didn't do anything, let me go!"  
  
Kor: "Weren't you supposed to watch over Asuka?"  
  
Shi: "I.. I did!"  
  
Kor: "Oh, Shut up! And you, doctor Kusanagi! I always thought you were a   
great doctor, and a wonderful person! Now I see you're as reckless as   
a kid! How could you be a doctor?"  
  
Ich: 'What did she just say? A wonderful person? A great doctor? Does she know   
me? Ouch! My poor ear! If I don't do something, I'll loose it! Well, let's   
play it hard..'   
  
So he grabbed her wrist, tightening his grip: "And you, who didn't give   
the prescribed medication to a patient?"   
  
It was a whisper, only audible to Shinji and Ai. She went pale, and released her   
grip, fear in her eyes: "How.. How could.. you know?"  
  
Ichiro adjusted his collar and tie: "You told me first: I'm a great doctor.. I   
can understand an illness only with a glance, and, besides, Shinji told me what   
you've done for this girl."  
  
Koraki looked stunned to Shinji: "You.. You told him.."  
  
Shinji started to sweat: "You see.. He understood that there was something   
wrong.. And he seemed a good person.. He didn't blame us for the bath Asuka   
had.."  
  
Koraki was horrified: "A.. bath.. You.. brought Asuka.. to take a bath?!?"  
  
Shinji gulped nervously, while Kensuke whispered to Hikari: "He'll always   
remain a baka.."   
  
Asu: 'A bath.. I can remember.. It was when I thought I was still with my   
mother, when she still loved me and I was a child..'   
  
A tear started running over her left cheek....   
  
Shinji continued " and he asked us what was going on, so I decided to tell him   
the truth. He then brought us here and told that we would wait until Asuka would   
awake again.."  
  
Ich: "You know.. She doesn't need physical cures, but more a psychological   
aid.."  
  
The figure of her mother pending from a rope in her hospital room filled Asuka's   
vision, she started to tremble:  
  
"N..NNOOOOOO!!!", she stood with an immense pain on her feet, "I'm not mad!   
I'll never be her puppet! I want to live! I want to be a pilot! They've chosen   
me! I don't want to die!"   
  
Then she fell back on the chair sobbing: "mama.. what can I do?"  
  
They, and a good part of the person present in the room looked at her in   
amazement, but quickly Shinji ran to her side and kneeled down: "Asuka.. Asuka!   
Listen to me! I beg you! Speak to me!"  
  
Koraki was terrified, but Ichiro came closer to her and sat down: "You really   
want to live?"  
  
Asuka wasn't paying attention to what they were saying.. she was just crying..   
so Ichiro grabbed her by the shoulders and put her sitting on the table.  
  
Hik: "What are you doing?!"  
  
Shi: "Doctor Kusanagi!"  
  
Ich: "Shut up! Now, pilot Soryu, you are crying in front of a lot of persons."  
  
She was hit by these words: lifted a bit her eyes, and trough a blurred vision   
she saw that, in fact, a lot of people were staring at her.  
  
She tried to block the tears and the sobs, but she didn't succeed: "Who cares!   
I'm not a pilot anymore. I'm useless now. I don't need anymore to be strong.   
I've lost all. All my bounds. There is nothing left to me! So.."  
  
Ichiro bent forward to her and whispered into her ear: "So you tried to kill   
yourself."  
  
Hikari and Kensuke were able to pick up what he had just said, even if it was   
only a whisper; they gasped: they didn't know she tried to commit suicide. They   
only knew what Misato first, Shinji after, told them. In fact Hikari had first   
learned   
about Asuka asking Misato, when Shinji was still running away. All they knew it   
was that she fell into a depressive state, and that the nerv's doctor were only   
sedating her instead of curing her. This last information was, of course, from   
Shinji.   
  
This last, was observing stunned.  
  
To tell the truth, when Hikari washed Asuka in the morning, she could have   
noticed something strange about her wrists: over each one, there was a small   
region of skin, longilineal in shape, paler than the surrounding. To a normal   
person maybe this fact couldn't tell anything. To a doctor's eyes, it spoke   
clear.   
  
Besides, Kusanagi didn't even need to deduce this fact, having read it in   
Asuka's folder. He knew all of her attempted suicide, and how she was saved   
from the Nerv security. He knew all of her. All that was in that folder was   
surely more than what Shinji and Misato knew. He knew as well about Asuka's   
mother.   
  
Of course, it wasn't written why she killed herself, or her relation to the   
Nerv. It was written only that the "subject 2" had had, most likely, a deep   
trauma when she was very young. And that would lead to explain her actual   
behavior. In fact, she acted like she had never grown: her arrogant behavior,   
her   
incapacity to face her errors, where typical of a little child.   
  
Obviously, spreading such delicate and top secret information wasn't probably   
in the mind of the head security officer. The officer who ordered the Kusanagi's   
visit would be most likely fired. To tell the truth, the Nerv security protocols   
weren't that clear in defining this point, so there were a large variety of   
possibilities where one could choose. In fact, it wasn't contemplated the   
firing, simply because very difficulty one could leave Nerv. That guard would   
be, most likely, simply erased.   
  
Asu:'I tried to kill myself.. Yes. That's right.. I did it. It was.. in a   
Bath tub.. I can remember.. It was in a bath-tube like the one I've seen   
before, when I was with Hikari.. It was.. when?.. maybe.. it was after   
the 16ø angel.. when I wasn't even able to move my Eva.. "It doesn't move!   
It doesn't move!".. it was after that angel.. raped my mind.. That time,   
Shinji didn't help me. He helped wonder girl. When she was in trouble, and   
I wasn't able to move, he helped her. Why? Why her and not me? Why the   
commander didn't want him to help me? Wasn't I worth of it? Am I less   
important   
than wonder girl? Sure.. she is his favorite.. And even Shinji prefers her   
at me. Why? Why? Am I weaker than her? Is she prettier? Why? She.. and   
Shinji.. before.. I was the best. I was the best in piloting the Eva, and   
now I can't even move it.. "Eva has an heart. You must open your heart to   
the Eva." Wonder girl once said.. How could be? It is just a machine, a   
pile of steel and flesh, it doesn't have an heart, a soul, a life. Still..   
When   
Shinji's Eva went mad.. I was scared to death. I was scared to dead. He   
could do with his Eva things that seemed impossible, even with an   
Evangelion.. Was he? Or was someone else? Is there something inside the   
Eva? Shinji was bounded to it. He and Ayanami.. almost died.. more than   
once.. Shinji was.. like dead.. for a month, adsorbed into that..   
monster.. then he came back, and he is near to me. He nearly died against   
the third angel, and now is near to me... wonder girl.. for what I   
recall.. she's still alive.. She even was about to die protecting Shinji   
against the fifth angel.. She exploded with her unit to save him.. Do   
they have a bond? Why are they still alive, and fighting, while I tried to   
kill myself.. I'm worthless.. I have nothing to live for.. I don't deserve   
to live..'  
  
Asu: "I don't deserve to live.."  
  
Ichiro touched Asuka's forehead with his, still clutching firmly her arms..  
  
Ich: "So you tried to kill yourself. Why did you only cut your wrists? It's a   
lazy way to die. Why didn't you throw yourself from a skyscraper? Why   
didn't you throw yourself under a train? Why didn't you electrocute   
yourself? Why didn't you hang yourself?"  
  
Hikari and Kensuke were horrified, they weren't able to think or say anything:   
they were just looking in horror at the two of them. It was like they was   
playing a drama, but that was reality, and they haven't enough courage to   
face it.  
  
Shinji, instead, couldn't resist anymore: "S.. SSTOOOPPP!!", and lounged   
forward, a fist lifted against that man, who he trusted, and who now   
was harming Asuka.. But suddenly a hand grabbed his lifted fist, and another   
covered his mouth. He turned back to look at the person who was stopping him,   
and he saw the nurse. She wasn't paying attention to him, she wasn't even   
looking at him. She was looking at the two. Her face was dried of any color.   
Her pale skin contrasted fiercely with that thin film of red lipstick she   
had on her lips. They were shaking, but her glare was firm, and resolute. It   
seemed as she was looking to a sword coming straight toward her, she couldn't   
doing anything to avoid that. So he turned his face to look at Asuka and at the   
Doctor.  
  
Ichiro pushed her with his head: "So! Tell me! You weren't even able to kill   
yourself. If you can't succeed in such a simple task, how you could dare to   
think you could be a pilot? How could you? You are nothing more than a stupid,   
little kid. You are nothing. You don't deserve our pity. You don't deserve   
our compassion. We don't feel sorry for you! You little brat! You are nothing!   
Nothing! Do you understand? Nothing! NOTHING! NOTHING!"   
  
Now he was shaking her, while she was in a confusional state: "I.. I.. I don't..   
want.. to.. die.."  
  
Ichiro stopped: "How come you don't want to die? You tried to kill yourself! You   
proved you were nothing! And now you dare to ask to live! Why would you live!   
Why wouldn't we let you in a room with a rope, so you could die like your   
mother? Why? Because you don't have a daughter to show your death to? Is that   
so? You want to make other suffer for your incapacity? It's that what you   
want?"  
  
Shinji's eye widened. 'Her mother.. she's seen her mother's.. death?'   
  
Similar thoughts were running in the heads of the others looking at that scene..   
Some other person occasionally came closer to look for a bit, leaving then   
disgusted..  
  
Asuka was crying quietly, invested by that flow of words "I.. hate men..   
because.. they use us.. and leave us.."  
  
Ichiro paused for a moment.. 'Yes.. his father went away from her and from her   
mother.. I remember I've read this..', then continued: "Let me tell   
something. A single man isn't representative of all the men, you can't   
generalize. Look around. There are your friends here. There are two boys   
here. They've helped you. They've followed you here. They care about you.   
They don't feel pity, they don't feel compassion, because, trust me, the way   
you are now, you deserve only hatred. Someone who would throw away his  
life is nothing more than a worm. Nothing more."  
  
Asuka shivered.. "Two of the three stooges.."  
  
Kensuke shouted: "I can't believe! She has still the force to insult me! She's   
okay! No need to worry!"   
He had said this with the best of intentions, but, as always, he got slapped in   
his back.. But this time Hikari had tears in her eyes, and wasn't able to   
speak..but she didn't use all her force. Not because she wasn't able, but   
because she didn't want to. Perhaps she'd understood why he had said so..  
  
Shinji simply stood and looked hurt.. 'Why.. Why does she never understand..   
what I feel..'  
  
Ich: "Look at yourself! You push away those who care about you. You hurt them,   
and in the end you'll hurt yourself, because you'll remain alone."  
  
Asu: "I don't need anyone."  
  
Ich: "Bullshit."  
  
Asu: ".."  
  
Ich: "You are a woman. You need a man."  
  
Hikari's eye widened, Kensuke started shouting: "She needs superman, so she   
couldn't kick him in the ass!"  
  
Shinji too was surprised, and almost yelled..  
  
Asuka thought a bit about it.. 'a man.. a man.. my husband? To be left alone?   
No..I won't allow it.. I'll choose.. someone worth of me..'   
  
She had still her forehead pressed against the doctor's.. she made a little   
movement, and the doctor let her go, even releasing her arms.  
  
She slowly lifted her eyes to look sadly around her.. her back was turned to   
Hikari and Kensuke, so she could see only the doctor, the nurse.. and..   
  
Shinji. She looked at him.. he was still with a fist lifted, and grabbed form   
behind by the nurse. She looked into Shinji's eyes, with an immense sadness in   
her glance. Shinji simply stood, looking her back..   
  
Asu: "What were you doing, Shinji?"  
  
Shinji realized he had still his mouth covered, and his fist lifted.. He   
slowly shook his head, and the nurse let him go..  
  
Shi: "I.. I was trying to punch the doctor.."  
  
Asuka eye's watered, if possible, even more.. "Why?"  
  
Shi: "Because.. Because he was.. harming you.. at least.. I thought.."  
  
Asuka started slowly to cry, a single flow of tears coming from each eye on   
each cheek.. "Do you care about me?"  
  
Shinji kept his breath, so did Hikari and Kensuke. After a moment, Shinji   
simply nodded, always looking straight into her eyes..   
  
She then did something unexpected.. lowered her head, dropping huge tears..   
and asked: "Kensuke.. do you care about me?"  
  
Kensuke almost fainted.. not knowing what to say.. then Hikari's elbow   
pierced his ribs.. and he managed to say: "Even....even if you don't believe   
me.. I like you.. and I'm sure that Toji wouldn't let you'd get harmed if he   
could help you.." Gasping for air.. due to the lack of response.. he continued:   
"You know.. in the beginning you were a real pain.. from our first encounter..   
But.. you were a pilot.. you fought to protect us.. Even if you fought for your   
own interest, you protected us.. We knew your life wasn't easy.. Toji knows   
something about it.. Well.. We care about you.. I'd only like you didn't call me   
a jerk without a reason.."  
  
She nodded and continued to cry..   
  
A small crowd was now circling the table, and the gossip spreaded through  
the hospital, finally reaching the nerv section and the surveillance team:   
"What? Some kids? A doctor? What did that idiot do!" that was the new person   
in the shift, Ranko, who called reinforcement from the outside, and gathered a   
small squad of five persons: two were the one in charge of Shinji's   
surveillance, one was the one from the control room, and two were assigned to   
watch the hospital in general. They ran to the commissary..  
  
Back there, it was Hikari's turn, to hug Firmly Asuka.. Meanwhile, Koraki   
approached Kusanagi, who was smiling looking the couple of girls.   
  
Kor: "What were you thinking? Make a shock-therapy in a bar!"  
  
Ich: "So what? I think it worked.. at least, the first session.."  
  
Kor: "You.. You are.."  
  
Ich: "I know. I don't care what you think. I've seen the opportunity, and I   
picked it at once. Carpe diem."  
  
Kor: ".. I wasn't going to insult you, doctor.."  
  
Ich: "What?"  
  
She didn't have the time to reply, because the Nerv squad chose that moment to   
enter the bar, shouting orders to everybody ..  
  
End of chapter 5  
  
___________________________________________________________________   
It was a long time.. You know.. I need to study , and things  
are not going pretty well.. Anyway..  
  
X-Ray : "I always use shock therapy for my pigeons."  
  
Ebj: "I always use shock therapy for my writers, X-Ray needs more of =  
That (mweh, heh, heh...)"  
  
James: " "  
  
X-Ray start thinking seriously about entering the army...  
  
_____________________________________________________________________  
One thing.  
  
This is my idea about Shinji and Toji's accident.  
Ebj is not of the same opinion. Below you find his thoughts, that  
I respect but that are different from mine.  
  
Ebj: In my humble opinion Eva is the account of the behaviors of its  
characters in response to the events of their lives. Said events are often  
tragic and painful, and have had a lot of influence on the characters. To  
me, Shinji's refusal to fight is probably the only way a person like him  
could've acted at the time and place. His responsibility in the matter   
lies in the fact that he had decided that his aversion to hurting another   
human being took precedence over his life, something he considered less   
important because of his experiences.  
  
One of my favorite lines from James T. Kirk from Star Trek is "Everyone's  
responsible for one's actions only". In that view, it is Gendo's fault if  
Toji was injured. He didn't stop the dummy plug of Eva 01 until the entry  
plug of 03 had been crushed. Whatever his reasons were, it was his doing.   
In a way, we all decide of somebody else's destiny with our actions, but   
we keep going on. However, if we not only influence their destiny but take   
it in our hands, we must stop and think about it. In a way, Shinji   
influenced Toji's destiny by not taking it in his hands, but what his   
decision led to was Gendo's actions, and those were actions that only   
Gendo could've performed, because of the way he is. So I think that Shinji   
is actually 'innocent' regarding the outcome of the battle, which wasn't   
anymore his,just as it wasn't Rei's or Asuka's since they had been   
defeated and cleared out of the picture.  
  
However, X-ray's point of view is very interesting. The way I see it,  
it can fit somewhat in the general message of acting and not letting   
others decide your life for you that is behind Eva (among other ones), so   
I respect it, but as it was not elaborated in ways other than Shinji's own   
sense of guilt in the series, I consider it X-Ray's own view. If there's   
one thing that Eva has is room for many interpretations over any important   
(or less important) event of the story...  
  
Gawd, it's an awfully long explanation, isn't it? Serves you as lesson, X-  
Ray,for giving me too much room!  
  
X-Ray: Well.. I think that we fanfiction writers are lucky that EBJ doesn't   
write but only pre-read.. What do you think?  
  
  
  
Train Of Thoughts   
  
Chapter 6  
  
Standard Disclaimer: Neon Genesis Evangelion is owned and copyrighted by Gainax,   
all characters used from that series are theirs. All names are (TM) and (C) by   
their respective owners.  
  
I've never written long texts in English, and this is my first try to write a   
fan fiction.   
  
Feel free to send any comment, suggestion, flame, job opportunity etc. etc.  
  
This is a revised version, now I have two pre-readers !   
  
That's incredible but, I guess, isn't enough: even if EBJ ( the evafiction's   
Space Black God ), and the new entry James Edwards help me a lot, starting   
from the pile of trash that is my draft, some errors could escape, so you are   
advised...   
  
If you like ToT, thank them as well, so I can continue writing...  
  
r.giammanco@datastudio.it  
e.barone@flasnet.it  
theanimeotaku@hotmail.com  
  
One last note: My home page is on http://members.xoom.com/fantasticare.  
  
I know I said I wouldn't use Xoom, Geocities or similar things, but, due  
to technical reasons, my provider can't accept home page for a while, so..  
  
In this page, heavy under construction, you can find the revised version of my  
fics. Jump on it, and drop me a line if you like it.   
  
  
  
  
Well, Take a seat, and enjoy yourselves.  
  
__________________Time to be brave/Why did you lie to me?______________________  
  
Kensuke grabbed Shinji's shoulder and said him in the ear: "The Nerv security!   
What do we do now!"   
  
Shi: "I think we can't do anything more than protect Asuka.."  
  
Ken: "Well.. I don't think we'll be able to hide our actions.."  
  
Ran: "Don't move! Don't make a move.. There! They are over there! Get them!"  
  
Hikari cried: "Ikari! Aida! What do we do now?"  
  
Shinji came closer to Hikari and to Asuka, who was still sitting on the table,   
and he helped her to stand on her feet. She'd fallen, if not helped by Hikari,   
who circled her waist with her left hand, and put Asukas's right arm over her   
shoulders. Asuka started to dry her eyes asking: "What's happening?"   
Kensuke was now near her and said: "Nothing, it's time to face our worst   
nightmare." Asuka couldn't see well, due to her blurred vision; she narrowed her   
eyes to see better, but she couldn't make out anything well... "Hikari, what's   
going on?"   
  
Hik: "Shh.. Asuka.. They are after us.. after you.. Stay quiet."  
  
Hikari backed to the pillar, and leaned against it. Shinji and Kensuke   
covered them with their bodies.  
  
Shi: "That reminds me of a time.."  
  
Ken: "Yes.. This time we have to protect two girls.. what do we do?"  
  
Shi: "We'll see.."  
  
They were fast circled by the four men and the woman, hands into the jackets,   
over their handguns.  
  
Circled were also the doctor and the nurse, not because the Nerv men knew who   
they were, but only because they stood near the children. The nurse was standing   
behind the doctor, with her hands over his shoulders.   
  
The leader of the small squad, the only woman present there, made a step   
forward, and looked at Asuka, who was trembling against Hikari.  
  
Ran: "Seems to me that someone didn't do his job.. Who are you?"   
  
She asked to the doctor and the nurse.  
  
Ich: "I'm doctor Ichiro Kusanagi. I've been asked to check the patients of room   
204. I've read her documentation and found an error into the therapy   
prescription. I've removed the wrong substances from her body. Now she's   
better and ready to go back to work. Since I'm not a Nerv employee, I   
expect a good prize in cash or to be enrolled as her personal doctor."  
  
Ran: "Wow, Doc. Looks like you're a genius.. But there is a problem: you   
weren't supposed to modify her prescribed therapy."  
  
Ich: "I'm a doctor. I do what's better for my patients."  
  
Ran: "Well.. I don't want to have any responsibilities. You are coming with us   
to Nerv HQ. This way, please."  
  
Doctor Ichiro and the nurse leaded the way, Kensuke and Shinji led the girls do   
after them, and they closed the queue.  
  
Shi: 'What Should I do, now? I can't involve the nurse, while Kusanagi   
threw himself in the middle of the fire. I don't doubt that he'll act so   
even at HQ too.. where we'll be brought in front of my father. I'm sure.   
Only a miracle could save us from him. Maybe we could save ourselves: if   
he decides that Asuka is usable as a pilot, he'll let her in peace.. I   
must prepare her.. But how can I? She's still trembling, she has been   
tortured, for her own sake, but tortured to tell the truth, and now I'm   
going to ask her to be ready to pilot the eva again? Yet I must do it..'  
  
They were approaching to the hospital's exit where there were a Nerv van and   
a couple of cars. Fearing to be split from Asuka, he swayed between the two   
girls saying: "You look tired, Hikari. Let me bring Asuka."   
  
Hikari was a bit surprised, but let him act and went to the back row.. "What's   
he going to do now?" she whispered to Kensuke, who replied: "I don't know..   
Asking her for a date?"   
  
The Nerv men looked curiously at a boy hit to death by a little girl..  
  
'Shinji is holding me? Why is he doing it?.. I feel.. more serene... I feel   
happy.. Then is it true? Do I like him? Do I care about him ? No.. I've never   
done anything for him.. I've only toyed with him.. And now he is at my side..   
How pathetic I am..'  
  
Shinji was tense like a violin's chord. His tension diminished when all the kids   
were put into the van, with two Nerv men in the first row, one of them driving,   
being Ranko. Kensuke and Hikari quickly sat in the middle row, while Shinji   
and Asuka sat in the back row.  
  
Shi:'I hope the doctor and the nurse will be fine.. But I can do nothing for   
them just know..'  
  
Shinji waited for the van to start, and then exchanged a glance with Kensuke.   
He seemed to understand, and start to argue with Hikari: "I've told you, class   
rep.It's only your fault!"  
  
Hikari couldn't understand: "My fault? What are you talking about?"  
  
Ken: "What could be ? Go and see Asuka. Just a couple of hours.. and now we'll   
spend the rest of our life in jail!"  
  
Hik: "Aida! Have you gone nuts?"  
  
Shinji chose that moment to speak to Asuka, still holding her firmly against   
him: "Asuka, listen to me.." She moved slightly, and nodded.  
  
Shi: "We are going to see my father."  
  
She tensed, he could feel it: "He ordered to keep you under sedatives,   
after you did what you did."  
  
Asuka shivered.. 'Commander Ikari.. He's a bastard.. How he could be Shinji's   
father.. well.. I've never asked him about his mother.. Maybe he's more like   
her..'  
  
Shinji shook her: "Are you listening to me?"  
  
Asu: "So.. Sorry.. I was thinking.. What did you say?"  
  
Shi: "Asuka, we have to convince him you're fine, at least in the mind, since   
your body hasn't still recovered. We must make him think you can pilot the   
eva."  
  
Asuka lowered her head and said: "I.. I don't know if I'll be able to pilot it   
anymore.."  
  
Shi: "Please.. Asuka.. It's for your own sake: weren't you the one who lived to   
pilot the eva?"  
  
Asuka turned her head away: "Yes.. and it led me to commit suicide."  
  
Shinji bit his low lips, so hard to almost tear it. 'Idiot.'  
  
Shi: "You must do it, you must. If you don't want to do it for yourself, do it   
for Hikari, for Kensuke, for me. They'll be in trouble if you don't help   
them. Me and them have disobeyed orders, have damaged Nerv properties,   
have abducted you to bring you to the bathroom.. They've helped you, and   
now is your turn to do something for them.. they are your friends..."  
  
Meanwhile..   
  
Ken: "I can't really stand you when you put your hands over your hips!   
Can't you understand you're as fat as an elephant?"  
  
Hik: "WHHHHHHAAAATTTTTTT??"  
..  
  
Asu: "I wasn't able to do it before, why It should work now?"  
  
Shi: "Asuka.. You've gone through a hard path.. I'm sure you'll become   
stronger from now on. Not your past strength, but a new one. You were the   
best pilot, and you couldn't stand that someone could beat you. But there   
is no shame in being won, the world is so big.. There will always be   
somebody better than you.."  
  
Asu: "Yes. You can speak now, because you are the best. You can't speak so to   
me."  
  
Shinji looked sad: "Why don't you want do listen to me? You've never listened to   
me.. Even now.. Asuka.. I'm not a pilot anymore. After the last angel, I haven't   
been to he HQ. Only Ayanami continues to undergo Sync-tests and harmonic-tests.   
I'm no better than you. I don't know if I would be able to pilot anymore."  
  
Asuka lifted her head, looking to him, a surprised expression on her face:   
"The .. the last angel? The 17°? How it was?"  
  
Shinji looked away: "I'll tell you all, but not now. All I could say it's that   
he used your unit-02."  
  
An hint of rage crossed her eyes: "What? An angel used my unit-02? How could   
he? But.. But now it's alright, isn't it? You told me the Commander would make   
me pilot it.."  
  
Shi: "Yes.. I was able to stop it without damaging it too much.."  
  
Asuka eyes went wide, she grabbed his collar, while he started sweating: "You   
damaged my unit two?"  
  
Shinji gulped: "I didn't have much of a choice.. You must understand...   
Please.."  
  
Asuka nodded, but didn't release her grip, not very strong, to tell the truth:   
"What was the angel like? That slime like the one who attacked Toji's eva?"  
  
Shinji expression darkened: "No.. It looked like a kid, just like you and me.. I   
liked he.. He was.. nice to me.. He told me I deserved kindness.. then he   
betrayed me. Being alone, I made friendship with an angel. Then, I killed him. I   
squeezed him in my eva's hand. He decided to die by my hands to save me, you,   
humankind. I once said to Misato that he was the one who should've survived. She   
said that I was wrong: "Only the one who wants to live survives." I don't now if   
he didn't want to live, or if he sacrificed himself for our sakes. I'm sure he   
could beat me if he only wanted. We are still alive, and we owe our life to an   
angel. If our life was a gift, whether from God or from our parents, we can't   
throw it away. We must fight against those who want to harm us. Now we must   
fight against my father. Misato told me he was up to something else. From what   
I've learned, the angel's threat is apparently finished. But he is still   
rebuilding the H.Q. We must be there to act in the shadows.  
He knows we don't like him, but until we are the only ones who can   
pilot the Evas, he'll need our help. I'll ask him to be put back in active   
roster again. We could be able to stop him.."  
  
Asu: "As long he can use the dummy-plug, we are useless.."  
  
Shinji grinned: "Don't you remember? Unit-01 refused Rei and the dummy-plug,   
once. It could happen again, even with unit-02. He can't risk to remain with   
inactive units. And besides.. Maybe he doesn't have dummy-plugs anymore.. Doctor   
Akagi gave him a good goodbye gift.."  
  
Asu: "Doctor Akagi? Has she left?"  
  
Shi: "Not really.. from what I've learned, she's under arrest.."  
  
Asu: "I can't believe it..."  
  
Hik: "You'll never be able to find someone who will care about you, never !   
And if some poor girl would ever happen to be interested in you, I'll   
explain her error and make sure you'll be left at once!"  
  
Ken: "Don't make me laugh! You, who can't even express your feelings towards   
Toji!"  
  
Nerv Man: "Shut up! Ehi, Ranko ! What do we do with these two children? We   
  
can't carry them with us all the way! They are pissing me off!"  
  
Ranko: "You're right.. Let me see.."   
  
She picked the phone and made a call.  
  
This alerted all the children in the van, who looked in terror at them. The   
first man was looking at Kensuke and Hikari with an evil look.  
  
Ran: "What do we do with the other two children?"  
  
Ran: "..."  
  
Ran: "I see. We are almost there. We'll send them to you as soon as possible."  
  
Nerv man: "Well?"  
  
Ran: "We're stopping to drop them to the minority jail. They'll be interrogated   
in a second time."  
  
Kensuke's eye widened, while Hikari joined her hands and started to cry in   
silence.  
  
Shinji was startled, but soon recovered: he stood and moved forward his chest,   
putting his hands on the seat in front of him..  
  
Shi: "You won't drop anybody. You'll bring all of us to my father."  
  
Ranko looked perplexed over her shoulder, while the other man started to laugh:   
"Oh, yes? Well, I'm sorry to inform you that we don't take orders from you, you   
little brat!"  
  
Shinji bent forward: "You'll do what I said."  
  
Nerv man: "You son of a bitch! Well do how we were ordered, and if you try to   
binder me, you'll need a new nose!"  
  
Shi: "Do you know what will happen to you if you harm an eva pilot? Do you want   
to get fir.."   
  
Before he could finish his sentence, he got punched in the jaw. He was violently   
thrown back into his seat, blood flowing from is mouth.  
  
Asu: "Shinji!"  
  
Ken: "Oh my god!"  
  
Shinji dried his blood with his left arm, and grinned: "Now you're in trouble.   
My father will kill you."  
  
Nerv man: "You resisted to us. I had to hit you."  
  
Shi: "It'll take more than a punch in the jaw to divide me from my friends. I   
won't let you take them away from me."  
  
Nerv man, drawing his handgun out of his pocket and pointing to him: "It will be   
a pleasure to shoot you in the legs! Give me a reason!"  
  
Shinji threw himself forward, pushing his forehead against the gun's barrel:   
"You'll need more than shooting me in my legs! You'll need to kill me, because   
I won't let you do what you want!"  
  
The security man was furious. He pulled off the safe and loaded the gun, and   
with a face near the madness, shouted: "You'll do what I told you, or I'll kill   
you! I know your father doesn't care about you. You're just a tool, and so   
expendable! I'm sure I'll get a promotion if I kil you!"  
  
Shinji laughed: "How many times do I have to tell you, clever one? I might be a   
tool, but the only tool that can activate unit-01. Are you still sure that my   
father will forgive you?"  
  
Before the man could reply, Ranko suddenly hit his hand from below, causing   
him to pull the trigger and shoot the bullet. Fortunately, the hit was   
sufficiently hard to lift the gun over Shinji's head, the bullet hitting the   
ceiling and flying outside.  
  
Ranko: "Put immediately your gun away! Or I'll kill you at once!"   
  
She stopped the van, got down and pushed the man to the driving seat: "Now   
you'll drive, and I'll make sure you don't get paid for the next three months!"  
  
Nman: "But I.."  
  
Ran:"Give me your gun and Nerv id card, then. You are suspended from active   
roster right now."  
  
Nerv man: "But.. But.."  
  
Ranko pressed her gun against the other's chest: "Give me your gun." He slowly   
complied, and then gave her the Nerv card too. Then he left the van.  
  
Ranko returned to the driving seat and started to drive again. Shinji was still   
standing there, bent between two seat rows, at a strange angle, looking ahead   
with a firm expression..  
  
Ranko looked at him in the mirror, and said: "Sorry, kid. We weren't   
supposed to harm you."   
  
Shinji didn't relax: "What will you do now?"  
  
Ran: "..", she picked the phone and made a call.  
  
Ran: "Sir ? I have a medical emergency. I'll drive straight to HQ's infirmary   
before to report... No, nothings serious, commander's son got injured..   
Yes, but   
he is bleeding heavily, I don't like this.. Yes I'll take care of all   
four.. No,   
I haven't dropped the strangers yet, I will in the way back. I'll keep an   
eye on   
them.. Yes, sir."  
  
She dropped the phone, and said: "For now you'll stay together. But I don't   
know how long it will last."  
  
Shinji returned to seat: "Thanks."  
  
Ran: "You've been a fool, you could get killed."  
  
Shi: "If he wouldn't stop, you would have stopped him. besides all, I'm still   
important for Nerv."  
  
Ran: "What if I were too busy to act?"  
  
Shi: "It was a bet. But I was rather sure that in a way or in another, I would   
have gotten what I wanted."  
  
Ran: "You risked your life. I never thought you could be so brave, seems you've   
changed from the first time I saw you during my duty."  
  
Shi: "Things change, so people do. I'd like my friends not to be harmed, when   
we'll have to be split.. Can I ask you to take care of them?"  
  
Ran: "You're asking a wolf to watch over sheeps.."  
  
Shi: "I've no other options and, besides, you seem a good hearted woman."  
  
Ran: "Appearances lie."  
  
Shi: "It'll be another bet."  
  
Ran: "Well.. It's time to get blinded, good non vision."   
  
Saying so, she pushed a couple of switches, causing the panes to became black,   
while a rising wall from the back of the seats split the two couples of kids   
from   
each other.  
  
'I should have kept each of them far from the others, because, how the things   
are going on, they will be all interrogated. I had to avoid that they planned   
something together, but at least I still have two groups, so the discrepancies   
could still arise..'   
  
Only then, Asuka found the courage to speak: "Why?.. Why, Shinji?"  
  
He was now intent to block his blood: 'It's the second time in two days I get   
punched.. I hope this won't become an habit..'   
  
Asu: "Shinji!"  
  
Shi: "Oh, yes Asuka,tell me."  
  
Asuka slapped him. At least, she tried to. She was too weak, and it was like   
a fake slap, but her glare, so full of anger and sadness stated otherwise..  
  
Shinji used the same hand with whom he was blocking his blood to caress his   
cheek, leaving a strain of blood over it ".. Asuka.. Why did you hit me?"  
  
Asuka's eye watered: "How could you be such an idiot! What were you thinking to   
do? Arguing with a man with a gun! Inciting him to shoot you! You are crazy! You   
were pursing your death! He would've shoot. It is a miracle you are still   
alive!"  
  
Shinji returned his hands to press against his lips smirking: "All went as   
planned." He didn't know, nor Asuka, but with a pair of glasses, a beard and   
white gloves in front of his mouth, he could be the perfect copy of his father.   
Asuka frowned: "As planned? Being shoot a couple of centimeters from   
your own head is a plan?"  
  
Shinji giggled: "Well.. sort of.."  
  
Asuka crossed her arms, and turned her head away: "You're hopeless. I won't   
bring flowers to your grave. I'll spit over it."  
  
Shinji didn't reply.. 'If there will be a corpse in it..' after a bit, he turned   
his face to look at her. He could only look at her back, and at a distorted   
image on the black glass. 'She is crying? Why?'  
  
He moved forward his head to look at her face, putting a hand over her shoulder:   
"Asuka.." She turned further her head to the seat, asking angry: "What the   
hell do you want now?"  
  
Shi: "Will you pilot the unit-02 if asked to?"  
  
Asu: ".."  
  
Shinji pulled her shoulder to himself with one hand, being unable to use the   
other, still covered by his own blood: "Will you do it?"  
  
Asuka uncrossed her arms and put her hands on her lap, looking to them: "I won't   
be able. I know. I'm useless."  
  
Shinji hit the back pane with all his strength, causing it to break a bit.   
Pieces of glass pierced his flesh, causing his good hand to bleed as well. "Damn   
you! Asuka! Why don't you want to understand! There is no choice! You must do   
it, or it'll be over!".  
  
She bent her head further, resting it on her chin, and continued crying.. "It's   
useless. I'm worthless.."  
  
Shinji was very angry now: he grabbed her by the shoulders, not caring anymore   
to dirt her dress, and shook her. "Asuka! Asuka!" She didn't oppose resistance,   
and this drove him beyond the edge. He didn't think. He just slapped her. Hard.   
With all of his strength. She slowly touched her check and raised her glare. She   
saw him, he was looking at her, his hand still raised, a mask of sadness on his   
face.   
  
Asu: "Why?"  
  
Shinji lowered his hand, and said: "Nothing. I'm not expecting anything from you   
anymore. I'm tired. I've tried to be your friend. I've tried to help you. Now   
I've had enough. Do as you wish."  
  
He turned his body and rested his head on the back of the seat, giving his back   
to her. She didn't make a move, she simply continued crying, louder and louder.   
  
Asu:'He.. He too. He too left me alone. Now that I am useless, they abandon   
me. I hate them. I hate them all !'  
  
Shi:'I'm not running away. Am I ? I've tried everything I could. She doesn't w  
ant to understand. I can't help her, if she doesn't want to be helped. I'm   
useless.'  
  
They continued to stay away, Asuka still crying, Shinji silently listening to   
her.  
  
After a bit, the van come to a stop, and started to be brought from some   
machinery.. 'We are entering the geo-front.. What can I do? In no more than   
twenty minutes we'll be in front of my father. Asuka is in such a state.. What   
can I do? She is still crying..' He narrowed his eyes: 'I mustn't run away. I   
mustn't run away.'  
  
He turned to her, and hugged her from behind, kissing her on the head. She   
yelled, and tried to escape it, but his grip tightened: "Let me go! What do you   
Think you're doing, jerk?"  
  
Shi: "I won't let you go. Not for a bit. I want to hug you. I want to share   
warmth with you. I want to tickle you."   
  
So he started tickling her under her arms. She started laughing softly, more and   
more louder... "Shinji! Stop! Shinji! Stop! AH aH! Let me go ! Ah Ah Let me go!   
I beg you... "  
  
He let her go, and she landed on the seat laughing, then she turned to look at   
him, an angry glare on her eyes: "What the he.." her words died in her throat;   
Shinji was staring at her. Intensely. He started to come closer, closer.. Her   
heart jumped up to her throat, she tried to say something, but now he was so   
close, that she could feel his warm breath on her skin.. She closed her eyes..   
'What does he want to do? . He couldn't want.. No.. It's impossible, he couldn't   
dare to kiss me.. He knows I'll kill him.. But.. Why am I so confused.. Why am   
I trembling? Why..'   
  
Her thoughts were stopped by the soft touch of a pair of lips on her forehead.   
She slowly opened her eyes, to see Shinji's head getting away.   
  
He was looking at her with a soft smile in his face:   
  
Shi:"Asuka. Be brave. I don't want to loose you. Two nights ago Misato kissed   
me on the forehead, like a mother would kiss her child. If you open your   
heart to us, we will be a family, and we'll never be alone again. I'll   
never abandon you. That's a promise. You'll never be alone again. I'll   
always be there for you when you'll need me. You can always count on me.   
Don't push away my offer. Don't push away those who care about you.   
Accepting our help won't make you weaker. Alone we are nothing, together   
we can rock the sky. Open your heart. I wish you good luck; when we will   
be brought in front of my father, don't be afraid of him. He has harmed   
you, but if you will be afraid of him, he'll win. And if he orders you to   
pilot unit-02, try to pilot it. With all your strength, with all your   
mind, with all your will, with all your heart. Do it, and be brave, my   
little Asuka."  
  
He finished caressing her cheek with his injured hand, leaving red sign on her   
face. She looked at him, slowly letting the words sink into her hearth. She   
was still crying now, but this time were tears of joy.. "You'll never leave me   
alone?"  
  
Shi: "Never."  
  
Asuka threw herself against his chest, sobbing quietly. He closed his embrace   
over her, rocking slowly back and forth as if to make her sleep. He even started   
to sing a little lullaby he remembered from when he was still a child. It was   
really strange.. He hadn't thought about it for years.. How could it be.. You   
study an equation one day, and the day after you've already forgotten it. It's   
so strange.. The human mind is so strange and complex.. What is a man? Why are   
we here? Where are we going? And God.. Is God watching over us?  
  
She eventually drifted into a deep sleep, and he stopped singing, stroking her   
hair with his left hand, leaving traces of blood over it.  
  
Shi:'Kensuke, I hope this will work. I've said things without even reasoning   
over them. Maybe they were spontaneous, but will I be able to keep my   
promise? Will I be able to protect her from the pain, from the loneliness?   
A person can't depend from others. Now she's weak, she needs me. She needs   
help. But she must find a bound. Once Rei told me the eva was a bound to   
my father. Asuka's bound was the eva too. And my bound ? Is the eva my   
bound to the others too? Why am I here? Because I am the pilot of the eva   
unit-01. Without it, I'd never met Kensuke, Toji,Misato, Rei, Asuka.. Is   
it right ? Is this fate ? Were we born to fight, to die with the eva?   
That's not right. Why others could live a normal life, while we are damned   
to live so? I told you eva is a damnation. I am still convinced of   
it.'  
  
Feeling Asuka breathe regularly, he leaned against the door, and slowly closed   
his eyes: 'That's not the right moment.. to sleep.. we are almost there...'  
But the warmth he was sharing with Asuka, it felt so good, he couldn't do   
anything else but drift in a light sleep.  
  
..  
  
In the middle row, after they were left alone, Hikari was on a verge of a   
crisis : "Oh my god! Oh my god! We are stuck here ! What are the others doing?"  
She started knocking on the front glass: "Please! Open us! I can't stand this!"  
  
Kensuke tried to grab her arms: "It's useless, Class rep. Stop this nonsense."  
  
But she didn't listen to him, and started to knock frantically: "Open up!   
Open up!"  
  
Ken:'She is claustrophobic? I don't think so.. Or just she's just panicking..   
That would be a problem..'  
  
He grabbed her by her left shoulder and tried to pull her back, without any   
results, so he used more drastic measures: he grabbed her from behind with   
both hands and pushed her to the seat: "Hikari, Hikari! Calm down! We'll be   
fine! Haven't you heard what that woman told Shinji? It'll be fine!"  
  
She wasn't paying attention, and continued to turn her gaze to all the corners   
of their little left breathing space.. So he tried the last resort, slapping her   
across the face. It seemed work, she looked stunned at him, not even bothering   
to check her cheek.   
  
Ken:'Incredible ! I've always thought this was a bullshit.. Well, thanks to   
the sit-coms.'  
  
Ken: "Are you okay, class rep?"  
  
Hik: ".."  
  
Ken: "Class rep? Are you okay?"  
  
Hik: "I'm.. I'm okay.."  
  
Kensuke released his grip and turned to seat, still facing her: "You know, when   
I'll tell Toji I slapped you, He'll make me repent I was born.."  
  
Hikari looked at him still a bit dazed. After a bit she started to regain her   
color, and managed a smile: "I'll make sure he will."  
  
Kensuke scratched his head: "Then it's better if I write down my testament: I,   
Kensuke Aida, leave my camera to Shinji, to film Misato in the bathroom.."  
  
Hik: "I can't believe you, Aida! Asuka is right, you are nothing more than a   
jerk!"   
  
And started to pull his right ear. To her surprise, he didn't protest, or say   
anything. He just looked at her, calmly. So she left him. And looked back at   
him questioningly.  
  
Ken: "It's good to see you're feeling better, class rep."  
  
Hik: ".. You could be a good guy.. Why do you act so ? Why could you be so   
inopportune?"   
  
Then, remembering something, "And why did you say I was fat?!?"  
  
Ken: "Sorry! I wanted to make noise, so Shinji could speak to Asuka   
unnoticed.."  
  
Hikari looked suspicious at him: "Couldn't you tell me that?"  
  
Ken: "Didn't have the time.."  
  
Hik: "Still, you haven't told me why you act so incoherently."  
  
Kensuke braced himself: "I don't think I act in a strange way. From time to   
time, I act for what I think it's the better, and I search to put all in   
ridiculous.. Have you read the Scott's Ivanhoe?"  
  
Hikari shook her head: "Scott?"  
  
Kensuke cleared his glasses, while speaking: "Walter Scott, lived in the XIX   
century, in the first half. He gave a formidable contribute to a new kind of   
expression, the historical novel. I like it very much because there are King   
Richard, Robin Hood, Little John, Ivanhoe.. There are knights fighting for a   
lady, betrayals, murders.. There is a very lonely lady, a Jew lady, fallen in   
love with the Christian Ivanhoe, who hates her because of her religion.. But in   
the end he saves her nearly at the cost of his life.."  
  
Hikari listened without being able to find any meaning in what he was saying..  
  
Ken: "There are very hateful knights, that aren't the loyal ones one usually   
pictures. There is fight for the power, a King without a reign, robbery   
and war.   
There is a minstrel, Wanda I think.., well, this little man is responsible   
for   
the life of King Richard. He helps his Sire making jokes and laughing at   
others.. He is half mad, but his madness doesn't overpower his loyalty to   
his   
Sire, to his King.   
Well.. I think I'm similar. I try to be the lighting-conductor in every   
situation, to lighten conflicts. I try to lighten the situation when it's   
getting dark. But this isn't the true myself. This is the mask I choose to   
wear."  
  
Hik: "Mask?"  
  
Kensuke nodded: "We are like in a big theater. We are all actors acting in front   
of God, of each other if you want. Each one wears a mask, knowing or not."  
  
Hik: "I don't get it."  
  
Ken: "It doesn't matter. I don't either."  
  
Hikari giggled a bit: "You know, you're very strange, Kensuke. I'm very   
happy you and Shinji are Toji's friend."  
  
Kensuke grinned: "Can I hope than you won't scold me back at school?"  
  
Hikari grinned back: "On the contrary: I'll follow you everywhere. When you'll   
do something wrong, I'll be there to punish you. That's what you get for telling   
me I'm fat."  
  
Kensuke comically lifted his clenched fits to the sky: "Life it's not fair!"  
  
Hikari giggled: "I think you should meet my sister Kodama, she'd like you."  
  
Kensuke closed an eyelid: "Kodama? Isn't she your elder sister?"  
  
Hik: "Yes, she is seventeen."  
  
Ken: "Don't you think she is a bit too old for me? I mean, usually the man is   
always older than the woman.."  
  
Hik: "I know. I know also men live shorter than women. So you live with us for   
all your life, and then you leave us alone, with the recommendation to   
stay alone for the rest of our life!"  
  
Ken: "But.. I didn't mean.."  
  
Hikari grinned evilly: "I'll introduce you to her, saying you need to be   
straightened. She is a convicted feminist, and a class rep as well."  
  
Ken: "Oh my dear Lord!"  
  
Hik: "Now tell me.. How is Ivanhoe's story?"  
  
Ken: "Well.. At the time of the Crusades.."  
  
It was around 17:00, and in the same time Rei and Misato were leaving the   
mall. With no bags of sort.   
  
Mis: "Ahhh!! Now I feel better!"  
  
Rei: ".."  
  
Mis: "Now, Rei. You must go and wait for the things to be delivered. They'll   
be at home around 18:00. As I said, you can wait in your apartment or in   
ours   
Here is my key. It's very late, and I must go back to work. It's better if   
you   
stop by your old house to pack your things. We'll get them later. Bye!"  
  
So she left without waiting for a response, leaving Rei alone in the middle of a   
huge place. She stood there for a bit, then headed to the next train station,   
her home as destination.  
  
..  
  
Ranko finally stopped the van in the underground garage. Well, a garage under   
the floor level of the geo-front..   
She looked around. The other cars were already there: "That's not a surprise..   
The doctor and the nurse were probably already under pressure.. first I have to   
stop at the infirmary, as I reported.."  
  
She opened the back door, saying: "Okay guys, time to wal.." and she had to   
grab a couple of sleeping kids before they fell on the ground.. "Shit!"   
She had a hard time putting them back over the seats, and they didn't even   
awaken. Finally, she could catch some breath, seeing them safe: "Phew.. That was   
close.."   
She looked curiously at the strange couple of kids, pressed the one against the   
other.. "I didn't remember they were so close. To tell the truth, the girl was   
used to treat him like an old shoe. Sometimes, I felt sorry for him.. When I was   
in duty to follow him..."  
  
She stood there looking at the sleeping couple with a puzzled expression on her   
face, her arms crossed behind her neck.  
  
"Well.. time to get back to business.." She tapped Shinji on his shoulder:   
"Ikari.Kid. Time to go now."  
  
He slowly opened his eyelids, opening his embrace and stretching his arms:   
"Where are we?"  
  
Ran: "We are at Nerv HQ. Next we'll stop at the infirmary. Help your friend."   
  
Shinji nodded and started to wake Asuka, while Ranko opened the other doors.   
Now the kids were all together, Shinji supporting Asuka. Ranko stood behind them   
and showed the path to take. They entered the HQ from a secondary entrance,   
looked at sight from Nerv security personnel and started walking.   
  
Shinji was perplex: "I don't know this part of the Nerv HQ..."  
  
Ran: "It is because we are in the security sector and heading to the infirmary   
from behind.", 'I wonder if I should have blinded them all.. But that   
would've   
made it hard to lead them.. Why didn't I ask somebody to help me..'  
  
They finally reached the infirmary. First they thought Asuka was the hurt one,   
because she was unable to walk alone and with traces of blood over her face and   
dress, then they were told Shinji was the wounded one...  
  
"It's nothing serious.. You could've fixwd it with the first aid kit." The   
doctor on duty told to Ranko, a stern expression on his face.  
  
Ran: "Well.. He's the commander son, you know.. I preferred to not risk to   
get fired.."  
  
Doc: "I see.. Well, It'll be nothing more than an annoyance for me to remove   
the glass shards from his hand.. Come here, boy."  
  
While Shinji was under the operation, Asuka sat on a chair, Hikari tried to ask   
her how Shinji had gotten his hand hurt, but Ranko stopped her.   
So she could only tell to Kensuke: "What the hell happened back in the van?"  
  
Ken: "Maybe he lost his temper.."  
  
Hik: "Who, Shinji?"  
  
Ken: "Perhaps he's not an angel, after all?  
  
Hikari widened her eyes: "An angel?"  
  
Ken: "Yes, a good one."  
  
Hik: "Oh."  
  
While the doctor was bandaging Shinji's hand, Ranko's phone went off, and she   
opened it: "Yes sir?.. I'm in the infirmary just now. I'll be bac.. What?.. I   
see. They are all here. Do I have to bring them all?.. I see. I'll be there as   
soon as the doctor finishes here."  
  
Shinji looked at her, an interrogative expression.   
  
Ran: "You're going to see your father. It looks like what the nurse and the   
doctor have said isn't good for you."  
  
Hikari and Kensuke went pale, while Asuka didn't understand well the full   
meaning of that short exchange.  
  
Shinji thought a bit: 'That's must be a trick. I've always seen it on the tv,   
and I won't be tricked. I'm sure the nurse and the good doctor didn't say   
anything about our plans and our little trip to the bathroom, so the only thing   
to worry about is Asuka's awakening in the bar..'  
  
He looked at Kensuke as if wishing to speak to him, but he shook his head a   
little and glanced towards the Nerv woman. Shinji saw her keeping her eyes   
on Asuka and Hikari, who were pretty close, and remembered how she didn't   
let the two speaking. 'She doesn't want us to communicate.. How can I do?'  
  
Shi: "Excuse me, but we have nothing more to say than the Doctor and the   
nurse:we went there only to visit Asuka, and followed her when he brought   
her   
away for some tests. We only changed her dress. Obviously th"  
  
He was stopped by a gun pointed to him: "Very clever kid. I won't get fired   
because of you. From now on, it's forbidden to breathe. Do I make myself   
clear?"  
  
Shinji and the others nodded, 'I hope they understood.. I think Kensuke caught   
the idea, I'm not sure about Hikari and Asuka.. Well.. I don't think my father   
is stupid. He'll find the truth. Our only hope is Asuka.'  
  
Finally, the doctor finished, curing his lips too: "Seems to me you get   
beaten too often, kid. Try to defend yourself.."  
  
Shinji stood, his hand in the other: " Hard to do that with people bigger than   
I am, Doctor."  
  
Ran: "Come on, this way."  
  
The next trip was like a funeral march. The kids in front, head low, and   
Ranko behind controlling their movements. They were heading to the Commander's   
office, when they crossed Hyuga. He was walking to the near rest room when he   
saw them. He was speechless, first seeing only the children and recognizing   
them: 'Asuka? Wasn't she in the hospital in the surface? And their friends.. How   
could they enter the HQ?' Then he saw the Nerv guard, a lt., escorting them. He   
stopped and spoke to the woman.  
  
Hyu: "Were are you driving those children, lt.?"  
  
Ran: "It's not of your concern. I have my orders."  
  
She stopped briefly, but then continued to push forward the children. So Hyuga,   
being overtaken, turned and pulled her by the shoulder, only to find himself   
with a gun under his nose: "I thought I was clear. I can use the force if you   
wish." The children looked back, looking at the scene.  
  
Hyuga slowly lifted his hands to his head, not daring to speak anymore.   
  
Ran: "Good. Have a nice day. Come on, kids."  
  
Hyuga stood there until they disappeared to the next angle, then he started   
to run: 'there is something wrong here. I think it's my duty to report   
immediately to Major Katsuragi.' He found her under a pile of reports,   
mumbling about the time lost in the morning. She had just arrived, and she was   
wondering about just leaving.. 'The shift ends at 18:00.. it's already 17:30..'.  
  
Hyu: "Major!" He was panting hard, and landed on the desk causing all the   
reports to fall down to the ground.  
  
Mis: "Hygua! What the hell are you doing?"  
  
Hyu: "Shinji!... Asuka!"  
  
Misato stood, fear in her eyes. She was shaking, her hands trembling. She raised   
them slowly, grabbing Hyuga by the collar: "What happened? Where are they?   
Speak, Damn it!"  
  
Hyuga waited to regain some breath to explain what he had seen, causing   
Misato to become exasperated: "Hyuga! Tell me!"  
  
Hyg: "I saw.. I saw them in the B-2 corridor, level 2. Near the commander's   
office.."  
  
He waited for the last words to sink in, looking at Misato straight into her   
eyes.  
  
She looked back, now extraordinarily calm. She had perfectly understood what   
Hyuga meant. She slowly released her grip. She continued looking at him.  
  
Mis: "Asuka is supposed to be unconscious back in the hospital."   
  
It wasn't meant to counter what Hyuga had just said, it was only a try to   
rationalize, and to put the ideas in the right order..  
  
Hyg: "Well.. She didn't look very well.. She walked supported by Shinji.. It   
looked like she wasn't able to walk alone.."  
  
Mis: "Something must've happened back in the hospital..  
  
Hyg: "..Major.."  
  
Mis: "Yes?"  
  
Hyg: "I saw two other children with them, one was one of those that had climbed   
into unit-01 during the fourth angel's attack.."  
  
Misato was even more worried: "Kensuke and Hikari ? That's not good. That's   
absolutely not good. Hyuga, follow me."  
  
She started to run, but soon stopped, noticing Hyuga absence.. She looked   
back in her room, finding a confused young man..   
  
Mis: "Hyuga?"  
  
Hyu: "Major.. I.. I'm sorry.. I don't want.. You know.."  
  
Misato nodded, patting him on his shoulder: "Don't worry, you have already   
done a lot. Now I must go."  
  
Hyuga crashed on a chair, sighing: "I'm a coward.."  
  
Misato ran as fast as she could.. "That's definitely the end."  
  
When she finally was about to reach the office, she was stopped in a doorway by   
the Nerv guards that usually stood outside the commander office.  
  
"We're sorry, Major. No one is allowed until new orders from the Commander."  
  
Misato panted: "I must see Commander.. It's a matter of life or death!"  
  
The men embraced their uzis..: "We're terribly sorry. We were ordered to shoot   
on sight whoever tried to pass this door."  
  
Misato: 'Shit. I guess I can't do more.' "When the commander will know you   
didn't let me pass, he'll be furious, and he'll have your asses!"  
  
A guard laughed: "Sorry, Major. But our main task is to stop you."  
  
Misato didn't make a move, she simply gritted her teeth: "How strange.."  
  
...  
  
Into the office, in the hall, Ranko was watching Hikari, Kensuke and Shinji,   
while Asuka was the first to be introduced by the Gendo's attendant to him.  
  
Shi: 'That bastard. Straight to the weakest link. I wouldn't be surprised if   
the next one will be Hikari. The next.. He doesn't know much Kensuke, so   
probably he'll be interrogated before me. I hope that they won't speak too   
much.. Perhaps, he won't even interrogate me.. That bastard!'   
  
He started clenching and unclenching his good hand. He'd tear his flesh if his   
nails had been longer..  
  
Kensuke looked at him, and started wondering.. 'I'll see the supreme   
Commander..I've never seen him before.. Will He look like Shinji? What will I   
say? I must protect Shinji and Asuka, and I must cover my ass.. If he finds out   
I've tampered with Nerv's microphones in the hospital.. I'm dead.'  
  
Actually, the security's head had ordered to check the hospital room   
by his own will, and had already reported about the devices they'd found. He had   
already written a pre draft report, to inform immediately the Commander. It   
arrived ten minutes before the kids to his office, since they had taken a longer   
path.  
  
Commander Ikari had ordered to all security squad to send a detailed report of   
the events of the day from the beginning, and the firsts were just arriving. For   
example, before the kids arrived, he was sitting on his desk, his hands crossed   
in front of his mouth, looking down at the report describing Rei's unusual   
clothing and behavior.  
  
Ika: 'There was something strange after all.'  
  
He looked away from the report, looking at the ceiling, moving back his torso   
to lie on the chair. 'Could it modify my scenario? I don't think so. Her will   
isn't needed. I need her, not her cooperation.'  
  
He produced a tiny key from his jacket's pocket, opening a drawer. Inside of   
it there was an hand-gun and something else. He took the gun, weighting it a   
bit, before putting it into his side-pocket. Then he looked down into the empty   
drawer, exception made for an empty portrait, the glass broken in different   
points, with a web of lines covering its extension..  
  
Gen:'..'  
  
'My sins will never be forgiven.'  
  
He closed the drawer with his key, and started to read the other reports.  
  
After a bit, his attendant told him the kids were there.  
  
Att: "Which one do you want to see first?"  
  
Gendo pushed his glasses up to his nose, resuming his usual behavior: "Get in   
the second children."  
  
Att: "Yes sir."  
  
He returned shortly after helping Asuka to one chair in front of the  
Commander's desk.  
  
Att: "I guess she can't stand up."  
  
Ika: "It's not a surprise."  
  
He waited for the attendant to leave, and then shifted his attention to Asuka,   
who tried her best to avoid his glare. He started collecting the reports and   
ordering them, slowly, very slowly. Asuka, already uneasy, started to get   
frightened: 'Shi: "He ordered to keep you under sedatives, after you did what   
you did.". I'm useless to him. What do you think I could do, Shinji?' But then   
she remembered something else:'Shinji: "Alone we are nothing, together we can   
rock the sky. Open your heart. I wish you good luck; when you will will be   
brought in front of my father, don't be afraid of him. He has harmed you, but if   
you will be afraid of him, he will win. And if he orders you to pilot unit-02,   
try to pilot it. With all your strength, with all your mind, with all your will,   
with all your heart. Do it, and be brave, my little Asuka." Will I be able to   
not disappoint him? Will I be able to fight against this man? He hurt me. He   
hurt Shinji. Did he hurt Ayanami? I can't understand his behavior towards her.   
It's like Ayanami is his favorite, but sometimes he uses her like she is   
expendable.. And I ? Am I expendable? Will I let him take me away from my Eva?   
From my home, from my Shinji? 'Shinji.. "Be brave, Asuka. I'll never leave you   
alone."' Were are you now, Shinji? They were only words, but why I wish they   
came true? I'm alone, this the Armageddon, I know. And I'm still alone.'  
  
Then she remembered a short poem from her college back in Germany. It was   
from an Italian writer.. "Ognuno sta solo sul cuor della terra, trafitto da un   
raggio di sole. Ed è subito sera." A next translation would be: "Each one stays   
alone on the earth's face, hit by a sun-light. And it's already night."  
  
'A man, a woman, a human being, born alone, dies alone. His loneliness is   
interrupted only by the love for another human being, but life is short, or the   
happiness doesn't last for long. Must we learn to live counting only on   
ourselves? This isn't the right thing to do. I've always thought I didn't need   
anybody, and that nobody was going to help me. Now, near the abyss, I can say I   
was wrong. Shinji made my bento. He cooked for me. He washed my dress. He bought   
the food. He helped me. Misato helped me. Hikari helped me. My foster parents   
helped me, even if they didn't care about me. I've never said them thanks.'  
  
Gendo's interruption was ill-timed this time. He had waited to make the girl   
feel uneasy, but she had gathered her strength: "Pilot Soryu."  
  
Asu: ' Shi: "Asuka, be brave."' She lifted her eyes. They were red, and still   
tears were flowing from them, but a resolved expression was clearly   
visible on her face.   
  
Asu: "Yes. I am. I am Asuka Soryu Langley. I am the designated pilot of the   
Evangelion unit-02."   
  
Her expression hardened: 'Let's play a game, you ass-hole. I won't be taken by   
surprise. I won't let you win. That's a promise.'  
  
Gendo pushed up his glasses: "You sound convinced of it. Don't you remember that   
you were removed from your duty because of your inability to perform it?"  
  
Asu: 'Son of a bitch! You're playing dirty! But I'm prepared. I've touched the   
abyss of despair. I can't go deeper. Now I must climb back.'  
  
"I know. I needed an holiday. Now I'm ready for resuming piloting."  
  
It was surreal: she wasn't even able to straighten her spine, her eyes were   
red and sore, tears were still slowly flowing on her cheeks, but her expression   
was probably the firmest she'd ever worn.  
  
Ika: "It's not for you to decide whether you can or cannot pilot. You are an   
unstable subject. You tried to commit suicide, just like your mother. I   
don't need you."  
  
She laughed. It was strange, but she currently laughed. It was a sarcastic   
laugh: "You called me in the first place. You let me pilot. And now   
you're saying you don't need me."  
  
Ika: "I don't need to give any explanation to you, Soryu. I want to know what   
happened back in the hospital."  
  
Asuka was still laughing. Had Ikari been a normal person, this would have driven   
him crazy. But he wasn't. He waited until Asuka decided to speak again.  
  
Asu:"You are asking the wrong person, don't you think? I was under sedatives,   
do you remember ? I wasn't cured, I was only tied to that damn bed and   
driven unconscious !"   
  
The anger was now building inside her, and she grew louder and louder..  
  
Asu:"That was what you ordered! You ordered to make me inoffensive! You   
Condemned me to death! You wanted me to die!"  
  
Ikari stood silent, simply watching her. He moved a hand to push his glasses   
back up to his nose. Then he spoke calmly:  
  
Ika:"If I only wanted to, you'd already be dead. Instead I protected you from   
yourself."  
  
Asu: "Do you sedate everyone you want to protect, Commander? If you are trying   
to protect mankind, why don't you sedate all the people of the world ?   
That would be wonderful: an sleeping planet!"  
  
  
Ika:"You haven't answered my question. What happened back in the hospital?"  
  
Asu:"I won't tell you anything."  
  
Ika: "That would be insubordination. "  
  
Asu:"You said I'm not a pilot anymore. Then I'm no more under your   
command."  
  
Ikari stood silent for a minute, looking her through his glasses.   
  
Ika:"There is something that you still haven't understood. You're not a   
person. You are just a tool for Nerv, even legally. Your flesh is mine.   
Your body is mine. And I could take your life, just like it happened to   
your mother."  
  
Asuka looked at him shocked. She couldn't understand for a few moments..  
  
Asu:"Wha.. What.. my.. mom ?"  
  
Ika:"Your mother was a test pilot for unit-02 back in Germany. If you can   
pilot it now, it's because it first touched your mother's mind then,   
driving her   
insane. You've been piloting Unit-02. Using it. For all this time. One   
could say   
you've been using your mother. You served me and the Nerv, so basically   
you   
betrayed her. You are responsible for her death as well. Using unit-02,   
you made   
yourself responsible for her death. You're an assassin. You killed your   
own   
mother."  
  
Asuka listened in horror, images of her mother passing in front of her eyes in   
her mind... images of herself piloting Unit-02, memories of her childhood.. she   
grabbed her head with her hands, and started to cry  
  
Asu: "Stop.. Please.. Stop.."  
  
Ikari didn't bother to listen to her, he continued assaulting her, not   
moving from his usual pose.  
  
Ika:"And as a result, you now can't synchronize with it. You lost your   
mother. She abandoned you, for the second time. You are worthless. You   
don't   
deserve to live. You did the right thing, trying to commit suicide, but   
you   
weren't able to do that as well."  
  
Asuka, although not willing to, was listening to him. She remembered what the   
doctor told her back in the hospital.  
  
Ich:"So! Tell me! You weren't even able to kill yourself. If you can't   
succeeded in such a simple task, how could you dare to think you could be   
a   
pilot? How could you? You are nothing more than a stupid, little kid. You   
are   
nothing. You don't deserve our pity. You don't deserve our compassion. We   
don't   
feel sorry for you ! You little brat ! You are nothing ! Nothing! Do you   
understand ! Nothing! NOTHING ! NOTHING!"  
  
Asu:"I.. want to live.."  
  
Ika:"It doesn't matter what you want to do. You're nothing. Tell me what   
happened in the hospital."  
  
Was the commander trying to break her psychological defenses? Maybe he was about   
to reach his goal, because Asuka started speaking slowly, not very aware of what   
she was doing, as if in a trance, head down, hands still up to her head.  
  
Asu:"I.. awoke.. finding myself.. in a bath-tub... I was all covered with   
lather.."  
  
Ika:"Who was there with you?"  
  
Asu:"Hikari.. and later.. Shinji.."  
  
Ika:"What happened next?"  
  
Asu:"I fainted. I awoke back in a room... There were Kensuke.. Hikari and   
Shinji.. He was crying on the floor.. Kensuke said he showed his errors to   
Shinji.. I wasn't able to move.."  
  
Ika:"Go on."  
  
Asu:"Later.. I awoke in a.. a bar.. I was on a wheel-chair.. there were   
persons talking about me.. they were telling I was mad.. A doctor.. told   
me I   
was nothing.. I was worthless.. I hadn't even been able to kill myself.. "  
  
Ikari nodded. 'That must be that doctor. I must know more about him.' He took   
the phone and made a call to the security head.  
  
Ika:"Are you done with the doctor and the nurse?"  
  
Ika:"..."  
  
Ika:"I see. Then proceed with any measures that could be required. Use of   
force or drugs is allowed. I'm expecting information."  
  
Ika:"..."  
  
Ika:"I don't care. She could be the emperor's daughter, she is a threat for   
Nerv's security. When you're done, put them in jail in section A-3."  
  
Ika:"..."  
  
Ika:"That's obvious."  
  
Ika:"..."  
  
Ika:"I see. Give sedatives to doctor Akagi and tie her to the bed."  
  
He put the phone back down and turned to look at the girl. She was still crying.   
He pushed a button and his attendant entered and approached his desk.  
  
Ika:"Bring her out."  
  
Att:"Where, sir?"  
  
Ika:"Send her back to the hospital, same teraphy. "  
  
Asuka was her own shadow. A frail girl, trembling and shivering. But she heard   
that. This was too much. She was aware that this time there wouldn't be a way   
out. She'd die there, without regaining conscience anymore, without   
seeing...Shinji.. '"You are a woman, you need a man."'..   
  
Asu:'He promised me he'd help me.. maybe.. maybe.."  
  
She was still head down, hands still up to her head, but managed to speak,   
loud: "I don't want go there."  
  
Ika:"You opinion isn't important. Proceed."  
  
Att:"Yes, sir." He started to lift Asuka, who was obviously not helping him.  
  
Asu:"I can pilot unit-02.."  
  
Ika:"I don't need you."  
  
Asuka was desperate.. Not knowing what to do, she gathered all of her breath,   
and shouted: "Shinji! Shinji! Help me! Help me!"  
  
Ikari didn't move a finger. He kept looking at her from behind his glasses,   
hands in front of his mouth. He kept looking at her, as if not really seeing or   
hearing her. Maybe he was surprised, but he didn't show it. The attendant was   
more surprised, letting go if her and speeing back a little. Before he could   
move the doors swung open, and a silhouette stood in the doorway, light in the   
back, in the darkness that usually engulfed the room. Another silhouette   
appeared behind the first, stretching an arm to catch it, but before it could,   
the person standing in the doorway broke off running towards the desk. The   
attendant, taken by surprise, drew out his gun and shot, without thinking.   
  
The sound of the shot echoed in the big room, causing Asuka to scream in fear,   
and curling even more to herself.   
  
A strange sound, like a gurgle, could be heard, but nothing could be seen:   
probably the light coming from the door was blinding the attendant. He stepped   
forward, pushing a button on his remote and turning on the room's light. The   
sight took out his breath:  
  
Att:"Oh my god..."  
  
At a couple of steps from the doorway stood Ranko, looking straight in front   
of her, an expression of surprise over her face.   
  
Gendo simply lifted and turned a bit his head to look straight to the intruder,   
who was now slowly making his way to the desk.   
  
Two armed guards, followed by Captain Katsuragi, entered the hall guns in  
hands, only to find two trembling children, so they ran into the commander's  
room.  
  
The two children were Hikari and Kensuke. They had been sitting near the wall   
opposite to the door to the commander's office. There had been Shinji near them   
until a moment before, but now he was gone. They could see him in the room, with   
a dark red stain on the right side of his back. Misato spotted him..  
  
Mis:"Shinji! Oh my god!"  
  
She ran to him, while the two other men were still checking the area and were   
now aiming to the attendant, who was still with his gun lifted and aimed to the   
child.  
  
Misato was now supporting Shinji, and she was panicking: "Oh, my god! He's   
been shot! Please! Call a doctor! Call a doctor! Shinji! Shinji!"   
  
He was still slowly walking, almost pulling Misato along, towards Asuka,   
who finally found the strength to lift her head and look around. She first saw   
Shinji, and smiled. Yes, she smiled.  
  
Asu:'He's here.. He didn't lie to me.. What? Misato? What is she doing? Who   
are those men ?'  
  
Then she returned looking back at Shinji. There was something wrong.. Why was he   
holding his hand on his shoulder? Whay was Misato crying? Then, she   
remembered...  
  
Asu:'A moment ago.. was it.. was it a shot ? Shinji?'  
  
Her eyes went wide. she could now make out something dark flowing from under his   
hand, slowly spreading over his blue t-shirt. She watched in fear as he   
approached her, slowly, one step at time.   
  
In the room, it was like time had stopped for everyone except for Shinji and   
Misato. The first slowly pulling her towards the desk, the second   
trying to stop him and to bring him to the infirmary.  
  
He finally stood in front of Asuka. He lowered his hand, revealing a big dark   
stain on his t-shirt and said: "I am here. Don't be afraid." Then he fainted,   
literally collapsing over Asuka, pulling Misato along.   
  
Asuka was forced to lean against the desk's edge, which caused her an  
immense pain because of her still frail body. But she didn't pay attention to   
her physical pain. A voice screamed inside her head:  
  
Asu:'He ran to help me! He is here! A shot! He got shot to help me! He   
tried to protect me! He didn't lie to me! He's dying, he's dying! He's   
dead!"  
  
"NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"  
  
End of Chapter 6  
  
  
________________________________________________  
  
  
Well.. Things are taking a strange path..  
  
X-Ray:"The first time I got shot I extracted the 430mm bullet from my  
Left harm without even using a knife!"  
  
EBJ:"The first time I got shot I stopped the bullet with my teeth".  
  
X-Ray start thinking about learning the gun-blade technique..  
  
_________________________________________________  
  
Addenda: for this chapter, James hadn't the time to help, so EBJ was alone..  
It was an hard work, and I really have to thank him for his help. I think that   
without him I wouldn't be here. So, when you send me the greetings, send a copy   
to him: for example the Ranko that is present in this chapter was originally a   
man. Then he said that it was a woman's name, and I changed it. Maybe I can   
arrange some relationship between her and some of our main characters.. I don't   
know, because in the draft the things are pretty rough..  
  
As always, this last addenda is by myself, without EBJ help, so don't be   
surprised if you find errors!!!  
  
---  
  
Train Of Thoughts   
  
Chapter 7  
  
Standard Disclaimer: Neon Genesis Evangelion is owned and copyrighted by Gainax,   
all characters used from that series are theirs. All names are (TM) and (C) by   
their respective owners.  
  
I've never written long texts in English, and this is my first try to write a   
fan fiction.   
  
Feel free to send any comment, suggestion, flame, job opportunity etc. etc.  
  
This is a revised version, now I have again one pre-reader!  
  
James has other important things to do, so..   
  
That's incredible but, I guess, isn't enough: even if EBJ ( the evafiction's   
Space Black God ) helps me a lot, starting from the pile of trash that is my   
draft, some errors could escape, so you are advised...   
  
If you like ToT, thank him as well, so I can continue writing...  
  
r.giammanco@datastudio.it  
e.barone@flasnet.it  
  
  
One last note: My home page is on http://members.xoom.com/fantasticare.  
  
I know I said I wouldn't use Xoom, Geocities or similar things, but, due  
to technical reasons, my provider can't accept home page for a while, so..  
  
In this page, heavy under construction, you can find the revised version of my  
fics. Jump on it, and drop me a line if you like it.   
  
  
  
  
Well, Take a seat, and enjoy yourselves.  
  
__________________One precious tear/Are you afraid of me?______________________  
  
Her scream chilled almost everyone's spine in the room, and the two children   
outside the office stood up and ran into the room, only to watch in horror as   
both Asuka and Shinji had passed out, and a desperate Misato was over them.  
  
The commander was now about 40 centimeters from his son, but stood like a marble   
statue. Maybe he was aware that his son wasn't hit to death, or maybe he was   
aware that any of his moves could lock the captain's attention. She, in fact   
looked at him, anger in her eyes, but she had spared not even a single word to   
him.  
  
All in her was showing anger, hatred. Probably, if she hadn't something more   
important to do right at that moment, she would've shot him in the face  
Instead she shouted in anger:  
  
Mis:"Kensuke! Hikari! Come here!"  
  
Hikari stood on the doorway, while Kensuke ran to help her. Misato took Shinji's   
body in her arms, while Kensuke took care of Asuka. While they were leaving the   
room, a guard tried to make a move. Misato, who'd been keeping an eye on every   
person in the room, didn't leave him the time to act: she had her right arm   
under Shinji's knees, the other under his shoulders, and she had still her gun   
in her right hand. She pointed it towards his chest, clearly stating that she   
wouldn't hesitate to shoot him were he to attempt something.   
  
Passing near Hikari, she shouted her: "Come on! Follow us!" and gave her a push   
with Shinji's legs. Hikari shook her head and ran after them.  
  
In the room, the attendant was the first to speak, without turning to face the   
commander: "I'm sorry.. Sir.. I didn't want.. to.."  
  
Ika:"You acted well. You've done your job. I have an assignment for you."  
  
Turning to face him, the attendant returned his gun to his holster, and stood as   
usual in front of his commander.  
  
Att: "Yes, sir."  
  
Ika:"The gun-license of Captain Katsuragi is outdated. Retire her gun."  
  
Att:"Yes, sir. What about the other two children?"  
  
Ika:"They're useless now. They won't speak on their will, and I don't want to   
use drastic measures with them. Not now."  
  
Att:"Very well, sir. I'll go and retrieve the gun right now."  
  
Ika:"Not so fast, or you'll get shot. Wait for half an hour, attendant."  
  
The attendant blushed a bit: "Sorry for my dumbness, sir.", and then left. The   
other two men silently left too, leaving Gendo Ikari alone. He picked his phone   
and dialed a number.  
  
Ika:"What did you fond out?"  
  
Ika:"..."  
  
Ika:"I see. Send me reports immediately. Cure him and then bring him back to   
his cell. Notify their arrest to the civil authority."  
  
He severed the connection, stood up, and went to the window, arms behind his   
back.  
  
Ika:'It's almost show time.'  
  
Suddenly he punched the window with all his strength, with his right gloved   
hand, breaking it. Slowly he pulled back his hand and looked it. No sign of   
blood.   
  
Ika:'Maybe I have no blood left to shed.'  
  
He returned to his desk and made a call: "A window in my office got broken.  
Repair it immediately."  
  
Then, he dialed another number. "Captain Ibuki. Report here immediately with the   
Dummy Plug Bravo results."  
  
A gentle breeze was now coming out from the broken window, and his hair was   
being moved by it. He simply said: "Vengeance."  
  
...  
  
It was about 18:00, and Rei was in her new home. She was standing in the hall,   
with all her belongings near her on the floor: her school bag, filled with   
books, and two plastic bags, filled with clothes, and the bag Shinji had given   
her.  
  
In her pocket was a rectangular shaped box containing a pair of glasses.  
  
She had just arrived, and was looking around. The hall had three doors, the   
floor was covered with dust, hadn't bothered to change her shoes.   
She left all she was carrying here and opened the door in front of her. There   
was a corridor, almost 4 meters long and 2 wide, and there were two doors on its   
sides, and a glass-door at his end leading to a balcony. She entered the door on   
the left, finding herself in a room that was 5*5 mq, almost as large as her   
previous home.  
  
There was a glass-door leading north to a balcony, probably the same she had   
seen from the corridor, and a door leading south.   
Stepping through it she entered a somewhat smaller room, about 4*5 mq, without   
windows, and a door leading east. She opened it finding herself in the hall,   
were she was a minute before. She entered the door leading east, crossing the   
hall. She found herself in a poor lit corner-corridor, leading north and east.   
  
There were three doors and a window, two doors on the northern wall, the window   
on the eastern, and another in the southern wall then the corner. She entered   
it, finding the bathroom. She went back in the corridor and entered the   
opposite door, finding what was obviously a kitchen only because it had a   
lavatory and a fridge. It had only one window, no other exits, so she returned   
in the corridor and opened the other room. It was almost identical to the second   
room she had seen, in fact it was to the opposite side of the first corridor.  
She went to the balcony, dust and dirt there too. She leaned against the railing   
and started wondering:  
  
'I'm here. Why? Because he told me it would be better. When the officer told me   
I could live here, I was..happy, because I would be near him.'  
  
She trailed her glance to her right, looking at the Major's balcony. She could   
recognize it by the chairs and the other stuff that were there.  
  
'Still, I lied to the commander. I've never found any difficulties on sleeping   
in my room. Instead, last night in Major's apartment, I couldn't sleep.. until I   
was with him.'  
  
She started remembering... She saw Shinji in his pajamas in the doorway to his   
room looking at her with wide eyes and open mouthed, and then he collapsed on   
the floor. She stood there for a while, not really understanding what was   
happening.   
  
Then..   
  
'Is he ill? What happened?'  
  
She walked by him, and kneeled down, side to his chest, front to the window so   
she didn't cast her shadow over him. She tried to wake him touching softly his   
cheeks, like soft slaps. She continued saying: "Ikari.", but at in a low tone of   
voice, like not willing to disturb the others, but not being useful to wake him.   
She then sat, always looking at him: his expression wasn't serene, a mask of   
fear on his features.   
  
'He is worried. He is afraid. Is he afraid of me?'  
  
A pain in her chest exploded at that thought, as a knife was tearing her heart,   
splitting her breast, breaking her ribs one by one.. And she came closer to him,   
almost face to face..  
  
"Are you afraid of me? Do I scare you? You were the only other person, except   
your father, who talked to me. Who treated me like a human being. Who cared   
about me."  
  
Now her eyes were watering, and a single tear was able to cross her cheek   
covered by a white cream, falling on the floor near his head. She looked at that   
single tear shining like a diamond in the moonlight.  
  
'Tears. I'm crying again. I know why I cry, this time. I'm afraid that Ikari   
could reject me. I think he knows. When I saw him for real for the first time   
back in the hospital, he wasn't aware of my nature. Now I think he knows. No,   
I'm sure he knows. His behavior, yesterday, was strange, and his questions were   
strange too. I don't know what he really knows, but perhaps this has something   
to do with Doctor Akagi's fate, and with the new experiments Captain Ibuki is   
performing on me.. Maybe he knows more then I do..'  
  
Now others tears were falling upon the first.. Then she realized he was on the   
floor, and tried to pull him up, but she didn't succeed.   
  
'What can I do ?'  
  
She looked at him, an immense sadness in her face. She then sat on the floor   
near his head, and put it on her legs. She leaned her back against the wall, and   
looked down to him.   
  
'You told me I could be like a mother.. I don't know exactly what is a   
mother, but I'm sure it isn't the thing I want to become for you.. But if this   
is the only thing I can do for you, then so be it..'  
  
She used her right hand to caress his cheek, his forehead, his hair. His   
expression softened, and slightly moved to stand on his side, giving his front   
to her.   
  
She did something unexpected: she smiled.  
  
With her face covered with cream, tears running over it, and a gentle smile, her   
figure was something frightening and fascinating at the same time. Her red orbs   
were like deep wheels of eternal burning fire, where one could get oneself   
lost.  
  
She looked away, to the window, and trough it, to the darkness of the night.  
  
"I hope you won't hate me.."  
  
Now she was back to reality, in her new house, tears in her eyes.   
  
"I don't want to cry."  
  
She went back to the hall, and picked up the walkman Shinji gave her. She put it   
on and started playing the tape. She returned to the balcony, and stood there,   
leaning against the wall, listening to the music, eyes closed.  
  
"It's like.. being with him.."  
  
She stood there, and didn't hear the bell ringing. But, after a moment, she   
could sense something moving in the room to her left. She headed to the balcony   
door, and looked inside. There was a man, in a blue outfit, doing something with   
the switches. Turning then on and off, and testing the power cables. He finished   
there and left the room from its eastern exit. She could see him in the   
corridor, doing the same things, and then he went in the room from whom she   
entered the balcony. He started again to do his stuff, when a breeze made him   
turn to face the balcony, where Rei, walkman still up, was looking at him. He   
was kneeled down in front of a power cable, and when he saw Rei over his   
shoulder, he fell on his back gulping.  
  
Rei entered the room, removing her headphones, simply staring at him.   
  
The man, about 22-23 years old, stood up rubbing his back.  
  
Man:"I'm sorry, Miss Ayanami. I thought you weren't in.."  
  
Rei:"..."  
  
Man:"You see.. I rang the doorbell, and you didn't answer... I had the old   
code, and so tried it. It worked, so I decided to come in and do my job.   
When I saw your things, I thought you had left them and had gone out.  
I'm really sorry.."  
  
Rei:"Who are you?"  
  
Man:"Geez.. I'm sorry, again. I'm from Nerv housing office. My chief forgot   
to tell you that since this apartment has never been used, water and   
power feed had to be checked up.   
I was ordered to come here and fix everything. Here, this is your   
receipt, you can sign here."  
  
Rei looked at the sheet and the pen the man was offering her, she took them and   
read the paper, giving a strange look at the man, who scratched his head,   
uneasy. Then she approached a wall, and signed the paper using the pen handing   
them back to him. He collected them and said:  
  
Man:"I'm not done yet. I have to check the kitchen and the bathroom.."  
  
She simply stood, and so he, after a bit, collected his bag and went to the   
bathroom, followed by a silent Rei. He checked the shower, the bath, the   
toilette, the w.c.... From time to time he glanced nervously over his shoulders   
to Rei, who was simply staring at him from the doorway. Then he proceeded to the   
kitchen and checked everything there as well.  
  
Man:"My job is finished, here."  
  
Rei:"..."  
  
Man:"Can I ask you a question?"  
  
Rei:"..Yes."  
  
Man:"Will you be alone here?"  
  
Rei:".. Alone?"  
  
Man:"You see.. It's lonely to live alone.."  
  
Rei:"..."  
  
Man:"Well.. When I was young, I was only hoping to find a job and to live by   
my own.. Now I have my job and an house.. But I'm alone.. Maybe if I had   
someone to share it.."  
  
Rei:"I understand. It's sad being alone."  
  
He sighed, looking around..   
  
Man:"I must go now, not that I have other houses to check, you know.. And,   
don't forget to change your door code."  
  
He headed towards the door, always followed by Rei.  
  
Man:"See you soon."  
  
Rei simply looked at him, without saying a word.  
  
'"I understand. It's sad being alone." Why Have I spoken in such a way? I hadn't   
thought before speaking. I know loneliness. I know it well. But in the past I've   
never express these feelings.. Feelings.. I can remember I told Ikari I didn't   
know how to act in some circumstances.. Why can I experience loneliness now?   
Why now.. do I miss Ikari ? Shinji..'  
  
Her eyes were watering.. her grip over the walkman tightened, and she encircled   
it with both hands, pressing it against her chest, over her hearth, looking   
down to it.  
  
'A.. gift.. From Ikari..'  
  
She remembered Shinji holding her on the catwalk during the third angel attack.  
she remembered Shinji crying in front of her in her entry-plug during the fifth   
angel attack.  
She remembered him grabbing garbage and putting it in the trash in her room.  
She remembered her slapping him.  
  
'I wanted to become one with Ikari, mind, body and soul. Now I know. I wasn't   
aware of what I really wanted to do. Now I know. I was running away from me.   
From my fate. I didn't want this fate. I've been given birth for a purpose that   
now I'm rejecting. I wanted to unite to him, because the only way I knew to show   
my feeling was that, like I had been instructed to. That was my only way to   
avoid my fate. My life is a lie. I know. I am a doll. I know. I've always known.   
But I didn't want to face the truth. I am a doll in the commander's hands. He   
doesn't care about me for what I am, but for what I could do for him. I.. I   
wanted to see in him .. my bond. Now I can understand.'  
  
She released the grip on the walkman, and with the other hand she pulled out of   
her pocket Gendo's glasses.  
  
'Why have you done this to me?'  
  
Now tears were running over her cheeks.  
  
'I'm an artificial being. I was born without a soul. What I call my soul   
is an pile of signals, reasoning, numbers. Man made me, but man isn't   
God, even if he wants to become it. I am a monster. I've always known. I   
was able to open myself only to those who knew my nature. I built a wall   
outside me, to push away others... But that wasn't me. I am who I am.   
I am what I think. My memories made me, but I can reject them. I don't   
want to be your doll, Commander. Your wife is dead. You must face the   
truth. You are running away from it. To reach her, you are dooming all   
mankind to death, only to fulfill your desire. You can't understand that your   
wife lives in your son, lives in you... Lives in me.'  
  
She fell to the ground to her knees, dropping the walkman and the glasses..  
  
'Am I doomed? I am made of Ikari's mother, and of Lilith. I really must   
resemble a mother. I am a woman who doesn't bleed, I can't give birth, but I am   
made from them. I am doomed. My whole existence is a damnation. Even if I'll   
die, there will be someone else to replace me. If he wants, all my thoughts, all   
what I've achieved, will be erased, and a new doll will be given birth. I will   
be betrayed, one, ten, one thousand times. If he only wanted to, he could kill   
and resurrect me every day. Even if doctor Akagi has destroyed the dummy plug   
facility, he is building them again. I don't know exactly, but I'm sure the   
Dummy Plug Bravo projects is right in schedule. If I won't be able to survive   
until that day, I'll be replaced. Maybe it is true that something's been wrong   
with me from the beginning, something is leading to my death.'  
  
She started sobbing..  
  
"Ikari.. Shinji.. Why do you care about me? You know who I am. Why don't you   
run away ? Why?"  
  
She remembered him.. in the laundry, in the Eva, in the streets..   
  
"I.. Once I told him I would protect him. Now, I'm making a promise. I won't   
let him be harmed, in any way. I swear."  
  
".. At least, I owe this to his mother.."  
  
So.. she dried her cheeks, and stood straight. She looked at the glasses on the   
ground, near to the walkman. She kneeled again to pick the walkman, wearing the   
headphones and listening to the music, still looking down at the glasses.  
  
Suddenly, the bell rung. She looked unsure for a brief moment to the door,   
then she unplugged her ears and opened the door. Outside were standing four   
persons, carrying an incredible number of bags and boxes.  
  
Man1:"Good evening. Miss Ayanami?"  
  
Rei:"..Yes. I am."  
  
Man:"We are here to bring these things. We don't build nothing, just bring   
things. You'll need someone else to fix the furniture. Please sing here."  
  
Meanwhile, the other men, without even asking permission, were already bringing   
the stuff inside, putting it in the various rooms, without a scheme. Maybe they   
weren't paid enough, and Rei wasn't exactly an intimidating person...  
  
She simply signed the form, and stood outside watching them work. Then, a man   
came closer to her and told her, handing her a pair of broken glasses:  
  
Man:"I'm very sorry, miss.. I didn't see them.. Thy were on the floor.."  
  
She simply stared at them emotionless. Finally she spoke:  
  
Rei:"It doesn't matter. They weren't mine. You can trash them."  
  
So the man tossed them into a box and then left carrying it.  
  
The head said hello and left. She was now alone, the door still open. She   
remembered the Major had given her her key. She slowly put up the headphones   
again, closed her door, changing the code, and opened the major's door.  
  
She was sure nobody was home. She checked her watch. It was 18:47. She reached   
Shinji's door, and opened it, standing in the doorway. The beds, Shinji's bed   
and Kensuke's futon, were still unmade. She walked inside and sat on the bed.   
She looked at the pillow, and caressed it. She looked at her dress. She shook   
her head and went in her house. She searched for a bit, finally finding a   
particular thing. She came back in the other apartment, undressing in the   
Major's bedroom and wearing a black t-shirt and a couple of white shorts. She   
took off the earrings too. Dressed like that, she headed to his bed, lying on   
it, her right hands under her head, walkman playing music.  
  
'So, if they come back, they won't find anything strange.. I just... want...to   
share something with him.... even it is only his bed..'  
  
Listening to the music, she fell asleep, a single tear crossing her cheek.  
  
...  
  
Hyuga was standing in the recreation area, his hands clenched around his head:  
  
Hyu:"What could I do?"  
  
He was distracted by a sound of several steps on the floor. He heard a   
discussion: "..infirmary.... and we mustn't harm them. We must only retrieve   
her gun and license. They are free to go where they want. To hell, for what I   
care."  
  
Hyuga hid behind the vending machine, and saw them walking trough the room.  
  
Hyu:".. Infirmary! What did happen?"  
  
SO he started running after them, picking a different and, he hoped, faster   
route.  
  
...  
  
In the Nerv Infirmary, there were two beds occupied. One by Asuka, who wasn't   
receiving any kind of medical assistance, the other by Shinji. Near him were   
Kensuke, Hikari and a couple of nurses, while Misato was speaking to the doctor,   
gun still in hand, which made him feel a bit uneasy..  
  
Doc:"Well.. I've done everything I could do.. It was a 9mm, you know.. He was   
very lucky. The way the bullet impacted on his chest, it didn't do   
much damage. It exited under his right arm, not too close from the rib   
cage. There's no worrisome muscle and tissue laceration since the bullet   
was a metal jacketed one. I already have given him all the serum he could   
need, and I don't think he'll need an extensive treatment. Anyway, to be   
sure, it's better if you bring him to the hospital.  
  
Mis:" Yeah, right! So Nerv doctors there could do him all they wanted!"  
  
Kensuke lifted his head and nearly shouted: "Major! I've almost forgotten! There   
were a nurse and a doctor with us when we get caught ! We must find them!"  
  
Mis:"A nurse and a doctor?"  
  
Ken:"Yes! They were help.."  
  
'Idiot !'  
  
"ping me finding a door when they got caught with us ! They are innocent!"  
  
The doctor moved back and fort on his legs uneasy.. "Well.. I think they are   
under NERV's custody, by now.."  
  
Misato pointed the gun to him: "Explain yourself!"  
  
The doctor opened his collar for air and said: "When I cured the doctor, the   
guards were bringing him in jail.."  
  
Mis:" Why did he need care? "  
  
Doc:"Well.. It was like a bear had slapped him.."  
  
Ken:"Those bastards!"  
  
Misato looked him over her shoulders: "I think we should talk a bit, Kensuke."  
  
He nodded nervously adding: "Maybe is better if we bring Shinji to the   
hospital.."  
  
Mis:"You're right. Bring Asuka, I'll take care of Shinji again."  
  
The attendant chose that moment to enter the infirmary.  
  
Att:"Major Katsuragi. You are ordered to deliver your gun and licence.   
Commander's orders. "  
  
Behind him were four fully equipped security guards, gun in hands, aiming at   
her.  
  
The nurse and the doctor pulled themselves against the wall, while Hikari looked   
terrified from near Shinji's bed, and Kensuke came closer to the Major.  
  
Mis:".."  
  
Att:"Any attempt to disobey orders will be considered insubordination, and   
you'll get arrested. We only want your gun. Nothing else. There won't be   
any other actions against you. The Commander only decided this due your   
psychological situation."  
  
Mis:"..Don't make me laugh! Who do you think I am? A fool?"  
  
Hyuga was standing behind the guards, panting heavily. The path he had chosen   
was interrupted due maintenance, so he had to run double the distance to get   
there. He understood the situation and entered the room, passing trough quite   
surprised guards:  
  
Hyu:"Excuse me.. Excuse me.. I must pass.. Major"  
  
Mis:"Hyuga? What are you doing here?"  
  
Hyu:"Major, it's alright. They don't want harm you or the children, they   
just want the gun, nothing more."  
  
Mis:"This is nonsense. I could find another, even without the license.  
Why should I believe them? What does the commander really want?"  
  
Att:"From what I've heard, he doesn't want you having a gun just now. Maybe   
in future he would allow you to have your license back. I think he's   
worried if you could do something stupid..."  
  
Mis:"Ah! How kind of him!"  
  
Hyu:"Please, Major!"  
  
Kensuke made his voice audible: "Maybe it's better for now, major.."  
  
Att:"It's clear that until you won't give your gun to me, you'll stay here,   
and so the children."  
  
Misato, still aiming at him, looked down at Shinji. The bandages on his chest   
were starting to change color, a trace of red was now visible over them...  
  
Mis:"..Alright."  
  
She put the safe on, took the gun by the barrel and gave it to the attendant.  
  
Att:"Very well. Now you are free. Don't forget to report for duty tomorrow   
morning."  
  
" Did the commander say that too? " Asked sarcastically Misato.  
  
Att:"No, but it's of your interest not to get fired... or killed."  
  
He left the infirmary, followed by the guards.  
  
Mis:"Hyuga, help me. Take Asuka."  
  
Hyg:"Yes, major."  
  
She took Shinji and headed for her car, followed by Hyuga carrying Asuka and   
by Hikari and Kensuke. Hikari was very shocked, and Kensuke tried his best to   
calm her down.  
  
Ken:"It's over, Hikari. We're leaving. Soon we'll be on the surface..   
Class rep.. It's okay.."  
  
But she wasn't really paying attention to him..  
  
Ken:'Damn! There isn't nothing I can do right now..'  
  
So he took her left hand in his, and started stroking it, gently and slowly, to   
make his presence evident to the girl, who wasn't even noticing that her   
hand was being held by someone else...   
  
They finally reached the parking area: Kensuke and Hikari crumbled inside the   
back seats, while Hyuga put the still unconscious Asuka next to them. Finally   
Shinji was put in the passenger's seat, next to Misato. While Kensuke took care   
of Asuka, adjusting her head, and buckling her seatbelt, Misato was doing the   
same with Shinji, while Hyuga was looking at her.. She finished to prepare   
Shinji and turned the engine on.  
  
Mis:"I'm leaving Hyuga. Get back to your duties."  
  
Hyu:".. I'm sorry Major.."  
  
Mis:"Don't worry, he'll be fine. I'm sure of it."  
  
Then she left, driving at a pace much slower than usual.   
  
Hyuga kept looking at the car until it was visible, and continued looking at   
the last spot where it was for a while..  
  
'Maybe.. Maybe.. she's not just I woman anymore. Now.. I can say she is a   
mother.. Can a mother fall in love with someone?'  
  
He shook his head and headed back to his duty: monitoring any suspicious signal   
coming from the space using the satellite network: 'Is the commander waiting   
another attack? The last UN report I read talked about the Angels like a past   
threat.. Why are we still in charge?'  
  
...  
  
Finally, about 20:15, Misato reached the hospital: she called someone to help   
her, and bring Shinji to the E.R. section. She didn't show her Nerv ID, even if   
probably the personnel knew her and the other child very well, and were   
wondering about what happened.. Kensuke grabbed a wheel chair and started to   
push Asuka, while Hikari was still pulled by hand from him.   
  
They weren't allowed to enter to emergency section, so Shinji was taken away   
from them. Misato looked like a caged tiger: she walked in circle in the waiting   
hall, almost digging a circle with her steps. From time to time she raised her   
hands to the ceiling, like to say something, only to end up watching the door to   
the emergency section with a worried expression..  
  
Kensuke was sitting on a chair, Hikari next to him, Asuka in the wheel chair   
in front of them. She finally spoke:  
  
Hik:"Ke.. Kensuke.."  
  
Ken:"..."  
  
Hik: "Kensuke.."  
  
Ken:"Oh.. Yes, class rep?"  
  
Hik:"I.. I must phone home.. They must be worried by now.. I promised to phone   
them every day.. and it's getting late.."  
  
Ken:"Oh.. You're right.. I must call too. I've seen a phone near the entrance.   
We can use it."  
  
Hik:"Alright.. I must go.."  
  
Kensuke stood and tell Misato: "Major.. we must call back at home. Could you   
watch over Asuka for a while?"  
  
Misato stopped walking to face them.. For a moment, it was like she didn't could   
understand what Kensuke was talking about. Then she came by them and hugged them   
with all her strength: "I'm sorry.. I'm terrible sorry.. this must be a   
nightmare for you.. Kensuke.. Hikari.. you don't deserve these pains.. You have   
even been trailed by the Nerv Security.. I'd drive you home personally.. but I   
can't leave alone Shinji and Asuka.. I'll call a taxi and so.."  
  
She was stopped by Hikari, who said, startling Kensuke: "It doesn't matter. They   
are our friends. They went trough this hell to protect us. It's our turn to do   
something for them, even if it would mean only stay here and worry about them.   
With which courage could I leave? Asuka would need me. I'm sure of it. And I   
think Kensuke is thinking the same thing, aren't you, Kensuke?"  
  
Kensuke, hugged by a fierce major, was listening carefully to these words,   
and managed to nod.  
  
'Well.. It's strange to hear her say such things...wasn't she terrified just   
some minutes ago? '  
  
Misato started to sob.. "T.. Thank you.. Hikari.. Kensuke.. I'd like to have   
friends like you.. Thank you.."  
  
Kensuke managed to break free, giving an handkerchief to her: "Major.. It's all   
right.. we'll be back soon.. Just the time to make a couple of calls.."  
  
She nodded, pulling out her handkerchief and drying her eyes, traces of   
mascara visible on the handkerchief.. She managed to smile, her vision blurred   
..:"I'm looking forward to see you again.. now go!"  
  
Kensuke looked at Hikari. She turned and headed to the entrance.   
  
When they reached the phone, Hikari found the line busy..  
  
"Maybe it's Nozomi talking with a friend of her.. Then it's better if I   
try the next hour.."  
  
Kensuke chuckled a bit, saying: " You look like you feel better, class rep."  
  
She turned and smiled: "Yeah. I've decided to be strong, as strong as Asuka."  
  
Kensuke smiled: "I hope you won't starting teasing Toji.."  
  
She laughed heartily, and then sighed: "Ah.. Toji.. I wonder how is he.."  
  
Kensuke offered: "Maybe we can go and see him.."  
  
Hikari shook her head..: " No.. at present, it's Shinji and Asuka who need our   
help.. Toji is fine.. or at least I hope so.. Come on, call your home.."  
  
Hikari's line was busy, indeed, but because her father, very worried by then,  
was phoning to the Major's apartment.. There, around 20:30, there was only Rei,   
sleeping softly.. She was still wearing the earphones, so she couldn't hear   
anything. However, Pen-Pen had always found that sound awful, so he left his   
fridge and started wandering in the house to search someone to answer to the   
phone.. Hikari's father was kept letting the phone ring more and more, his   
worry increasing every moment.. Finally Pen-Pen found someone in a room, and   
managed to wake her up.  
  
Rei was very started at being awakened by a loud   
  
"QWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKK"  
  
She sat on the bed, looking around, until she finally heard the sound. She   
slowly made her way to the kitchen, followed by the penguin, and stood by the   
phone, staring blankly at it.  
  
Pen:"Qwak!"   
  
Rei looked down at it. It looked as if he was trying to say: 'Well? What are   
you waiting? The phone is ringing, you know?', so she inhaled deeply and took   
the phone..  
  
Dad:'Come on.. Come on..'  
  
"click.."  
  
'Oh God! Thanks!'  
  
"Hello? Katsuragi's apartment?"  
  
Rei:"..Yes?"  
  
Dad:"Oh, good evening! I'm Hikari's dad. May I speak to her?"  
  
Rei:"..Horaki isn't here just now. I think she is still with Aida and Ikari   
back in the hospital.."  
  
Dad:"Still in the hospital? It's getting late! Aren't the visit hours already   
finished?"  
  
Rei checked her wristwatch: "...You're right. Maybe they have stopped by some   
place to buy something to eat. I'll search them and I'll make your daughter   
phone you."  
  
Dad:"Oh, thank you! And you are..."  
  
Rei:"..Ayanami."  
  
Dad:"Oh, yes! I saw you once in the base! Well, thank you very much. I'm a bit   
worried about my daughter. She left yesterday evening and she hasn't   
made a phone call yet.. Well.. I'm waiting near the phone. Let me know.   
Good evening."  
  
Rei:"..Good evening."  
  
Rei hung up the phone, and searched through her pockets for her phone   
booklet, but she didn't find it. So she went back to her house to find her old   
school uniform. She found it, and picked up all her other belongings. There was   
a phone now in her house, alone sitting on the floor. It had been probably the   
Nerv employee.. but she preferred to come back to Katsuragi apartment to make   
her call. She had now her cell phone, but she decided to use the fixed one in   
that apartment. She probably never used her phone to make a call.. Finally she   
got in the kitchen and dialed Shinji's number. One, two, ten rings. Nobody   
answered. In fact, his phone, his documents, his clothes were in a basket in the   
Emergency section of the hospital, and no one cared about them.  
  
Rei:'...'  
  
Then she dialed the major's number..  
  
Misato was still walking in circles like a caged animal, when her phone went   
off ringing. That almost scared her to death. She picked it and looked it in   
disbelief. To her utter surprise, the call apparently was coming from her own   
apartment...  
  
Mis:"I didn't know Pen-Pen could use the phone.. I must talk with him   
seriously, from woman to penguin."  
  
  
And, unbelievable as it might seem, she was being serious. Although the idea of   
a penguin drinking a can of beer, sitting on an armchair making intercontinental   
phone calls to the artic pole was ridiculous, she really meant what she had   
said.  
  
Mis:"Hello?"  
  
She was expecting a series of indignant "Qwaak! Qwaak!" with the penguin   
complaining about the food, when instead she heard a strange voice..  
  
Rei:"Major, it's me, Ayanami."  
  
Mis:"R..Rei? What are you doing in my house?"  
  
Rei:"You gave me the code."  
  
Mis:"oh.. Yes.. You're right. What can I do for you?"  
  
Rei:"Horaki's father called here a few minutes ago. He's worried about his   
daughter."  
  
Mis:"Oh.. Well, Hikari and Kensuke went to make their calls a little ago, so   
he'll get called pretty soon.."  
  
Rei:"I see. So they are with you."  
  
Mis:".."  
  
Rei:".."  
  
Mis:"There is something else?"  
  
Rei:"Major.. Why doesn't Ikari answer on his cell phone?"  
  
Misato tensed. She could feel it wouldn't be a good idea talking about Shinji's   
condition by phone to Rei, a Rei different from usual..  
  
Mis:" I didn't hear any ring from it... Are you sure you dialed the right   
number?"  
  
Misato felt clearly uneasy, and her tension was clearly audible. Rei sensed it.   
  
Rei:"I don't make such mistakes.. Can I speak to him?"  
  
Mis:"he.. he's not..here just now.. he's with Kensuke and Hikari at the   
public phone."  
  
Rei:".. Why they have to use a public phone instead of your or his cellular?"  
  
Mis:"Well.. it's not a good thing asking a person to borrow her personal   
cell phone...it could get pretty expensive you know.."  
  
Rei:"I see."  
  
Mis:'God! Please cut it off!'  
  
Rei:"Major, why you are with them? You told me you had to do extra paperwork   
this evening, and that you wouldn't come back for dinner."  
  
Mis:'Holy shit!'  
  
"Ehr.. You know.. They.. They called me to visit Asuka! That's right, we   
are in Asuka's room!"  
  
Rei:"But the visiting hours are over, Major."  
  
Mis:"Rei. We are no ordinary visitors. Now I must go. See you later."  
  
So she switched the phone off and leaned against a wall letting a deep sigh to   
escape..  
  
" I just needed a third degree from Rei.."  
  
Then her attention shifted over Asuka and over the door. She resumed walking in   
circles.  
  
...  
  
Rei stood silently for a while, the phone still to her ear. Then she checked   
her agenda and dialed another number.  
  
Str:"Nerv hospital facility, Neo Tokyo 3 Memorial Hospital. May I help you?"  
  
Rei:"I'm pilot Ayanami. I'm looking for Major Katsuragi."  
  
Str:"I'm sorry, I haven't seen her since the beginning of my shift, three   
hours ago."  
  
Rei:"..."  
  
Str:"Hello?"  
  
Rei:"How are the second pilot condition's?"  
  
Str:".. Well.. I'm not supposed to talk with you about these things.."  
  
Rei made something unexpected. Although from outside it wasn't visible, she   
was very agitated, and she made a threat:  
  
Rei:"I'll ask the commander to fire you, if you don't tell me how pilot   
Soryu is. Tell me, now!"  
  
Str:".. She's not here anymore...she was taken to Nerv HQ.. so they   
told me.. I do"  
  
Rei closed the phone. She was breathing hard. Something was wrong.  
  
Rei:'Why did the Major lie to me? What is happening?'  
  
She was about to call her again, when she stopped.  
  
'She is hiding something from me...'  
  
She pondered that a bit, then went in the Asuka's room. She had seen a laptop.   
She turned it on, and connected to the Nerv intranet. She entered her id and her   
clearance level, higher then Katsuragi's. She entered a query for the Major   
location, via her cel phone. The resolution wasn't too high, the sampling cells   
were about 5000X5000 mq, but it could be an idea..  
  
She waited a bit, then come the response: Tokyo-3 surface, eastern sector,   
Torakishima park.  
  
She looked a bit, then she superimposed the city map over the cells map. There   
was an huge park, and few buildings. One of them was the Tokyo 3 Memorial   
Hospital. She looked confused.. She couldn't understand what was happening.  
  
Then she checked Shinji's position in the same way. His cellular was working, as   
she had seen a bit ago, and found it in the same cell.  
  
She closed her eyes.. 'In the hospital.. The second child isn't there. How?'  
  
She checked the entrances to the Nerv HQ looking for any sign of Shinji or   
Asuka. Nothing. Then she tried a cross research about the daily reports about   
the children when she got disconnected.  
  
"Connection severed by peer. Please call again."  
  
She was a bit confused, and dialed again. This time her name and password were   
rejected. She was even more confused. The only person that could do that..   
was.. was the Commander!  
  
"Commander.. What are you doing?"  
  
She picked her phone, checked her agenda and dialed a number.  
  
Rei:".."  
  
Str:"..click."  
  
Rei:"Commander."  
  
Gen:"Yes. Rei, what were you doing?"  
  
Rei:".. I was looking for your son."  
  
Gen:"I see. Why were you looking for him?"  
  
Rei:"I couldn't reach him by phone."  
  
Gen:"Even I don't respond to the phone sometimes."  
  
Rei:".."  
  
Gen:"Where are you?"  
  
Rei:"At major's"  
  
Gen:"What are you doing there?"  
  
Rei felt uneasy, she didn't know the reason either..  
  
Rei:"..I don't know. Waiting for them, maybe."  
  
Gen:"I see. Perhaps the decision of moving to another place was a hurried   
one. It's better if you come back to your old place."  
  
Rei:"I won't."  
  
Gen:".. You won't?"  
  
Rei:"Yes, Commander, I won't. I like this place."  
  
Gen:"Before was a suggestion, now it's an order: come back immediately to   
your old place."  
  
Rei:"But why!"  
  
This time, it wasn't her usual voice. Not her usual monotone voice.   
He could feel despair in those two single words. The pain of a soul. It hit him   
in the hearth, and he didn't know what to do for a moment, then he resumed his   
old behavior.  
  
Gen:"..It's an order, Rei."  
  
Rei:"..I won't obey this order until I'll know what is going on. Why did the   
Major lie to me?"  
  
Gen:"Major Katsuragi isn't worth of trust. I made you aware of this."  
  
Rei shook her head: "No, sir. I can understand things better now. She didn't lie   
to me to back herself up or something else. She lied for a good reason, I'm   
sure. I want to understand why."  
  
Gen:"That's nonsense. I'll send a squad to pick you. Stay there."  
  
Then he closed the line.  
  
Rei stood there.. phone still to her ear..  
  
She slowly pulled away the phone, and looked at it like she was going to break   
it into little pieces, then she simply turned it off and put it into her pocket.   
She collected all her belongings, leaving the wristwatch on the floor and went   
rapidly into Shinji's room, grabbed a pair of trousers, a school shirt and a   
baseball hat. She changed in no time and then left the apartment and went to   
the upper floor. One or two minutes later, two Nerv Squads, one by stairs, one   
by elevator reached that floor and started punching the two doors. Her   
apartment's and the Major's. They got in and disappeared inside. She slowly   
descended the stairs, normally. When she reached the lobby, she left under the   
gaze of a Nerv man. He looked at that boy for a moment, then returned his   
attention to the exit. A second later, he checked some papers, and left the van,   
cursing himself aloud: "No one lives here except the Major!"  
  
He ran after her, but when he turned a corner she had vanished.  
  
"Shit!"  
  
He started phoning wildly.  
  
...  
  
Gendo was speaking to the phone: "I see. Surround the hospital. Allow no one to   
enter without the proper identification. Don't harm her."  
  
He closed the phone, and started thinking.  
  
'I've lost my control over her.'  
  
'...'  
  
'No..'  
  
"I've lost her."  
  
He stood and walked to the door.  
  
Att:"Where are you going,sir?"  
  
Gen:"I must see doctor Akagi. Call me only if the rescue squads have some good   
news."  
  
Att:"Yes, sir."  
  
It took about fifteen minutes to reach the jail, sector A-1, maximum security,24   
hours control, shoot at sight.   
  
'By now, she must be near the hospital..'  
  
He entered the cell, without being announced or announcing himself.   
  
Gen:"Ritsuko."  
  
A woman, blonde hair with a dark spot over it, sat upright on the   
bed.  
  
Gen:"Ritsuko."  
  
The woman slowly raised her head. She could pass for a middle aged woman, maybe   
about 60 years. Her aspect was horrible.  
  
Rit:"Gendo. Do you come to see the results of your action? Here, I'm here.   
As you can see, there isn't much of me left."  
  
Gen:"Rei refuses to obey my orders."  
  
Ritsuko laughed a bit: "Commander, are you loosing the control over your   
puppets? It's no good for a puppeteer like you, is it? "  
  
Gen:"Why did you betray me?"  
  
Rit:"Because you were using me. And I decided to break free, like your doll   
now."  
  
Gen:"I need her."  
  
Rit:"I don't dare to imagine why do you need her. I don't know well your   
plans, but I'm happy someone decided to fight you."  
  
Gen:"Then you will be pleased that my son got himself shot to protectthe   
second children."  
  
Ritsuko eye widened.   
  
Rit:"Really! Is he dead?"  
  
Gen:" It wasn't a deadly wound."  
  
Rit:"Well.. I think you should modify your scenario, then."  
  
Gen:"I was thinking about a new Rei."  
  
Rit:"oh.. this time, why don't you grow her up to 22 years, and fuck her ?"  
  
Gendo came closer to her in a second, and slapped her hard in the face, without   
a change in his expression.  
  
Gen:"You'll help me."  
  
Ritsuko looked at her left hand covered of blood..  
  
Rit:"The hell I will."  
  
Gen:"You'll do, otherwise I'll kill Katsuragi, like you killed Kaji."  
  
Rit:".. What.. Why.. Why should I? She'll die anyway, you'll kill us, or   
you'll put us in prison, like you did with me. And besides, why do you   
need me ? You could be able to do by yourself!"  
  
Gen:"You don't know, but this Rei, Rei III, is undergoing a process of   
rapid decay. I don't know why. I wanted to use her for my purposes, but   
now she isn't reliable anymore. Maybe the transfer process isn't fit for a   
mind grown up to 14, 15 years. I want you to check and tell me the truth.   
If it will be necessary, I could use a 6-7 years old Rei."  
  
Rit:"..Don't you think I'll betray you again?"  
  
Gen:"No, because I'll be always to your side. With a gun ready."  
  
Rit:"How kind of you.."  
  
Gendo, this time, smirked: "Welcome back to active roster, Doctor Akagi."  
  
Rit:"What are you going to do with the other Rei and with your son?"  
  
Gendo stood quiet for a while.   
  
Rit:"Are you going to kill them?"  
  
Gendo his back to her, spoke: "Tomorrow morning you will be escorted to our old   
lab. You'll find all our data about the current Rei and her problems. I'm   
expecting an explanation."  
  
Rit:"You know.. This situation calls back to my mind a story.. do you remember   
Frankenstein? I can't remember the writer, or the true version.. It's an   
horror story, where the creation of a scientist turns against his own   
creator.. The meaning is that we mustn't play with the life.. In all its   
forms.. We have many sins, Commander.. would you now become responsible   
of the death of your own creation ? Would you kill her? And, would she   
let herself be killed?"  
  
Gen:"I have no time to reply your stupid question. I did what I had to do for   
mankind's sake."  
  
Rit:"It's not true. Maybe it was in the beginning, but now you are pursuing   
an insane project. Sometimes, from what I've heard, I can imagine a   
scenario.. In this dark cell I've thought a lot, and what I think you   
are planning to do is crazy. I have read the Dead Sea Scrolls, you know?   
You are going to kill all of us only to reencounter your wife. You are   
crazy."  
  
Gen:"But you'll help me. Why?"  
  
Ritsuko sighed: "Even if I won't do, you'll do it alone. So, it's better to   
be aware of what would happen, don't you think?"  
  
He left the room.  
  
Outside, he stood for a while.  
  
' What will I do with them?'  
  
'She's a threat.'  
  
'He's a threat, but I could need him.'  
  
'...'  
  
"There is no choice."  
  
He slowly went away.  
  
...  
  
When Kensuke finished speaking to his relatives, Hikari phoned again at home:  
  
Hik:"... click."  
  
Dad:"Hello?"  
  
Hik:"Hi, Dad. It's me."  
  
Dad:"Oh! Hikari! Why didn't you call sooner? We were very worried, you   
know.."  
  
Hik:"Oh, come on! What do you think could happen to me?"  
  
'except being kidnapped, almost killed..'  
  
Dad:"Ah! Ah! Well, where are you? Still in the hospital?"  
  
Hik:"Well.. Yes.. we came here alone, then the Major joined us. We were  
Leaving when.. well.. Shinji fell down from the stairs.."  
  
Kensuke's eyes went wide.  
  
Dad:"Oh! Nothing serious, I hope.."  
  
Hik:"Well.. He is in the Emergency, now.. We have to wait for him...it's   
because of this we're still in here.."  
  
Dad:"oh.. I'm sorry.. Well, you should inform the other girl.. maybe she's   
worried.."  
  
Hik:"uh?"  
  
Dad:"Yes.. that girl.. Ayanami.. She was in when I phoned.."  
  
Hik:"Where?"  
  
Dad:" What do you mean, where? To the Major's!"  
  
Hik:"ah.. Well.. I'll call her right away.. Bye.."  
  
Dad:"Don't forget to make a call when you'll be back at home!"  
  
Hik:" Okay, I promise. Bye."  
  
She hung up the phone and sighed.  
  
Ken:"What did you say! Shinji fallen by the stairs!"  
  
Hik:"Well, you only said: 'I'm okay, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye.' I   
have to say something more to my father, besides, I'm a girl, you are a   
boy. It's natural my father is more worried.."  
  
Ken:"well.."  
  
Hik:" By the way...my father called at the Major's and found Ayanami there!"  
  
Ken:"Uh? How come?"  
  
Hik:"I don't know.. let's try to call her."  
  
She dialed the number, but no one answered..  
  
Hik:" I hope she didn't leave to look for us..."  
  
Ken:"That could be a problem.. Wait! She has a cell phone! We must   
Go and ask to the Major her number."  
  
Hik:"Let's go!"  
  
...  
  
Misato was now punching the door:  
  
Mis:"Dammit! Open this damn door! Tell me how is he!"  
  
Finally a man that looked like a doctor opened the door, followed by a police-  
man.   
  
Doc:"Okay.. Here we are.."  
  
Misato looked surprised from the doctor to the policeman.  
  
Mis:"What does it mean ?"  
  
Doc:"Do you know, we must report gun's harms to the local police station..   
Your boy is in good hands. You must follow this gentleman.."  
  
Pol:"This way, please."  
  
Saying so, he picked her right arm.  
  
Misato quickly broke free, and looked them.  
  
Mis:'I'd liked to avoid this..'  
  
"I'm from Nerv, and the child is under our jurisdiction. You have no   
power over us, as stated the art. 23 of the Nerv rules."  
  
The policeman felt uneasy, and looked the doctor. In the meanwhile, Kensuke   
and Hikari arrived..  
  
The doctor scratched his head..  
  
Doc:"Well.. it's strange.. A bullet being shoot to a kid.."  
  
Mis:"It doesn't matter. I told you. You must only cure him."  
  
Doc:"Then why didn't you bring him to your section?"  
  
Mis:"Weren't you supposed to be the emergency section?"  
  
Doc:"Well.. some first aid was already been applied.."  
  
Mis:" To hell with this! Next time I'll bring him to our section even if he's   
just scratched a finger with a knife!"  
  
Doc:"He's fine, for now. I have given him antibiotics to prevent infections,   
but he must be kept under observation for almost a week, no major   
lesions.. it would need one or two week before he could move his arm   
again.."  
  
Mis:"Okay. Where is he?"  
  
Doc:" In one of the observation rooms."  
  
Mis:"I must see him."  
  
Doc:"Follow me."  
  
Ken:"Major.."  
  
Misato turned to face them: "oh.. Kensuke, Hikari.. Do me a favor.. stay   
here and watch over Asuka.. please."  
  
She disappeared following the doctor into a door.  
  
Ken:"Damn! And we are stuck here!"  
  
Hik:"But.. you know.. Asuka.. is.."  
  
Ken:"well.. you're right.. What should we do now? Maybe we must wake her.."  
  
Hikari looked sadly at her friend.. "No.. being awake would only be a pain for   
her.. Let her to rest.."  
  
They sat near Asuka, deep in thoughts, until a nurse came to them.  
  
Nur:"You are friends of that boy brought here a bit ago?"  
  
Ken:"Yes! What's the matter? Is his wound a serious one?"  
  
Nur:"Oh no, no! Listen, maybe you could take his belongings.. Otherwise I   
had to bring them in a place the other side of the building, and my shift   
is over.. Could you.."  
  
Ken:"Okay.. Give them to me."  
  
The nurse gave him a bag and left. Inside there were a shirt, a couple of   
trousers, a couple of shoes, a wallet and a cell phone. Its display was   
blinking..   
  
Ken:"Uh? What's that? A call.. from the Major's ? That must had been   
Ayanami.."  
  
Hik:"Oh, no! We were supposed to ask the Major her number! Now she's gone!"  
  
Ken:"Don't worry, class rep! I bet in this phone we could find the right   
number!"  
  
He managed to search the memo, and find the right number. "Here! Let's phone!"  
  
Hik:"Erh.. Are you using his phone?"  
  
Ken:"Oh, come on! We must watch over Asuka! Be quiet!"  
  
He dialed the number and made a strange face: "It's turned off? Strange.."  
  
Hik:"Maybe her battery is over.. I haven't seen her recharging it.. Well.. To   
tell the truth.. I haven't seen her phone at all..."  
  
Ken:" Look how small this one is.. maybe you simply didn't notice it.. Maybe   
She has turned it off for some reasons.. She'll call soon. We have to   
wait."  
  
  
...  
  
In the desert streets of Neo-Tokyo 3, a lone figure was running. There was no   
one in the streets, and traffic lights, silently functioning, gave a feeling of   
loneliness. But, to the occasional walker, that person would resemble a ghost..   
She was.. like blurred...disappearing in one place and reappearing a couple of   
steps further.... Maybe it was only an optical illusion due the rain. Yes,   
because it was raining now. At first just some drops here and there, then   
pouring like a thunderstorm..  
  
Rei was soaking wet, but kept running. Finally she got to the station. She   
took the train, and sighed, looking around. She was alone in the car. It was   
the circular monorail. She was heading to the hospital, where she had last   
tracked Ikari and the Major...  
  
She looked at herself in the glass, being able to see her reflected imagine due   
the outside's darkness..  
  
' This way they should have trouble finding me, even if they are already   
waiting for me at the hospital.. What will the Commander do? I..I don't   
care.. I only...only want to see him.. one more time... I sense.. he's in   
trouble...'  
  
She turned her phone on and called his phone again.  
  
...  
  
Kensuke nearly jumped on his seat when Shinji's phone went off ringing..  
  
Ken:"What the hell.. Hey, it's Ayanami!"  
  
Rei: "..click"  
  
Ken:"Hello, Ayanami!"  
  
Rei:"..A..Aida?"  
  
Ken:"Where are you, Ayanami?"  
  
Rei:"Where is Ikari?"  
  
Ken:"..erh.. well.."  
  
Rei was very worried now: "I asked you, where is Ikari! Aida! Answer me!"  
  
Ken:'God what to do? Lie to her, for her welfare.. Or tell her the truth?'  
  
"He's.. He's.."  
  
Rei:"Tell me! Where is he? What happened to him? Where are you?"  
  
Ken:'I guess telling the truth it's for the best, just know..'  
  
"We're at memorial hospital, Ayanami."  
  
Rei:".. I knew it. Why are you there?"  
  
She was deadly calm now, her tone her old one, cold as usual.   
But a storm of emotions was raging inside her..  
  
Ken:"Ikari.. Ikari was checked in, and is under observation."  
  
Rei:"W..Why? What happened.. to him?"  
  
Ken:"He.. He's okay.. They cured him.. He has to stay here to avoid infection   
to his wound..."  
  
Rei:" How was he injured?"  
  
Ken:"erh.."  
  
Hikari was looking at him, a worried expression on her face, her hands jointed   
in front of her mouth, as if praying... Kensuke looked into her eyes..   
like searching for an hint, he found only concern..  
  
Ken:" He fell on the stairs an hour ago.."  
  
Hikari started laughing.. but Rei didn't buy it..  
  
Rei:"That's a lie."  
  
Ken:"Uh?"  
  
Rei:"I have asked the Major about him half an hour ago, and she avoided my   
questions. He's in the hospital. I know. He's badly injured, I know.   
I want know what happened to him. Please, don't lie to me. Tell me the   
truth."  
  
It was her usual tone, but Kensuke felt something.. something very..   
disturbing..  
  
Ken:'.. Shinji, forgive me..'  
  
" He's been shot."  
  
Rei gasped, and felt her heart stopping..  
  
Rei:"He.. he.."  
  
Ken:"But now he's okay! The bullet hit him in the shoulder. No need to worry.   
He won't die ! It's true ! I swear it ! Ayan.. Shit.. She hung up."  
  
Hik:"You idiot! Why did you tell her the truth?"  
  
Ken:"Well, I thought it was the right thing to do, ok?"  
  
Hik:"Umph.."  
  
Ken:"Well.. I think we only have to wait for her.."  
  
It was about 21:00, and Kensuke's stomach made himself audible..  
  
Ken:"..."  
  
Hik:".. Don't tell me you're hungry?"  
  
Ken:"Well? Maybe you don't need to eat from time to time?"  
  
Hik:"But.. But.."  
  
Ken:"Listen. I'm going to buy something at the fast food outside the hospital;   
while I'm away, try to wake her.."  
  
So he left. After a bit, Hikari turned to face Asuka.. She tried to awake her   
calling softly her name, until she slowly opened her eyes. Her vision was very   
blurred at first, and it didn't help the fact in the waiting room there were   
only neon lights. Then, she adjusted her vision, finding a worried Hikari gazing   
at her..  
  
Asu:"Whe.. Where am I?"  
  
Hik:"We are at the hospital. Shinji is fine, don't worry about him."  
  
Asu:"Shinji?"  
  
Hikari looked surprised..  
  
Hik:"Well.. don't you remember what happened to Shinji?"  
  
Asuka looked around, and then spoke, looking at her: "Who are you?"  
  
Hik:"You are asking me who I am? Asuka! Are you joking?"  
  
Asu:"Asuka.. Who is Asuka?"  
  
She was sincere.. Hikari could understand she was sincere..  
  
Hik:'That's incredible! Asuka amnesic!'  
  
"Are you serious?"  
  
Asuka looked around in mild confusion..  
  
' But she hasn't been hit in the head, she hasn't suffered any injury..   
Could it be.. the shock of seeing Shinji hit by a bullet in front of her?'  
  
Asuka looked down to her chair and tried to stand up, but she didn't be able to.   
She looked up and asked: "Why Can't I stand? What happened to me? And you.. Who   
are you?"  
  
Hik:'Maybe it's better for now if she doesn't remember anything..'  
  
"Well.. Listen.. You had a bad disease, and you had to be stuck in bed for more   
than a month.. This is why you can't move.. In the other hand, the medications   
they gave you made you amnesic.. But don't worry, you'll recovery your memories   
in little time.."  
  
Asu:"..So.. Who are you?"  
  
Hikari cheered up: "Well, your best friend, of course!"  
  
Asu:"Oh.. This is why you are here.. But.. If I'm fine now.. Why are we  
Still in the hospital?"  
  
Hik:"Well.. you know.."  
  
'Shit.. I must invent something..'  
  
"I came here with.. erh.. your brother, yes ! Your brother came with me to   
pick up you, when we saw a friend of us brought here injured.."  
  
Asu:"So I have a brother.. How is he?"  
  
Hik:"Well.. You'll recognize him in no time: he has the hair color carrot, he   
wears glasses and wear always a white shirt.."  
  
Asu:".. Why doesn't he use contacts?"  
  
Hik:'Well.. It's strange.. She knows contacts, and she doesn't remember   
who is she..'  
  
"Well.. to tell the truth.. I never asked him..."  
  
Asu:"I see.."  
  
She thought for a moment and then spoke: "First you told me to not worry about   
Shinji.. Is he the friend you talked about?"  
  
Hik:"Yes. He had been brought here by his... mother..."  
  
Asu:"Oh. And my parents? Where are my parents?"  
  
Hik:'erh..'  
  
"They're outside Japan for now.. A business trip, I guess.."  
  
Asu:"Oh."  
  
"..."  
  
"Where is my brother?"  
  
Hik:" He went to buy something to eat in the fastfood nearby. He'll be back   
in no time."  
  
Asu:".. So we are waiting for that boy, Shinji?"  
  
Hik:"Well.. I think he won't be able to leave the hospital so soon.. It seems   
That he has fallen over a glass, breaking it and tearing his shoulder.. I   
think he'll have to stay here for a bit.."  
  
Asu:".. I want to go home.."  
  
Hik:".. well.."  
  
'What can I do ? Her real home is out of question.. Kensuke's is a pile of   
stones.. Maybe my hold house? It is still furnished, since we didn't have   
the time to pick our furniture..'  
  
"..We have to wait for your brother, then we'll say goodbye to Shinji and   
to his mother, and finally we'll go to your home.."  
  
Asu:"..."  
  
Asuka closed herself into deep thoughts, so Hikari started looking anxiously   
for Kensuke: 'Well.. How may minutes he needs to buy something to eat?'  
  
Kensuke was waiting at the fast-food's take away. He was behind a guy who was   
buying an incredible number of hamburgers and cheeseburgers. He asked so many   
things to eat that they weren't able to give him all in one time...  
  
Kensuke was bored to wait and told to the stranger: "Excuse me, Mister."  
  
Str:"Uh? What do you want, kid?"  
  
Kensuke had a deja-vu.. '..I think I've already met this guy.. Where?'  
  
Ken:"Well.. I have to buy only four hamburger.. I see you are waiting for more   
that 35.. Can you let me pass? I'm starving.."  
  
Str:".. Okay.. Miss, serve the kid for now."  
  
Kensuke greeted and took the bag, leaving.   
  
In the way back, he tried to remember where he had seen that man.. 'I'm sure   
I've already seen him.. Where? Well.. Maybe it isn't so important..' And he   
started eating some potatoes.. When he got to the waiting room, he was finishing   
his potatoes, putting the reminder in his mouth. He waved to Hikari, who ran to   
him: "Kensuke! Kensuke! Listen to me carefully: Asuka is amnesic, and you are   
her brother. The major is Shinji's mother, your parents are aboard, you live in   
my house alone. Shinji fell on a glass."  
  
Kensuke choked himself with the potatoes, and started couching and even crying.   
When he was again able to breathe, he looked again to the class rep: "Are.. Are   
you serious?". They were in the middle of the room, and Asuka was looking at   
them. Hikari pushed Kensuke toward her, whispering in his ears: "Try to greet   
her. I've told her we'd left after saying goodbye to the Major and Shinji.."  
  
Now Kensuke was standing in front of Asuka, bag still in hand, mouth covered   
by piece of potatoes..  
  
Asuka looked at him for a brief moment.. '.. Is it true that he's my brother?',   
then she asked: "So you are my brother.."  
Kensuke looked back to Hikari, who elbowed him in the back, and nodded   
nervously..   
  
Asu:"What's your name, brother?"  
  
For once, Kensuke did something natural: "So you really don't remember my   
name?"  
  
Asuka frowned: "I've already told that to.." she looked at Hikari, who   
understood and hurried: "Hikari.". Asuka continued: ".. Hikari.. But.. If I was   
amnesic.. Why didn't the doctor inform you?"  
  
Kensuke scratched his back: "You know.. in these times, there aren't very good   
doctors around..", 'This reminds me.. How are the doctor and the nurse? I must   
do something for them..'  
  
Asu:"I see.. Wait ! Are you my little bro' or my big bro' ?"  
  
Kensuke winkled.. 'I guess it's better I told her I'm her little brother..' so   
he managed to smile and said: "Call me little bro', if you want."  
  
Asuka expression softened, and grabbed his hand. Kensuke nearly jumped, but   
succeeded in not breaking the grip Asuka was having on his hand.   
  
Asu:"Okay, little bro'. H.. Hikari told me you went to buy something to eat..   
well, I'm starving.. Could you?"  
  
Kesuke slapped his forehead with his left hand, not very easy for him: "What   
an idiot !" He bent down and produced from the bag tree complete meals. Asuka   
left her grip, grabbed one and started eating the fried potatoes: "Mh..   
Delicious! Maybe with the mayonnaise they would taste better!"  
  
Ken:"You know.. eating too much fried potatoes would you get fat, sis !"  
  
Hikari arched an eyebrow: 'Sis? I assume he's getting inside his character..   
too well..'  
  
They started eating, forgetting the forth meal.. It was there for a stomach..   
But that stomach, just now, had other to do.  
  
Misato was in fact crying, now from a long time, over Shinji's chest.. She was   
alone in his room, and even if she wasn't, she wouldn't care.   
  
End of chapter 7  
  
_______________________________________________________________________________  
  
X-Ray:I prefer the pink sauce : mayonnaise and runaway bride's blood...  
  
EBJ: I prefer western sauce: gimme a McRib and a Dr.Pepper (hard to find   
good doctors indeed).  
  
X-Ray adds to the shopping list Dr Pepper between tomatoes and Desert Eagle..  
  
_______________________________________________________________________________  
  
  
  
  
  



	3. Chapter 8

Preamble: 

Train Of Thoughts   
Chapter 8 

Standard Disclaimer: Neon Genesis Evangelion is owned and copyrighted by Gainax, all characters used from that series are theirs. All names are (TM) and (C) by their respective owners. 

I've never written long texts in English, and this is my first try to write a fan fiction. 

Feel free to send any comment, suggestion, flame, job opportunity etc. etc. 

About the crap I write.. even if EBJ ( the evafiction's Space Black God ) helps me a lot, starting from the pile of trash that is my draft, some errors could escape, so you are advised... 

Just now, I'm happy to add to the active roster of pre-readers Tsu. He will help me pointing to conflicts in my stories and making suggestions. 

The poor EBJ will still deal with my errors, so be nice and write to him, will ya? :) 

In the end, if you like ToT, thank them as well, so I can continue writing... 

r.giammancodatastudio.it 

ebj.nervflasnet.it 

minynkitozemail.com.au 

One last note: My home page is on http://members.xoom.com/fantasticare. 

I know I said I wouldn't use Xoom, Geocities or similar things, but, due to technical reasons, my provider can't accept home page for a while, so.. 

In this page, heavy under construction, you can find the revised version of my fics. Jump on it, and drop me a line if you like it. 

Well, Take a seat, and enjoy yourselves. 

And, for God-sake, try to write fanfictions! It is one of the funniest and Interesting thing to do! But do it only if you can really write a good English, Otherwise you will be the despair of your pre-readers!

# Reencounters/Why do you have to suffer?

****

R.Giammanco   
AKA X-Ray

Rei was standing on the top of a small hill, far away from the station where she got off the train. Near her there was a phone. It was just inside the park. She was wondering what was the right thing to do. She could see in the distance the hospital and the main streets leading to it. It was in the middle of the park, while she was along its borderline. She was sure they were expecting her near it. The commander would've given order to retrieve her. Forcing her? Would they harm her? She felt her stomach growling in pain. She was hungry, very hungry. With the Major she had had only a sandwich.. She gritted her teeth, and started to walk in the park: it was full of pines, it was like a little forest. She took a strange direction, she was not pointing directly towards the hospital, but rather to the big armament building that there was behind and right of it.. 

It was about 21:30.. 

... 

Finally Misato dried her eyes, and stood up, looking sadly at Shinji.. He was under pain-killers.. so he wouldn't be able to awake until tomorrow.. She bent down and kissed him on his fore-head: "Sweet dreams.. My little Shinji.. My little hero..". She caressed his hair, and ran outside sobbing.. 

When she got to the waiting room, it was about 22:00.. 'It's very late.. I must bring them at home, and then come back here, to watch over him..' 

When Hikari spotted her, she ran to her and started to whisper into her ear, while Kensuke was trying to distract Asuka showing her his old scar on the leg, the outcome of one of his solitary trips. 

Hik: "Major ! Major! Listen to me carefully: Asuka is amnesic! She can't remember anything! I told her I was a friend of hers and that Kensuke was her brother. I told also Shinji was a friend of ours and that you were his mother.. I told her that her parents were aboard, that they lived in my house alone. I also told that Shinji fell on a glass." 

Misato looked at her in disbelief: 'Asuka? She doesn't remember..' After looked at Hikari and Kensuke with an accusatory glance, that was clearly saying:'What the hell were you two thinking?' Then she realized something else:' Well.. This is pure luck.. one less problem to deal with just now..' 

All this in 50.000 micro-seconds. 

She approached to Asuka, while Kensuke was telling her who was that woman: "Hello, Asuka. I'm sorry to hear you got an amnesia.." 

Asuka looked her with a strange gaze.. It was like she was trying to focus better her figure.. Like she was finding a glimpse of her old memories.. but she wasn't able. She wasn't able because she'd never seen a Misato with red eyes, still full of tears, her face a little red, her expression a mix of pain and sadness.. 

Asu: "..I'm sorry about your son.." 

Misato eyes widened.. That word.. son.. could a son exist without a mother? And, it was clear in the words of Asuka that the mother was her, Misato. Mother.. Being Shinji's mother, this thought caused a stream of emotions inside her.. she felt like her heart was breaching through her lungs...through her entire chest.. She started again crying, and bent down on her, hugging her.. "Oh.. Thank you.. Thank you.. Asuka.. Thanks.. Thanks.." 

She was a bit startled.. She guessed that mother was very worried about her son.. 'I wonder.. how my mother is.. I don't remember her face.. I'd like she was like her..' So she returned for a bit the hug.. until Misato stood up, drying again her eyes, and walking towards the door: "Come on, guys, I'm bringing you back home." 

Hikari ran to her, to remind her that she had to bring them to her home, while Kensuke pushed Asuka's chair. 

Asu: ".." 

"He is lucky to have a mother like her.." 

Ken: "Yes. You're right.." 

Asu: "How is our mother?" 

Ken: "Well.. She is just like her.. she is very sweet to us.." 

'I wish I knew what a mother is.. but I've never had one..' 

He looked sad, and Asuka turned to face him but he didn't notice her. She looked at him for a bit, until she saw his eyes watering.. She sat straight in the chair and sighed.. "Do you miss her?" 

Ken: "Yuh?" 

Asu: "Do you miss mom?" 

Ken: "Yes.. I miss her a lot.." 

'You can't imagine how much..' 

Asu: "Maybe we could phone her once will be at home.." 

Ken: "Maybe.." 

They arrived at the parking area; Kensuke and Hikari sat in the back seats, while Misato put Asuka in the side seat. Then she drove towards Hikari's old house.. Nobody spoke.. Asuka looked at the raindrops.. And watching them.. she fell asleep.. Misato, in fact, was driving very slow.. But no-one was after them. All the Nerv Security was circling the hospital.. waiting for its prey.. 

When they arrived at destination, Asuka was put in Hikari's room, because she knew it well , Kensuke lied on the couch, while Hikari, after a phone call to her parents, was preparing a coffee for the Major.. 

Hik: "..Major.." 

Misato sighed: "I've already told you to call me Misato.." 

Hik: "..Misato.. you look tired.. Why don't you rest a little? An hour.. I'll wake you.." 

Mis: "..No.. I want to come back to the hospital as soon as possible.." 

Hik: ".." 

After an hour, Misato was sleeping on a chair put close to the left side of the bed, next to Shinji, her left hand holding his right wrist.. 

... 

The park's animals were very afraid that night.. They seemed to sense some strange danger in the hair.. There was a strange being walking, running, jumping, they couldn't say, in the deep of the trees.. between the branches, along the trunks.. Some times, you could see like a blurred red line moving in the darkness, making no noise.. Some of the Nerv guards, positioned in the back of the hospital, sensed a shiver crossing their spine, like a drop in the surrounding temperature.. they didn't report anything, because they thought it was their imagination.. So, while Commander Ikari was standing in a little room near Terminal dogma, a strange shadow arrived to the back wall of the hospital. It fond an open door leading to the thermal unit, and disappeared inside it. It moved in the dark, helped by the time: 2:00 am. It was like it was jumping from a dark corner to another, crossing the walls and the persons.. It seemed it was looking for something or someone.. and it was like.. it was following some strange track.. Finally, a room's door silently opened.. It was strange, because nobody was ever able to do it in the same way.. And the shadow quickly entered, closing the door behind it. In the room, there was a night-light, casting a gentle light cover over a body, lying on the bed.. The body resting here was partially bandaged, at least the sheets let see his chest entirely wrapped.. He was breathing normally, with no external aid. He had only a IV in his left arm. Near to him, his right side, there was a woman, sleeping too. She was holding his right wrist with her left hand.. 

Coming from the dark close to the walls.. like it was materializing just now, a leg came under the soft light.. then another, and finally an entire figure was standing by the bed, the woman to her left. From under the baseball hat, a couple of red eyes were intensely watching the sleeping boy.. A hand approached his face.. only to be pulled back to dry it on the sheets.. 

Then.. 

That hand softly touched his cheek.. circled his nose, draw his eyes.. followed his mouth's curvature.. The fingers explored all his face, his chin, his hair.. 

Then they were pulled back. stood there for what could have been an eternity.. Finally.. the figure pulled out her hat, dropping it on the sheet. Blue hair was now clearly visible. She bent down slowly.. slowly approaching his face.. until she was only a few centimeters from his.. She stood here, breathing slowly, feeling boy's breath over her face.. after a bit, it looked like they were breathing in unison, and then, she pressed gently her lips over his. It was a gentle touch, but it lasted for an eternity.. it was like time was frozen.. like nobody was breathing, moving, living.. It was like a benevolent superior entity had stopped the time, blessing those moments and the two kids. 

Finally, she drew herself back, and stood again over him. 

"I love you, Shinji." 

She turned to face the Major. She looked at her, at her hand. She looked uncomfortable in that position, so she pushed her a bit against the chair so she could sit better. 

Finally she looked around. She saw a towel, and took it. She undressed, put her wet clothes over the curtain in the shower, wrapped herself in the towel, picked up a chair and put it near the Major's. She sat, and put her head over Misato's shoulder, as if to sustain her with her body. 

"You care about him. You aren't like his father: you know your feelings and aren't afraid of expressing them." 

She finally drifted into a deep sleep. 

... 

The next morning, Gendo found himself in a strange room room. It seemed like someone had put it in order and cleaned it: the machines were turned on and making diagnostics test, while all the tools were put in order.. Gendo didn't awake alone.. It was the sound of someone coming in that awaked him: doctor Akagi was gazing him from the door. She was a bit better than yesterday: she was in her old attire: blue shirt, black mini-skirt, her lab coat, hands hidden in the side-pockets. There was something strange, tough: her hair was completely brown, and she didn't have any lipstick on her lips. Gendo stood, and put his hands behind his back, to press on his vertebrae.. 

Rit: "Good morning, Commander." 

Gen: "..." 

Rit: "I guess you had the dirty work done for me. Why didn't you order someone else?" 

Gen: "You know well how many people can enter this room. With Fuyutsuki in the USA, there are only two of them. You can start examining data from that console. You won't be able to damage nothing. I can assure you I removed personally all your back-doors and short-cuts." 

Rit: "But I helped creating and maintained the Magi.." 

Gen: "An artificial intelligence isn't able to be loyal to some one. Keep it in mind." 

Rit: "...I will." 

Gendo left: "Good work." 

Rit: "..." 

He got to his office, where he asked for a quick breakfast. He finally looked at the clock: 10:00 am. 

He dialed a number: "Tell me." 

"..." 

"I see. Her last known position?" 

"..." 

"Have you put someone inside the hospital?" 

"..." 

"I see. Don't make a move, I'm coming." 

... 

In the hospital, a nurse entered the boy's room about 7:30, to check her patient.. What she found startled her a bit.. It wasn't uncommon that a familiar was allowed to pass the night near a relative.. but there were two persons.. one wrapped in a towel! She was going to awake them, when she saw them better.. They were sleeping so peacefully, so.. she couldn't find the courage to break that atmosphere.. She silently checked the boy's condition, and silently went away. 

After a bit.. The pain-killers' effect faded, and Shinji could feel again a pain in his right shoulder.. He awoke, looking at an unfamiliar ceiling. He could say he was in a hospital.. 

'Strange..', looking at the walls, 'there are no Nerv signs.. what could it mean ?'. He tried to sit on the bed, but the pain was too much.. 

Only then she saw Misato.. 'Misato? What is she doing here? And.. Why am I here?' He turned to look at the ceiling, to try to remember the facts that were occurred.. 

'What was I doing? I remember.. I remember I was with Kensuke.. He told me strange things.. There was class rep too..' Finally, like a film running four time his normal velocity, he saw all the past, and he bolted straight in bed. The pain was immense, and he turned his head over the injured shoulder, trying desperately to not shout in pain.. The he sensed something on his hand.. Looking at it, he saw Misato hand, still firmly circling his wrist.. 

He, under an incredible pain like someone was tearing his arm off, smiled. 

'Thanks.. Thanks.. Misato.. I.. I think.. I could think of you like a mother.. a strange and young mother, to tell the truth..' tears were running over his cheeks.. a mix of happiness and pain.. He dried his eyes, and gently tried to open Misato's hand, when he saw something else.. Over Misato right shoulder there was something.. something blue.. 

He bent forward to see better.. There was indeed Rei, wrapped in a towel, a little one, gently sleeping.. 

Shinji keep looking at her for a bit. 'Does she care about me too?... But.. she must feel cold! Why is she dressed like that?' He looked around, until his gaze fell trough the bathroom's door on some clothes.. that things resembled his clothes.. He looked down to himself, finding himself, like usually, partially naked, only wrapped in the usual hospital gown. He sighed: 'more nurses had their fun removing my clothes..' But this thought reminded him of the good doctor Kusanagi and of the nice nurse Koraki.. 'What happened to them? They are still in the hand of my ..' 

He shuddered at the thought and braced himself with his good arm, bending forward, mental pain adding to the physical one. After a bit, he was able to free himself from all the dark thoughts that crossed his mind in an instant, and came back to stare at those clothes.. 'They look like they are mine, but I'm sure I was wearing something else yesterday.. And why are they hanging from there ?' 

He managed to break free form Misato's grip, and managed to get off the bed. He was becoming used to his injury: it was sufficient to not move his right arm. He went in the bathroom, and looked at the clothes: They were wet.. 

'That's strange..' He turned to look at Misato: She was dressed normally.. 

'They must be Rei's.. But why did she use my clothes?' 

He looked at her.. It wasn't a good place where to sleep.. and Misato was uncomfortable too.. But what he could do? He went by the bed, grabbed the sheets and put them over the couple, paying attention to cover especially Rei, she was almost naked, with only a towel wrapped around herself.. 

He looked down at the couple, and said: "Thank you. Thank you for caring." 

Then he left quietly the room.. 

He wandered in the corridor thinking.. 'What happened after I fainted? I could wake Misato or Rei.. but It wouldn't be nice.. I'm worried about Asuka.. But the fact that I'm not in the Nerv section of the hospital is a good sign.. Maybe father let us go.. I can try to phone home.. but I don't have my phone and no phone card either... Maybe in the pants Rei borrowed I could find something useful..' 

He went back in the room and checked the pants' pocket. He found a phone, an agenda and a wallet.. 'They must be Ayanami's.. I guess I can borrow some money to make a call..' 

Like Kensuke and Hikari the evening before, he too didn't feel like spending somebody else's cell phone credit... 

He left the room and found a phone in the near corridor. He dialed his home's number, but no one answered. That made him think.. 'That's no good.. But I think they are fine.. Otherwise Misato wouldn't be here.. She's not so irresponsible..' He thought were they could be.. Kensuke's house was down, but Hikari's old one was still up.. But he had never phoned to her before... 

Fortunately, there was a phone book under the phone, so he could check her number.. 

Unfortunately, there were more than 50 Horakis.. 

He sighed looking down at the few coins he had borrowed.. 

.. 

It was 8:00 when Kensuke was abruptly awaken by a loud ring. It seemed like in that house there was only one phone, to control his usage, so its ring was put to the maximum.. Well, the poor Kensuke was sleeping on the couch, just beside it.. 

He fell off the couch, nearly stomping on his glasses.. finally he picked up the phone.. "Ye.. Hello?" 

Shi: "Kensuke! Is that you, Kensuke?" 

Kensuke had the mind still dazed, so he needed a few seconds to restart his engine.. "Shinji? Shinji! Oh, god! How I'm happy to hear your voice! How are you!" He was yelling, and these sounds awaked the other two girls.. 

Shi: "Be quiet! I only have two ears, you know?" 

Ken: "It's the wrong time for the jokes, Shinji! Tell me, how are you?" 

Shi: "Well, I guess.. I have all my chest bandaged, and I awoke in an hospital's bed.. Tell me, where is Asuka ? Is she there with you?" 

Ken: "Yeah! Don't worry she's here with Hikari, we are all well!" 

Hikari popped out of her room, still in her night dress, and grabbed the phone: " Ikari! Ikari! Are you really alright?" 

Shi: "Oh, class rep.. Thank you, I'm alright.. Well.. at least I think.." 

Kensuke grabbed again the phone and was about to speak again, when he saw in the mirror in front of him Asuka slowly emerging from Hikari's room.. 

Ken: ".. Erh.. Well.. My sister is alright.. well.. not really alright but she is close to it.." 

Shi: "Sister? What are you rambling about, Kensuke ? Are you drunk?" 

Ken: "Yeah, Yeah ! I know! They didn't even tell us she had an amnesia..." 

Shi: "Whaaat?" 

Ken: "I told you, she didn't even remember I was her brother !" 

Shi: ".. I guess I understand.." 

Ken: "I think it's better for now, so we can handle one thing at the time.. First we'll cure her body, and then we'll try to give her memories back to her.." 

Shi: "..Ok.. For now, I count on you.." 

Ken: "Shinji.. Have you seen Ayanami?" 

Shi: "Uh? Yes.. of course.. she's in my room, sleeping with Misato.. why do you ask?" 

Ken: "It's a long history.. I told her you were in the hospital, injured, and I think she ran to see you.. She was in your apartment yesterday, you know?" 

Shi: "Really? Why?" 

Ken: "I don't know.. Hikari's father phoned there and fond her. then she phoned to the Major and to me, and then I don't know anything more about her.." 

Shi: "Well.. You know.. she got here wearing clothes of mine, all wet.. Is it a bit strange, don't you think?" 

Ken: ".. Strange is an understatement.." 

Shi: "..beep..beep.." 

" oh, shit, I've only 5 yen left ! Kensuke, I'll wait for Misato and Rei to awake. See you soon." 

Ken: "See you later!" 

Dropping the phone, Kensuke stood thinking.. Then he raised his head, and looked around.. Hikari was nowhere to be seen, while Asuka was now sitting on the couch.. 

Asu: "Why didn't you sleep in your room, brother ?" 

Ken: "Well.. I was very tired and I fell asleep here.." 

Asu: ".." 

Ken: "uh? Is something bothering you?" 

Asu: ".. that person.." 

Ken: "Which person?" 

Asu: "Ayanami.." 

Ken: "Yes?" 

Asu: "Who is it?" 

Ken: "Well.. she's another friend.." 

Asu: "So it's a girl.." 

Ken: "Yes, is there something wrong with it?" 

Asu: "I don't know.. I think I've heard it before.." 

Ken: "Of course! I told you she is a friend!" 

Asu: "Well.. her name.. disturbs me.." 

Ken: 'Okay ! Danger here!' 

"Where the hell is Hikari! Class rep ! Where are you?" 

Muffled from the distance, came her reply: "I'm in the kitchen ! Come here to eat the best breakfast you've ever had!" 

Ken: "Wow! Did you hear that! Come on, sis ! It's time to eat!" 

Asuka was pulled firmly but gently by Kensuke in the direction of the voice.. He was lucky she was still thinking about Ayanami, otherwise she would've noticed that he opened for tree times the wrong doors.. Finally, they got in the kitchen, where Hikari was cooking a huge number of pancakes with honey. There were biscuits, butter, milk and so on.. 

Hik: "Here ! Be my guests!" 

Asuka was distracted by all that food, and asked innocently: "Do you let your guest to cook instead of you, brother?" 

Hikari and Kensuke sweat-dropped, but Hikari fixed the things.. "You'll remember he isn't even able to heat a pot of milk.. So often I come to cook here.." 

Asu: "Umh.." 

Once they all sat at the table and started eating, Asuka, looking at the two teenagers who were clearly unease, dropped the N2 enhanced fragmentation final bomb: "Do you come here to see me, or to go after my brother?" 

... 

Shinji was wandering around, when a nurse ran to him and stopped him: "What do you think you are doing going around like that! Where do you come from?" She looked to his left wrist, reading a small note tied to it.. "Room 312.. Come with me." So she pulled him to his room. He entered asking when he would have something to eat.. "You'll have your breakfast at 8:45. Now go, Schnell!" 

Shinji's right eyebrow twitched, but his mind refused to do the logical connections.. 

He entered the room, silently walking to the bed. Misato and Rei were still there, so he got on the bed again, and started thinking.. 

His thoughts were interrupted by a sudden ring: it seemed that Misato's phone was ringing.. He was wondering what to do, when Misato stretched her arm, and took the phone from her pocket.. 

Mis: "he.. Hello?" 

"..oh.. It's you, Hyuga.." 

"..." 

"I don't care, Shinji is still stuck in the bed.." 

She had, in fact, still her eyes almost closed.. 

".. I understand, but.." 

"..." 

".. Really ? Are you sure?" 

"..." 

"I have a bad feeling about it.." 

"..." "Well.. I can ask Kensuke to come here and watch over him.. See you soon." 

She closed the phone, and turned her head to look down at Shinji, finding him well awake and sitting on the bed, a broad smile on his face. She blinked many times, to fade the sleep from her vision, still thinking she was still dreaming.. 

Shi: "Good morning, Misato." 

Mis: "S.. Shinji!" 

She was about to throw herself to him, when she felt something on her right shoulder.. she turned to see only a mass of blue hair.. She wasn't able to think anything.. So Shinji spoke: "It's Rei. Could you lay her on the bed? I can't use my right arm.." 

She turned to face him, then looked again at that head, not knowing well what to do.. Finally, she complied and stood up holding Rei,then lying her on the bed. Shinji grabbed the sheets and covered her. 

Misato was about to speak again, when Shinji gestured her to leave the room.. 

Once outside.. 

Mis: "Shinji! Are you alright?" 

Shi: "I'm fine for somebody who's been hit by a bullet..." 

Mis: "But.. They told me.. you wouldn't be conscious for at least the night and the day after because of the pain-killers..." 

Shi: "Well.. I suppose they were wrong.. The drugs have no longer effect.. If I move my right arm, I feel a great pain.. I guess I must wait for a doctor to come and see me.." 

Mis: ".. And Rei? When did she come here? How did she know?" 

Shi: "I've spoken to Kensuke.. He told her I was here.. She probably came and asked about me..." 

Mis: "It's a bit strange.." 

Shi: "Listen, Hyuga phoned to remind you of your duty, right?" 

Mis: "Yeah.. If I think I could meet your father, I. I.." 

Shinji looked serious at her: "Don't you remember what I told you some time ago? And, besides, he didn't shoot me, it was another person." 

Mis: "Still.." 

Shi: "Listen, before you leave, could you send Rei's clothes to dry? Maybe she came here under the rain and they are all wet.." 

Mis: "Ok, give them to me." 

Shi: "Follow me." 

When Misato saw the clothes Shinji had told her about, she looked at him with a doubtful expression: "Did she wear these?" 

Shinji nodded. 

Mis: "Well.. I've bought her a lot of stuff, and she chooses these! Besides, why would she wear your clothes ?" 

Shi: "I don't know. I'll ask her when she'll awake. Now go, or you'll be late." 

Misato left, while Shinji sat in the chair next to the bed. He simply stood there wondering in the darkness.. 

Rei was having a peaceful dream, when she heard some strange sounds, metallic tinkling and similar things.. She opened her eyes.. only to see Shinji whispering to a nurse. She gave him a plate with some food, and she left. Shinji used his good arm to bring the plate on the table near the wall, and then headed to the bed. She closed her eyes and faked sleep. She could sense him on her side.. she felt his voice whispering.. "Rei.. Rei.. wake up..". She continued to fake sleep, with a little of more apprehension.. Shinji looked to the table.. a little trace of steam was visible on the darkness.. 

Shi: 'What can I do ? If she doesn't awake, she'll find the milk cold.. And I don't know where I can go to buy something to eat.. I don't even have any money with me, and I have used almost all of hers for finding Kensuke.. I guess I can't do anything..' 

He covered the plate with a towel, and went back to his seat. He sat down and looked at the ceiling. After a bit, he felt a strange impression.. as if being observed... He looked with the corner of his left eye towards the bed.. First he didn't see anything.. she was covered up to her head by the sheets.. Then he lowered a bit his gaze, to look into a open spot left by the sheets.. It was very dark there.. The night-light wasn't able to reach there.. What he saw, was unexpected.. Two round circles, red as the blood, were fixed on him. he felt almost absorbed into that red, so dark.. so fearful, so live, so beautiful.. 

He shook his head and turned it to face the bed again. He found a full awake first children looking at him, sheets wrapped around her chest. 

Shi: "Good morning, Rei." 

Rei: "Good morning, Shinji." 

Shi: 'Did I hear right? Did she call me by my name?' "I'm sorry I disturbed you.. but I wanted you to eat something warm for breakfast.. It's cold outside, and I'm worried about you.. You got here all wet.." 

Rei was about to move, but he gestured her to stay there. 

Shi: "No, stay under the sheets.. I'll go." 

He stood and took the plate. He took a support and put all in front of the silent Rei. 

Shi: "Here you are, please, eat it all." 

Rei: "..." 

Shi: "Don't you like it?" 

Rei looked at him straight to his eyes: "Why are you giving this to me? It's your breakfast, not mine.". 

Shinji smiled: "Yes, but I must thank you for your presence here. You could've caught a cold coming here under the rain.. And besides.. Your clothes are in the laundry just now, and so you won't be able to leave this room for a while.. I can always go out and find something to eat, even in my hospital gown, you cannot. Please, be my guest." 

She turned to face the food. 

Rei: "You're kind to me." 

Shinji felt a strange atmosphere: "Well.. I do care for you, that's all." 

She slowly ate. He stood there fixing her. He felt happy to stay near her. Watching her eating, so slowly and calmly relaxed him a lot. He lost himself looking at her nose, hair, eyes.. He'd found those eyes so strange at first.. now he knew why she had so strange somatic characteristics.. She was like Nagisa.. 

He turned his face suddenly, closing firmly his eyelids to not think.. 

Rei: "What does worry you, Shinji?" 

He turned to face her: "Well.. I was thinking.. You have the same eyes than Nagisa.." 

Rei: "You know why. You know I am not a human being. I am the resul" 

Shinji couldn't stand it anymore, and pressed his good hand against her mouth, gently, but firmly: "Don't say anything else, Rei. I don't care." 

She gently picked his hand, and held it in hers. "Shinji. You must be aware the fact I'm not like you, like the second child, like the Major.. I'm not human..." 

Shinji shook his head: "No, NO! NO! I told you ! I don't care! Please, stop this nonsense !" 

Rei: "You were afraid of me, when you knew I was given birth from your father, mixing your mother's and Lilith's DNA.. I'm an hybrid, a chimera.." 

Shinji couldn't stand, and hugged her, circling her with both arms, crying in pain for his right arm.. The plate fell on the floor, making a loud sound..Dishes and glasses broke in pieces.. he stood panting over her shoulder for a bit, then he put his chin over it, resting against her: "Rei.. Please.. listen to me.. It doesn't matter why you were given birth, what they wanted from you. I'm not afraid of you, I'll never be. I'll never see in you anything else other than a wonderful person. I like you, Rei, and I will do everything I'll be able to do to protect you. To make you happy." 

Rei: "There could never be happiness for me." 

Shinji sat back in the chair, holding his right arm in pain..: "Why?" 

Rei: "What I desire, I can't reach. I don't want to reach it." 

Shi: "What are you trying to say? If you want something, you must fight, with whit all your will, with all your strength, with all your heart to reach it !" 

Rei: "I can't. Happiness can't exist for me. I don't belong to this world. Soon, I'll leave this world." 

Shinji grabbed her right shoulder with his left harm, fiercely squeezing it: "NO! Don't dare to say such things! I saved your life ! You.. You.. You belong to me! You belong to me !..Don.. Don't.. leave me alone.." 

His anger turned into sadness, and he started sobbing.. 

Rei looked his head moved by the sobs.. and quietly speak: "Would you let me to stay near you ? Even if I am a monster, made from your own mother's flesh ?" 

He nodded between his sobs.. 

"Would you let me stay near you? Even if I am a monster, half an angel, our deadly enemy ?" 

He nodded again, between his sobs.. 

"Would you let me to stay near you ? Even.. Even if I love you ?" 

Shinji stopped breathing.. 'Did I hear...right? Did she really...', he slowly lifted his head up to hers.. her eyes were watering.. 'Tears.. is she crying ? I made her cry..' 

He simply stood, looking her in amazement, while little by little, a flow of hot tears made their way trough her cheeks, over her hands, over her lap.. 

He acted without thinking.. he moved his hands to her face, and gently followed tear's race.. He moved his index finger in front of his eyes, and then licked it.. It tasted.. salty.. He looked again at her, now she had her hands to her face, and was sobbing quietly.. her shoulders moving up and down from time to time. He looked at her for a long moment, then slowly stood and sat on the bed near to her, back to the wall. He circled her back with his good arm and whispered to her: "The last thing I would want is to make you cry.." he moved her head with his own, until she was facing him. "You see ? You said you weren't human.. these tears.. are the proof you were wrong.. What is an human being? It's not its flesh, not its brain, not its heart...what makes you an human being is your soul, your mind.. I see in you one of the most wonderful people I've ever meet.. You are more human than a lot of people.. You risked your life to protect me, you protected Asuka, you felt anger, love, despair.. Live.. Live for me.. Use your imagination.. Think about a world.. where we would be free of our restrains.. Where there wouldn't be angels to fight.. Where we could run together.. where we could play together, and grow together.. Where we could find our loved half.. Oh Rei.. Never.. Never I had could had imagined you saying me 'I love you..' Never , never in my dreams, never in my mind.. Never in my heart.." he pressed her against him, while she was listening sobbing.. "Oh, Rei.. You have no idea.. no idea how I feel.. Being loved.. Having someone who cares about me.. This morning.. I thought about Misato like a mother.. I saw you two, asleep, together.. I thought about you like my family.. A family.. A family I never had.. My father took it away from me.. He took my mother away from me.. I knew.. Ritsuko told me.. My mother died do build the Eva.. My mother died to give me, to give you, to give us an hope.. an hope to live.. to survive the angels.. How could you think I would be afraid of you? I bless your flesh, I bless my mother, I bless you.. Oh Rei.. thanks..thanks.." 

He leaned against the wall, drawing Rei with him.. she spoke: 

"I.. I don't have a soul.. A soul.. is a gift.. I don't belong to this world.. I wasn't given a soul.." 

Shinji kissed her on the forehead: "My little Rei.. How could you think.. How you could think.. A soul isn't a gift.. Our soul if made by ourselves... A soul isn't something they gave us, and that we bring with us, trying to not dirt it.. A soul is our essence, what is inside it.. It is a fragile thing.. it has multiple aspects.. like our personality.. We are one, no-one, one hundred thousand, once said an Italian writer.. I could remember my old sensei telling me this story.. We make what we are.. We start building a wall.. A wall for each person we know.. And we remain inside that wall.. not trusting others in the fear to be harmed by their behavior.. But.. In this way we'll remain alone.. Rei.. you opened your hearth to me.. I care about you.. Do I love you ? What is love ? The will to protect, the will to stay together ? Aren't we too young to speak about love ? I don't know.. For what I care, until I won't find out what love is really, I won't leave you. Even then I'd eventually find out what really love is, I won't harm you. You deserve kindness. Yes.. If love is all of this.. I truly love you, Rei.." 

Rei pondered a bit.. then.. "You know.. You make me think about me.. like that person that the other usually call a sister.." 

Shinji remained speechless.. finally managed to reply: "I.. I never had a sister.. you know.." 

Rei curled her against him: "But.. until you'll find out what do you really feel for me, I'll be happy for what you could give me.." 

He looked at her, and sighed, letting her soft breath to drive him into sleep.. So they were found by a strange visitor.. 

A boy on a wheel chair was making his way along the corridor to the restoration room, far away from his room. It was by his request that they didn't bring him the breakfast in his room. This made him feel.. useless.. So, every morning he was used to go to the cafeteria to eat something. Usually he counted the occupied room.. Every day, someone left, leaving the hospital always more empty.. Even the personnel was leaving.. It seemed that the city was becoming a ghost town.. This morning he was late.. he was very excited last night, because tomorrow afternoon he would have been finally given his pro-thesis.. So he fell asleep late and now it was already 9:20.. 

Boy: "Shit! This morning I'm going to stay without food!! I hope they didn't close yet.. I can't stand those vendor machines.." 

He saw, moving on his wheel chair, that a room had been occupied.. 

'That's strange.. These times the rooms only went empty..' 

He didn't care much, because he had something more important to do.. He was able to arrive in time, but he had to eat somewhere else, so he headed, more calmly this time, towards his room.. 

When he was in a certain corridor, he saw again the room: 'Look.. this is the only room occupied in this long corridor.. I wonder why they didn't put him near the other patients, in the upper floor.. Passing by the door, he threw a glance to the door's label, continuing wheeling. 

then a bit, his right hand blocked abruptly the right wheel, causing his chair to dodge and tumble.. his plate flew on the floor, his milk spreading everywhere. He fond himself on the floor, the chair over him. A nurse heard that mess and ran to help him, but.. 

Toj: "Leave me alone! I can do by myself! If you want, clean this mess!" 

The nurse seemed hurt by these words, so he managed to say: "I.. I'm sorry.. please, clean the floor. I'll manage myself." 

It was difficult for him, without an arm and a leg, to stand on his only foot, and to put the chair again on the floor, sitting on it. When he finished, sighing, he saw the nurse looking with compassion at him. He turned away saying: "I don't need your compassion." 

He finally reached that door, and looked up, moving back his head: 

Toj: "..Ikari.." 

".." 

"Could it be?" 

He inhaled deeply, and then knocked gently on the door. 

Nobody answered. 

He couldn't resist: he slowly opened the door.. It was dark inside.. He cautiously wheeled inside.. Behind a separe, he saw something unexpected.. On a bed, leaned against the wall, and supporting each other, deeply asleep, he fond Shinji and Rei.. He stood here for a bit, looking at then in disbelief.. then.. he remembered.. Shinji looking at Ayanami.. Ayanami speaking to him on the floor, before the accident.. 

He looked the couple, and smiled.. He nodded, and left the room, with a broad smile on his face.. once outside.. 

"Way to go, Shinji! I'd like to see the red demon goddess' face when she'll see you.." 

'Strange.. Shinji was all bandaged.. I haven't heard any rumor about another angel attack..' 

His stomach growled, so he headed to the automatic vendor machines.. "How I hate them.." 

He was sadly heading to the cafeteria, when he heard a muffled cry from behind him.. Before he could turn to see what was happening, someone threw herself over him, hugging his head from behind with all his strength.. He didn't understand anything.. He only heard someone crying and sobbing over him.. He managed to pull down the arms that were circling his head, and turned it to face his aggressor.. When he saw a pig-tail, and that hair, he understood.. 

Toj: "Class rep..." 

Hikari continued to cry.. nodding quietly.. 

A hand touched his arm, and he looked up.. 

Toj: "Kensuke?" 

Kensuke, was trying with all his will not to look at his missing limps.. Tears in his eyes.. Toji followed his gaze, and, sadly, smiled.. 

Toj: "You know, Kensuke? This afternoon they'll finally give me my artificial limbs they are motorized.. I'll be able again to walk.. maybe to pick up things.. It's only matter of time.." 

Kensuke nodded, having a knot in his throat.. 

Only then, Toji spotted Asuka.. She was standing behind Kensuke, looking with an horror expression to him.. But.. there was something strange about her.. 

Toj: "Soryu.. How are you?" 

She felt the question was directed to her, and looked to his face. He was looking at her, always wearing that sad smile that only the suffering could make so painful to face.. 

Asu: "I.. I'm fine.." 

Toji nodded.. Kensuke was listening carefully, but due the fact he was still fighting against the tears, he didn't made any move.. 

Toj: "Did you come to see Shinji?" 

Hikari released her grip and asked: "Have you seen him?" 

Toj: "Yeah.. He was passing by his door, and I saw his name on the label.." 

Ken: "Yeah.. well.. he fell on a glass tearing his flesh.." 

Toj: "I can't believe it! He had fought against the angels, piloted an Evangelion, and he got injured falling on a glass.. he's really a baka, isn't he, Soryu?" 

He turned to face her, but what he saw disturbed him a bit.. She was looking at him, like not understanding what he had just said, but as if those words meant something for her.. 

She came closer to Kensuke and asked: ".. Brother.. What he is talking about ? What is an Evangelion ? Who is he?" 

Nobody had the time to reply, because a loud and ritmic sound of steps on the floor was coming closer to them.. They were still close to Shinji's door, far from the corridor's end, when the saw emerging from them a multitude of armed men, M16 and Desert's Eagle in hand.. They aimed at them, and someone shouted them to go to the nearest corridor's exit.. 

Toji wasn't able to understand, Hikari stood looking from a corner to another in panic, while Asuka was looking surprised to those men.. Kensuke made his move, having spotted the right door, said: "Okay ! Let's go into Shinji's room, quickly!" He grabbed Asuka by an arm, and gestured Hikari to push Toji's chair.. He opened the door, waited for the other to be entered, and then closed it, not leaving enough time to the Nerv's squad to react.. 

Outside, Commander Ikari ate the news at his phone without any objection.. "Continue to watch the door. Put snipers on the roof.. Is it possible to shoot from the window?" 

"..." 

"I see.. Make an attack-helicopter come here, sniper version." 

".." 

"I'll give you twenty minutes." 

He then put his hands behind his back, looking at his men that were evacuating the hospital, with no mercy for the patients.. 

He again picked the phone and asked of Captain Ibuki.. "Captain, try to activate unit 01 and 02 with our test and prototype dummy plugs." 

May: "Sir! We haven't even run a simulation! What if.." 

Gen: "I want to know if they could work. Stand ready to break connection and to block the units. I want be contacted within forty minutes." 

He stood, in his open sky car, and told his attendant: "Bring me to the entrance." 

... 

Inside the room, the children were breathing hard.. 

Hikari was about to speak, when Toji silenced all: "Ssshh! They are sleeping!". In the darkness, he pointed to the bed.. three pair of eyes followed the direction pointed, and finally spotted the strange couple.. Kensuke gasped, Hikari looked at them in amazement, but quickly turned to face Asuka, worried about her.. 

Asuka was looking at them stunned.. She came closer to the bed.. looking at the boy's face.. then looked at the other girl.. Kensuke was praying all his ancestors, Hikari was looking at her in horror, while Toji was grinning devilishly.. 

Abruptly, with a strength coming no one know where from, Shinji's collar, almost tearing it.. he, being on the bed's edge fell on the chair awakening.. he thought about a dream.. like in a slow-motion, he saw Asuka grabbing his collar with both hands, like strangling him.. Then she lifted her right hands, and slapped him across his face with all her strength.. 

Shi: 'That hurt....' 

He looked better at her, and saw her crying.. 

Asu: "You.. You betrayed me.. With.. with that.. doll.." 

Shinji was now aware of what was happening, and felt himself without the floor under his feet.. 

Shi: "I.. I.." 

Asu: "You said me you would never let me alone ! And here you are ! With wonder girl sleeping together ! You betrayed me ! " 

It looked like Rei, having focused the situation, was ready to launch herself against Asuka, her knees on the middle of the bed, so Hikari, to prevent this, decided to make the 'lighting-conductor'.. He threw herself between Asuka and the bed, dividing the two girl and grabbed Asuka by the shoulders forcing her to face her face, and, indirectly, Rei's: "How dare you ? How dare you saying such things to Shinji ? Do you have your memories back, now ? Then why don't you remember all of it? Don't you remember what we've done for you ? Don't you remember how Shinji acted to protect you, to prevent you from being hurt, to free you from the sedatives ? How dare you to slap him ! Don't you remember ? Don't you remember how he got shot to protect you ? Don't you remember? He could've died to protect you ! And while you should hug him and thanking him for protecting you, you've slapped him! How dare you, Asuka ! HOW DARE YOU !" 

Asuka took the outburst in silence.. Now, all was clear in her mind, with no sedatives in her body, all was clear.. She remembered all.. her attempted suicide.. her in the bathroom, her in the van, her in the commander office.. She started to tremble.. She was saying something.. When she sensed something.. She looked over Hikari shoulders to see two red glowing eyes looking at her.. she stared at them for a bit, almost fascinated by them.. Then a voice was heard: "You need him. You love him." 

Even Hikari was surprised, and stepped on side to turn to face the source of that voice.. Shinji, still in loss of words, was looking from his chair.. 

Rei, sheets still wrapped around her body, was sitting on the middle of the bed, now like completely relaxed,her leg crossed. 

Rei: "You need him. Even if you won't admit it to yourself, you like him, you love him. You'd wish he could stay only with you, for all your life." 

Asu: "..Do.. Don't tell stupid lies! You stupid doll! Look! Look! You're naked in his bed! Has he played with you ? Has he fucked you ? You bitch! You're disgusting! He's disgusting ! I hate him!" 

Rei: "If you'll never admit your emotions, you'll never be happy.. I made it. I finally told him: 'I love you.'" 

Kensuke and Toji were speechless, while Gendo bit his lower lip.. He was listening to this conversation thanks a couple of directional microphones.. His men had approached the room, and put an optic fiber under the door, and he was even able to have a partial view of the room.. He was listening to this discussion very worriedly.. 

Asuka held her breath.. finally..: "What.. What did he reply?" 

Rei shook her head sadly: "He wants to protect me, he wants me to be happy. He cares about me. He was happy when I told him I loved him.. But.. his feelings.. his emotions.. are those of a man who who wants to become one with me, body, mind and soul? I don't know.. Aren't these rather the feelings a brother would feel about his sister? I asked him that.. What is me for you ? I'm a lover to you, or a sister ? He couldn't reply.. He told me that perhaps we were too young.. In a world that could finish within the year.. he told me we were too young.. So he refused me.. If he didn't refuse me, he refused to express his feelings.. But I won't give up. I don't want to be his sister. I want to to become one with him. I will fight against everything and everyone, to get his heart. Now I'm already happy: he accepted me, my nature, knowing it, and he didn't escape from me. I'll never leave him. But I'm not so egotistic as you, second children. Even if he'll choose you, even if I'll get killed, even if we'll get divided, my soul would be with him forever. I love him. So it had been, so it is, so it would be, in the eternity." 

Asuka stood looking at her while she was speaking. She couldn't believe Rei could speak for such a long time.. and.. those words.. 

Asu: 'a sister.. brother and sister..' 

'..' 

'..will he choose me? Wasn't I supposed to choose my..' 

"Don't be ridiculous! How do you expect I can believe you, the Commander's favorite, his doll, his toy? Maybe you are doing what he ordered you ! Maybe this is a plan of his ! May" 

Rei: "No. I disobeyed to the commander. I'll never follow again his orders, if I don't want to do. I betrayed him. I left his orbit. Now I am choosing my path. I'm building my life. Even if he'll haunt me, even if he'll kill me, I won't regret my choices. Cogito, ergo sum. I am free now." 

The commander put down the earphones, looking straight in front of him. Finally, then about five minutes, his phone rang. 

Gen: "Yes?" May: "Sir.. The activation of the dummy plug bravo in unit 01 is a disaster. The sync with unit 02 is barely 15 

He closed the phone and looked to the sky. He dialed a number and simply said: "Ikari here." "..." 

"Very well. The target is the first child. Your orders are to erase her. I repeat, your orders are to erase her." 

"..." 

"Don't you have the infrared? What could a curtain do?" 

"..." 

"I see. I've got a visual. The target is sitting on the bed. She's the nearest to the window. Do your job. Report when done." 

He closed the phone, and pushed his glasses over his nose. He stood, eyes shut. It was almost imperceavle, but his chin seemed to be moving restless, he was, as a further investigation would've revealed, shaking... 

The phone rang.. he looked at it while it kept ringing.. one.. two.. three.. five times.. finally he picked it up. He put it near his ear without saying a word.. 

Str: "Confirm, the target has been shoot down. I repeat, our sniper on the helicopter has hit the target." 

He dropped the phone. And weakly, commanded: "Bring me home." 

The attendant was uncert: "To the Nerv base, Sir?" 

Gendo didn't respond at first, then.. "No.. bring me.. to the cemetery outside the city." 

The phone rang again, and he didn't respond. So the attendant picked it up and listened to it: "Sir, our squad are waiting your orders." 

Gen: "Get back to the base." 

Att: "What about the corpse?" 

Gendo shivered: "Notify the hospital personnel, let them take care of her." 

Att: "Aren't we claiming her corpse?" 

Gendo thought for a moment.. "Tell them.. to bury her as soon as possible, in the cemetery outside the city. Near.. Near to my wife." 

The attendant looked at Gendo through the mirror, and nodded slowly, then spoke in the phone and drove outside the city. 

Gendo was looking outside the pane, until he reached his wife's empty grave. He looked down to it. He looked at those bare, cold letters.. 

Gen: 'I've killed.. you.. for the second time..' 

'..' 

'But.. it couldn't be helped.. She would've never allowed me to meet you again, Yui..' 

'...' 

'I hope.. you'll forgive me.. All I've done, I've done for you..' 

Another voice spoke in his mind, but he didn't want to listen to it.. it was an accuse, a cold voice showing him the truth.. a truth he wouldn't never face: 'Lies. You're liar, Gendo Rokunbugi. You did all for vengeance. You're not pursing your wife, you're seeking your revenge against the man who put you in this hell: Keel Lorentz, because, you know, there won't be forgiveness for you.' 

He shook his head and said, smirking: "Maybe it's true. Now I'll be forced to face him, and I'll see if I'll be still able to cover my hate." 

He looked down again, and left. 

... 

Misato was still working on his paperwork, when she heard a little knock on her door: "It's open, come in." 

The door swung open, and she saw, to much her surprise, Maya, Makoto and Shingeru behind it. From the expressions on their face, she could immediately fell that was happened something wrong. Terribly wrong. Horribly wrong. She looked at them, her eyes wide in terror, her chin trembling.. Maya, the one who got the new for first, when she had called the attendant to confirm that unit 02 was active with the dummy plug, slowly entered the room and sat on the first of the two chair Misato had in front of her desk. Shingeru reached the other, while Makoto circled the desk and stood behind her. She was looking them moving, knowing that they were bringing with them a message.. A death's message.. She forgot to breathe, she forgot to make her heart beat, she forgot to live. Her color drained from her face, sweat was visible over her whole uncovered body.. 

Finally Maya broke the silence: "Rei. Commander." 

They were even too much. Misato exploded in a painful cry, hitting the desk with her fists, throwing away all the papers from his desk, almost cutting her with the tools that there were onto it.. Makoto was ready. He grabbed her arms, and wrestled with her to put her back in the seat. She moved wildly, cursing the commander at the top of her lungs, cursing herself for not shooting him before, when Shinji was hit by a bullet.. Maya was crying, her hands to her face, while Shingeru looked like a wax-mask, petrified in his horror. Only Makoto tried to calm her.. 

Hyu: "Major! Major! Please! Please!" 

But all his efforts were in vain.. When Misato broke free and headed to the door, he threw himself towards her, and grabbed her from behind. She fought like a were-tiger, turning on her hells, and cutting him with her nails, slapping him and even biting him.. He kept on bracing her, when she finally collapsed on his arms, capable only to cry.. He drew her on the near couch, and lied her there. It was like she was raving... He stood there, then asked to his friends: "Do you know where the hell Fukuyutski is ?" 

... 

Ritsuko was reading carefully a list of data, when she saw him. Better, his ghost. She didn't need an hint. 

Rit: "Rei." 

Gen: "..." 

Rit: "When?" 

Gen: "Two hours ago." 

Rit: "How?" 

Gen: "A bullet." 

Rit: "A sniper action?" 

Gen: "...." 

Rit: "Where?" 

Gen: "Head." 

Rit: "Where is the corpse?" 

Gen: ".." 

Rit: "I could need it." 

Gen: "No. She won't be touched." 

Rit: "So, your letting go your precious pet, commander?" 

He stepped to her in no time, and grabbed her by the throat. She wasn't able to breathe.. Her feet weren't touching the floor.. She was hanging from his deadly grip.. In his eyes there was, hatred, pure hatred and anger.. and despair. A limitless despair. It was like looking into a deep wheel, bringing straight to the hell... 

When he realized the doctor was fainting, he let her go. With a loud thump, she collapsed on the floor, gasping for air. He turned on his heels and headed towards the door. In the doorway, he spoke: "I'll see the committee tomorrow morning, at 11:00. By that date, I want to see her again. Six years old. No memories, no knowledge, nothing." 

Ritsuko spoke from behind him: "Must I put the inhibitor, like in the others ? In the last, it seems it didn't work.." 

"No. Leave her untouched. I'll need her, soon." 

The door closed behind him. The doctor raised her head: "Do you want a little child to play the father again ?" 

... 

About 18:00 Kensuke, Hikari, Toji and Asuka were still in the hospital, outside the Shinji's door. Asuka seemed fine. She had regained full conscience and her memories were back. She wasn't anymore thinking about her past, about her mother, about the commander. She wasn't thinking about Shinji, she wasn't remembering his words, his kindness. She was seeing a scene, one, two, one thousand times, like pieces of a broken film. It was like seeing a dream, scattered frames of a surrealist film. She has pierced into her mind those eyes.. those eyes she hated a lot, eyes showing no emotion, no sparks of life.. 

Now she was seeing those eyes.. she was seeing them alarmed, she was seeing them looking to her, looking into her, scanning her very being.. 

She was seeing them turning into an immense sadness, turning to face Shinji.. 

How long could it have lasted?? A second ? A millisecond ? She couldn't say.. 

Then.. 

Then.. 

Asu: 'Why?' 'Why? She could've saved herself. Why did she act so ?' 

'Why?' 

She was leaning against the wall. Toji was as always on his chair, Hikari, to his side, sat on the floor. Kensuke was sitting on the floor, leaning against the door, his knees to his chest, arms on them and his head hanging down between them. nearby, there was a food's plate. 

Misato arrived there, followed by Maya, Makoto and Shingeru. Toji spotted her first. 

Toj: "Good morning, Major." 

Misato stopped in front of him. 

Mis: "Hi, Toji. How are you?" 

Toj: "Well.. I could be better.." 

Misato lowered he head. "I'm sorry." 

Toji smiled: "Don't worry, I'm fine." 

His expression darkened: "Shinji, however.." 

Mis: "Where is he?" 

Toj: "Inside." 

Mis: "I see." 

She made a few steps towards the door, finding Kensuke on the way.. 

Mis: "Kensuke.." 

Ken: "..." 

Mis: "Kensuke." 

He continued stay silent. 

Misato kneeled down and shook him gently: "Kensuke.." 

He raised his head, his eyes blankly, with no life's signs.. He simply stood, moved to the door's side and sat down again, near Asuka. 

Misato looked at her. It seemed she was fine, 'at least for now', so she decided it was time for more urgent matters. She looked over her shoulder. Maya was bouncing back and forth over her legs, while Shingeru decided to imitate Kensuke sitting on the floor. Makoto was staring intently at her. 

Misato sighed and opened the door. It was pitch dark inside. The curtains were closed; even the night light was turned off. From the dark, like coming from another time, space, and life form, came a guttural "Go away." 

She inhaled deeply, and closed the door behind her. She tried to breathe as slightly as possible, to not disturb the occupant.. 

"Go away." 

Misato gulped, then.. "Shinji.." 

"Go away, Misato." 

Mis: "Shinji.. I beg you.." 

"Go away. I don't want see anyone." 

Mis: 'his voice.. is so.. strange.. so guttural.. so. deep..' 

A picture crossed her mind.. Shinji crying and cursing his father, at the top of his lung.. until blood came out of his mouth.. 

Mis: "Shinji.. I beg you.. listen to me.." 

Shi: "Misato. I want to stay alone. Alone with Rei." 

Misato wrinkled.. "Shinji.. When I arrived here.. They told me you didn't allow them to take care of her body.." 

Shi: "She's mine." 

Misato was now searching, silently, the light's switch on the wall. 

Mis: "Shinji.. She'll be buried next to her mother.. your..", she mentally prayed God, "your father wouldn't reclaim her body.. They won't touch her.. They want only bury her.. We will be there.." 

Shi: "No. I'll stay here. With her." 

Mis: "Shinji.. please.. She's gone.." 

She was expecting an outburst here, but instead: 

Shi: "No. She'll return. I'm sure of it." 

It was like his soul had been drained of all his vitality. 

She succeeded in finding the switch and turned the light on. What she saw, she would never forget for all her life: blood everywhere, gray matter on floor and on the bed.. and.. on the bed.. , dear Lord , Shinji was sitting, his back leaning against the wall, his head resting over a pillow. He was holding Rei with his arms. She was lying on the bed, her upper body leaning against his chest, her head resting on his right shoulder.. 

Her head.. It was all banded with piece of fabric, probably made ripping the sheets apart.. Her mouth and nose wasn't covered, the rest of head totally covered.. Large dark spots were visible on it.. 

She couldn't resist.. and threw up.. on the floor.. 

Shinji was staring blankly into the void, without even closing from time to time his eye-lids. 

Then she stood again: she couldn't stand that view, and turned off the light. 

When she was able to speak again, an awful taste in her mouth, she said: "..That's.. That's insane, Shinji..." 

Shi: "I don't care. She'll come back to me." 

Mis: "Shinji.. Don't you understand ? She's dead, she's not anymore here! What are you holding isn't a person's body ! It's a corpse ! A CORPSE ! Do you understand?" 

Shi: "When she'll come back, I'll be holding a person again." 

Mis: "Listen to yourself! Do you think your father played you a prank? She's dead ! Otherwise, if she could ever come back, your father would've picked her body and burned, destroyed it ! Shinji ! Don't drift into madness ! She's gone ! GONE! GONE!" 

She finished shouting, and waited panting heavily. 

Shinji calmly replied: "My father doesn't know her. She said she would protect me. She said she would be always near me. She said she loved me." 

Misato's eyes went wide.. 'Oh my god.. this situation is horrible ! His mind is on the edge of the abyss ! I must do something.. She said she loved him.. poor girl.. poor little girl..' 

She tried to reach the bed in the dark, and sat on his edge, and started talking quietly: "Do you think Rei would be happy seeing you like this, holding a corpse in an hospital room ? You pushed away your friends, they are waiting for you outside.. And you are doing an horrible thing to her, you are treating her like a doll in your hands. Instead.. You should let her get buried.. She'll have a place near your mother.. her ideal mother.." 

Shinji interrupted her: "She's not my sister. She's Rei. She hasn't nothing to do with my mother. It wasn't her choice to have her DNA. If I'll find I love her like a lover and not like a sister, a dear friend, I'll marry her." 

Misato was shocked: "You are insane ! You are speaking of a future that would never exist ! She's dead, Shinji! Do you understand ?" 

Shi: "No. It is you who does not understand. You, and the others. I don't blame you. At all. I know her better. I know she'll fight the death, and she'll come back to me. But I won't tell her that I love her like a lover then, like a gift. It won't be fair. I need her, to explore my feelings. I need her, to go and see the cherry blossoms. I need her, to walk under the moon. I need her, to hold her hands. I need her, to share my walk-man. I need her, to complete my existence. Misato, you're like a mother to me. Now I understand. I love you. Please, show mercy. Let me stay here. Trust me. We'll have a big party soon. If I were you, I'll start buying something to eat. Remember, Rei doesn't eat meat." 

Misato, with trembling hands, reached his face, and caressed him.. "Shinji.. I almost lost Asuka...I have lost Rei before I could know her better. I don't want to loose you.. my little Shinji.." 

Shi: "It won't happen. Now go. I'll come out when Rei will wake up." 

Misato stood, and left the room. Before opening the room, she said: "Shinji.. nobody can defeat death. Why should Rei do it ? Even angels die.." 

Shi: "She will come back. I'm sure of it." 

Misato left, closing the door behind her. 

Outside, she looked at the ceiling.. 

Mis: "How? How could it happen?" 

"Why? Why has he to suffer like this? What are his sins, to get such hard punishment?" 

She turned her face to stare at Asuka.. "Asuka." 

Nothing.. 

Mis: "Asuka." 

She looked at her for a brief moment, then turned to stare again at her feet. 

Mis: "Asuka.. Try to make him change his mind...he'll become insane if he stays in there..." 

Asu: "..." 

Mis: "Please.. maybe he'll listen to you.." 

Asu: "I don't think so." 

Mis: "Why? Maybe yo" 

Asu: "He'll never listen to me again. It could be said that I killed Ayanami." 

End of chapter 8 

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X-Ray: "I have always wanted to say: 'I killed the cat, not the curiosity!'" 

EBJ: "I killed the cat and the curiosity, but nobody will ever find the bodies..." 

Tsu: "The cat no longer has its curiosity for its soul now belongs to me ..." 

Xray start re-reading Doyle's 'The sign of four' laughing like a crazyman.. 

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Book of the chapter: 

Walter Scott: Ivanhoe 

Tell me if you like the new look!! 

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Converted using LATEX2eand LATEX2e2HTML 

* * *


	4. Chapter 9

Train Of Thoughts

_Chapter 9_

_ _

Standard Disclaimer: Neon Genesis Evangelion is owned and copyrighted by Gainax, all characters used from that series are theirs. All names are (TM) and (C) by their respective owners. 

I've never written long texts in English, and this is my first try to write a fan fiction. 

Feel free to send any comment, suggestion, flame, job opportunity etc. etc. 

About the crap I write.. even if EBJ ( the evafiction's Space Black God ) helps me a lot, starting from the pile of trash that is my draft, some errors could escape, so you are advised... 

Just now, I'm happy to add to the active roster of pre-readers Tsu. He will help me pointing to conflicts in my stories and making suggestions. The poor EBJ will still deal with my errors, so be nice and write to him, will ya? :)

In the end, if you like ToT, thank them as well, so I can continue writing... 

[r.giammanco@datastudio.it][1]

[ebj.nerv@flasnet.it][2]

[minynkit@ozemail.com.au][3]

[sailormnemosyne@tin.it][4]

In reality, there should be another pre-reader, but unfortunately I lost your e-mail, Emilio!

Please contact me again! I am very ashamed.. 

And, a newcomer is welcome! 

Major Misato Katsuragi! She is a teenager who loves EVA and anime, and she has written the one-shot "Rain". Okay, reading it you could understand her ideas about the Shinji-Rei-Asuka triangle. What? You want to know my ideas as well?

I think you have to wait for a looooong time! L

Standard Disclaimer: Neon Genesis Evangelion is owned and copyrighted by Gainax, all characters used from that series are theirs. All names are (TM) and (C) by their respective owners.

Well, Take a seat, and enjoy yourselves.

**Notice:**

Do you know the old Infocom's textual adventures? Corruption, Fish? Well, I am trying to learn how to build an evangelion adventure using the inform compiler. About this, I'd like to say that I have put the verbose option of this chapter to a rather high value. I hope this would only improve my story. Let me know.

**Prologue:**

Misato stood, and moved to leave the room. Before opening the door, she stood there, her right hand on the door-knob, the door open just a little, just the space necessary for a blade of light to penetrate the darkness of the room, cutting, for a joke of fate, Shinji's face in half. His eyes were troubled by that light, and he had difficulties to adjust his vision, already accustomed to the darkness of the room, not being able to distinguish clearly the shape of the objects in that condition of half shadows and half lights. He looked at the shape of Misato Katsuragi, the person who, in his hearth, was one the firmest thing he had in that world, if not the only second beside Rei. That woman was his guardian, his room-mate, his friend, his lover in a way, but, most of all, she was close to the figure he needed the most. Actually, in the last hours, he was aware that he was starting to regard her like his mother. Step-mother, indeed. But.. But.. using this world, step-mother.. was making him uncomfortable. Not that he wanted to loose respect to his mother.. How could he? But, sometimes, a little lie could make another person happy, so, who really cares? So, his mother, a young and crazy mother, to be realistic, was trying to dissuade him from his current course of action. If there was something he had learnt from his former sensei and guardian, and more or less confirmed by the contacts with the people working in the Nerv organization, was that adults had the experience he lacked. 

He recognized that experience was something fundamental. Not only because adults had already been in such a number of situations that they could extrapolate the right course of action in not too dissimilar contexts, but also because they had to deal with the same kind of situations more than once.

Indeed, if you have to deal with something, and you have already approached the problem in a certain way, the second time you deal with that problem you could use the approach you used before. But who told you the previous one was the best?

You have to rent a house. You have to work in an office just outside the city, in a small suburb. The logical choice would be to rent a house in that suburb. So you go around and start looking.

You realize that there are no shops, if not a very expensive one, there are no cinemas, there are no

Press-shops, there are no food-stores, there are no gyms. You realize that your office is located in the paradise of the retired employee (with a cospicuous bank account), but it is the hell of the young employee in the middle of his morning glory *.

So you start searching the news-papers, the internet, looking for a better place, in the city, close to the centre, maybe in a district with all the stuff a young person would like. It's though! You visit different places, but you see all of them like holes in the ground. Yes, because up to that moment you have lived in your parent's house. Your father has worked a lot to give to his family a wonderful house, and he has spent all of his life to make it better and better. A small cupboard today, an antique table the year after.. and the apartments you visit make you claustrophobic anddisgusted.

It's not like you haven't lived outside before, but you were in a different condition: you were basically a student, maybe in a rented-room, so you didn't care about the house.

But now.. now you need a house! You need to breath! You cannot live in a two-piece, a bathroom 

2x2 and a room with American kitchen! Jesus Christ! You have your dignity!

And finally, finally.. finally you find the place. Okay, its strange because the WC is a separate ambient, in a 2x2 mq room, well, maybe is 0.5x1.5 mq.. without any window.. the shower and the basin is an other room basically to the other end of the house, but at least you have two rooms, the kitchen, and a living-room. The price is high, okay, but it's so nice! Maybe you can persuade one of your friends to come there to spare the rent, especially because it is nicer to be in company and not alone..

Then your father asks you: "How far is it?".

Far! It's very close! You take the outer ring, you take the Chausee d'Alsemberg, after the Avenuede la foret de Soignes, you take right at the last traffic light, and that's it!

Well.. it's thirty minutes by car, going at an average velocity of 100 km/h…

Okay, but doing the Chausee the Stalle and the Avenue De Fre you take a short-cut trough the city! Let's see.. it took one hour! How is it possible? Of course! It was the first time you took that street, with the map in one hand and driving with the other and you took the wrong way a couple of time, not to mention the two missed accidents with the car an the black cat spread over the asphalt. If you go back for the same way you will see that it will take only fifteen, ten minutes. 

No. 

It took forty-five minutes? How is it possible? You made a mistake, okay, but is it worth of such a delay?

It must be the wrong way. Taking the Avenue de Ninove you'll go the inner ring and after Chausee de Waterloo, and you hit home.

No, worse than worse.

Which is the best way?

Is there a way able to lead you to your destination in a reasonable amount of time, and not requiring an insane amount of fuel? Fuel.. Nowadays it's more expensive filling the tank rather than buying a Bvlgari collier.

Was your experience sufficient in the end?

And, more important, why didn't you listen to the advice of your father? Now you have to search for a new house, and there is no time! You have to start working! You have to print this document and respect that dead-line! 

Mis:"Shinji."

And now? How could you do? There is no time!

Mis:"Shinji!"

Shi:"Uh?"

And now he was again Shinji Ikari, lying on a hospital bed holding Ayanami Rei's corpse, former pilot of Evangelion unit 00, one of the last hopes of mankind in the fight against the angels.

Tiredly, he finally replied: "Tell me."

Misato stood by the door's frame, maybe looking back at him, with her eyes, but he couldn't say. He was thinking, and in the meanwhile his eyes were focusing on the blade of light darting from the open door. He was seeing spots of light and dark, spots of different colours, and was barely able to identify the shape of his.. mother..

Mis:"Shinji.. nobody can defeat his own death. How could Rei manage to escape from her fate? Even angels die.."

But now.. now she was wrong. She didn't know. She couldn't know. Her experience, her knowledge was not sufficient, and he wondered if there was someone able to understand his trust in the person he was holding, not even his father, that, apparently, was the most informed person on the planet for that kind of matter. The thought of his father made him shiver, but he threw away the dark images simply putting that discussion to an end.

Shi:"She will come back. I'm sure of it."

Misato stood there, looking back at him, her face gently turned back over her right shoulder, looking back into the darkness, into that pit of desperation, into that face she could barely recognize like the shy boy that fate had thrown into her life, and that she had started to regard as a younger brother, perhaps more like a son..

A silent tear left her right eye, and in the same quiet way she turned her head, opened completely the door shutting it quietly behind her shoulders.

Outside, her shoulder resting on the just closed door, she raised her eyes to the ceiling, looking beyond it, in the skies above looking for.. Comfort? Explanations? 

Mis:"How? How could it ever happen?" 

"Why? Why has he to suffer like this? What are his sins, to get such a hard punishment?"

She finally turned her face to stare at Asuka.. "Asuka."

Nothing.. 

Mis:"Asuka."

The young girl standing against the wall of the corridor of the hospital didn't give any sign of life. Finally, she looked at Misato for a brief moment, turning afterwards her attention to staring again at her feet.

Mis:"Asuka.. Try to dissuade him.. He'll become insane if he'll stay there.."

Asu:"..."

Mis:"Please.. maybe he'll listen to you.."

Asu:"I don't think so."

Mis:"Why? Maybe yo"

Asu:"He'll never listen to me again. It could be said that I killed Ayanami."

__________________________Tears/Why did you leave me alone?_________________________

Asu:"....Don't be ridiculous! How do you expect I can believe you, the Commander's favourite, his doll, his toy? Maybe you are doing what he ordered you to! Maybe this is a plan of his! May"

Rei:"No. I disobeyed to the commander. I'll never follow again his orders, if I don't want to do them. I betrayed him. I left his orbit. Now I am choosing my path. I'm building my life. Even if he'll haunt me, even if he'll kill me, I won't regret my choices. Cogito, ergo sum. I am free now."

Asuka looked at her, not trusting what her ears were transmitting to her brain.. but she tried never the less to reply: "Don't make me laugh! Where is that doll that would obey Commander Ikari even if he had ordered her to kill herself ?"

Rei:"I'm different from that Rei. You could say I'm another Rei, and that's the truth. I devoted my life to protect Shinji, to love him, to stay near him."

Asuka didn't pay any attention to those strange things Rei was saying, like she should have. Instead, she found herself focused on that 'Shinji'.. Her head started spinning around, her rage growing in intensity.. 

Asu:"And from how much time you call him by name, uh? Because you slept with him? Well, I've always slept with him almost in the same room! I have lived with him!How could you come here and simply call him by his name?"

Kensuke wanted to say: "Are you jealous?" But he thought that, just now, even without being in possession of her physical force at 100 percent, Asuka would have been probably able to throw him outside the window, so he decided to stay quiet and watch the show..

Rei:"Why aren't you honest with yourself? Why do you lie to yourself? I can see things more clearly.. even if I haven't a direct experience, I can understand things better now, things like my own and other feelings.. I've had a lot of time to think. Why don't you admit you need him, you love him ?"

This time Asuka couldn't help herself.. She slapped Rei's face with her right hand, hard. Hikari, after that exchange of darts between the red-head and the pale-girl, during which she had been breathless, finally recovered and looked very angry towards her friend Asuka, and was about to scold her or even to slap her, when the hell broke down.

Asuka was in front of Rei, the former standing in front of the middle of the bed, Shinji still dazed sitting on a chair to her left, while Rei was sitting cross-legged on the bed.

When Asuka slapped her, Rei returned to her natural, or old, stance. Once she had recovered from the slap, her expression didn't change the least, not even to dry the small river of blood flowing from her upper lip, the cut caused by her own inferior teeth due to Asuka's slap. She stood there, only staring at her, with a different gaze. Before, Asuka could feel sparks of life in that girl that was more and more growing to become an enigma for her, while now Rei was giving her a cold glare, as if looking at a stranger...as if to punish her...as if she was a stranger to her, and she didn't know her..

Asuka would probably remember those eyes in her mind for all her life... those eyes she hated so much, eyes showing no emotion, no sparks of life.. Now she was seeing those eyes.. she was seeing them alarmed, she was seeing them looking at her, looking into her, scanning her very being..

She was seeing them turning into an immense sadness, turning to face Shinji.. 

Then Rei used her left harm to push Asuka to her right side, causing her to collide with Hikari and causing them to fall on the ground.. Never would Asuka have imagined Rei Ayanami able to throw her to the ground so easily, like opening the curtains of a window, like she was weightless paper..While she was stunned looking at Rei, she saw everything happen as in slow motion.. that trick they use in the movies to dramatize the situation, the way they say it happens to you when you are going to die, or you believe you are going to die..

It had happened to her once before. She was riding her first bicycle. As always, her over-confident self couldn't stand the idea of the auxiliary wheels to help her to learn how to ride a bike, and she asked and obtained to be left with the normal bike.

She rode it, and for the first moments it was okay: she was barely able to go straight, but for the first time she was riding a bike it was okay. She gained speed, and with that her excitement rose.

She was then going to turn, the speed was high. She heard the screams of her guardian, but she didn't care. She was going to turn around that fountain in the middle of the park and to come back, in all her glory, to show them she didn't need any other wheel. Beside, how could she, designed pilot of Evangelion unit 2, need those stupid and ugly wheels?

She approached the fountain, now only five meters, she bent on one side, more because she had always seen others doing like this rather than by reasoning or intuition. She took the turn, but she was too fast, and the turn was too wide, she was going to collide against that bench.. 

She felt the hearth in her throat, she gritted her teeth and bent even more on one side. She heard the noise of the earth escaping from the back of her wheels, and the occasional pebble darting from under the tires to hit the bench.

Finally it happened, she completed the turn and she was safe and sound. She was happy, happy because, once again, she had proved she was good at what she was doing. She could see far her guardian, and she could see the pride in her face. Pride of her, of her being alive, able to do as and better the other children. Only twenty meters and she would collect the words of prise she longed for. 

She saw something red on the ground, like a long snake. With the corner of her eyes she saw that was a tube the gardener was currently using to water the plants of the park. She didn't care: what could a small tube do to her? Could it harm her? So she approached the tube, but started looking at it in a sort of worried way. 

It was not that small, actually, it could be more than three inches of diameter. She looked down at her tires. Her bicycle was not a mountain-bike, but rather a classic one, more of a race bike than anything; as a consequence, her tires were very thin and narrow. She looked at the tube coming closer and closer, and in her hearth she knew that something would be wrong. She slowed down but it was not sufficient: the tire impacted against the tube, which was wet and slippery. Since the angle of impact was not at ninety degrees, the tire followed the shape of the tube, turning the bike accordingly. While she was falling down, the time slowed down for Asuka: she closed her eyes, and with eyes wide shut she started thinking. She thought about her guardian. The pride she thought she was going to receive within moments being replaced by worry. She'd be lifted from the ground and the dust be removed from her hair and clothes, like she was a small child. The next time she could have wanted to ride a bike, her tutor would have probably wanted her to use the bike with the auxiliary wheels, and would have been watching her in apprehension. This was not possible. This couldn't be allowed to happen.

And while she was falling down, while she was hitting with her right temple the ground, bruising her fore-head and her hands, with the bike falling over her, she took her decision. 

Never, never again she would expose herself to the ridicule like in that occasion. Never.

And this is the reason why you have never seen Asuka riding a bicycle.

In that same way, time seemed to stop during that occasion, her head was now spinning around trying to make some sense of what was going on. While she was falling she could see Rei's face. Rei turned to face Shinji at the same time she had pushed her aside. Asuka could see Rei as she continued falling, first over her lifted arm, then from underneath it as she came close to hitting the ground. It was so slow, like when you're on a slow ship and passing by the former Statue of Liberty. You are far away, and you observe the small limb of earth connecting the statue to the coast. While you go straight to the harbor, you notice how the perspective changes that small limb as you pass by. In that same way, she was looking at Rei's face, and she could see how Rei's features were slowly changing: from the sadness she showed before, when she hit Asuka, her face was turning in some mask of.. joy? Sadness? Pride? Love?

It looked like she was regarding Shinji like the only thing in the world she attributed some value..

Then.. her hair, her hair in the back of her head was moved by something.. 

After an instant, something erupted from her fore-head, bringing with it.. bringing with it a stream..

What was it? Asuka asked herself finally hitting hard on the ground, looking that strange stream flowing from Rei's forehead like a fountain.. When she finally bounced the second time on the tiled floor of that hospital room, she heard the noise and she understood.

A single noise.

And Ayanami was dead.

...

Asu:"He'll never listen to me again. It could be said that I killed Ayanami."

Misato looked her in disbelief. The other children didn't make a move.

Mis:"Wha.. What are you saying?"

Asu:"She knew it. In some way, she knew it. She could have moved her head away. 

She would've had the time to. But I was straight in front of her. If she had moved her head, I would've been hit. So, she decided to save me, instead of saving herself. She didn't have enough time to move away. She had started moving towards him, when the bullet hit her head.

Kensuke was still sitting on the floor, close to the door, still not giving signs of being still alive. Hikari and Toji were looking down, while the others were looking at Asuka, Maya with a hand on her mouth, in tears.

Asu:"So it could be said that I killed her. Shinji will never forgive me. Even if he liked me before, even if he cared about me, now he'll hate me."

Misato looked at her in horror, not knowing what to do.

Finally Asuka made her move.

Asu:"But I'll speak to him. Only to know what he thinks about me now."

So she opened the door, was engulfed by the darkness ruling in the room, and closed the door behind her shoulders.

Shi:"Go away."

Asu:"Shinji.. It's me."

Shi:".."

Asu:"Shinji.."

Shinji remained silent on the bed, without acknowledging her further. 

Minutes passed, and the desperation slowly rose in Asuka; finally, all the sorrow, all the sadness, all the desperate need for help won her pride and she exploded: "Shinji! I'm here! Speak to me! Tell me anything, just don't ignore me!"

But it was not her usual arrogant tone, it was not her distasteful tone of voice. Desperation and pleading were clearly present in her cry, and Shinji, as much as his poor hearth had grown hard and desert couldn't ignore that voice that pierced his soul. Asuka asking, begging for help, distracted him for just a moment from the pit of despair over which he was hovering. He turned to face her, his eyes regaining focus, but it lasted only for a moment. Immediately after, he was a shadow again.

Shi:"What do you want?"

Relieved that at least he was listening to her, Asuka pressed on with the question that was strangling her hearth.

Asu:"I.. I want to know.. if you think I'm responsible for Rei's.. accident."

She chose the words carefully, remembering what he said to them before Misato and the others arrived, throwing them outside the room: she avoided the only word could currently entirely describe Rei's accident: death.

Shi:".."

Waiting for the reply, she pressed further on, trying to soften her tone of voice, and, to her surprise, it was a sincere question, it was far away from the faked tone she was used to use with Shinji or Kaji, when she was trying to convince them to do something. And she found herself surprised as well: it was not dripping honey or a special hearth melting attack whatsoever, but even her hearth skipped a beat hearing that question. It was like she was discovering some part of herself she had lost long, long ago.. her true self, a caring one.

Asu:"I want to know.. if you blame me."

She braced herself, bending her head over her chest. Silent shudders travelled over her spine. That atmosphere, death grasping the room in her claws put sheer terror in her heart. The fact Shinji wasn't answering to her question only made her more and more anxious.

Resting her shoulders against the door, and sliding slowly against the floor, she ended sitting on the floor, her knees to her chest, fighting back the tears..

Asu:"Pl.. Please.. Shinji.. Answer me.."

But more time needed to pass before finally Shinji spoke to her.

Shi:"No. Asuka. You may have many faults, but you've no responsibilities, here. I could tell you 'Are you happy, now? She's dead. What you wanted the most, has become reality. She's no longer here.' But I won't. First, because she'll come back. Second, because I don't want to hurt you. Asuka, I didn't betray you. I didn't want you to suffer, but I couldn't help: I was unconscious, I couldn't do anything. I guess Kensuke, Hikari and Misato took care of you."

In hearing that some portion of the old Asuka awakened she rose from the floor clenching her fists, and rather upset: "You know what? They made me think I was Kensuke's sister!"

But as soon as the flame lit up it it died off, Asuka herself feeling the gravity of the situation overriding, and while Shinji spoke again, she sat on the floor.

Shi:".. I don't understand.. What do you mean?"

Hiding her face against her knees, Asuka answered: "Well.. after.. after..", she was shivering, " you got shot, I think I had a sort of shock.. and I got an amnesia.. Hikari told me I was Kensuke's sister.. Even Misato played the game.. We slept yesterday night at Hikari's.."

Shinji felt the need to nod: ".. I can only think they've done it for helping you, not to make fun of you."

Asuka breathed slowly, and after replied: ".. Maybe.. Maybe you're right.. I can recall he was very 

nice to me, Hikari, as always, was very friendly to me.. Sometimes, I wonder why she keeps on staying near me.."

Shi:"She cares about you."

Pressing stronger her face against her legs, and holding her breath, she asked again: "Maybe... and.. you? Do you still care about me?"

A long silence passed, and Asuka was going to miss air, when finally Shinji spoke.

Shi:"Yes, Asuka. I do care about you, but now, I must help Rei. She needs more help then you, just now."

Despite all, Asuka frowned: "What kind of help could you give her in her condition?"

Shinji got a little upset, but he didn't show it.

Shi:"I'm sharing with her my body heat. I'm talking quietly to her in her ear. I'm caressing her hands. I'm asking her to come back. I am exciting her. And, finally, I want to be the first who she'll see when she'll awake."

Asuka rose her face to look at him in the darkness.

Asu:"But.. Shinji.. No one comes back from the death.."

Shi:"Rules can be broken."

This time she rose to her feet, making wide circle with her arms and hands to give more weight to her words, like an Italian would do**.

Asu:"It's not a matter of rules! We are speaking about death! Do you understand?"

Shinji didn't reply immediately, but when he answered, venom was clearly dripping from his words.

Shi:"If you are here to repeat the very same thing Misato told me a little ago, you may as well leave now. Besides, you know very little about her."

Asuka stood there, in silence, sorry about her outburst, but convinced in her hearth of the truth of her words: 'And what does it matter if I don't know her well? She's dead. It's over.'

A chair caught her attention. In the very dim light of the room, she could barely distinguish what was over it: "You didn't eat."

Shi:"I'll eat when she'll be back."

Asuka couldn't stand anymore, and shouted: "Then you're gonna die! Why ca"

Shi:"SHUT UP!"

His tone of voice was so angry that she froze in fear..

Then, he continued, calmly this time "Please, Asuka, go away. I thought you could trust her. She saved your life. I thought you cold treat her like a friend, and that you would wait her with me. Now I can see I'm the only one trusting her. But it's not your fault. At the party I'll give you less cake than to her."

Asuka blinked: "Party? Cake?"

Shi:"A welcome-back party."

Asuka looked down bending her chin over her chest before answering: "I see I'm useless, here. At least, I know you don't hate me.."

Shinji spoke gently: "No, Asuka. I could never hate a person like you..",'Not after I heard about you and your childhood..', "I'll promise we'll go out for a walk very soon, all the three of us, no.. We and Kensuke, Toji and Hikari.. We could tease the class rep and Toji! It would be real fun!"

Asuka looked in his direction, sadness in her face. His words were true, coming from his hearth. He was truly believing in what he was saying.. Asuka turned to exit: "I'm leaving. When they'll bring you your next dinner, eat it."

Shi:"It won't be necessary. I won't have to wait much."

Asuka left silently.

Outside, the others were hanging from her lips. She simply said "He's waiting."before closing herself in a noiseless contemplation of her shoes. 

……

It was about 23:00, Maya, Shingeru and Hyuga were at their home, Kensuke and Hikari were sleeping at Misato's, while the latter was resting outside the hospital's door. Asuka was still standing by the door. Misato was at her side. 

They couldn't hear any noise coming from the room.

Asuka finally spoke: "Maybe, when it'll be deep night, he'll be asleep.."

Misato nodded, knowing in her hearth, whatever she could say and do afterwards, that Shinji wouldn't never 

forgive her for what she was about to do.

Mis:'Please.. Please forgive me, Shinji.'

...

'Light. Too much light. A ceiling. Where am I?'

Shinji bolted upright. He was in another hospital room, lying on a bed with fresh and clean sheets. The worse thing was that Rei was nowhere to be seen. He looked down at himself. He was wearing a clean hospital gown, while his old clothes were on a chair. A wall-clock displayed 9:20.

His first instinct was to shout, to cry in pain, in frustration, to curse himself at the top of his lungs for falling asleep. 

His instinct was to destroy every single thing in that room, but he made nothing of it. 

He behaved as if nothing had happened. He got off the bed, took a shower, got dressed. He slowly 

opened the door looking for possible sentinels. There was nobody except a person sleeping softly on a small chair close to the door. It was Asuka. He stood in front of her for a minute. It was evident it wasn't the most comfortable position to sleep, and the red signs on her skin showed it. It was difficult to find the right way to sleep over that small chair. 

Shinji was tempted to bring her inside, but the fear of awakening her won over his kindness, so he 

silently left. 

...

A woman was running at full speed through an hospital corridor, until she reached the lift and savagely hit the call button. Then, she turned in rage towards the other person who was half walking, half running, panting heavily, towards the lift, the sound of footsteps echoing in the almost empty hall.

Mis:"How could you let him escape! Weren't you supposed to watch over him?"

Asuka, who finally catch up Misato by the lift, held her breath before answering upset: "Oh, shut up! I'm still a bit dazed! I couldn't help myself!"

Misato kicked in rage the lift's doors, denting one of them. When the lift finally arrived, they got in.

Only then she realized that all her run was comically useless. She had to go to the HQ, by order of the very commander Ikari. Telling him or the Nerv security about Shinji was out of question, so she regained some control of herself and spoke again to Asuka.

Mis:"Okay, listen. I can't come right now. I'm expected at HQ. I will be free to search for him only after lunch. Call Kensuke and Hikari, and look for him. Check the school, the gamecenters, every place!"

Asu:"Do.. Do you think.. he.."

Mis:"No! No, I am sure of it."

When the bell rang and the doors slid open she pushed Asuka out of the lift.

Mis:"Now go!"

…

Half an hour later, she was in her office, papers everywhere, evidences of her fight with Hyuga of the day before. 

She stood there, sat on her chair, hands on her temples, elbows on her table, when a thought bolted in her mind..

She looked at the watch.. it was only 11:20..

She had to wait until 15:00 before she could leave, and besides.. now that it was all over.. what could she do?

...

In the Neo-Tokyo 3 cemetery, a strange scene was taking place. A young boy, 14-15 years old, was digging on the ground. He was digging in the middle of the cemetery. On a grave. It looked like it was a recent grave, because no grass had grown on it yet, the brown earth looking freshly moved.

The most disturbing thing in all what was happening was that the boy wasn't showing emotion whatsoever about what he was doing. It looked like digging graves in the morning was for him the most natural thing of this world, just like passing the vacuum-cleaner in the living-room.

Another strange thing was the fact the boy was practically using only his left arm, this causing him a lot of difficulties..

It looked like he was a bit annoyed.. after a bit, he hit something hard, and, tossed aside the shovel, he started using his bare left hand. Finally, he pulled off the coffin from the ground, with great effort, pulling it on the fresh grass.

He fell on his back, completely drenched by his own sweat. The sun was high, and it was particularly hot that morning. The cicadas were performing most likely the best performance ever in the last twenty years. It could be reminiscent of some biblical plague, at least for the acoustic pollution.

The boy didn't really care. When he was sufficiently rested, he stood up and examined the coffin. When he spotted what he was looking for, he grinned. Near him there were two bags. From one of them, he took a screwdriver, it was a motorized model, maybe to help him since he didn't seem to be able to use his right hand.. He was very lucky that in his old pants there were still his documents and wallet.

He rapidly unscrewed all the screws, and lifted the cover. What he found, he didn't like a bit. There was a metal box inside. To prevent any contamination or bad smell..

He went back to his bags, and rummaged a bit. In the end, he picked up a hammer and a normal screwdriver. He started making little holes in the box, along the welded joints. 

Finally, he finished the third edge end open the cover using the forth long edge like a hinge. He opened the coffin, with growing excitement, cutting himself with its sharp edges, to reveal a pale figure. A girl, dressed with a white and long dress, was resting inside. Her head was circled by a white bandage.

He managed to pick her up, carrying her with only his good arm, and trailed towards the nearby park, bringing with him the second bag he had brought with him.

... 

When Misato finally got there, it was 15:47. She watched in horror at the view. 

A shovel lying on the ground, an opened grave, a profaned coffin.

Mis:"Shinji.."

...

Not really far away, at the feet of a giant oak, sat a boy and a girl. The boy was sitting on the ground, half hidden to the view by the roots of the huge plant, this one a survivor of the second impact and heavens know how many fatalities and years. The air around it smelled of centuries. The boy was resting his shoulders against the tree, circling the girl with his arms. A blanket with flowers and floral fantasies was spread over them.

"..."

"Come on."

"..."

" If they find us now, I won't be able to rescue you again."

"..."

"What if you awakened in that coffin? It would had been a bad experience."

"..."

"Rei."

"It's time."

"..."

"Please, open your eyes."

"..."

Unaware of it at first, then consciously, he started crying...Digging his face in her hair, he started a long, endless crying.

Suddenly, he could feel there was something wrong.. He threw away the blanket, and looked in horror to her body. It was.. like melting.. 

He tried to stop it, to grab it, but he could do nothing: he tried desperately to stand up with her, only succeeding in stretching her body like an elastic.

Like a flow of honey, her body melted away and was absorbed by the ground. 

He started digging desperately in the ground bruising and scratching his fingers, tearing away a nail, trying to reach the white substance, but all his efforts were in vain.

He arched his back, throwing violently his head back, crying a cry that never left his throat, because he passed out before he could emit that scream of pain and desperation. 

That's how Misato found him.

A boy, a bag. 

A girl's dress.

End chapter 9

*)Rene Thygesen made me laugh for almost an hour when he spoke about us young students in the middle of our morning glory being frustrated by professors and supervisors.. Way to go, Rene!

**) You know, very often many people think that the Italians speak even with their body. Even if the body language is used all over the world, it seems that Americans, Greeks, English find particularly funny the way the Italians speak. How strange..

X-Ray:I love using pink miniskirt and Chinese top during the summer!

Ebj: I love to save some money now that I've stopped smoking. (this was a socially useful message).(I hope no smoke major heard you.. NdX-Ray)

X-Ray: Why the hell did I say that?

   [1]: mailto:r.giammanco@datastudio.it
   [2]: mailto:ebj.nerv@flasnet.it
   [3]: mailto:minynkit@ozemail.com.au
   [4]: mailto:sailormnemosyne@tin.it



	5. Chapter 10

Train Of Thoughts   
  


Chapter 10   
  
  


Standard Disclaimer: Neon Genesis Evangelion is owned and copyrighted by Gainax, all characters used from that series are theirs. All names are (TM) and (C) by their respective owners.   


I've never written long texts in English, and this is my first try to write a fan fiction.   


Feel free to send any comment, suggestion, flame, job opportunity etc. etc.   


About the crap I write.. even if EBJ ( the evafiction's Space Black God ) helps me a lot, starting from the pile of trash that is my draft, some errors could escape, so you are advised...   


These are my active pre-readers.

In the end, if you like ToT, thank them as well, so I can continue writing...   


[ebj.nerv@flasnet.it][1]   


[emilioce@tiscalinet.it][2]   


[sailormnemosyne@tin.it][3]   


And my e-mail is [r.giammanco@datastudio.it][4]   


Standard Disclaimer: Neon Genesis Evangelion is owned and copyrighted by Gainax, all characters used from that series are theirs. All names are (TM) and (C) by their respective owners.   


  


  


Well, Take a seat, and enjoy yourselves.   


Spot:

A linux kernel a day, keeps boredom away.   


  


Awakenings and Nightmares/Family reunion   


* * *

  


  


Darkness engulfed the small room. It appeared to be a study. Indeed, it was an L-shaped room. The entrance was at the south-west corner of the room, while at the south-east one an American-style kitchen, with fridge, dishwasher and washing machine could be found. Some dishes were currently drying on the counter. Using the dishwasher for such a limited number of dishes was considered a waste of power and time by the owner of the room. In fact, the study having been conceived for one or two people at most, was already well furnished with the washing machine, a great comfort indeed, but the dishwasher was too much.   


In the middle of the shorter arm of the "L", a tv-set could be found, along with a great deal of laser and dvds, and matching playback equipment. Because of the purpose of the room, no live broadcast could be received by the tv-set, hence the amount of videos, in order to make comfortable any possible kind of occupant the room could host.   


At the top of the shorter arm there was the door to the bathroom, containing only a shower, to the great disappointment of the current guest. Heading to the east side of the longer arm of the "L" a dressing mirror could be found. It had been put there at the explicit request of the occupant, from said occupant's previous residence: it was mounted on a small table with many drawers.   


The small stool was in oak and there was a soft pillow over it.   


It had likely been bought in an antiquities shop or a gift. Over the table a great variety of bottles and lotions could be found, while a hairdryer plugged on the wall near the top-right corner of the mirror was on an making one hell of a noise. It probably was a very old model.   


On the North of the room there was the only bed, untouched and with a nightgown laid over. To the right of the head of the bed there was the control set of a midi-stereo and a phone. The loudspeakers had been put in high position to the corners of the west side of the room. At the moment, an SDAT tape with some pieces by Chopin was on, currently playing Nocturne in Db minor.   


The west side of the room was mostly empty, except for a rather large rectangular table and four matching chairs. In the middle of the table a vase with flowers was sided by two small porcelain cats, one white, one black.   


  


Doctor Akagi was at the end of the process of removing the blond dye from her hair. She was now combing her wet hair with a brush in her right hand, while she was using the hair-dryer with the other. It had been a rather long procedure, way more time consuming than dying. When she had dyed her hair for the first time, she went to a hairdresser. She didn't remember how much time it had taken, but it wasn't much. From time to time, she used a small vial of dye to refresh her hair. Now, after maybe 4 or 5 years, her hair was free at last from that prison, but she had had to do a first pass with a solvent lotion, and had then had to wait for one good hour with it on her head, with a cap to avoid the stuff to drip on herself and the floor.   


She'd had to continuously massage her scalp to increase the effect of the liquid, and when she'd been done, she had to wash her head, with just water first, and then with a special shampoo. She had then had to use the solvent lotion again to clean everything up, and to repeat the whole cycle until she'd been finally able to use a normal shampoo, her favourite one, a camomile one.   


It hadn't been easy to ask and obtain all that stuff. Not that it would've been difficult to find or buy them, even if the one assigned to the task was a Nerv security officer. Men aren't usually good at shopping, especially if it's a lady who writes the list of the items to buy. Ritsuko had had to to speak a lot before she'd managed to convince one of the guards that in no way the stuff

she'd asked for could be used to harm herself or to escape. Not even if she'd been McGyver, she'd added. Actually, even just the shampoo could've been used by the good doctor to get the guard unconscious and to break from the room, but what then?

And above all, there was already another shampoo bottle in the shower by default, a peach one.

She had finally managed to convince the daytime guard and he'd brought what she'd asked, the day after Shinji had passed out in the park. The guard was a young man, and she could swear she had already seen him before. Maybe he had been assigned to surveillance on the bridge, or maybe in the facilities, or anywhere else, and she could make out, hidden behind the professional appearance, the respect he had for her. Very few people could stay unaffected by the brilliance of Project-E chairperson, and of these some where her superiors or equals in rank, such as Misato Katsuragi, who had gone as far as to slap her when Shinji's life had been at stake inside the 14th angel, in the Dirac sea.   


But, in human nature, admiration can be replaced by envy, and in the hurt ego of a former soldier, put more than once under her direct authority by hate for being commanded by a woman. This was a rough profile of the other guard, the night time one. Ritsuko knew them both from less than two days but it felt like years for her. She had wondered whether the chief of security ha put them together by chance, or rather, on purpose.   


According to the Nerv executive prisoner treatment, the guard was authorized to perform an inspection of five minutes each hour, taking more time if deeming it necessary. This was a rather obsolete measure, since, she was sure, there were more many microphones and cameras and heavens know how many bugs put in that room. It was more of a psychological threat than a real necessity of surveillance.

The daytime guard, in his turn of 12 hours, had apparently set for 4 inspections, always knocking on the door and waiting some seconds before entering the room. It was an act of kindness, though it preserved the idea of surprise inspection, it could at least give the prisoner the time to cover herself in the case she was for example undressing. His inspection were more like small talk than anything else.

Even though she could ask what she needed by the phone, he always asked her if she needed something. This made Ritsuko smile, because he was clearly trying to cover the discomfort she could feel in those intrusions.   


On the other hand, the night guard was clearly abusing of his authority. He didn't miss an inspection, and what was worse it was that she was sleeping. Each time he entered without notice, turning on the lamp and forcing her to stand up. The pride he felt at making the doctor feel so uncomfortable, making noises and examining the very same things he had already examined more times before, was clear in his attitude. She suspected he had the aid of some one working of the surveillance room, because he found her for two times while she was changing dress. The first time was very humiliating: she was changing her bra, and when he entered she got a pillow and covered herself with it. He'd grinned and with fast paces he was by her and he'd throw away the pillow, uncovering her naked breasts. 'I though you were hiding a knife' was what he said. From then, she always undressed in the bathroom. Not that it was useful, since the bathroom couldn't be locked, but at least it provided her with some precious seconds.   


For the same reason, she had to take the shower in the morning, what she hated the most.   


Trying to reach a compromise, she took two showers in the morning, one just awaken, and the other just before the day-guard left the place to the other guard.   


All of this to give you an idea of the stress she was subjected, a real psychological torture.   


She was pondering on this and similar things when she watched the watch. It was 12:37. She had some time left. The daytime guard had given her all she needed in the morning, around 8 am, and she had time to finish her job before the fucking dork would arrive. Once she was done she stood looking at herself in the mirror.   


Her hair didn't have anymore those strange reflections of light she was used to, and felt good between her fingers as she used them to comb it.   


She finished and was about to give everything back to the guard, but he refused: he had asked and obtained authorization to bring it in, and there was no need to hide it. He added she was better looking in that natural colour, rather that in that faked one.   


When time came, the night-time guard made his appearance, and made sarcastic comments over her new aspect.   


She stood there silent, knowing that the best strategy would have been to not react to his provocations, so after a bit he left. She gave a sigh of relief: at least she would have been alone for the next hour. She sat on the bed, absently putting on Bach's Ave Maria. She started thinking about what had just happened before she'd been led there, about what she had done: given birth to a new being.   


Rit: 'A Miracle...I'm not sure if it's been a blasphemy instead. How many times has she to die and to be born again? Why has she to suffer even after her death? In the past.. maybe they could call her a martyr.. A martyr victim of her own husband..'   


Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the steel door opening without any advice. There was no possibility of mistake. Not only that son of a bitch tortured her when he could do it, but now he was starting even when he had no authority! Only few minutes had passed since his last visit.   


She spoke with rage in her voice, covering her legs with her night-dress: "Now you are trespassing the si.."   


She stopped, seeing that the visitor wasn't that dork of a guard, but the very commander Ikari.   


He was in his usual attire: dark spectacles, white gloves, brown dress, red shirt. His right hand wasn't like usual put in his right trousers' pocket, but was holding something else. This something else was connected to the pale little arm of a little child of maybe five, six years, with red eyes and turquoise hair.   


Gendo stepped further into the room, closing the door with his left hand, without even turning back to check it. He simply pushed it for a bit with a measured movement of his arm, and the door turned over its hinge finally closing with a soft click of the lock.   


He stood, there, without saying a word.   


She knew that she wasn't supposed to do it, but in any case asked in a harsh tone of voice, looking straight into his eyes, hidden by the dark spectacles, and directed towards the floor, in a very strange attitude: "I told you it was too early to bring her outside the lab. What happened at your place?"   


Gendo silently walked to the table, and lifted the child making her sit on it. Then he turned to face her, and spoke in a steeled and authoritative way: "I am not here to be patronized, Doctor Akagi."   


She looked at him with a hard glare, but he didn't care. Instead he came closer to her and gritting his teeth he spoke to her almost in her hear: "She was giggling."   


Ritsuko stepped back away from Gendo, still stretched out with his body to speak in her hear giving his back to the child, who was looking at them in clear apprehension. She wasn't sure of what she had heard: "How come?"   


Gendo slowly got a hold of himself and, this time stretching his uniform to spread a couple of wrinkles at the height of his right elbow, speaking low in the meanwhile, without looking directly the doctor: "I've found her this morning in her room, laughing without any apparent reason towards the wall."   


Ritsuko felt the urge to roll on the floor laughing. It was ridiculous. A man, holding maybe the fate of the world and of mankind in his hands, the man who could condemn the whole human race to extinction, was worried because a child was laughing. A child of six years. A child without past. With a brain so empty calling it tabula rasa would've been the greatest affront to the latin language ever done on this world. She was about to start the biggest laugh she had ever had in all her life, when she looked better at him. This time he was looking straight at her. His jaw was forcefully pushed against his skull. She could make out all of his facial muscles straining to their limit. She could not see his temples, because they were covered with hair, but she could swear that his blood vessels were pulsing with the blood pumped from the hearth. He was trying to look calm, but never in all the time she had known him, had he looked more desperate and agitated.   


It looked like that was the worst thing that could happen to him. He was serious, deadly serious.

So serious, that he would have shot at her here and now if she dared to make fun of his thoughts.   


So she simply lowered her eyes and moved towards her night-table. She took her glasses and took a chair, putting it in front of the table, where the child was sitting with her legs kicking the air. While she was sitting, she looked at the shoes: they were of red patent leather, brand new. She was wearing a thin panty-hose matching the colour of her hair. He had to buy them and to dress her by himself, and she had no doubt he did it. While she was adjusting her glasses over her nose she spoke: "You know this is not the right place for an examination, sir."   


He was still by the bed, where she left him. He had his hands behind his back, and simply answered:

"I am not here for a complete visit, doctor Akagi. Just start checking."   


Ritsuko nodded, tested the girl's pulse, checked under her tongue, her reflexes, listened her breathing. She leaned against the chair thoughtful, removing her glasses and biting one of the glasses' poles. She started thinking in what could had gone wrong with this specimen: she had followed all the instruction she had been given, reading the notes of the very Gendo Ikari. In reality, she was surprised he had taken role to the operation like an external aid, leaving to her the main role. Her train of thought was getting far and far away from the problem at hand, and her eyes were loosing focus, when she sharply recovered and looked better at was she had in front of her. She had already seen her shoes, and now she focused her attention over her body: a turquoise blouse was covering her chest, a white shirt under it.   


She was wearing a short skirt, down to her knees, of a dark blue. She was dressed like a doll, as if whoever had chosen the dress had made the proper decision for each piece of garment. The idea of the commander Ikari looking around in a child dress shop, with his dark spectacles, his white gloves, his hands hold behind his shoulders, kneeling down to look for the right size of a pantyhose made her involuntarily shiver.   


So she focused her attention on who was wearing those clothes. A child. A small girl. A little girl who wasn't speaking. Who didn't know how to speak. A little child shivering. Yeah. She was shivering, and she hadn't noticed. She had examined her, and had not noticed she was shivering.   


Ritsuko put away her glasses, and looked slowly into her eyes. She saw pain. She saw sadness. She saw solitude. She saw emptiness. She saw a little human being, which she had never considered a real person. She felt an immense sadness, and caressed her right cheek with her hand. It was an instant. Gendo hovered so quickly to her right shoulder she couldn't see him do it, but she didn't leave him any time to act nevertheless. She stood, pushing with a loud noise the chair away from her legs, and turned to face him: "As far as I can examine her here she seems to be ok. I need my lab to proceed further and maybe I will need the help of my assistant as well."   


Gendo looked at her through his cold glare, and then silently nodded.   


* * *

In the darkness, a sudden movement followed others which had come before it.   


As if in an endless nightmare, a body was fighting against the demons of his mind, not really fighting them back but rather being at their mercy. At long last, a sensation from the body reached the mind. It managed to find its way through the dark alleys of his mind, with its load of urgency and necessity.   


His body was screaming to be heard, and the self preserving instinct was finally able to overwhelm his nightmares: he sat on the bed, had just the time to turn his face to the right, when a spasm hit his stomach and all what was there, basically gastric juices and almost no food, followed the inverse path they were used to take, erupting from his mouth and nose in a deflagration of puke.   


He puked a first time, a long stream of yellow-white substance, then after a moment threw up again, on the floor near the bed where he was sitting. Tears and streams of gastric juices were flowing on his face, under his mouth and nose. He was barely able to keep his balance, in the darkness, his head spinning.   


Tears, were flowing from his face, a long stream of a blank substance was dripping from his nose. In the dark, he had no fixed point to help him keeping his balance, and finally he fell on the floor, over the very mess he had just produced.   


But he didn't care. He continued crying, calling for a person, her form, her face, her soul.

Now he was aware someone had turned on the lights in that room, and there was someone looking at him. He could feel the intruder's eyes fixed on his back. He was hearing what he was saying, but nobody could really hear his cries. Nobody could really help him . He was aware of this, and he silently swore vengeance.   


He made a promise, to himself and to her, and slowly stood. Only then, with his stomach relieved from the weight of the offending substances, he tried to recognize the environment, and found himself in his room.   


And he found someone else. Someone looking at him intensely from nearby the light's switch, her hand still on it, not moving a finger, not speaking, not even breathing.   


They exchanged glances for a while, then Shinji, drying his mouth with the back of his hand spoke: "What are you doing here?"   


Asuka stood there: she was still dressed in her yellow sundress, his blood still spread over it and over her auburn hair. She was now breathing slowly, pain aching in her chest each time she emitted a breath, her eyes red to extreme limits, her skin unnaturally pale all over her except close to her cheeks, which were extremely red. Black bags were clearly visible under her reddened eyes. She was the closest thing you could imagine to the human exhaustion.   


But all the rage, all the sorrow, all the anger made him blind, and he harshly asked her, pure hatred in his voice, "What the hell are you doing here?"   


Asuka regarded him impassively, then turned to the door and walked towards it.   


Looking at those shoulders, trough the wide section of her sundress that let his eyes wander over her exposed skin, he could see how she was barely able to stand, how her once proud posture was now gone, there was no trace of the glorious pilot of the unit 2, but only an exhausted girl.   


He didn't think: he basically jumped over his bed and he grabbed her by the wrist. She looked back at him turning her face over her right shoulder, and in the dim light of the room he saw her face. He wasn't able to recognize the feelings she was hiding. Happiness, sadness, rage, anger, betrayal?   


Shi: "Would you go for a walk?"   


Asu: "W..What?"   


Shi: "This afternoon. In seven hours, go to sleep now."   


She looked at him for some moments, then she left and after a bit he could hear her door closing with a click. He looked around in his room, and looked at the night watch: it was 21:00. Indeed, the room had been engulfed by darkness not just because the lights were off and the curtains closed, but also because there was no sunlight outside.   


So he trailed towards the bed and sat there, his legs spread to avoid the contact with the vomit on the floor. He slowly took the alarm clock and weighted it on his hands. He found himself extremely weak. He set the alarm for 9:00 am and stood. He needed to clean up that mess before he could go to bed, and clean the kitchen and Misato's room as well.   


Thinking about Misato alarmed him, he left the room and looked for her. She was sleeping on the couch, probably after passing out, still dressed, but without any beer can close or over her.   


He was by Ausuka's door, and silently poked his head inside: she was sleeping on her bed. Her room was almost intact. Apparently she hadn't put any disorder lately, not even after she had limply fallen dead asleep on the bed: when she had closed the door behind herself, she'd been on the verge of fainting.   


Nearly 30 hours without sleeping, looking for him everywhere in Tokyo3, with Hikari and Kensuke, after Misato's call and the mad run towards the house, after the wait by his bed, with him prey of his nightmares, sitting in that chair, without moving for more than 15 hours, as if wanting to punish herself, watching the person she loved the most suffer like in the flames of hell...   


She had barely made it to the bed before falling in a deep, dreamless sleep. Shinji found her like that.   


He looked at her for endless moments, before closing silently the door and heading towards the kitchen. The mess he found there was something unbelievable. But he didn't falter a one bit in his decision. He put rubber gloves on, took the brush, and started cleaning the dishes in the silence of the night. It took him three hours to completely clean the kitchen, trying to do the least possible noise. His arm was giving him some trouble, ands he had to put a salvelox over his broken nail, but he was almost completely functional, even if all of this was slowing him down a bit.   


Another three hours were necessary in order to clean his room and Misato's, plus a supplementary amount of time for a side quest. When he found what he was looking for, he put it in a drawer of his desk and continued cleaning. The bathroom was not that messed up, and he took a shower while he was cleaning, without even removing his clothes. He tried to clean them, but when he saw it was useless, he put them in a basket with other dirty clothes, continuing his shower.   


When he finished, he collected all the other dirty garments and left for the laundry shop. It was meaningless running a 24-hour washing centre in an almost desert Tokyo-3, but he found his usual one open never the less. When he was back, it was already dawn, 6 o' clock. He was now tired, and felt very weakened . Anyway, he made a couple of sandwiches with what he found in the fridge, and some coffee, and then set the table up for two people.   


He left a note on each of his roommates' door. On Misato's door he wrote simply 'thanks', on Asuka's door he wrote 'Wait for me'.   


When he reached his room, even though he had left the window open, a smell of sweat and rancid was still present. He turned on the air-conditioning and undressed. When he finally lied on the bed, it felt like years had passed since the last time he had held Rei's corpse. He took the alarm-clock and switched it off before falling asleep.   


* * *

Misato was the first to awake. She was pretty dazed, and managed to focus her thoughts only after taking a shower. She then noticed something strange about the apartment: the bathroom was clean and even perfumed. While brushing her teeth she wondered what in the world could've convinced Asuka to do it.   


The thought of Asuka reminded her of her other room-mate, and she simply flew into Shinji's room. When she saw him there, sleeping on the bed, she was about to pass out for the relief. She was going to leave the room, when she felt the urge to come back and to kiss him on the fore-head: "Welcome back, Shinji".   


When she went into the kitchen, she thought she'd just entered heaven: the kitchen was simply sparkling. Glasses were drying on the counter and they were so clean she was ashamed of herself.   


When she sat down to eat her breakfast, she erupted in a cry of relief. It was not loud, but Pen Pen heard it and left his fridge to check it out. When he saw his mistress in tears came closer to her, rubbing his beak on her right leg. She stopped and looked down, smiled and put him on the table.   


Drying her eyes, she spoke to him: "Pen Pen.. Do you think everything is gonna be alright? I hope so, because I don't want them to suffer anymore." Then, she started sobbing again, hugging the small animal with her arms, pouring tears over the confused penguin.

* * *

When Asuka awoke, she had already left the apartment, not before having put a not on Shinji's door: 'Welcome back.'.   


Asuka made an inspection of the apartment, and decided to wait for him. It was strange that only a single breakfast was ready on the kitchen table, and judging from the state of the house, from the clean clothes in the bathroom and from the note Shinji left her, she understood he'd gone to bed late. Since he hadn't made breakfast for himself, she figured he was going to wake up quite late. The best thing would've been for her to order some food from some delivery store, but then she thought a bit and decided against it. She would instead order some ingredients and then make dinner with her hands.   


She was making this decision still with her yellow sundress under her arm, clasped between her right arm and her body. She was wearing her school uniform, that uniform she hated on Ayanami. She was even wearing black socks and white shoes.   


While she was planning the dinner, the bell rang. She literally flew to avoid it could ring again. In three sweeps she was by the door and opened it in angrily: "Who the hell.." She was surprised to find there Hikari, Toji and Kensuke..   


After helping Asuka and Misato in the quest for Shinji, they had stayed at Misato's place almost the whole afternoon, basically in the living room with Misato, while Asuka was sitting in Shinji's room, not allowing nobody else to enter. Around 20:00, Misato decided it was time for them to get some sleep; Hikari suggested she and Kensuke could go to Toji's place, since he got finally his prosthesis and he had been left free to leave the hospital that afternoon. Since Toji's father was currently working at Nerv, his house was still furnished and habitable. They asked him by phone if he could let them sleep at his place and he was overjoyed: at dinner, later, he would have confided he always ate alone, since his little sister was still in Nerv hospital and his father had the night shift.   


Hikari was hiding her happiness, but she had her troubles telling her father she was sleeping, the only female, in a house with two other teenagers, without any adult to watch over her. She had her troubles, even if one was the well know military otaku who would rather buy Military and Defence instead of Playboy, and the other was a mutilated boy. Finally she had the permission, and they could leave in a taxi to Toji's place.   


Back at Horaki's new place, Hikari's father was sitting on the couch in front of a dismissed fire place. A faked flame was painted in the interior.   


He was engrossed in his thoughts, so he didn't notice someone entering and sitting by him in the couch.   


"Dad."   


"..."   


"Dad!"   


"..."   


Only a small pinch awoke him from his daydreaming.   


"Uh?.. It's you, Kodama.. What is it?"   


Kodama was the elder of the Horaki sisters: she was 16, tall and rather well endowed. She hadn't the explosive beauty of a foreign woman as Asuka could have, but if you just took a bit of time in observing her, you could easily be fascinated by her words and manners. She was the one supposed to be the "mother" in Horaki's family, but this role was taken by Hikari when she was 12. In fact, Hikari simply loved her sister, and she would have done anything to help her. So she decided to take care of the family, as her elder sister had done for three years. She was used to say, joking, that by the time it would have been the turn of their little sister their father would've had to find a new wife.   


Hikari was attached to her mother's memories, but she was aware that her father couldn't live in the past, and that in any case the three sisters needed a step-mother, specially the little one. For this reason she was always encouraging her father in his relationships with other women, in a rather unlucky way, to tell the truth. The reason was that he was still deeply and painfully attached to the memories of his dead wife himself.   


He really loved her a lot, and would refuse any thing that could, in his eyes, make him loose respect for her.   


If from one hand Hikari was angry for this attitude of his, she was secretly happy, because she could feel as she was born from a real love. This fact strengthened her romanticism, and gave her a positive attitude towards the life in general.   


Kodama, on the other hand, was much like Hikari, but she was growing faster and faster. Her resemblance with her mother was much more evident than for Hikari, who apparently had taken more from her father. He found himself more and more often daydreaming about Kodama, and for this reason he had a soft spot for her. The other sisters knew, but they didn't care. Their father was quite fair in any case.   


So, when Kodama pinched him, he simply circled her shoulders with his arm as she sat at his side.   


"Still thinking about Hikari?"   


"Uh, Uhm."   


"You gave her your permission, why are you still thinking about her?"   


"You know.. She was supposed to be at the Major's place, and instead.."   


"She slept the last two days at our place, you know.."   


"It's not only this. Strange rumours are going around NERV in these days.."   


"Uh? Another angel? I haven't heard anything about this.."   


"How do you explain about the bullshit they told after the first angel? Everybody was aware of what had truly happened, but they sternly continued talking in TV about a stupid little meteorite. The worst thing is that the media know, and don't speak clearly because they are in the payroll of Nerv and similar agencies.. "   


"But.. the fact angels are closing on us is now common knowledge! Even my hair-dresser knows

and has somehow seen all of them, while I cannot even remember their form.."   


"When Nerv started needing more funds, they were forced to disclose part of the information they were hiding from common people.. the media started talking about angels as if it were normal...

Only some minor newspapers, without any credibility, wrote about the truth from the beginning. They were not silenced because nobody would believe them, and even now, when they claim to have always said the truth and that others have hidden it, nobody has the courage to listen to them and pull off the mask they've been shutting their eyes and ears with. We are a brainless country, Kodama."   


"hm.. It seems to me that angels are more than a Japanese only problem. They should worry all mankind...and still...why do they attack only here? Why do other countries build Evas ad then hand them to us? What is so special here for them to attack so relentlessly, dad?"   


"I myself asked this question to a superior in my section. You know what he told me?", he left a chuckle escape his lips, "He told me that if I wanted to live enough to see my grandsons, I should mind only my work, and yet.."   


"Yet?"   


"When I was leaving, already out of the door, he spoke under his breath, in a whisper: 'they're after something we hold here, our only hope as well as our damnation'. I closed the door behind myself and left."   


"What is this thing? And why are we talking about this?"   


"Because rumours say that Ayanami Rei has been killed."   


"The pilot?! Killed?! Who did it? A madman..? I heard of some cults claiming that Nerv was evil and th"   


"No, the truth is much worse."   


".. What do you mean?"   


"From what they say, she was killed she was killed per direct order of Nerv's supreme commander."   


".. Ikari's father?"   


"Yes."   


".. Why?"   


"I can only imagine that she was mentally unstable and she was a threat to Nerv."   


"Up to the point of killing her?   


"You don't now what is at a stake here. Hikari is very close to the pilots, and this is very dangerous. She didn't tellme anything, except that she wanted to keep company to Asuka some more time. But Asuka lives together with Ikari Shinji, and this worries me. Kodama, could you do me a favour?"   


"Of course, dad."   


"Tomorrow, go there and make sure she's okay, then make up an excuse, no matter how pathetic, to bring her back here. As long as she's here, she'll be safe. She won't listen to me, but if it will be you asking her, I am sure she won't refuse."   


"You know, this is not the straightest way to get your daughter to do something..."   


"Eh! You don't know what I went through the first time I tried to date your mother!"   


"What? Tell me, what happened? I was told the first time you two went out with friends to see Disney's Fantasia, the 50th anniversary I believe.."   


"That! Puff! This wasn't our first date! Being stuck in a cinema, for two hours, without talking, without interacting you call it a date, besides, the cinema was full and we had to stand afoot in the back."   


"Well.. but then.. I am completely unaware!"   


The man laughed whole heartedly: "you know, when I'll tell you the whole story, you'll have the same reaction your mother had."   


"Why, what did she do?"   


"She slapped me."   


"What?"   


"You heard well, she slapped me, hard, twice."   


"But.."   


"Well, a date in a cinema wasn't exactly my idea of a date: you know that your mother was a knockout back then, and I wanted date her at any cost. But she was so far, out of my reach.. The only way to be in the same group as her was to organize a big event, like a barbeque or a cinema event. After a couple of occasion went unfruitful, I came up with my masterpiece. It was in occasion of that film, 'Princess Mononoke' A real masterpiece. I organized everything, we were almost twenty people, and I set up the date after dinner, for the first show at 20:30. I gave everybody else a meeting point, and another one to your mother. The names were the same, to the others I send a note, and I faked to meet your mother by chances. I told her the right place, and waited.   


When the day came, I arrived there with my motorbike. She was already there, alone. She was rather upset nobody else was there. We waited for twenty minutes, and finally I snapped out saying that the others could have mistaken the place. I will never forget your mother's expression, she could appear naïve, but I knew she was more than that. Fortunately, she seemed not to understand what was going on. So I could carry on the show. I had put a limited amount of fuel, so my motorbike ran out of it in the middle of nowhere, well.. almost.. The cinema was a big multi-theatre, so it was a little off-hand. We walked an hour before we could refill the tank. When we arrived there it was too late even for the second show. I knew she had not brought the pager, and I had "unfortunately" forgotten mine at home, so no-one disturbed us. Nearby there was a bowling, and we spent almost three hours there playing, because that night the ladies didn't have to pay. It was one of the most beautiful evenings of my life. I found out that I had seen only the shell of your mother until then, and then I had met with her soul. I hadn't thought about it when I had started drooling after her. She impressed me deeply, so that when I brought her home, I had to tell her everything, how I had lied to her, how I had fooled her. I will never forget when she looked at me with a steel stare, made a couple of steps and slapped me. I will never forget what she told me:   


'You are one of the most disgusting man I have ever known.'   


I didn't know what to do, and I pleaded her to understand, and I started rambling about how much I wanted to date the hottest babe I knew.. that did it, she entered home, and slammed the door shut."   


The man paused, an expression of pain crossing his features.   


His daughter was intently observing him from her position, leaning over his shoulder, looking up at his chin, seeing as it was slightly trembling. Softly, she encouraged her father to speak on, and he finally continued speaking: "I didn't know what to do. I spent the night pacing back and forth in front of her door for all the night, and I was lucky that it was an apartment door, otherwise the police could've taken me at the station. Before it was dawn I had made my mind and sat in front of the door. When she left the house she found me there. She asked me in an harsh tone what else did I want, and I told her I wanted to apologize, and that I wouldn't leave that spot until she hadn't forgiven me, without even going to the bathroom. She glared me. She told me that I could die there as far she was concerned. She left and was back only by evening, but I was still there, sleeping, because I was pretty tired. She awaked me kicking me in the stomach. She asked if I wanted to give up. I said never, and continued to sleep. She called the police."   


"What?"   


"Yeah! She called the police, and I had to explain my story at the police station. I think they are still laughing. They asked confirmation to your mother, and then released me upon the promise I would give up. Needless to say, I went back in front of your mother's door, but before I stopped at my place."   


"What for?"   


"I took two packs of water, and those solutions they give in the hospital to people who cannot eat solid. I knew they were at home because I saw your granny putting them in the closet some time before, to have them for your grand-father would the necessity arise. I left a rather big present in the bathroom and I took an enormous pillow and a plant."   


"Wait a minute, why a plant?"   


"I thought I was okay as far as the solid side of the matter went bu-"   


"Okay, better not to know more."   


"Less than 5 hours after they took me, I was positioned again behind your mother's door. You cannot imagine the expression of outrage she was wearing when she opened the door finding me again there. She was steaming all over the body, eye-brows knitted, fists clenched. She shouted she was going to call again the police, and I told her that that was they only way she could get rid of me, because I was going to stay there. Fine, she said, and marched away like a fury. She returned with all the people who knew me, she led them in small groups and made a full account of what had happened, describing how had I fooled her and the police. It was the most humiliating thing in my entire life."   


"She was so cruel.."   


"No, I deserved it. She didn't deserve to be deceived, even if she suspected something, she had trusted me. I betrayed her trust, so I was going to endure that. It took six days for me to reach my limit, and before someone had to bring me away, I left of my own will. I don't know if she had been watching me through the key-hole, but when I was about to leave she opened the door and triumphantly told me I had lost. I was tired, both mentally and physically, so I'm not sure why did I reply the way I did:' I haven't lost to you, I lost to my endurance. Because, believe me, I was sincere, and I really wanted your forgiveness.' When I came back home, I slept for nearly two days."   


"What then?"   


"Well.. I woke up to a strange smell, it was bacon and eggs.. I wondered how come my mother had cooked such things. When I went to the kitchen, I found the table set, and your mother serving the food, I stood there, dumbfound, until she reached form me and firmly but gently forced me to sit and to eat. When I finished, I asked her why she was there, and how. She told me that she had had a chat her conscience, and they decided to apologize to me. She told me I was the first guy that had dared to do something like that to her. She asked me why I had told her the truth, back then. I told her that I had already acted bad, and that I could have not forgiven myself if I hadn't told her the truth, with all the consequences. She smiled and told me I was a bad liar, the one a woman would love to marry, I replied she was the fierce woman that every man should make angry."   


He paused for a while, then concluded: "This was when we fell in love. Your granny made me the biggest present I had ever had when she let your mother in that morning."   


Kodama turned to look at the faked fire in the fire-place, before whispering : "Why didn't you tell me this before?" He patted her hair, and smiled: "Because you weren't old enough."   


"I am glad I still remember mom, but Hikari's memories are vague."   


"She was still too young when your mother died."   


Silence fell upon them, finally Kodama broke it : "You really wanted a son, don't you?"   


"What?"   


"Why did you try again after two daughters already if not because you wanted a son?"   


"Oh, no, Kodama. I didn't want a son, I loved your mother and you all, it just happened she got pregnant again."   


"You mean you didn't take precautions?"   


His father blushed, and looked away: "Your mother didn't like that kind of stuff.."   


Then, trying to lead the discussion to another end, he spoke again: "Darn, I am really worried about Hikari: before it was different, she was sleeping with another girl, and there was only that Kensuke.."   


Kodama giggled a bit, not realizing having been diverted from the actually interesting subject: "No way, dad! Don't worry! They are friends..", 'maybe more than friends..', "tomorrow I'll go there and check them, and in any case, they are way too young for ever thinking about sex."   


His father regained his colour, blushing a bit, then paling again a second later. Curiosity drove Kodama: "And now what is it?"   


"You mean.."   


"I mean.. what?"   


"You mean you think about sex?"   


* * *

Asuka was rather polite with them, almost freaking out Kensuke and Toji, excessively polite and concerned about them and their welfare, suggesting them to go and eat in a cheap but rather good restaurant she had heard of. Hikari understood that something was going on, and after being sure her friend was okay and Shinji was sleeping, she left bringing with her the two teenager, helping Toji at each step. In the lift, Kensuke expressed his perplexity: "Asuka is much way nicer the way she is just now..", Toji added: "Maybe an alien abduction?" They burst out laughing, and Hikari spoke last: "I think Asuka is growing..".   


Kensuke replied: "And what is all this fuzz about the restaurant? It looked as she wanted to get rid of us!". Toji nodded thoughtfully. Hikari giggled: "You could have a synthetic mind, Kensuke, but you lack basic knowledge of the human soul: she wanted simply stay alone with Shinji."   


The two boys looked at her eyes widened, and didn't notice the lift had already reached the ground floor: "You mean Asuka.." started Kensuke "is in love with Shinji?" finished Toji. Hikari happily nodded. Kensuke started moving his arms in wide circles in air: "Oh my god! The devil-girl in love! We're gonna die!" Hikari glared at him sternly while helping Toji to exit the lift: "and how is that strange, Aida? You're the weirdo, only being attracted by the major's curves!"   


Kensuke crossed his arms on his chest and snorted: "girlish things!"   


Hikari continued: "And it is perfectly natural for her to want to stay alone with the boy she loves."   


Kensuke had basically already understood, but he continued in any case his little play: "She wants to be alone with him now that he's weak to take advantage of him, making him do all the chores! Don't you think so, Toji?".   


But Toji was having troubles listening to the conversation: Hikari was walking side by side with him, holding his left arm with both of hers, and from time to time he touched her slender frame.   


At that moment, he was blushing furiously..   


Kenuke looked at him and sighed: "Oh dude! You're hopeless!" then he trailed away.   


Hikari asked him: "Where do you think you are going, Mr. Aida?" Kensuke just turned to his left and said without turning back: "I'll meet you at dinner time at that restaurant Asuka spoke about. See you later, sweet-hearts."   


Hikari blushed, Toji even more if it was possible, but won that moment of embarrassment asking to the young girl: "Class Rep.. Hikari.." She almost jumped and replied: "Y.. Yeah?" "I am a bit tired, could we please stop on that bench over there?" "Sure, Su.. Toji." And she helped him to sit down, sitting then close to him. From a nearby corner Kensuke surveyed the scene and sighed: "It seems to me that everybody has lost his mind.". He looked around, and recognized the neon sign of an arm-shop. It was open! He ran happily in that direction.

* * *

At the same time, at the other end of the city, someone was having trouble finding the double key of the Horaki residence under the usual flower vase. The key was actually missing because Hikari had given it to Kensuke, just in case.

She had already planned not to leave alone Toji from a long time.   


So Kodama decided to just sit down and wait. She had a book about the impact of the new technologies on the life of the bees, and she had found herself engrossed in the lecture of the first chapters. Particularly, she found detestable the position of the poor bee-queen. She thought she wasn't going to wait long: 'They will come to eat.. and if this won't be the case, I'll phone to major Katsuragi's place.' She could have phoned the moment she didn't find them in, but she though it'd been an excessive intrusion in her sister's business. So she just sat reading the book.

* * *

Once the two stooges and a half (as Asuka was pondering to call them) left, she could resume her plan. However, it wasn't easy to find an open superstore, and even more difficult had been finding one that did delivery service.   


When they asked what she wanted, she panicked. She didn't know what to ask, and she hung up saying there was someone at the door. In the kitchen she thought a little, and looked around in search for any ideas. Her eyes fell on a book Shinji bought some time ago, western food.   


She flipped the pages looking for something easy to prepare, possibly from Germany, some plate she could easily handle. But she found herself looking for a certain kind of an Italian pasta, spaghetti with "pesto alla genovese". It looked quite easily to prepare: you cook pasta, and that's not difficult to do, you dry it, and then you put pesto sauce on it. You don't need to prepare that special sauce, since in the book was written you could easily find ready pesto in any superstore. You then put some butter in it and that's it. It was written than a real Italian from Genova would rather die than eat a non homemade pesto, but she didn't care (and she wasn't Italian either). The book continued rambling about a certain Hawaiian Pizza, with pine-apple on it, saying it was a gift from the devil.   


She flipped the book and read the name of the author: Natale Esposito, Napolitan chef. She shrugged and turned back to the task at hand.   


She wanted to impress Shinji, and Shinji was not from Genova. So she all excitedly phoned again to the shop and ordered all the necessary: the most expensive kind of spaghetti and pesto. The woman at the phone didn't know that pesto stuff, and she didn't know if they had it in the store, so Asuka had to wait anxiously that the woman would ask. Finally everything was okay, and Asuka made sure that she had ordered enough food: since it was the first time in her life she cooked something similar, she decided to make a primer for Pen Pen. When she hung the phone she was practically dancing in the kitchen, when she stopped at mid air.. Money!   


She ran in her room, but the money she had was surely not sufficient, since she had ordered a lot of things, so she ran in Misato's and started looking for something useful. In the end, Misato would have understood: it was for Shinji after all..   


When she had gathered enough money, she relaxed and read the book. Basically, the only crucial point was putting the right amount of salt in the water for the pasta and drying it at the right moment.   


The book was careful to say that for such things there simply was not a perfect rule: even the cooking time written in the bag was subjective. The over cooked pasta was something to avoid to all costs, but one not cooked enough wasn't good either. The book suggested the right level of cooking was "al dente", when the pasta had still consistency but it was sufficient a soft pressure applied with a fork to break the spaghetto in two halves. Again, it was a matter of experience. She left the kitchen and used her laptop to connect to the net, trying to make a personal culture over the pasta. She had eaten it before in Germany, but for her it was never the main dish, it had always been a side dish, and come to think about it, she had never liked it.   


Anyway, what was done was done, so she had to keep to it.   


She was surprised from the amount of information she found on the net. Never would she have imagined there could be so many different kind of pastas, and ways one could prepare it. She was starting to feel angry. Most of them were with vegetables, so Rei could have liked them..   


When the bell rang, she flew to the door and took the food.   


She glanced at the watch: 12:00. She still had some time.   


She weighted the test portion for pen-pen, 100 grams of spaghetti and two big spoon of pesto, 30 grams of butter.   


She put a quarter of litre of water and made it boil. She added a coffee spoon of salt and then added the spaghetti. Before she could figure the right way to put then in the pot, she had already broke half of them with the wood spoon, but it was just a try.

On the bag there was written to wait 8 minutes before removing the pot from the fire. She waited 6 and after tasted the spaghetti. They were a bit hard, but she thought they could be okay.

She dried them and put the pesto over them. She spread it well and put the butter on the top of the plate.   


The smell was tempting, and she tried a bit of it. The taste was strange, there was olive oil, and something she recognized like garlic and basil. She had to restrain from eating it all, since she wanted to eat it with Shinji. But she could already say the test was a complete success. She looked at the clock: it was 12:43. She called Pen Pen and offered him the food. Since her relations with the penguin had always been full of conflicts, the penguin was rather hesitant in accepting food from her. When she proved to him it was not poison, eating some of it herself, Pen Pen reluctantly approached the plate and smelled it. The first reaction was not encouraging: the smell was quite strong for him, and he backpedaled a bit. Then, like in a spiral motion he grew closer and closer until he started eating the pasta eagerly.   


Asuka was sitting on her ankles smiling, and Pen Pen greeted her with an happy "Quaaak!!"   


When he was done, she cleaned everything and looked at the watch. Almost 1 o' clock.   


It would've been meaningless to start cooking now, since she didn't know when Shinji would wake up, and besides, she needed a bit of time to prepare the meal.   


So she reached a compromise: she put a pot on the fire with 3/4Lt of water to get it near boiling temperature, so that she would have the water almost ready by the time Shinji would wake up.   


She then set up the table, and when she was left with nothing else to do, she sat on the chair reading the cock book at the gently noise of the water boiling. Even Pen Pen came closer to her and started snoring at her feet.

* * *

It was in that position that Shinji found them. Actually, Pen Pen had moved, and was currently sleeping on her lap, and she was slowly rubbing his head with one hand while with the other she was holding the book. She was totally engrossed in the lecture, and she didn't notice his entrance in the kitchen. Her expression was one of a deep concentration: her brows knitted, her stare hard as the steel. It was something he had never seen in her. He had seen her in moments when she was concentrated, but this time she was quiet, there was no sense of menace or violence around her.   


He stood there, wondering if a person could ever change so radically in so a short period of time. Then he thought about all what had happened to her: her coma, her kidnapping, her amnesia, Rei's death.   


He felt ashamed.   


Ashamed because he thought he was the only one hurt from Rei's death, but now he could see how the others had suffered the impact of such a tremendous event.   


He could see how Asuka was reacting, how finally she was out of her depression, hopefully forever.   


He looked at the kitchen, at the soft steam coming out from the pot, and felt a warm feeling circling his chest.   


He stepped further into the kitchen, and finally Asuka noticed him.   


He stood there watching how she got animated as she put down a still sleepy Pen Pen, who rubbed his eys with his flippers, and run towards him, practically ordering him to sit down and wait for her while she cooked.   


She was over-excited: she started speaking about how much fun was cooking, and how incredible was that book. She started drying the pasta speaking about that particular meat the eat in Greece, laughing about all the fat you could get eating a single plate of strudel.   


Shinji sat there, looking at her peacefully, eating that plate and nodding when she asked her if he liked it, when she asked if he wanted more and so on. It was like a party, and Pen Pen underlined the crucial points quacking wildly and jumping on the table a couple of times.   


It was like a miracle, and finally Shinji found himself laughing despite himself.   


After the meal he helped cleaning the dishes and then headed towards the living room. There he sat on the couch and his mood darkened considerably. Asuka didn't leave him alone for a long time, and when she was done, she went there and sat cross-legged in front of him on the floor, waiting.   


Shinji had his elbows resting on his knees, hands joined as in prayer in front of his mouth, his glance lost in space. After a bit he asked her: "Would you go for a walk?"   


She was a little surprised, but nodded, standing to get ready. Shinji left the room and took the item he found the night before in Misato's room. He left the room putting something into a small bag he was used to bring on his shoulders. It was for a few seconds, but Asuka had a good glance of the object he was putting inside the bag.   


Even if that object was wrapped in a thick cloth, Asuka recognized the shape and paled. her eyes going wide. Shinji didn't give any sign of noticing her discomfort. When he was at the apartment's door he turned to face Asuka, who was still some steps away. He looked at her questioningly: "Are you coming?".   


When they were in the lift, Asuka found the courage to ask him: "Where to?"   


Shinji face's expression tensed, shadows on his eyes, and simply answered: "Father."   


* * *

In the very same small lab where Ritsuko had worked after Rei's death, a fervent activity was going on. Basically, Maya was more a dead weight than a real help: she was still crying for the happiness, following the orders of the doctor.   


On a roller table a little child was sitting, constantly held under observation from the Nerv Commander, while Ritsuko and Maya were swarming around her like bees around a flower.   


Gendo Ikari, commander of Nerv and one of the most powerful people of this world, was sitting on a small stool in a that small lab located in the depths of the geofront. The security measures adopted for that portion of the complex were so tight that only people going with him could breathe there without being sliced in halves by the automatic laser defence system. Only in situations of conditions red lower clearance personnel could be allowed there, like the sub-commander Fukuyutki, Major Katsuragi and the pilots.   


Suddenly, the door at other end of the lab from where he was opened with an hiss.   


He was startled: nobody could get there, nobody!

All of his enemies had been wiped away, all but SELEE, and that Kaji. But Kaji, as reported by the good doctor, was in heaven, with much appreciation by the rats of Tokyo-3 sewers.   


But the black, round and sharp eye that was looking at him told otherwise. A black hole, a barrel, a gun, a couple of eyes.   


Gen: "Shinji."   


He stood there, looking at him. It was like Shinji KNEW he's been there, in that place, sitting on that stool. It was so clear in his mind that he'd be there that he had pointed the gun and toggled the safe off even before the door had opened. Besides him stood Asuka.   


Not worried, not frightened. She stood there, like Shinji had been buying something to eat and she was waiting for him at the counter.   


In a matter of seconds he would have shot. Gendo knew, Shinji knew. Asuka simply watched, while Maya and the doctor froze in their tracks.   


Gendo was staring into his son's eyes, and what he saw surprised him. It was like looking at his reflection in a mirror. The same resolve, the same cynicism, the same carelessness.   


Gen: 'It's over.'   


The finger pulled the trigger, and from the black hole a hell of flames erupted. The bullet darted towards him. He saw the walls twist and move apart while the bullet was advancing towards him. He was like mesmerised, he couldn't move, shout or cry. He could see the bullet getting closer and closer, towards his face, towards him. He closed his eyelids. A second thought crossed his mind, and he opened his eyes again. He saw the bullet almost close to hit home, but he looked behind him. He tried to track back its trajectory, finding his origin, and the person who was holding the gun, his son.   


He sighed: 'It's right like this.'   


And closed again the eyes bracing himself for the impact.   


It never came.   


He fell on from the stool, bringing along with himself a plate full of medical equipment that had been nearby.   


He landed on his back, and looked frantically around, drenched in his own sweat. When he could focus again his glance, his vision still blurred, he saw something white close to him, and someone speaking to him.   


Doctor Ritsuko Akagi was knelt down above him, with her right hand checking his pulsations, holding her left arm lifted close to her eyes, counting the heart beats of the commander with her old-fashioned analogue wrist-watch. He tried to stand up, but a harsh command of the doctor froze him where he was. She barked a command to Maya, who ran to a counter pick a light-casting pencil for the doctor. Ritsuko used it to check Gendo's pupillar dilatation and contraction. She barked again some orders in a strange voice Gendo couldn't again figure out. He tried again to stand, but he found himself unable to move, and he found his left arm a bundle of pain. Then he saw in a blur Ritsuko preparing a hypodermic syringe. He tried to speak, but he couldn't. He could only see her tear his blouse and his shirt, holding the syringe high over his chest, her hand trembling slightly the last thing he saw before passing out.   


When Maya found the courage to look back, releasing the embrace she had given to the small girl not to let her see what was happening, she saw Ritsuko checking again his pulse and his eyes. She managed to speak: "Do.. Doctor.. is he..?"   


Ritsuko shook her head, and stood up. Without turning, she said: "Next to this lab there is a room fully equipped for medical emergencies. Check it out and make it ready."   


Maya tried to make more questions: "Bu.. but.."   


"JUST-!", Ritsuko breathed again, making the sign to slow down with her hands: "just.. just do what I said. Please."   


Maya ran away. Ritsuko knelt down again, watching that face, that chest slowly rising and falling following his breath. She regarded the red spot over his heart. She turned to face the inspection table over her left shoulder. Sitting on the table, naked except for a rather big pair of panties was that small being. She was looking at her with her red eyes wide open, but without any further external sign of agitation.   


Ritsuko stood up, and went closer to the girl. She looked her up, and started to dress her. The small girl helped her in the task. When she was finished, she put her on the floor. The little girl walked towards the unconscious Gendo and with her small hand touched his forehead. Then she ran her hands all over his face, still not receiving any response. She turned to Ritsuko, who felt the need to explain: "Hearth stroke."

* * *

Meanwhile, Shinji and Asuka had reached their destination; since in case of emergence any delay caused by access-control on the pilots could have deadly consequences, it was an unspoken rule that they needn't be scanned at their entrance in the base.   


Shinji had noticed this once, when he had been in queue behind a technician who had had to leave his belt in a security drawer before he could enter. He had instead been able to pass without any problem, even if in his bag there was a stainless-steel compass, a rather deadly weapon in proper hands. He knew, or at least he hoped to, what he was doing when he passed the control point with his id-card and a certain item. He inwardly laughed at their ineptitude: 'they didn't even bother to deactivate my login!'.   


Asuka had kept silent all the time, but just before they reached Gendo's office, she grabbed his arm, forcing him to stop. He looked back at her, and she asked: "Do you really want to do it?"   


He looked back at her and freed his arm, and hissed to her. "Have you already forgotten what he did to you? What he did to me? What he did to Rei? Have you forgotten how he hurt Toji, beside what Kensuke could say? Have you already forgotten that he is the solely responsible for this hell? Have you already forgotten he deliberately and at cold-bloodily killed Rei in front of your very eyes? I'll never forgive him, never! Others will fight the angels! I, repeat, I want to get rid of him! Rei's blood is screaming for vengeance! You cannot imagine the nightmares I had! The hatred I feel! Every cell in my body is screaming for his blood! I cannot let him do more harm to the ones I love! I have to protect them! And if this means to stain my hands with my own father's blood, I will do it."   


She looked down and he added: "You can stay here if you want. I am not forcing you anymore."

He resumed walking when she spoke again: "Wait! Wait.. for me". He simply slowed down, waiting for her to catch up.   


But, as human beings learn during their life, plans aren't always meant to be fulfilled. Even with the security hole Shinji had cleverly found and used to his advantage, a complex organisation like the Nerv had a fail-safe design.   


Had been Shinji more experienced, he wouldn't have been caught the time he tried to enter his father's office. Since no special restriction had been emitted regarding the pilot access into the base, the automatic defence system had not raised to the presence of the second and the third child inside the Nerv facilities. But since all the people working in the Nerv knew at that time what had happened to the first child, it was no surprise that the guards standing in protection of Gendo's office reacted giving the alarm, rudely handcuffing the children and reducing them to the silence.   


It had been an idea of the security's chief to spread the voice between the people working in or with his division that the pilots were becoming more and more mentally unstable due to the continuos stress they were subjected, and that they were becoming dangerous.   


The fact that it was a general opinion that soldiers should pilot the Evas rather than teenagers, coupled to the widespread hostility towards the first child (a lot of people found her 'creepy' to say the least) made the rest.   


Shinji and Asuka ended up their journey in the security's chief's office. It all happened in such a rush that they even forgot to search them. The next logical step would had been to call the commander, but since he was unavailable, Misato was finally requested to check with the security's chief as the highest military Nerv personnel in rank. In a similar circumstance, Misato would had to be the children's inquisitor, but the fact that she was their guardian didn't help. Fortunately, she was in the right frame of mind to take with her Hyuga.   


In the chief's office, four people were sitting around a desk: the security's chief behind it, with the well-known agent Ranko to his left, while Hyuga stood by Misato's right side at the other end of the table. The discussion was fierce and long, though since the very beginning it appeared that very security's chief wasn't very concerned about the task at hand, allowing Ranko to lead the way. This turned out to be a positive fact for the major's side. She was more a woman of action rather than a bureaucrat: Hyuga felt a sort of perverse sense of revenge when he could appeal to some unknown Nerv's rules to give back the children to the major.   


His presence was a blessing, otherwise, as used as Misato was to face-to-face confrontation, she would have punched Ranko in the face from the very beginning. Perhaps she was a genius in tactical, but she was not good in bureaucracy. When the four of them, Hyuga, Misato and the children, left the office, Ranko hit the chief's desk with both her hands: "Chief! That Hyuga guy is dangerous! He already tried once to prevent me from fulfilling my duties! I bet he is manipulating the major! Those children are in a dazed state! They cannot be left free to act freely!"   


The chief looked at her impassably and replied: "And what can two children do, sergeant Aoyama Ranko?", looking his nails. "Their guardian is with them. We have no authority in such cases."   


Ran: "They could take those fucking machines and stomp on us! I am not deaf, chief! I've heard what happened, and the possibility they are going to take their revenge it way too high to leave them free to move in the base! They are angry towards the commander! They could raise a war!"   


The chief, still sitting on his wheel chair turned giving his back to the woman: "Those fucking machines, like you call them, fought the angels, sergeant. Is your memory so short? You should be thankful to them."   


Ranko tensed: "I am of the idea that a real soldier should drive them, not the son of the commander."   


The chief chuckled : "I don't figure the commander like giving a multi-billion dollars machine to a child hating him, and to a red-head little bitch of his own free will. Besides, my reports say you were very friendly with them.."   


Ranko tensed, it was her soft spot: "Still.."   


Chief: "They cannot activate those machines alone. They are harmless."   


She hit again the desk : "We don't know a damn thing about those monsters! For what I know, I wouldn't be surprised if we found one of the evas dancing inside the Tokyo 3 golden dome one of this mornings! Remember what happened with Unit-4!"   


The chief asked: "What do you suggest to do?" The woman composed herself and replayed, in a more professional way: "Follow them every where. Spy Katsuragi's orders and actions, keep an eye over the tactical operator Hyuga Makoto. Maintain a low profile while we wait to find the whereabouts of the commander."   


The chief turned to face her and smiled: "Oh! But we know where he is!"   


Ranko was speechless: "We.. We do?"   


The chief nodded smiling: "He is in the depths of the complex working with doctor Akagi and lieutenant Ibuki."   


Ranko was confused: "Then.. Then.. why didn't you call him and.."   


The expression over the face of the chief of security fell down: he hissed between his teeth: "Because I would prefer cutting both my balls and putting them into my mouth rather than disturbing him now, considering the instructions I have received. Now get the fuck out of here before I'll kick your sorry ass up to the moon! Go and play with that doctor and the nurse!"   


She had no choice if not of leaving in a hurry.   


He mumbled under his breath: "Idiot!"

* * *

Misato and the children were in a small room close to the tactical room. Hyuga had brought some tea and something to eat, and had been sitting for a couple of minutes on a chair close to the desk. Since both of the two children were being perfectly silent, unaware of the tea cups in front of them, he excused himself and left the room, before Misato would ask him to do it.   


Misato was sitting in front of the two children, speaking softly, but she couldn't get any reply.   


"Shinji.. I'm not mad at you at all! The security is to blame for all this fuss. I am glad you're here, though I would have expected a phone call by one of you." Saying so, she shot a dart glare towards Asuka, who didn't buldge.   


"I can even understand that you wanted to speak to your father, but right now? Wouldn't it be better to wait a bit? You once told me that there is a time to fight and a time to wait, didn't you, Shinji?"   


He was now silently looking at his cup of tea. His grip over the bag he was holding over his shoulders tightened. His silence, above all, made Misato worry. She took his left hand that was resting on the table into hers and spoke again:"Shinji.. You spoke with them, you spoke with your father's assistant, but you don't want to speak to me?"   


Tears started flowing from her eyes, while she lowered her head over her hands and his, pressing her fore-head against them: "I.. back at home.. looking at that note, I thought you had forgiven me.. for what I did to you.. now.. why.. why won't you speak to me? Please, Shinji, please.. speak to me.."   


Asuka watched the scene with a sense of wonder: never had she seen Misato in such a state, and she felt something akin to jealousy. But she understood how Shinji deserved all the love of Misato, while she had always kept at distance with her. She lowered her head, and slow and bitter tears started running over her face as well.   


Meanwhile Misato had stood up and circled the table to kneel down close to Shinji, always holding his hand. Her tears where by then flowing like a flooding river, and Shinji was fighting back with all his desperation the tears he already felt in his eyes.   


When Misato repeated again: "Please.. Shinji..Don't hate me.." he couldn't restrain himself anymore, and he threw himself at her, getting off the chair and almost throwing her off balance. She was surprised, but when she finally heard his sobs, when she felt his tears on her skin, when she heard him speak, saying that he never hated her, that he loved her, she hugged him with all her strength, as if her life depended on it:"I don't hate you, Misato! It's not that.. It's not that..". With her left arm she circled his body, and with her right she circled his head, pressing it over her left shoulder, rocking back and forth, as if she was cradling a baby and singing a lullaby.   


She was silent though, she couldn't say anything, so full of joy she was, tears, now of joy, streaming her cheeks. Her vision was blurred, but something caught her attention: Asuka. Asuka, who was sitting on her chair, her body tense, her hands over her knees gripping them, the nails almost cutting her soft flesh.   


She was looking at them, in a way made Misato immediately understand what she was feeling.   


Loneliness, rejection, desperation, jealousy.   


She lifted and outstretched her right arm towards her, the back of her hand held up: "Asuka.." Asuka's head jerked sharply towards her, an expression of surprise on her face.. "Asuka.. Come here."   


Tension was leaving its place inside Asuka to a sensation of loss and confusion: she looked at Misato's face, at her outstretched hand, at her face again, and finally at Shinji's head.   


Misato followed her gaze and shook her head: "Shinji's not the only one I am happy to see.. Asuka.. I'm sorry.. I was more concerned about Shinji, because he had to undergo a lot of stress, what happened to him, what happened to you, what happened to Rei.. Asuka.. I'm sorry, I didn't have the

chance to greet you.. I know our relationship has been difficult. I've tried my best, and if I acted bad, it was because of inexperience.   


Please, Asuka, come here.". Stunned, Asuka listened to Misato, who had her hand still outstretched. She lifted her own, and slowly, shakily touched Misato's. Misato took it gently and drew her slowly to herself.   


  


Asuka was forced to stand up and to step closer to Misato. When she was standing by her, Misato spoke again: "Would you like to start it all over? Wouldn't you like us to be like a family, Asuka?

Would you like it? We all have suffered.. I had a bad relationship with my father.. He left my mother, and died almost in front of my eyes..   


These things change the way we are, but we should fight against them.. Asuka, the past is the past, don't let it influence your future.. I promise.. I will try to be there, every time you will need me.. Asuka, please.. hug me.."   


And Asuka almost crumpled on the floor, crying out loudly her solitude, her desperation, her need for love and affect, hugging Misato and Shinji with all her strength..   


Hyuga switched off the monitor, dropped his headphones sighing.. 'She is definitely out of my reach.' He turned around the chair where he was sitting, turning to face Shingeru's back: "Aoba?". The long haired technician looked back at him from his terminal with a questioning expression.   


Hyg: "What do you think about the Major?"   


Shigeru shuddered: "We have talked about this thousands of times: it's better for you to forget her. For her the only man is Kaji, and, my dear friend, you cannot compete with the lady's distress! You should better focus on other preys, like that chick Ibuki, mhh! I love her!" He spoke miming passionate kiss on an imaginary woman he was holding between his arms. Hyuga shoved it aside with a harsh movement of his right hand, snorting loudly: "And you? Still behind the skirts of the little girl?"   


The other guy regarded him with wide eyes: "Hey, man! You're the weirdo here! Who else in the world would track an older woman? It's the other way around, dude!"   


Hyuga gave Shingeru his back, hissing: "You don't now what charm is."   


Shingeru, turning back to the console, and to the manga hidden under it, replied: "Whatever you say, obuddy, but remember, the true love doesn't exist.".   


Hyuga snorted: "I wish I could base a relationship on sex like you do, Aoba."   


The young technician didn't reply, but muttered under his breath: "It's not like this." His glance fell on his guitar, which he kept under the console. He looked around, and seeing as nobody was watching him, he put the guitar's case on his lap and opened it. The case was internally covered with a synthetic fur, and in the middle of the upper side there was written the guitar's brand. Below it there was another name, roughly written. It was a female name. Shingeru stood in contemplation for a while, then closed the case with a sigh and put it back under the console.   


In the meanwhile, Hyuga looked at the now black monitor, mumbling to himself: "I hope they had the kindness to turn off the monitors as I did.."   


In the office of the chief of security, someone sneezed, then stopped the vcr and called his secretary: "Bring me a coffee, no sugar, an anti glycaemia medicine and the last Jurassik Park's movie." Then added: "No, bring me Halloween 34: the dark side of the moon, uncut edition. I need it".   


* * *

But the unknowing actors weren't at the top of their performance yet. Actually, the audience, that is Hyuga or the security officers, missed the most important and traumatic act.   


The incipit of the main act was ignited by Asuka when in her wild movements she pushed the bag resting on Shinji's shoulders against Misato's chest. Due the particular displacement of the object in the bag, Misato felt something she could recognize like the barrel of a gun pressing against her chest.   


She tensed, unaware of the situation, then pushed gently away the two teenagers trying to figure out what was happening. Asuka and Shinji were still sobbing sitting on their knees, and she gently told them it was time to stop sobbing. While they were trying to comply, she had the time to observe the situation. To her expert eyes, by all means they were not hiding a gun in their clothes: there was no room for it.   


Then the string of Shinji's bag caught her attention. She had to check it out. She stood and went to the table. As usual for a conference room, there were glasses and bottles of water, so she filled two of them and went back to Asuka and Shinji. She kneeled down between them, giving the first glass to Asuka to her right with her left hand, the other to Shinji with her right.   


While he was still trying to calm himself enough to hold the glass without spilling the water everywhere, she put a hand on his back so to console him, speaking words of reassurance. She quickly searched by touch and weight the content of the bag, and her suspicions were confirmed. She tried to think about a rational course of action, while the two teenagers slowly recomposed themselves.   


Finally she stood up and motioned them to stand up as well. "Now I want you tow to go to the bathroom, wash your faces and dry your eyes. After that, Asuka will go home first and will buy something to cook in the microwave oven..", at this point Asuka was going to protest, saying she was able to cook better meals, but reconsidered it, deciding to make her a surprise, so she smiled secretively and simply nodded, ".. while Shinji has to stay here with me."   


Shinji had his head still lowered, but Asuka this time said: "And why has Shinji to stay here?" Misato regarded her gravely: "Because I fought and obtained the authorization to bring home Shinji immediately only if get him to tell me where Rei's body is, once he got better." Shinji tensed, and tried to break free from Misato's embrace, but she wrestled and pressed him harder against her: "Now, Asuka, go."   


Her tone of voice was mandatory. Asuka had no other option if not leaving them. She was depressed at first, but after thinking a bit about what she could prepare and lightened noticeably. By the time she was outside the Nerv complex, she was almost running: she couldn't decide herself between German sausages with vegetables and roast-beef with chilli. There was not much time before dinner, so she ran in the direction of the closest superstore.   


Once Asuka left, Shinji tried again once or twice to break free from the bear hug of Misato, each time more weakly, finally resting his arms along his body. So Misato released her grip but kept him at arms length, holding him by his shoulders: "Now, Shinji, we have to speak."   


He simply nodded.   


* * *

Misato sighed: "I understand. Nobody except Nerv personnel is aware of this. They were very good and fast at covering this. I will only need to report to your father. I don't think he will find unbelievable what you just said to me."   


He slowly nodded, so drained of his energy, that he couldn't find the strength to feel angry towards that person.   


He made to stand from his sitting position, when Misato stopped him: "Just another little thing, Shinji."   


He looked at her extremely tired: "I thought I had that little toy you have over there carefully hidden."   


  


Shinji smiled sadly: "You would never guess where you sometimes end up putting your dismissed clothes when you are drunk.", a small grin over his face.   


Misato paled: actually, that gun was under her most seductive under-wears, in the same drawer with her anti-pregnancy pills.   


* * *

Kodama was growing impatient. It was already a couple of hours after lunch time, and she hadn't had anything yet. Nobody was at the Major's, and she had started wondering if it hadn't been a mistake to arrive without having informed anyone. She then spotted one of her preys. It was an average tall boy, freckles over his face, wearing a pair of thin glasses. She had never seen him before, not even when she occasionally accompanied her smaller sister at school. She was in any case able to recognize him from Hikari's description, and by the fact that Hikari was there with two boys, one of them missing a leg, Toji, the other one in full health.   


He was slowly climbing the small path leading to the front door. He was playing with something in his right hand she recognized like a key, while with the other hand was reading a news-paper of some sort, without even looking where he was walking.   


Kodama watched him a little more, then giggled and ran to hide behind a nearby corner. From there she saw the boy approach the house, standing still in front of the door totally engrossed in what he was reading. He stood there for a minute or two, and Kodama grew impatient. She stealthily left her spot and circled the boy, ending up behind his shoulders.   


As he finally decided to give the proper attention to the lock, just about to enter the house, she almost shouted, miming her little sister: "Mr. Aida! What do you think you are doing?"   


Poor Kensuke almost had a heart attack: he jumped in middle air, the grip on his news-paper loosening, it falling on the floor, and then turned to face the source of the shout blushing deeply, eyes cast down: "I.. I am sorry, class rep. I forgot to clean my shoes.". He started rubbing his shoes over the door-mat, when a strange laugh make him raise his eyes. In front of him was standing a girl of 16, maybe 17 years, tall, rather well endowed, and with beautiful long hair spread over her shoulders, down to her waist. He didn't have time to look her up better, because the fact that she had just made fun of him got him angry. So he recovered, adjusted his glasses over the bridge of his nose, and put his hands over his hips: "And now who the hell are you."   


She was still giggling, and replied: "I am Kodama, Hikari's elder sister. I just came to check on you."   


He looked at her upset: "Nonsense. We weren't waiting anyone."   


She looked at him a bit surprised: "Well.. I wanted to make a surprise.."   


"Oh, really? And do you have an ID to prove you live here?"   


She looked at him in amazement: "You think I'm a thief or what?"   


He stood boldly in the door-frame, and replied: "Until I don't have sound proof that you are who you claim to be, I won't allow you to enter this house. Now, can you prove who you are? Have you got the school id?" Kensuke knew she was who she claimed to be, since she had called him by his name, and he knew Hikari had a sister of that age, but he wanted to pay her back for that little joke of hers.   


She looked at him rather surprised, then grew angry: "Oh you little brat! You are saying you won't let me in in my own house, where you are simply a guest?"   


"I didn't say that. Let me know if you are in reality Kodama Horaki and I'll let you in."   


She threw her bag on the ground: "Fine then! Let's see." She took her wallet, but the only id document she could find was her gym pass. She gave it to Kensuke. He looked it over 'artistic dance, bha!'. He gave it back to her: "Since this pass is missing the picture, it could be stolen. It doesn't mean anything."   


She was fuming now: "Okay! Then why don't you go inside and check the picture! On the desk in Hikari's room there is a picture of us three sisters."   


He regarded her suspiciously and added "Hold on." before closing the door.   


He went to the room, looked the picture. There were no doubts. Then he went to the kitchen to eat a couple of biscuits. Only when the bell started to ring insistently, he went back to the main door, and opened it.   


"Well? Are you happy now?"   


He looked the picture, then her, then again the picture: "You're fatter than you look in the picture."   


If mount Fuji could still erupt (impossible in the post-second impact japan), it would be no match to what happened to that girl. She leapt against him loading for him a slap that could make Asuka run for it, but Kensuke knew he had gone too far and hastily retreated inside the house: "Hikari and Toji will come later. Toji can't walk normally, and needs to rest from time to time.".   


With this her anger abandoned her, and she nodded. She went outside and collected her belongings. When she put her things in order and looked for him, she found him washing the dishes in the kitchen. She sat at the table, looking his back with her face resting on her hands: "Didn't anybody ever tell you you're a real jerk?" He replied without turning back: "Only silly girls.".   


He was lucky on the table there was only a plastic glass and not a knife.   


* * *

Asuka was in the kitchen, her school uniform still on, wearing a red apron, with her hair collected with a white foulard. She was cooking a steak, using white wine, oregano, and salt. It was a very simply recipe, but the smell was making her drool. Pen Pen was helping her, bringing her what she needed, like small glasses to pour the right amount of wine, the salt-cellar, the plates. As usual, this was her first try for Pen Pen. Theoretically, Pen Pen was a penguin, so he was not supposed to eat meat, but all the junk food Misato made him eat had probably modified his stomach. So he was drooling as well. The worst thing was that Asuka was keeping him from drinking beer, because in her opinion it would have ruined the taste of the meat.   


When Asuka finished cooking it, she put the plate on the table, cut the meat in small pieces Pen Pen could easily pick up and eat, and tried two or three of them. It was delicious. Even Pen Pen agreed with her, cleaning the dish in record time. Even if the meat was delicious, Pen Pen made clear to Asuka he was still a bit hungry. She looked down at him and replied: "Well.. maybe you are right.. a salad could be the right side plate." She hadn't bought anything useful, and in the fridge there was no vegetables to be seen. So she cleaned the dishes and the pan, cleaned the place and looked at the clock: still one hour to the time she and Shinji were used to eat when it was him who cooked.   


  


She removed the foulard and the apron, but before she leaft she made a phone call: "Misato?", "Oh, Asuka it's you..", "Yeah.. I wanted to know.. if you and Shinji are done speaking." Misato looked across her desk towards the couch in the other side of her office, where Shinji was lying looking at the ceiling. "Yeah.. You could say we have spoken.".   


Asuka bit her lower lip: "Well.. I was wondering.. when are you coming to eat?" she added hurriedly: "because you are coming back this evening, aren't you?" Misato smiled inwardly: "Yeah.. I think so.. I think we will be there.. in two hours. Do I need to buy something at the take away?" "No! No! I will take care of everything, don't worry.. oh.. Misato.. I took some money from your desk drawer.. I needed to buy some food.."   


Misato looked perplexed at the receiver: 'I really have to hide my things more carefully..', "Well.. It's okay, Asuka.. Why didn't you buy the things in the super-shop where we have an open account?", "Because it is closed." A lot of people had left Tokyo 3 in the last days, so it was no wonder that super-stores and other shops were closing as well.. "Oh.. I see.. Well.. Wait! Why don't you call your friends?" "Hikari and the two stooges?" "You should stop calling them in that way. I think it would be good for Shinji." "... Okay. See you later.".   


Shinji turned his face to look at Misato: "We will have guests at home this evening, Shinji." He returned to face the ceiling: "I don't feel like it."   


Misato stood up and went to sit close to him, caressing his hair: "They are your friends.. besides.. it will the right time to meet Toji.. They told me you two haven't talked yet.." He stiffened a bit, then relaxed.. "I guess you're right.." She went back to her desk, smiling. When she looked back at her terminal, she read that the commander wasn't going to receive her yet. She called his attendant again, who again told her he was involved in an important operation he couldn't be disturbed from. Due to priority reasons, the major was granted permission to leave and make her report when the commander would be free to receive her.   


She hung up the phone and sighed: 'I wonder what is he up to now.'   


* * *

At that time, Gendo Ikari, supreme commander of Nerv, was slowly regaining conscience. He found himself lying on a bed, and when he tried to move, he found himself restrained by his hands and feet. He looked around, but as he didn't have his glasses on he couldn't see things clearly. While he was trying to regain freedom of movement, he sensed some movement to his left and turned, as much as he could, in that direction. Someone put his glasses on. It was Ritsuko: "Well awake, commander. It has been three hours by now."   


He looked sternly at her, then he looked around. In a corner, there was the small child playing with a small ball made of paper and adhesive tape. Nobody else was in the room. "Where is lieutenant Ibuki?" "I sent her home, with the precise order not to speak with anyone of this." "Are you sure she won't speak?" "I still trust persons, and someone still trusts me." "He smirked: "how sweet."   


Then he lied back, gazing at the ceiling: "Did I have a heart attack?"   


"Yes. It was so violent I had to inject adrenaline directly in your hearth. He looked down at his chest, now hidden by the sheets and an hospital gown. He could feel his trousers were still on. "And why are you keeping me restrained, doctor?" "You should be kept under observation for at least 12 hours after the accident, only to make the analyses and, if the need arises, apply one or more bypasses. I didn't know a person with so high responsibilities could be left in his place while being subjected to such dangerous illness."   


He didn't reply, while she started making some checks on the machines around him.   


He spoke: "My physical health has always been perfect.", "This doesn't mean anything, and you know it. The DNA exams are the only ones that could testify the tendency of a subject to a certain illness."   


"My DNA sequence is flawless."   


"Well.. I assume a perfect body can still be affected by the stress his owner is subjected."   


"The mind.."   


"What?"   


"Mens sana in corpore sano."   


"Is this the time to remember Latin quotes?"   


"I wonder.."   


"What?"   


"Could a rotten mind corrupt a perfect body?"   


Ritsuko left the task at hand to look at him. Just for a moment she had the impression his eyes were watery, as he was going to cry. He lowered his eyelids and spoke again: "Give me something to sleep. I have to be ready as soon as possible. In a couple of days Fuyutsuki will be back from Nerv Second Branch in Nevada, and the committee won't keep inactive for much longer." "Second Branch? Nevada? Is something left there?" "Only some hypotheses.". She took a syringe and started toying with it: "What should I do with your attendant?"   


"He's been instructed to not disturb me until I'll show up in my office. You will be allright. There is a restroom and food in abundance. There are also clothes in a closet. You won't miss anything, and I am sure the little child won't miss anything either." "I see. What if it becomes necessary to operate on you?" "I am confident it won't be necessary. I have", he smirked, "a trump card in my sleeve. I will be okay."   


He stopped speaking, and she had no choice but to give him some sleeping serum. She waited for a few minutes, listening to the soft sounds and beeps of the instruments surrounding the commander. She let go a breath she hadn't noticed she'd been holding, and looked down at her hand. She was gripping the bed sheets. She sighed again and tried to remove the wrinkles from them. Doing so, she accidentally brushed against Gendo's hand.   


She felt her heart race, but nothing happened. His pulse was the same, no visible alterations on the instruments.   


She started playing absently with his hand, keeping it in hers. She asked to herself, looking down to

her hands. "Will you hurt Rei again, like before?"   


And Gendo's voice softly but sharply answered: "Her name is Yui."   


Shocked, Ritsuko let go of his hand and backpedaled against the wall, plastering herself against it.

She looked horrifiedly to that silent figure, and only fifteen minutes after she dared to approach him again.   


That was when she felt observed, and turned to look at the girl. She was intensely looking at them. When Ritsuko tried to smile to her, she simply turned her face away and continued to play with the wall, throwing the ball against it, collecting it and throwing it again against the wall.   


Ritsuko regarded her, then walked to her, kneeling down. The small girl gazed at her questioningly. She took the ball and asked her: "would you like to play with me, Yui? The small child simply took back the ball and threw it to her. They continued silently playing that rudimental ping-pong for a long time.   


* * *

When Hikari and Toji finally reached her home, they found a strange scheme unfolding in front of their eyes. As they called for Kensuke while entering the apartment, nobody bothered to reply, and so they assumed they were alone. They headed towards the living room, where Toji could rest on the large couch. To get to said room required some time, so they talked a bit in the process: "I am sure It is as I told you: Kensuke did it on purpose." "But.. Why should he.. I mean.. I was.. oh, God.." Hikari stopped, seeing Toji blushing hopeless.   


She giggled a bit, but didn't show it to him: "I think that to judge something properly you should be impartial and extraneous, that was..EEP!" She almost jumped, bringing Toji along. His right leg gave way, and his left arm being held by Hikari he fell on the ground with a loud thump and a groan. Hikari immediately kneeled down frantically apologizing. Toji was replying he was okay, when he felt someone grab him from behind his chest lifting him: 'Man! I'd never thought Hikari was so strong'.   


When he was finally standing, he found Hikari looking worried in front of him, and his helper releasing his chest. He blinked once, then twice, then turned to a side seeing the familiar hair of Kensuke Aida sitting to a chair to the left of the door he had just passed through. He was going to beat the living hell out of him, when he noticed his eyes darting from him to somewhere else in the room. He turned his face to the other side of the room, finding a young and rather attractive girl sitting on an armchair, her hair held back by a foulard one leg crossed over the other, a side of her skirt giving his eyes access to her rather interesting legs.   


Before he could formulate any hypothesis, or even worse, do anything that could damage his relationship with Hikari, the girl stood and, still glaring at Kensuke with a glare that would be an understatement to define as ice cold, asked: "I assume you recognize this moron as your friend Kensuke Aida, right, sis?"   


Toji looked back at Hikari, who was now besides him, more looking for a hiding rather than to help him up. The view of the class representative afraid of somebody had him awe-struck, and since he couldn't really see behind his back like flies do, he kept his gaze on that.. babe.. he had in front of his eyes. He also noticed Kensuke's frown at the world moron, and felt Hikari squirm under her presence.   


Indeed, Hikari had never seen her sister so angry, in fact it was really to get her angry, and she was know to be rather harsh dealing with the people sympathizing with her "enemies". She remembered she had once made a boy cry with just a few words of disdain and disgust. Now that she thought better about it... She peeked from behind Toji's back towards Kensuke, who wasn't mirroring her cowering attitude. He instead looked annoyed, with such an expression on his face like he was on the dentist's chair. This surprised her to a certain extent, since her sister's wrath couldn't have waited for her arrival to explode.   


That could only mean the had already argued. Badly.   


Thinking back to what she had told Kensuke back in the van when they were being brought to Nerv, she frowned, thinking: 'They must've had a bad start..'. She found the courage to show herself and to speak, since everybody was waiting for her, Toji not daring to move before better understanding what was going on.   


"Y.. Yeah.. he is Kensuke Aida, classmate of mine, of Toji's, of Shinji's and Asuka's.. As well as.." she hesitated, then, ".. nothing."   


Her sister gazed menacingly towards a smirking Kensuke, then: "I would've thought you would choose better your friends, Hikari." Hikari gulped, and was gathering the courage to reply, when Toji finally decided to draw the line: "And what is that supposed to mean, huh? I understand you are Hikari's elder

sister, Nozomi.." She corrected him hissing between her teeth: "KODAMA. Nozomi is our little sister." Kensuke looked at his friend and saw he was grinning :"Oh, really? Sorry.. You know.. we morons are so dumb.." She turned to face him: "What is your business here, pal? I didn't call you moron, I called him." Kensuke was listening carefully, as Hikari was.   


"It's like you did, because he is one of my dearest friend, like a brother to me. So I want you to apologize to him." She looked at him outraged: "Why you little..! To be insulted in my own house! You're like him already! I think Asuka was wrong when she called you in her gossip with Hikari the two stooges. I think the two morons would be probably a better definition for you two."   


This time was Kensuke's turn: "How dare you! Do you know who is he? Do you? Do you now what he's been through, and why? I can't believe you are Hikari's elder sister! To think I was curious to meet you! I hated you from the first instant!"   


Kodama snapped towards Hikari, who almost jumped back in surprise, and while speaking, she gestured towards Kensuke with her left hand, then lowering it along her slender frame: "Hikari! Will you stand there letting your own elder sister be insulted by these two brats! Had I know the famous Toji was like this I would have never given my support to your idea to have him as your boyfriend."   


Her words didn't obtain the desired effect, well, they did from one point of view, for Toji paled so much that he could've been a match for the very Rei, while Hikari reddened considerably. Kensuke gulped, well no, sighed.. uh, actually snickered. Kodama looked at the scene stunned, then turned towards Kensuke, who was desperately trying to keep his mouth shut with the help of one hand, the matching elbow kept to the chest with the other arm.   


He was sitting unsteady, he looked like a too tall stack of books that was about to loose its balance and to fall down. Small fireworks were escaping from its structure under the form of small snickers. She directed her gaze towards her sister and moron number 2 again, and found them matching in colour, maybe Toji a little redder than Hikari to correct the previous paling: 'What the hell..?'   


Fortunately, the phone rang, and you could bet that hadn't it been for his leg, Toji would have jumped over the couch and wrestled with Kensuke to take the phone. Since that was not the case, Kensuke won easily. Hikari gave up from the start, because getting the phone would have meant passing in front of Toji, and _that_ would have meant showing him her current skin colour. Kensuke shouted laughing almost hysterically: "Hey it's Asuka over there!" "Asuka!! Let me talk her!", Toji shouted with excessive enthusiasm, seemingly overjoyed upon hearing her name. He moved to reach the phone. He would've fallen hadn't Hikari hurriedly helped him. They trailed towards the small table where sat the telephone that had almost turned Kensuke deaf a pair of mornings before. Kensuke was speaking at the phone: "I cannot believe it! It's really you, Asuka!", he laughed, "long time no see!" , more laughs.   


Toji was now close enough to grab the phone: "Hello, Soryu! How are you! How is Pen Pen? And Misato? Is there Shinji?", Kensuke grabbed the phone again: "You know, today Toji made a man trip since he was kicking his leg on purpose, and then apologized to him.." By then he couldn't restrain himself anymore and exploded, launching himself at Toji, and both falling on the floor rolling on the carpet and laughing to tears. Hikari took the phone and asked flatly: "Yes, Asuka?"   


Asuka was keeping the receiver at arm's length. Only when she heard her friend's voice, she brought it again to her hear and spoke: "Hikari.. I hear a little commotion over there.." "Well.. You know.." She pressed on: "They didn't make improper use of the camomile, did they?" "Eh? Camomile? Proper use?" Asuka sighed: "Are they drunk or what?" " Well.. We ..We were watching a funny movie.." "Uhmm.." Asuka wondered if it was the right thing to do to ask them to come at her place. Then she thought about Shinji, about what had happened, about what he was going to do.. and she wished they were with him right there and then. "Hikari, would you like to come here for dinner? I am cooki-" but she could not finish the sentence because Hikari hurriedly replied: "Yeah! Yeah! It's a great idea! We are coming immediately! I will drop by a supermarket in the way, so I'll help you! I am coming along with my sister, see you in a while!" "Wait! Wait! I don't need.. sister? What.. "   


She turned the receiver so it was facing her: "She.. hung up on me..". She looked down at PenPen, who was currently sipping from his tequila bum-bum wearing black spectacles. He looked at her quizzically. "I hope they have the same alcohol tolerance you have, Pen Pen.". He took another sip, shuddered, and thought: "Rookies! The worst kind of all."   


Asuka looked thoughtfully at the phone: 'one, two, three, four, five, six, seven.. Seven?' Almost reading her mind PenPen quacked. She looked down at him. He looked up at her, occasionally stealing stealthily glances at her underwear from his pillow, looking her over his spectacles, like James Belushi in The Blues Brothers, with an intense stare: "Oh, come on! You already ate! And you are having the after-lunch as well!". He looked back at his drink, shook it a bit, turned to her again, and smirked, giving her an impression like: "You can always find a place in your stomach for something more."   


Asuka snorted: "Okay, Okay! What's the problem, to feed two mouths more is not going to ruin me."   


Pen Pen took a sip of his drink and burped, a grin of satisfaction across his face. He patted his stomach and burped again. His grin widened.   


End chapter 10   


* * *

Wow, that was long. Very long. Next Chapter will be very, very short, as far there will

be still someone willing to read and to pre-read it..

   [1]: mailto:ebj.nerv@flasnet.it
   [2]: mailto:emilioce@tiscalinet.it
   [3]: mailto:sailormnemosyne@tin.it
   [4]: mailto:r.giammanco@datastudio.it



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